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NLP Negotiation Process: Use this proven method to negotiate

NLP Negotiation Process: Use this proven method to negotiate

Are you looking for NLP negotiation models, strategies, and tactics? In this article, you will find the best negotiation technique you can possibly use. You will also find precise examples of sentences you will use in this technique. You can use this NLP negotiation model for example for sales, procurement or any situation with opposing parties.

How does this negotiation technique work?

With this technique, we separate the intention from the behaviour. How do you do that? The best way to describe this is to set an example.

‘Can you understand that {my positive intention}’?

Why is intent so important in negotiations? Because positive intentions are on a higher abstraction level, which makes it easier to find recognition. The positive intention could be, for example: ‘I only want to empty out my heart’. This technique is also very suitable for mediation.

What are the steps of this negotiating model?

  1. The parties will each tell their own experiences and the solution they want.
  2. The parties express their positive intention behind the solution of the previous step.
  3. The parties are now working towards higher chunks (higher levels of abstraction) by naming the criteria/values behind the positive intention. By chunking up, connections and relationships can be uncovered. Start with the most ‘angry’ party. The questions you can ask are: ‘What do you want? What does that do for you? What does that bring you?’
  4. The parties are chunking up again until there is a common value. This is the agreement frame. You know you’re there when the original position becomes meaningless. The key here is to separate the intention from the behaviour. Both parties say the same thing, but in a different way: “So if you can achieve X, it doesn’t matter how you get it.’
  5. ‘If we can ensure that this highest goal is achieved, do you want to work with us?’
  6. Chunk down while holding agreement (agreement frame, to be found in a soon to be published article).
  7. The parties can now propose new solutions (concrete behaviour: downchunks) based on the agreement frame. They do this by chunking down in order to be able to relate to the current situation. The agreement frame is maintained during this process. If that does not work, it means that there had not been chunked high enough earlier on. In that case, chunk the objecting party higher.
  8. Check whether there are any ecological objections.

Mediation exercise: Resolve an external conflict using this NLP negotiation model

  1. Think of a conflict situation and assign a stance within that conflict to person A and person B.
  2. Person A and B attack each other for two minutes.
  3. Now think about what the positive intention of each party is. Continue until you hear a core belief, value or fundamental need that is shared by both parties.
  4. Both sides are now constantly trying to recognise and express their common elements.
  5. Use a higher logical level, such as these common values and needs, as the frame within which the solution is found.
  6. What resources do both parties have? Use them to work together to solve the problem.
  7. Remember the common goal and think win-win.

Use the Visual Squash negotiating technique for internal conflicts

The technique of this article is very suitable for conflicts between different people. However, there may also be internal conflicts within yourself. There is a technique for this: Visual Squash (an article is soon to be published about this technique), which uses the same principle of this negotiation technique.

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading my articles. Happiness is my big subject. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!


  1. Rishen Moodley

    Informative and that. Your English is pretty good. 🙂

    • Rubin

      Thank you for your compliment Rishen!

  2. Rishen Moodley

    Correction: Meant informative and thanks.

  3. mona

    Good Job.. What do you do ?

  4. Mona

    How do I subscribe to your articles on my email?


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Who is Happy Rubin?

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Dear reader, thank you so much for dropping by on this curious happiness blog. I want to inspire you to get the best out of your life. Being happy and following your heart are my subjects.

Have fun with reading!