Becoming More Social: 41 Tips [Improving Social Skills] [List]
How can you become s more social and a nice person? How can you improve your social skills? In this article you will find tips, exercises, lists and examples for when you have trouble with social contacts or if you do not come across as being social. Read on for all the tips and examples (for adults and children) for a warm and social personality…
Tip 1 – Want to be social? Then avoid the following conversation topics
These conversation topics diminish the connection (‘rapport’, more on that later) and should be avoided in social situations:
- Money (and how much you earn).
- Talking about your career with ego.
- Subjects for intellectual stimulation.
- Unsolicited advice. If the other person wants advice, he / she will ask, “What should I do?” The world also keeps turning without you. Let go of the idea that your idea is the only good one.
- Negative topics, gossip and whining.
- Criticizing something.
Tip 2 – Want to appear more social? Ask the other person to do something small for you (The Ben Franklin Effect)
Benjamin Franklin was an 18th-century American politician known for capturing even his biggest adversaries. How? Not by acting nice yourself, but by asking the other person for a favor.
As soon as someone does something for you, they rationalize backwards: “I did something for the other person, so that must mean that I like him.” This makes use of the phenomenon of “cognitive dissonance: reasoning backwards.” So ask for little things:
- Ask the other to teach you something.
- Ask the other person for their opinion or opinion. “How do you feel about it? What would you do / recommend? What do you think?”
- Ask the other person a question that is easy to answer.
Important: thank the other person for the service that has been rendered to you! That way the cognitive dissonance can set in better.
In restaurants I always ask the waitress or my table companions: “Hey, what’s your favorite?” Then I always choose that and afterwards I thank them. In this way I recognize their humanity and personal preferences.
Tip 3 – Always reward the social behavior of others
You don’t necessarily have to keep on broaching new topics or asking new questions, but what you should always do is reward the other person if they make an effort and show interest in you with a question or a new topic of conversation. This means that you will then answer the other person’s question with your full attention and warmth.
Why is this so important? If you don’t, the other person will think twice the next time before making an effort for you to socialize with you again. The other person then thinks (rightly!) That he / she can receive a non-response from you. Avoid this and always respond positively and with attention when someone asks or greets you positively and with attention.
Tip 4 – Understand what ‘vibing’ is
This is an important one. In social situations you are ‘vibing’. It doesn’t matter whether what is said is true or not. Let’s take an example:
Friend 1: “Wow man, look at that building, it’s big!”
Friend 2: “Whoa, that’s a big dude!”
Friend 1: “Wow man, look at that building, it’s big!”
Friend 2: “Dude, that’s all well and good, but you should go to America. New York, for example, is crushing this place! ‘
Friend 1: ‘The party is far from over! I have a cool idea, let’s order pizza! ‘
Friend 2: “With extra bacon!”
Friend 1: The party is far from over! I have a cool idea, let’s order pizza! ‘
Friend 2: ‘Pizza? But that’s unhealthy man! ‘
Tip 5 – Be practiced in ‘making rapport’
Reporting is the top secret of becoming more social. It means, among other things, that your energy is just as high or low as the energy of the other. This immediately creates confidence. In the article on rapport making you will learn everything you can do to build this deep connection.
Tip 6 – Listen carefully: You are unique if you can give others your listening gift
How often does someone experience the following situation … Now imagine that you are talking to someone and that you:
- Always let the other finish.
- Listen with your full attention in the here and now .
- Not judging what the other is saying.
- Put yourself in the other.
- Asks focused questions of the other.
- Share additional anecdotes.
- Not always everything but want to save or share with social media.
- Take the time for the other without you rushing the other by looking at your watch or phone.
This gives you satisfaction and connects you with people. And hardly anyone does this! Use all the tips from the article on listening skills.
Tip 7 – Be genuinely interested
It is of no use to just talk and give advice yourself. You don’t learn anything new, you come across as anti-social and you don’t help others with it. So be interested. Now you learn new things and the other person gets the opportunity to share personal things and build a connection.
Theodore Roosevelt had a wonderful habit. With whomever he had an appointment (a cowboy, a politician or a diplomat) the night before, he would invariably read up on the topic he knew the other was interested in. In the 21st century, you can easily set up an RSS feed to keep up to date about, for example, your boss’s hobby.
– Based on an anecdote by Dale Carnegie
The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about things he or she treasures most.
– Dale Carnegie
In fact, this is the best way to break the ice. Find out: what is so interesting or fun about that person? Find at least one thing.
Be an OEN: Open, Honest & Curious.
Tip 8 – Ask the why question
Oops … The literal word ‘why’ evokes resistance, and is therefore not in the meta model. Still, this question is very powerful and enriching for conversation. How do we solve this problem? Simple: by asking the why question in other words:
- What is the reason …?
- What makes that …?
- How is it that…?
- How do you think that is?
- Why is that?
- ‘That’s interesting’, plus:
What makes you say / do / ask that?
Tip 9 – Know how to keep asking questions to go in depth
How exactly do you do that? Ask further?
- Use the metamodel with a lot of warmth to ask questions about a situation or topic.
- Including the questions: who, what, where, why (see tip 13), when and how (that is an important one).
- Give me an example!
- What are the advantages?
- And the cons?
- “That’s interesting,” plus:
Tell me more! Describe … Tell me what else is going on … Tell me about …
Tip 10 – Ask for examples and use the meta-model to show more interest
Regularly ask for examples in a conversation. This way you can zoom in on a subject. This is part of a model with a lot of questions like this. There is a tool / model that allows you to easily know how to continue asking questions about something. This is the meta model.
Tip 11 – You can also do the opposite of the above tip
In the previous tip you learned to ask for examples. That is called downchunken . If you can go down … then you can go up too!
An upchunk question is: What beauty will you get from this? What do you find important about it? What beauty will you achieve with that? Here you will find all the up and down chunk questions.
Tip 12 – Don’t think about yourself (ego)
Keep your attention fully on the other. What a liberation! There is then no ‘I’ to worry about. Suddenly a lot more energy is released and all your attention is now with the other. Not: ‘Do I look good, what does the other think of me, how should I present myself?’ Everything can be discovered with the other, not with yourself. Read more about the ego here.
Moreover, pretend you have a store with great customer satisfaction . Isn’t it great when your customers can walk in to get the full attention, without the shop owner being busy with his ‘me’?
This is a certain feeling that you automatically transfer to the other as soon as you do not think about your own ego, but become aware of the people around you. You can also ‘push’ yourself into this feeling by applying the previous tips (taking a genuine interest and asking exploratory questions).
Tip 13 – Think a little about the other person’s ego: use the other person’s name (advanced tip)
It is very easy to make others feel special. The most beautiful word in any language is: the name of the other. This word can make the other feel special.
A person’s name is the sweetest sound.
– Dale Carnegie
Why is this an advanced tip? If you use the name of the other person too self-consciously or too often, it will become transparent. This distracts the other or gives the other a little bit of suspicion.
Tip 14 – Give sincere compliments from warmth and admiration for the other person
Use kind words that recognize the other person’s existence and dignity. Look with soft eyes that accept the other person’s weaknesses and insecurities.
Communicate all of this to the other with beautiful compliments (click here for 198 ready-made compliments). I regularly hear from people that they were so grateful for my sincere compliments because they did not see all that beauty in themselves, while it was true.
Tip 15 – Nobody really thinks along with someone else, but you do!
Suppose the other person tells you about a dream job he is working for or a country he wants to visit. His environment usually reacts critically / skeptically. But you encourage him! You think along with him! How can he achieve that? Nobody really listens to that and thinks along about it!
From his perspective. For example, you can say: ‘You have already worked very hard. Now is the right time to do this. Yes, do it quickly because later you might want a family etc. ‘ Encourage his goals. You must despise him growing, and encourage him to grow, change and become all he can become.
Tip 16 – If you don’t know anything about a topic, ask about it
‘I tried that, but it wasn’t really right for me. What made you interested in it? ‘
I know what I know. It’s time to learn something new and make others feel good right away because they get the chance to share something personal.
Tip 17 – Take your time for people: make an appointment especially for them
If you notice that someone is having a hard time and needs to share their problem, make an appointment especially for this person in which you will only listen.
Tip 18 – Share the things you enjoy
What do you enjoy? Is it your food? Your hobby? Your talents? Share it with people. This way you spread more fun, love and happiness.
Tip 19 – You don’t always have to be social
Sometimes you are in a period in your life where you want to focus on a certain goal. Then it’s just a legitimate choice not to be social.
Tip 20 – Choose and take care of yourself: you are more fun and social when you are well rested
Put yourself on number 1. Otherwise you won’t even have the energy and sharpness to be completely social. Read this article with all the tips to choose and take care of yourself.
Tip 21 – Be filled with (self) love
Being filled with self-love allows you to give love to others. That gets pretty difficult if you don’t have love in you.
Tip 22 – Understand non-duality: everyone is equal
Develop a sense of oneness and non-duality. This may be a tricky word. What does it mean? Realize that you are equal. Regardless of color, religion, origin, sexual preference or whatever. An extensive article about this will be published soon.
Tip 23 – Practice respect
If you can show that you have respect for the other person, it helps you make friends enormously. How to show respect is in a separate article.
Tip 24 – Introduce people to each other
When introducing people to each other, say something about their successes right away and about your friendship.
Tip 25 – Want to be social? Be considerate
This is literally the most social thing you can do: be considerate and considerate. Be really considerate and have real empathy. Really put yourself in the shoes of the other.
That means, among other things:
- That you think about the other.
- That you ask how the other is doing.
- That you ask how the other feels or what the other is thinking about.
- That you are really interested.
- That you consciously look for things to ask. “How do you experience this? What do you run into?”
Tip 26 – Have compassion and empathy
Read the article on empathy to get really good at this.
Tip 27 – Focus on the place around your heart (stay with yourself)
Do you not know what to say, are you not really listening and do you find yourself making mental comments? Then you should try this tip! You’ve probably heard someone say, “Stay with yourself” during a conversation. ” But what exactly does that vague cry mean? It means that you take the following steps:
- Focus on the area around your heart. Only pay attention to that place. That place is connected with everyone, so if you are connected with your heart, you are connected with your conversation partner.
- Be still and listen to what your heart has to say. That means you no longer have to think about the previous word or wait for the next.
- If this means there is a deep silence, then it is there. Notice how loving this silence is. As soon as something needs to be said, the right thing will automatically be said.
Tip 28 – Open your heart, then the most beautiful smile will automatically arise
Find ways to follow your heart. Ask yourself: what is the impulse my heart is giving me now? If you listen to that, you will immediately walk around with the most beautiful smile! And that helps you reconnect. An extensive article about this will be published soon.
Tip 29 – Be of service: offer your help (and ensure cooperation!)
Rather create than just consume. For example, are you at a party? Help in the kitchen, do the dishes, offer to be behind the bar, etc. Larger tasks and experiences in particular create a bond. If you want to be like Sam and Frodo, try to complete a task together as big as destroying that one ring.
Tip 30 – This is how you deal with awkward silences
- Have silence tolerance: enjoy it.
- “What an oasis of peace.”
- “That was an interesting point, my thoughts are racing about it right now.”
- ‘We have become completely silent, that last point was that beautiful.’
- Tell a bad joke: “How heavy is a polar bear? Enough to break the ice!”
Tip 31 – Have silence tolerance
This one is very powerful. Do you tolerate the silences? That means: not necessarily having to say a lot and being completely okay with that. Just sit / stand / be there in silence. If you are comfortable with that and can enjoy it that way, everyone will be happy with it and think you are a nice person. In this way you create peace, trust and space for the other to share more.
You will find another way to let the other share more in the next tip …
Tip 32 – Be a leader in wallflowers
If you see people at a party who are uncomfortable, ask them if they want something to drink or eat. If they say no, you pat them on the back.
Tip 33 – Make a habit of gratitude
Show gratitude wherever you go. After a meeting, collaboration, or appointment, no matter how small, make sure you call back to say thank you. Always let us know how it went.
Tip 34 – Never gossip: always talk positively about others
Gossip is always fun in the short term, never in the long term. If you show that you gossip, the other will think that you can easily gossip about him / her. Because you show your lack of integrity. Talk positively about people who are absent. In addition, never criticize. Always see the good in others.
A good tip is to count two seconds before you say something. Only then does the check kick in, so you don’t say anything insulting. Or which makes you say something very witty. Bonus: Silence is powerful. You can find more about how this 2-second rule works in ‘Our Infallible Thinking’.
Invite yourself to refuse to gossip from now on. Whenever someone wants to tell you an unfavorable ‘news’ about someone else, you choose not to listen to it. You can literally say that you do n’t need to know and you can list some beautiful qualities of that person.
Every time you participate in gossip, you take your soul. It’s for losers and you’re not. Keep your soul clean.
Tip 35 – ‘Feel free to cheat’ with a note about the other person
Feel free to use a note on your phone to write down people’s names and other information about them. For example:
Bart. B. – Online gaming – nerdy – travels by public transport – is a digital artist –
Tip 36 – Don’t judge: understand the other if he / she is ‘wrong’
Keep an eye on the NLP Communication Model: there is no absolute truth. The truth is subjective. Other people may be totally wrong, but they think they are completely right! Don’t judge them for that. Anyone can condemn and judge . Understand the other correctly! Only wise, tolerant and exceptional people have the intention to understand the other.
Tip 37 – Have a personal card (not a business card!)
Have personal cards made. It should not radiate business. They are friendship cards! Just with your Facebook data, phone number and gmail or hotmail address.
Tip 38 – Look at the other person directly, not from an angle
Do you want to communicate more openness? Look at the other person completely, with your face straight to the other, not at an angle.
Tip 39 – Have a (slightly) higher energy than the other: this is how you add value!
We find people who enter social interactions with low energy to be boring and uninspiring. They don’t add anything. They may have a chat, but they don’t really do anything with our feelings and that makes the interaction meaningless and not at all social. Don’t be that boring bag of potatoes but engage in a high energy interaction.
If you have a slightly higher energy than the other (s), you add value! You make friends with that! You will not only come to get energy, you will also bring it. Greet people with enthusiasm and greet them animatedly! If you give attention to another with that high energy, you add value.
‘How was your day?’ seems like a social phrase, but it doesn’t add anything if you say it like a boring bag of potatoes. However, if you increase your vibe, direct your body to the other in order to transfer that vibe and focus that same sentence full of attention to the other, you make the other very happy and you are nice and social.
In short: have a positive, high energy and be at ease. If not as often as possible for you, improve your life so that you can muster it more often.
Tip 40 – Leave UOA at home and don’t just correct others
Did you already know ‘Leave UOA at home’? It states for: ‘Leave Unsolicited Opinions & Advice home.’ This tip is at the bottom of this article, but it is actually the principle that can ensure that ‘a-social’ and ‘annoying’ people are invited back to parties.
Wasn’t actually asked for help? Then your attempt to offer help will be seen as manipulation and control. An attempt to help yourself . Your thing, your need. Not the other person’s. This will make you feel less connected with the other.
If you have nothing nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
You actually let the other person know that he / she is not okay when you try to change someone. You want the situation to be different. It’s a totally intolerant attitude and maybe even a way to reveal that you don’t love the other person.
You have what it takes to empower or discourage people. The choice is yours.
If you show flexibility and approach the other as he / she is, then you are a true friend. Others will change in their own way and at their own pace – or not.
The less people know, the more stubbornly they know.
And if you do correct someone, do it in a powerful, charismatic way with few words and a lot of warmth and rapport. That is still somewhat acceptable, because it feels like you are being helped by a caring, capable father / mother figure and that is worlds apart from being corrected by someone with high, insecure, hard and cold energy.
Do you know who is giving advice? People who are poor, unsuccessful and unpleasant to get along with. Do not give advice, but discover and listen. Giving advice does not serve you and neither does the other. You learn from asking questions and create a connection.
Ask therefore rather for advice.
- “How is your culture?”
- “How do you feel about life?”
- “How do you feel about this?”
Only when someone asks you for advice can you give your advice. And above all, stay humble and modest about that.
Don’t get involved with others, but take care of them.
Tip 41 – Work systematically on your social skills
Do you want to make deep contact quickly in a systematic way, communicate more effectively and become and remain friends with everyone? Then learn how to do that here. You will be sent to an external website.
This was not even half of all tips: here you will find more…
There is an extensive blog article waiting for you: also read all these tips for getting social with someone you don’t know.