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Friendzoned? 5 easy steps to get out of the friendzone

Friendzoned? 5 easy steps to get out of the friendzone

What is the friend zone and how do you break out of it? Maybe you are in love with a good friend or maybe you are being friendzoned right now, but how do you get out? Instead of giving up and reactively reading “funny bittersweet memes” about the friendzone, it’s time to do something about it.

By Mathijs Dingjan

There is a bad place where you don’t send your worst enemies yet …

Or well. Maybe you will send your enemies to it.

But you absolutely don’t want to get there.

What am I talking about?

Right. The Friendzone. What is the definition of friendzone?

friendzone meaning

You like someone and hope it can work out between you.

There is only one problem:

You are friends with each other, in stead of lovers.

  • So, what to do if that person doesn’t like you?
  • Or what if the friendship will even get lost because you make a move?
  • And how do you move from the friend zone to a relationship?

You will learn it all in this article!

Follow the five steps and make that friend your partner.

Step 1: Take in this important insight

not expressing your feelings

As a dating coach in I get many questions about the friend zone.

Many of those people have a wrong view of the situation.

They think they have no influence on the relationship.

The friend zone is not a place where you have been put by your friend on purpose.

You end up here if you don’t express your true feelings.

That is important to realize.

Because this means that you yourself have the choice to get out of that friend zone.

That gives you control over the situation again.

Step 2: Make a promise to yourself

I have a question for you:

If you really like someone, should you go for it?

Chances are that you will now shout YES to your screen.

Rightly so 😉

Yet you are still in the friend zone with a person you like.

Wrong stuff.

Because the longer you don’t go for it, the worse you will feel yourself.


Because thoughts like:

“Why don’t I make a move. I don’t dare at all… ”


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“You see, I’m just not nice enough.”

… Will get stronger and stronger. So the longer you don’t go for it, the worse you’ll feel. Sin.

That is why it is important that you make a promise to yourself.

Decide that you are someone who dares to go for what you want.

If you follow these steps, you will no longer deny your own feelings. You then say to yourself:

  • I can be honest.
  • I can go for the things I want.
  • I am valuable enough.

This not only makes you feel a lot better. You also immediately come across as much more attractive, because there is no longer an inner struggle about what exactly you want.

Step 3: Create a sexy dynamic

friendzone sexy dynamics

You are now in a dynamic of friendship.

That is cosy. But it is not exciting . You may feel the tension between you, but you are not expressing it.

That’s why you want to break out of this dynamic.


Easy. By saying things that are more sexy, exciting or provocative.

Suppose the nicer wears new clothes. Then you might normally say this:

“You look nice.”

There is nothing wrong with that in itself. Only the chance that you will leave planet friendzone with this comment is not that great.

Unless you’re an expert at non-verbal flirting. But that requires a lot of practice. That’s why it’s easier to use some verbal phrases.

For example:

“Well, you look sexy!”

Of course you want to do this with a big smile. Don’t make it feel too serious just yet. The contact should above all feel playful.

Look for moments to flirt.

Create a positive tension between you. The way the other responds tells you directly if there is mutual interest.

Is there a lot of flirting back?


Then you know that you are doing well.

Isn’t the other person flirting back?

Fine. The other has / had her chance, so now you go to someone who you do can give you what you want.

Step 4: Don’t be piece of sticky tape

Some people turn to tape as soon as they get feelings.

They stick themselves to the person they like.

Not a good strategy.

Why don’t you ask me?

Because you quickly come across as too needy or needy.

See, you don’t have to play hard to get or whatever. These kinds of games often backfire. You just get more of it in your head.

What does work is this:

Give the other person space.

Desire requires distance. If something is constantly forced on you, it quickly loses value. You don’t see it as special.

The things we really love often take effort. You don’t just get it thrown into your lap.

So don’t force yourself, but keep living your own fun life!

If you keep doing the things that give you energy, this will shine through in the contact with your crush.

He sees that you are comfortable in your own skin, that life is really alive and that you are a real catch. We all want a partner who makes us feel good about ourselves.

Someone we are secretly proud of.

If you show that you don’t need him or her, you are already happy about yourself and continue to grow as a person… then that is super attractive.

Step 5: Use this clever phrase


Have you gone through the first four steps?


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Then I can almost welcome you in the ‘we-have-a-relationship zone’.

Believe me, this is the dreamland;)

It’s time to subtly plant the seed that you may be more than just friends.

And I wouldn’t be Mathijs if I didn’t give you a clever phrase to get this done.

In step four you went from ‘friendly dynamic’ to ‘sexy dynamic’. Chances are you are teasing and challenging each other now. In short: you are flirting.

(This always puts a smile on my dating coach face)

During this flirting, challenging conversations often arise where you may say something funny or clever that comes across as challenging.

That’s the perfect time to say this:

It’s a good thing we’re friends’ cause I don’t know if you can handle me;)

What you are doing now is suggesting that you could be something other than friends too. In addition, it is a challenging sentence with which you actually say:

“Suppose we went further than friendship… how do you feel about that?”

Because you bring this teasingly, the atmosphere in the conversation remains playful.

So you don’t create a cringy, awkward situation that he or she doesn’t know what to do with.

The response you get to this will tell you a lot.

Is it positive? Then you can officially step out of the friend zone and propose to go on your first romantic date.

Lots of fun!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!