Clingy & controlling behavior of partner/date [Extreme examples]
Claiming, clingy or controlling behavior… Do you recognize that in yourself or your date / partner? Such controlling behavior makes you feel like you are in a “suffocating relationship.” What does claiming behavior look like and can you change it? Read on for examples and tips…
Both men and women can be possessive and clingy
“My girlfriend is too clingy and shows controlling behavior.” Or is it the other way around and is there a possessive man? The problem is clear, however: “He thinks I claim him.” It’s a tricky topic, that claim behavior in a relationship or date. What are characteristics of claimant behavior? How can you change that ‘possessiveness’? Let’s see.
The meaning of ‘clingy’: important characteristics …
What exactly is that? That clingy, claiming behavior in a relationship? Let’s look at some of the signs a partner can show in possessive behavior.
- Your phone is always ringing. your partner doesn’t seem to want to leave you alone for a second. If you are not physically together, he / she will immediately use the phone to get you.
- He / she gets really nervous if you don’t respond …
- Your partner hates your attractive colleague.
- He / she asks you strange questions about your Social Media. We’re not talking about a simple question like, “Honey, did you and my mom just become Facebook friends?” We’re talking really random questions that you would have to work hard to even come up with. A person in the background of a photo you posted four years ago? Questions about flirty comments you made on a photo in 2008? So that…
- He or she hates it when you go out without him / her … A night out with your friends without your partner? Then your partner goes crazy …
- He or she has gradually dumped all of his / her own friends …
- They no longer seem to have their own standards, values and desires. In addition to leaving his / her friends behind, your partner also seems to have said goodbye to his / her unique hobbies and interests, and now prefers to fully join yours.
Example: tell me what kind of guy you are, Arthur Claim
Okay, I’m Arthur. I live in my mother’s basement. I like to play games, especially World of Warcraft.
I am really boring. I do not have a life. If I had a choice, I would lie on the couch all day.
I am afraid of sunlight. I am actually allergic to it. I hardly ever get out like a vampire.
I also speak the wooki language by the way. From Star Wars, you know?
I am a virgin and I shower about once a month.
I don’t have a job, but I want to earn my money by playing professional Runescape. That has not been successful so far.
My genitals are two inches. Okay, that may not be true, but I’ll just mention it.
Would you like to be my partner? If you ask me something, I’ll immediately say, “Of course baby, everything for you. I’ll buy you another drink. I love to spend time with you. Baby you’re the only one in the world for me. “
In short: I’m a boring guy with few hobbies – I don’t really have a life. But be nice.
What? Do you really want a date with me? Wow! That’s so cool! I think it’s so cool! This is a huge moment in my life! A real girl phone number!
But um, I’m going to be a little busy tomorrow so it will only be possible for me to call you about 15 or 20 times before lunch, but I promise I can fit at least 10 afternoon calls. But the next day I’m free so I’ll call you at least 50 times on that day unless you don’t answer because then I’ll call about 100 times.
Wait … why wouldn’t you answer my call? Do not you like me? Did I do something wrong?
Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. I promise.
I know what it is. You don’t like that I have a dog, do you?
Fixed: I’ll put it to sleep as soon as I get home.
Later on the phone …
Hey, this is Arthur. I just wanted to give you a call to let you know that I called my parents to tell them about you. They are so happy that we are moving in with them as a new love couple in their basement – and that you are my first girlfriend!
They say girlfriend, but I say fiancé.
But anyway, my mum ordered special towels for us – with matching bathrobes – with our initials embroidered on them. I just called because I needed your middle initial.
I went through your purse last night while you were on the toilet, but none of the cards in your wallet had your middle initial on it.
I know we only met yesterday, but I thought to myself, why would she give me her number if she didn’t like me just as much as I like her, right?
I mean, girls don’t just give their phone numbers to guys they aren’t in love with, do they?
Anyway, I can only talk for a minute, because now I have to call back the sculptor I hired to add your nude portrait in our granite fireplace.
Why are some people claimant?
Why are people sometimes too clingy in relationships? It has a lot to do with how the person feels about themselves. In general, stickiness and uncertainty go hand in hand. Their reason for checking in so often when you’re not around may be that they feel more secure.
The # 1 solution? Have a backbone and love yourself
A claimant man does things to impress others, a non-claimant man does things for himself , because that’s exactly what he wants.
A non-claimant man does not bow to the opinion of others. He does not seek approval, but does things for the pleasure of doing it.
Claim is a feeling that indicates a man who has no backbone.
A claimant man is worried she will turn you down … and is looking for her approval. Stop that and love yourself from now on. Otherwise, no one else will.
An example of a strong, vulnerable man is someone who stands up straight and looks straight ahead, looks people in the eye when talking to them, always says what he thinks, and has no problem with other people who disagree with him.
You get rejected a lot in the dating world. That is normal and it should be. You have to be rejected a lot because it’s a good thing. The purpose of rejections is to separate people who don’t belong together. Rejections are the things that help you identify the inconspicuous women as quickly as possible and move on.
– Mark Manson
The other simple solution? Don’t be too nice!
Okay, we’ve got that deep message about self-love. Now is the time for some practical advice.
- Please let the other person solve his / her own problems.
- Dare to get angry with the other.
- Don’t always be available when the other person wants to meet up. But often , but by no means all-time .
- Don’t do chores for the other person. Do you have limits.
- Don’t answer the phone every time your partner has to say something. Do it often, because it’s sweet, but not always …
- Never just give attention to your partner, while your partner is not paying attention back.
- Do not always buy (expensive!) Gifts for others.
Your friend is not yours
There is nothing that can own anything. Never mind that you can own a person. Linguistically it is of course just useful to say ‘my girlfriend’. We can continue to do so. And at the same time we always feel the freedom and unconditional love.
“My girlfriend” is just a story – beyond the reality of life, beyond what is actually happening in the here and now. Breathing, sounds, colors, beating hearts, tinkling teacups, light, warmth, voices … There is only unconditional love because there is no ‘possession’ or ‘relationship’. What intimacy! What a freedom! No desire to own each other. It is what it is, and that’s enough to be grateful for now. Very simple and extremely expensive! Each has absolute freedom to walk away, but you haven’t done that yet!
– Jeff Foster
What Jeff Foster described above cannot be there when it talks about ‘you, me, our relationship, our desires, our expectations and our needs’.
And we know: it’s hard to be non-claimant when you have such a nice partner. It’s hard when you’ve met someone you always mess with and who always surprises you.
And yet you manage to feel that true love. On your luck!