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59 Influencing Techniques [Effective Persuading & Manipulating]

59 Influencing Techniques [Effective Persuading & Manipulating]

Do you want to influence, convince and manipulate effectively? In this article you will learn all the smart psychological influencing techniques to convince people. Read on for this list of all the techniques and tips…

Contents of this page:

Influence and manipulation? that is a bad thing, right…?

Is it allowed to influence? The opposite is true: it has to be! We always manipulate, even when we’re not talking. Our body always speaks and gives an impression and others will always think about it and adjust their behavior accordingly.

You can not manipulate. So ask yourself: do you want to manipulate positively or negatively? You will find all the tools and techniques in this article. Enjoy reading!

Technique 1 – Use reframing: the basis of effective influence

There is a reason why this is the first tip: all influencing tips are some form of framing or reframing (rethinking) existing frameworks .

Let’s start with an extremely simple example to illustrate this: you wouldn’t really want to buy a bottle of water now that you’re sitting at home. On the other hand, are you in a hhhhhhhhoooot desert … The sweat is dripping from your clothes and there is nowhere to see water. Would you buy it for a tenner?

In the above simple example, your living room or the desert is the frame. So when reframing, you ask yourself: what information do you already know (that’s the box), which gives the new information (that’s your suggestion) a different meaning?

All techniques revolve around reframing, and that doesn’t always have to be verbal! For example, you can be in charge of a situation by controlling the ‘frame’ with your state of mind  and by constantly coming up with new arguments.

Technique 2 – This is how you create compliance

influence effectively 4

Did you know you can program someone to follow and accept you? You do that by asking the other person a few small, innocent things. Just look at the examples below:

  • “Come and stand here, then you can see it better.”
  • “Put this aside for a while, then we have more space.”
  • “Just look over here.”
  • Etc.
Read this next:  How To Make Metaphors: Tips & Best Examples [Complete Guide]

In this way, the other enters a state of willingness to follow. This becomes an unconscious pattern of ‘yes, yes, yes’.

More tips for creating compliance can be found in the article about selling with NLP . You will learn, among other things:

  • The Piggyback Ride: “It’s {fact}, {fact}, {fact} and … {your suggestion}”
  • Nodding subtly to create an unconscious yes-ladder instead of a conscious, outdated verbal yes-ladder.

Technique 3 – Make your offer attractive with a contrast frame / value anchor

This technique has become known through Dan Ariely’s marketing experiments, but it can also be used in everyday situations.

Let’s look at some examples first and then let’s find out what are the reasons why the contrast frame works.

“I already support other charities.”

“Excellent! That is very positive. That is why I do not want to ask for help from you for years . That is why I want to ask you for help for a few months / times. That has helped us enormously.”

I recently wanted to have a piano in the living room. The problem was, it’s not my living room, but my landlord’s living room with whom I live. To make sure that piano got there, I used a value anchor. I asked her if I could place a grand piano (!) In the living room. There was no room for that anyway, and I knew it already. After she said no to that, I knew I could ask if I could place a upright piano in the living room, and the answer was yes!

There are two reasons why this technique works:

  • Reason 1: most people always have a little resistance. They have to resist something, and it doesn’t matter what (at least you have that knowledge!). You focus the resistance on something that is not important to you anyway. Now that this resistance has been able to express itself nicely, there will not be much resistance left in the other person.
  • Reason 2:  the value of the first thing you asked is way too high, but you didn’t need that result at all. You were already happy with the downgrade option you were going to propose second, which now seems much smaller.

Read more about this contrast frame in Dan Ariely’s book ‘Predictably Irrational’.

Technique 4 – Understand that people almost always resist something: that’s how you use it

effective influence convincing

In this section you are going to learn a technique with which you squeeze all resistance out of the other. Do you expect the other person to resist something? Or are you a seller? Then tell something that is actually not a problem at all. That way, the other’s resistance can be fully expressed on that unimportant point.

If you sell washing machines, you say: ‘Unfortunately, the only disadvantage is that it takes 3 seconds before it starts. Then you stand there for 3 seconds to wait to see if he will do it before you can walk away. ‘

The above washing machine example has another advantage: two-sided arguments are more convincing than their one-sided equivalents. It is a good idea to list the shortcomings of your product. This inspires confidence because you appear more honest.

If you want to get someone to do something, give an easily overcome reason why the other person can’t do or have it. All resistance then focuses on that unimportant point, so that there is no resistance left for actually doing that task.

A more extreme example of how smugglers use this technique: they make sure that security guards pick them up for smuggling something that doesn’t matter at all. That way, the security no longer pays attention to everything else … Like what the smuggler is actually hiding. In Berlin, when the wall was still standing, there was a smuggler who rode his bicycle from East Berlin to West Berlin every day with a bag of sand on the back of his bicycle. Each time the guards cut open the bag of sand to find nothing in it and let him continue on his way. He returned every night. What they didn’t realize is that he was smuggling bicycles.

Technique 5 – Detect Someone’s Bullshit with the Meta Model

The meta-model has several functions.

  • One of those functions is to specify your language, so that you communicate more clearly.
  • The other useful advantage of the meta-model is that you can call up more possibilities and options for a situation by asking the right questions.
  • You also get more information at your disposal, and the more information you have, the more influence you have!
  • Or you can show that someone has no idea what he / she is talking about. Handy for debating!

Learn the complete meta model in the accompanying article.

Technique 6 – Read the two books that are by far the most iconic when it comes to influence

There are two books you must read anyway. ‘How you make friends and influence people’ comes from the 1930s but is unsurpassed. In all these years there has not been a book with more beautiful anecdotes or more beautiful principles than this book. The mere principle of “don’t give unwanted advice” has turned many people from “awful” into a loved one.

And then you have ‘Influence’ from the 1980s. This book is now dated because it is applied too often and too transparently, but every professional must have read this book. Purely as a reference material. By the way, in this article you can learn how to transform the dated sales techniques from ‘Influence’ into ingenious applications.

Technique 7 – Use presuppositions to distort reality

With a presupposition, you get past a lot of fussing because you create the reality in which certain things “just are.” The other will take those things as true.

There are hundreds of variations of the presupposition technique, but I’ll teach you a very effective one in this section by teaching you the essence of presuppositions. Ask yourself: what is the statement I can make that, by the nature of the statement’s presupposition, will cause the other to experience the greatest amount of influence by having to accept the presupposition inherent in the statement?

I’ll give an example of how I put this in:

I once hired a product photographer for my jewelry webshop. This product photographer used a model wearing the jewelry. Everything was completed, I got the photos for my webshop and I paid the invoice. A month later I received a message from the photographer: all photos had to be destroyed because the model wanted her photos to be discontinued. I deleted the photos cleanly. However, no one said anything about getting money back. I filled in that that would happen and I waited a month to get my money back. That just didn’t happen …

I then left no doubt that the photographer will pay back all the money for the job, by implying, aka presupposing.
I didn’t say do you want to pay back?
I also didn’t say: do you know that paying back is part of the deal?
I didn’t say either: I want you to pay me back.

I skipped that step and went straight to how he would pay it: “We’ll be calling each other about how you want to make the refund.” With that you dominate the framework and then it is ‘just’ that he pays back. ‘It is then very difficult for the other person to step back and say,’ Wait a minute, who said I wanted to do that at all? ‘

You can read all about presuppositions (implications) in the accompanying article.

Technique 8 – Use the Double Binding: a nice example of presuppositions

influence effectively

The classic example of the Double Bind is, “Shall we meet tomorrow or today?” However, this is a bit outdated and simple. That is why there are a number of more advanced variants of the Double Bind. An example of such a more subtle variant is: “When is it best for us to meet?” Which is really just another example of a presupposition (tip from the previous paragraph).

Do you want to buy this one {too pricey} or this one {too bad}.

With double bonds you create an illusion of choice and freedom. You can also do that with the following sentence:

Feel free to donate to this charity.

Go to the article on Double Bonds to go into more detail about this.

Technique 9 – Master the influential language patterns of the Milton model

By learning the Milton model, you can use deliberate vagueness to create cooperation and compliance in other people at an unconscious level. Nice to know: the previous two tips – presuppositions and double bonds – are part of the Milton model.

Read the accompanying article on the Milton model to learn all about it. Do you want to become good at influencing? Then we recommend that you study the Milton Model anyway. This way you learn all kinds of convincing language patterns such as reading thoughts!

If you want to build a ship, don’t get men and women together and then give them orders, to explain every detail, to tell them where to find everything … Instead: teach them to desire to the vast endless sea.
– Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Technique 10 – Use the magic phrases ‘what if’ and ‘pretend’ …

If you want to get  someone to do something , you can use the ‘what if’ technique to get someone to do it.

  • “Just pretend you feel like it.”
  • “Imagine you could.”
  • “What if you were really good at it?”
  • “You just have to pretend … well, now that you’re already doing it you might as well do it all the way.”

Here you can read more about the ‘what if’ technique.

Technique 11 – Use all the attributes of proactive and flexible people

effective influence convincing

Proactive people always have options. And the person with the most options is the most influential! So read the accompanying article to discover all the characteristics of proactive and flexible people .

Technique 12 – Practice Yourself in ‘Making a Report’

This is one of the most powerful ways to influence effectively. When you are in rapport with someone, you are in deep, subconscious connection with someone. You are then almost the same person. Then you can imagine that it becomes very easy to lead and influence the other.

You can make anything and get away with anything, and that’s because there’s trust. Rapport is therefore based on love. With rapport everything is possible, without rapport nothing is possible.

How do you make rapport with someone? Read the corresponding article on creating a report . You will learn how to build a deep connection and bond of trust with someone else in seconds. You do this by making a connection with the subconscious of the other.

Technique 13 – Connect to someone’s representation system

There are three main systems of representation: is someone (at a particular time and in a particular context) visual, auditory or kinesthetic?

An example: recently a suspect came to me during an event with a question about UNLP training. I could tell from her fast speech, elaborate gestures and well-groomed appearance that she was visually oriented at the time. So I decided to answer her question by taking out my laptop, opening a sketch program, and visualizing her options in a diagram. A moment later I heard that she had signed up.

So recognize someone’s preferred representation system in a certain context, so that you can connect to that. In the accompanying article on representation systems you can read exactly how to recognize this.

Technique 14 – Learn to calibrate

Calibration is about becoming aware of all sensory perceptible actual changes in another person. Including eye movements and language use. This does not tell you anything in terms of content, unless you happen to know which state of mind that belongs to. You also know when a change has taken place.

Technique 15 – Be good at sensory acuity

effectively influence tips

If you are sensory, many more things will strike you. You will then have a lot more information at your disposal. The more information, the more influence. How can you get better at this? This is possible with fun exercises. You will find them in the article about sensory observation.

Moreover, it is healthy to be in the moment and to be keen on everything that you perceive through your senses. There are also a lot of advantages to this, you can read in the article about the here and now .

Technique 16 – Assume multiple observation positions

Do you already know the model of the observation positions ? This allows you to be flexible in adopting different perspectives: someone else’s perspective, your own, and a neutral, factual perspective. Thanks to this flexibility, you increase your influence because you can view things from more angles.

Technique 17 – Use metaphors for unconscious influence

Did you know that with a metaphor you can convey a message in an eloquent way, in a way that appeals to the subconscious of your audience? The nice thing about metaphors is that you can stuff them with subliminal messages. Read all about this in the step-by-step plan to make metaphors.

Technique 18 – Use ‘subliminal priming’: influence the frame of reference of the other

priming seeding influence

Let’s stay in the subliminal corner: in the days before you start sharing the idea with the other person, if you put parts of the idea into the other person’s frame of reference, the idea is no longer completely new. This will prevent the other person from falling into the automatic mismatch trend when you introduce your idea. The technique we are talking about is ‘seeding’, also called ‘subliminal priming’ .

Is your goal for your husband to cook more? Instead of saying, “You should cook more,” you could just ask, “Tim (son) looks pale, do you think he’s getting enough vitamins?” You let the subject rest and a week later you just mention something about healthy food. Only after another week do you raise the subject of ‘cooking’.

If you want to negotiate with someone, for example about a salary increase, or if you want something: announce it days in advance instead of diving in abruptly. That way, the other can prepare and the other doesn’t feel uncomfortable with the newly introduced idea. So plant the seeds over a longer period! In the meantime, you can joke about it in between.

Technique 19 – Use all other subliminal techniques

You can find all subliminal techniques under the tag ‘subliminal influence’. Here you will find a link to these articles.

In any case, make sure that you have mastered the ‘Extended Quotes’ technique. This is also called the ‘My Friend John’ technique and is stated in the article on subliminal influence.

Thanks to this technique, the other person will swallow your advice or message like a sweet cake. You do not bring it directly / directly from your mouth, but from another source. This lowers the resistance and turns off the critical factor from the listener.

So many people called me and said, “Thank you, Trump!” They say, “Trump has a point!”
– Donald Trump during an election campaign

You can read why this works and what examples of this exist in the corresponding article.

Technique 20 – Chunk higher and chunk lateral

influencing techniques

Chuncking is an important technique to know. This will help you when reframing. Chuncken is even a reframing technique (like all other techniques actually are). If you don’t know yet what chuncking is, read the article about chuncking first .

In short, you can chuncken in two directions: up chuncken means that you enter a higher level of abstraction, which makes it easier for you to reach agreement. Chunking down means becoming more concrete, making it harder to reach agreement.

The rule is: if there is still no agreement (mismatch), then you have not yet gifted high enough. Are you in a mediation or negotiation process? First make it clear that everyone has the same goal (chunck up) (name them), and that both proposals (lower chuncks) are for that purpose. Make it clear that there are several alternatives to achieve that higher goal.

Now that you know what chuncken is, you can get started with the following tip. The NLP Negotiation Model …

Technique 21 – Use the NLP Negotiation Model

Do you want to influence a negotiation? If you use the NLP negotiation model, you work with chunking (see previous tip). You are then negotiating by working with the common, positive intention. The precise step-by-step plan for this can be found in the accompanying article about the NLP negotiation model.

Technique 22 – Dealing with resistance? Use the utilization technique

This is a technique for a higher degree of flexibility. A brief explanation of this technique: Every time someone resists, use whatever that person does or says as if you expected it. For example, you use it as an example for the point you want to make. It also makes it easier for your state of mind to remain the same. Read the extensive article on dealing with resistance through utilization.

Technique 23 – Have maximum influence with the agreement fram

I like the agremenet frame. This technique is an example of “follow and lead” and it simply consists of a number of sentences you say and a number of sentences you avoid.

Use words like:

  • I appreciate … And …
  • I agree … And …
  • I respect … And … Because …

Avoid words like:

  • I understand… But / However…

Why is it like that? For a full explanation of the compliance framework, see the follow and lead article. See next tip …

Technique 24 – Follow the other first and only then start leading

effective influence convincing

Dale Carnegie wrote about a man who was arrested for walking his dog. The police came to him and the man immediately started admitting why he was wrong. “Officer, you caught me in the act. Guilty. I have no alibis, no excuses, ”he said openly and enthusiastically. The officer felt understood and said, “Well, I know it might be tempting to let a small dog out here when no one is around.” The dog owner mentioned all the main reasons why it really is against the law. For example, his dog can kill squirrels here and what he did is unacceptable. He said exactly what the police officer would say: all the charges. The officer received recognition and a feeling that he is considered important. He let the man walk his dog and turned a blind eye, without a ticket. (Another thing that magically cancels fines is personal grooming, decent clothes, and the ability to make the other person laugh, but that aside.)

This is an important attitude in influencing effectively. You already found a concrete example of this technique in the previous tip: the agreement framework.

Dale Carnegie wrote a really nice anecdote about this principle. A group of children was lighting a fire in a forest. This was of course dangerous because forest fires can start. The person who saw this came up to them and said, “That’s cool what you guys are doing!” After a while he gave the children the option to do this in a different place as well.

For all other examples and techniques of ‘follow and lead’ you can read the corresponding article.

Let’s take another example: someone told about his side job at a hotel as a porter. Sometimes a beggar comes in to cause trouble. The porter just walks up to such a beggar, treats him just like all other guests and says, “How nice that you are here, sir, can I help you with anything?” As he asks questions, shows interest, and connects with the beggar, he slowly begins to walk … towards the door. When they are out of sight of the guests, he says, “Okay buddy, you have to keep walking from now on. You know you can’t be here. ‘ And the beggar walks on.

Let’s take one more example, because they are so beautiful.

Charles Schwab was walking through one of his steel mills one day when he saw a group of his employees smoking. Directly above their heads was a sign saying “No Smoking.” Point Schwab to the sign to say, “Can’t you read?” Schwab not! He walked up to them, handed them a cigar, and said, “I’d appreciate it, guys, if you guys could smoke this outside.” The employees knew he knew they had broken a rule, but they admired him for not saying anything about it, giving them a small gift, and making them feel important.

Technique 25 – Never Have a Discussion: Follow-and-Lead Instead!

Dale Carnegie wrote why discussions make no sense:

Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. And – A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still.

What is the solution then? Follow and lead! Listen first, give the other a chance to talk, let the other finish, have no resistance or defense, let the other elaborate, look for areas you agree with, look for areas where you were wrong and give those mistakes please apologize for your mistakes, sincerely thank the other for their interest and for helping you.

The other has just turned into a friend.

Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

You have now disarmed the other. The other is no longer defensive. There has never had to be a discussion. The other is now completely open to your vision.

Do you want your child to put the tablet away because the daily screen time is over? Instead of immediately demanding that the child put it away – and thus probably start a discussion – you can also sit next to the child, ask what is on the screen and show interest. Moreover, the child has already come back to reality with his / her attention. Only then is it time to ask the child to stop.

Technique 26 – Make use of the Pavlovian effect without the other noticing

influence weapons

The Pavlovian effect, or anchoring , means: activating moods on command. That command is, for example, a touch. For example, if you want someone to feel fascinated and enthusiastic when that person is around you, make sure that you are always in sight of that person (or better: touch that person) when that person experiences something nice and feel fascinated and enthusiastic.

Technique 27 – Use Hypnosis: These are simply commands

There are different types of hypnosis, but the joke of the type of hypnosis you are going to learn here is that it is under-the-radar hypnosis. So you can do it without the other person knowing. We owe this to Dr. Milton Erickson. Use his technique for hypnotic suggestions and thereby bring the other person into a light, relaxing trance and give hypnotic suggestions, even without the other noticing.

Giving hypnotic commands is very simple. If you have a follow-up appointment with someone, you say: ‘Next time will be fun! That is already a (post-) hypnotic suggestion!

Technique 28 – Don’t let your ego thwart the result and say, ‘You’re right’

It doesn’t matter who is right, as long as your goal is achieved, or as long as what you want happens. So use: “You’re right.” Even when someone gives you advice, while you actually already knew that, you say: “You are right.” Instead of “I know.” You put your ego aside so that you can just achieve the result you want.

Give credit, take blame. It’s wonderful how much good you can do in this world if you don’t care about who gets the credit for it.

After you have agreed with the other, no more energy is wasted on discussion and you can finally focus on action. In total you achieve this in three steps:

  1. Listen and observe what the other person is saying.
  2. Agree with the other person while returning what you heard with the other person’s exact words. “I agree. It is annoying if you are not listened to.” No discussion, just acknowledging what the other is saying. You acknowledge the feeling that the other is experiencing.
  3. Now turn your attention to concrete actions, goals and execution. Now all energy can be given to execution, instead of discussion. Now progress is coming and you can continue constructively! Make progress towards the future with concrete actions!

Do you want right or do you want happiness?

So put your ego aside and possibly even show a good example without taking credits for it. The final result is more important. The anecdote below by Dale Carnegie bears witness to this:

For the first few days of the work, when Mrs. Jacob returned from her job, she noticed that the yard was strewn with the cut ends of lumber. She didn’t want to antagonize the builders, because they did excellent work. So after the workers had gone home, she and her children picked up and neatly piled all the lumber debris in a corner. The following morning she called the foreman to one side and said, “I’m really pleased with the way the front lawn was left last night; it is nice and clean and does not offend the neighbors.” From that day forward the workers picked up and piled the debris to one side, and the foreman came in each day seeking approval of the condition the lawn was left in after a day’s work.

As long as the situation improves, as long as you move forward together, as long as something can be resolved, it doesn’t matter at all whether you get the blame or the credits. Put your ego aside!

Shop owners do this, for example, when a shoplifter has visited and struck. They distribute the images to find this person, and the description accompanying the video is: ‘This friendly gentleman had accidentally forgotten to pay. Who has seen him? We are happy to help him! ‘

Technique 29 – Use meta programs to your advantage

effective influence convincing

With meta programs you can teach people to read like a book, and then motivate them in the way that suits them best.

Let’s take an example of meta programs: a meta program that is a bit in all of us in certain contexts is the meta program: mismatching. This means that you tend to say or do the opposite of what you are told.

Reverse psychology: if something is not allowed or not possible, it becomes more attractive.

How do you influence mismatchers? If someone keeps doing the opposite of what others say, what should you do? Right! You start with the opposite, so that the other will resist that and you end up with the right thing! Reverse psychology!

Another example of how I used reverse psychology to convince my brother to come to Efteling: I knew that my brother is a mismatcher. So what am I saying to him? In any case not: “I want to go to Efteling.” So I say, ‘You know what I think? That we really shouldn’t go to Efteling. ‘ And so he resisted me straight into Efteling!

By the way, the mismatcher meta program is in most people, researcher Daniel Kahneman discovered. The technique in the next section will be very useful for you.

Technique 30 – People are only too happy to correct you: take advantage of this with reverse psychology

Have you ever read Kahneman’s theory, which he wrote about in Ons Fallible Thinking?  In it we learned that when people hear a new idea, they automatically tend to reject it (mismatch). Kahneman states that now that we know this, we can better control ourselves by waiting 2 seconds before saying anything. Then the control of ‘system 2’, as he described our thinking brain ‘, can heat up and overpower our first impulse.

We can also use Kahneman’s theory to our advantage when it comes to influencing other people. The bottom line: People’s first tendency is to mismatch each other. Here you will find the tips to deal with this in a handy way and to turn it into positive results.

(Obviously this isn’t for you but) do you know someone who is motivated?

We do that with reverse psychology (see previous tip)! However bad it may be, the first tendency of people is to happily correct each other. This is the common thread of the book ‘Our Infallible Thinking’ Now that you know this, you can let people come to answers and insights themselves by giving the wrong answer themselves.

“Mom, what’s that?” Pointing to a boat.
“You know what that is.”
“No I do not know.”
“Very well, it’s an apple pie.”
“No, it’s a boat.”

This is a form of reverse psychology. You can also obtain useful information for yourself thanks to this principle. Suppose you want to find out someone’s phone number, while you are worried that the secretary will not give it to you. Then look at the example below:

“Hi, I just want to speak to John because John told me to call now. I’ll just call him on his cell. Is it still 06 42-352-998? ” “No, it is actually 06 34-345-262. “Thanks.”

Technique 31 – Present ideas as the other’s (or someone’s outside), not your idea

If you have an idea, say you read it somewhere. Or say something like you’ve never told it, like you just found out.

Or even better, make it seem like the idea belongs entirely to the other person. Most people prefer to feel that they are acting on their own ideas or that they are buying or deciding on their own accord. Make the person feel like an idea is theirs.


  • It’s their idea.
  • It’s the best idea.

The idea is then much more easily accepted by the person you are saying it to, because it is not ‘new information’ from you, but already existing information from someone else.

When John D. Rockefeller wanted newspaper photographers to stop taking pictures of his children, he appealed to nobler motives. He didn’t say “I don’t want these pictures taken”, but instead, said “You know how it is, boys. You’ve got children yourselves, some of you. And you know it’s not good for youngsters to get too much publicity.”
– Dale Carnegie

Asking questions also works great for this. Asking questions instead of commanding someone can make a ‘command’ easier and often stimulates the creativity of the person you are asking. Example: “Do this!” versus “Do you think it’s a good idea to test this next time …”?

Technique 32 – Make use of (someone’s own!) (Higher!) Logical levels

influence article

This is a very important technique. First, a brief explanation of the logical levels (of Bateson) is needed: this is a model that consists of six layers, to get to the core of a person or an organization. You get closer to someone’s core by asking the right questions to climb higher in the logical levels. The closer you get to someone’s core, the more powerful your influence options are. Read the article about the logic levels to understand that first.

When you want to motivate someone, you use their higher logical levels, such as identity and beliefs. When you place someone’s behavior (lower logic level) within someone’s belief system (higher logic level), you can make him do anything, or you can make him stop doing something.

For example, a father who wanted to protect his daughter from prostitution came to Bandler. The father believed that the whole world of prostitution is very bad for his daughter making him extremely strict and protective of his daughter. Bandler stopped this extreme behavior by noting to the father that he was acting like a pimp. Of course, the father wanted to be consistent with what he believes about prostitution, so the father immediately stopped his extreme behavior.

Why does this technique work? It is impossible to mismatch with your own higher logic levels! People love to match with themselves, and they even do that automatically. For example, they match with their own frame of reference and beliefs. Moreover, you are considered ‘not normal’ or weak if you contradict yourself, and especially if you contradict your own belief or identity.

If you want to make use of this, you can especially use the higher logical levels of a person to lead to a desired outcome. Not only do you get what you have in mind in this way, but you have also provided support, because:

  • It’s their idea.
  • It’s the best idea.

How can you do this practically? First you can address the higher logical levels of a person, to later lead you to the desired situation in the lower logical levels, as long as it did not come automatically from the other person of course. By the way, there is an extra effect to this technique: with this technique you also gain a reputation for someone. See some examples here:

  • You, as an intelligent person (identity: higher level) , should have no problem understanding (beliefs: lower level)  how atheism is superior to theism.
  • If you need someone to lift something: ‘I need strong handsome men (identity level) ‘ (to do something behavioral level: lifting).
  • “How open minded are you?” Then introduce a new idea.
  • Persuasion at capacity level : telling, hearing and processing the truth is behavior. Being able to cope is capacity, and capacity ‘overpowers’ behavior:’ I told you the truth because you can handle it. You have to. You will be able to handle it. ‘
  • Convince emission level: “Could you find it in your heart …”
  • If you believed (beliefs: higher level)  that this would be possible, what action would you take (behavior: lower level) that you don’t take now? (This example also uses the what-if frame and the law of attraction.)
  • If you want a group of women to do something, “I need attractive and articulate women.”
  • You’re not the type of person who … (for example, would lie).
  • Something I really love about you is … (for example, your openness to say things).
  • You were born … (for example: entrepreneur)!
  • Unlike other managers who are on their money, you are generous.
  • Don’t you think being stingy is really disgusting?
  • Are you the kind of person who would like to get better at coaching others?
  • Are you the type of person who finds it helpful to discover how you can ethically influence others?
  • Aren’t you the type of person who wants to do something good for the world?
  • Are you a go-getter? Great, let’s do this!
  • In the gym: “I’m thinking about going home now.” “Are you a go-getter?” “You’re right, we’ll finish it!”
  • You are better than that. You are above that (identity level) .
  • You’re an intelligent guy, what do you think about …?
  • You’re right. You probably shouldn’t take that class. Only smart people ( identity level ) can take that lesson.
  • Instead of saying, “Is the door open?” do you say, “Do you have what it takes to close the door?”
  • After you make something clear / make your point, “Of course someone as intelligent as you can understand that.”
  • In case of resistance from a client who wants to change her behavior towards her son: “Do you love your son? Do you love him so much that you are willing to change your behavior?
  • I could be wrong, because I often get things wrong, but judging by your shoes, you like to travel long distances.
  • You are really a person who always keeps everything.
  • This technique applied to the norms and values ​​of a person: “I know that unity is important to you, is that right?” “We want to go to the Mac as a unit. Can you drive us?
  • Old Steve would have done it …
  • You have to be able to do better than that …
  • Do you want to do something nice? (Love is the criterion, or the value.)
  • Look, I’m gonna tell you some unpleasant stuff, but you can take it ’cause you’re big boys and big girls.
  • You, as an intelligent person, could easily understand how {state of mind} is already inside you.
  • We need helpful people who are committed to security and peace. You can also help us with this good cause, right?

You can combine the following techniques with this technique for an extra strong effect:

  • The person must think that it is purely in their own interest to change.
  • Place an anchor when you talk about the identity or conviction of the person firing it later when asking for the favor.
  • Use the person ‘s metaphors . That is called utilization.
  • You can also do it a little less obvious and more under the radar, by simply asking the norms and values ​​of a person in a conversation: “Do you have children? What norms and values ​​do you want to give them?”
  • If you have a good grasp of this technique, you can combine all kinds of other techniques with this technique to make the other take action, for example by having the other choose from two options that you choose: double bonds.

Technique 33 – Use silence tolerance as a weapon of influence

How beautiful is silence tolerance! As a result, the other will fill the silence by revealing more information. When you’re negotiating, take long, long pauses before asking a question. It makes the other almost throw up the truth. If you ask a question and only receive a partial answer, respond with respectful silence. Simply wait and a more complete answer will follow.

A great way to implement silence tolerance, for example if you are haggling about price at a motorcycle store, is to just make the following 3 statements (and nothing else!)

Only allow yourself to say these things and have absolute silence tolerance as well:

  1. The seller says something about the price. You say,
    “Huh?” (And you shut up!)
  2. The seller fills up the silence and the challenge by pleasing you with some extra statement. You say thoughtfully,
    “Huh …” (And you shut up!)
  3. The seller says something to please you again. You now say:
    “There must be an adjustment in the price.” (And you shut up!)

Now keep the silence and you should be successful. Optionally, you can add a fourth sentence: “Would it break your heart / Can you find it in your heart (to all this time…)?”

Technique 34 – Use someone’s positive frame of mind to ask for a favor

If you want to ask someone a favor, you need good timing. If you make the request just after the other is laughing out loud or very happy, you have a greater chance of yes than if your timing falls at a time when the other is in a neutral state of mind.

Is someone not yet in a desired state of mind? Then use the article on unconscious influence to take care of that first. In it you will find, among other things, the technique to use a metaphor for this. In that case, you give the character in the story the same state of mind at the beginning as the person you want to influence (this is called ‘pacing’), after which you work towards the desired outcome in the story: the desired state of mind (this is called ‘leading’). )!

You can also start influencing someone’s mood by taking the location into account. If you ask for a favor in your boss’s office, he or she will be reminded that she has a certain amount of power. First walk outside with him / her and then ask your question.

Technique 35 – Use these tips if you want to ask for a favor

  • Make a neat and polite impression. That’s how it works in this world: Before asking for a favor, make sure you show up groomed, neat and dressed. You also use politeness: use ‘please’, ‘may I’, ‘thank you’ and ‘would you’ if you want something. Politeness shows maturity and intelligence: “Much appreciated if it is possible, and not a problem if it is not possible.”
  • “Would that be unreasonable?” Apparently people don’t like to be unreasonable.
  • Acknowledge the other person’s position: “I’m not in any position at all to … But …” “It would be a great honor to talk to someone of your status.”

Technique 36 – Give the other person the feeling of freedom

Homeless people who say things like, “It’s up to you whether you want to donate or not” end up making more money than those who simply ask for money. The same goes for bands that offer ‘pay what you want’ payment structures for their music. They know you can easily download their music from the Internet for free, so they encourage you to pay for whatever feels right.

Technique 37 – Use the 6 well known influence principles

Even though they have become mainstream, they are still very useful. You will find them in this article on Cialdini’s principles of influence.

Technique 38 – Build Your Self Esteem With These Tips

Self confidence is so important! People naturally associate self-confidence with expertise. So know your product, for example. Know the facts and benefits and believe in what it does. Read all self-confidence tips in the accompanying article. In addition, your self-confidence feeds the self-confidence of the other person. And then the other will be happy with you!

Technique 39 – Do storytelling

influencing techniques

Donations were once asked for poverty in Zambia. On the wall hung a text asking if passers-by wanted to donate. This yielded little. So a case of one specific girl from Zambia, Rokia, was put up dying of starvation. Her photo was shown to the people and so much more money was raised. You can find everything about storytelling in the article about recruiting customers.

Technique 40 – Preferably use avoiding instead of achieving for influencing

In the article about acquiring customers (see previous tip on storytelling) you also learn that you are more convincing if you first deal with the problem: what is the other person losing at the moment? This is a sign of empathy, which brings us straight to the next tip …

Technique 41 – Show empathy

Show how you resemble the other and show that you care about them. Luckily, we have an entire article on showing empathy.

Technology 42 – Precision is convincing!

17.87% of people believe everything if there is a percentage in it. At least that’s what I’ve heard! The latter is of course a joke, but it works. Use very precise statistics, data, sources and amounts to reinforce your point.

Note the other side of this story: false precision is not professional. If you’ve done a survey with a sample of 200 people, it is inconvenient to work with far too precise unrounded percentages.

Technique 43 – Show your humanity

Do you make a mistake? Is your Prezi getting a bit stuck? Is technology failing or something else unexpected happens? Do not panic! In fact, be happy! You have shown human error, and that is positive. This way you get more sympathy from the other (s). You can also use this on purpose: if you have to call someone, cough and say sorry. You will immediately receive better service!

Technique 44 – Know how to manage expectations (set frames!)

effective influence convincing

Lower someone’s expectations, because if you start delivering afterwards, the other will be more satisfied with the result. Fortunately, we have a full article dedicated to managing expectations.  Read the article and you have learned another way to create frameworks.

Always underpromise and overdeliver.

Technique 45 – Keep it simple

This is a well-known tip, so let’s explore it further. Suppose there are two options, and you really want one option to be chosen. What are you doing then?

You have to explain the option that you want the other person not to do in 10 steps.
The option that you want the other to do, you have to explain in 3 steps (and add a bonus to what you do want).

Technique 46 – Use Your Creative Power

Can you believe the two things below?

  • If you only see the good in others, only the good in others will actually exist.
  • Expect others to laugh or respond positively. Don’t have a moment of doubt. If you believe that and if you focus on it (and if you expect it!), It will happen.

It’s bizarre, but it really is possible! Read all about this in the article: ‘Perception is projection.’ Believe in yourself completely. Have no doubts.

You create reality, so nobody can influence your state of mind, for example. So you don’t have to yell or get angry if someone is disrespectful to you. Understand that everyone creates their own state of mind and reality. You know: it seems that the other person is having a rough day, or something seems to have irritated the other.

Technique 47 – Work on your posture

The best way to do this is stretching, back support exercises , yoga, and going to the gym. Another fun trick for this is: every time you walk through a door, press your chest up, as if it were being pulled up from the ceiling with a string.

Technique 48 – Appreciate the other and give the other person a good reputation

effective influence convincing

This technique actually already occurs in the logic level technique (earlier in this article). If you talk to someone about a good reputation, the other person will also start to live up to it.

In other words, if you want to improve a person in a certain aspect, then do like that particular property if one of his or her outstanding characteristics is .

If you are planning to buy something and haggle heavily, you can tell the retailer in advance that you have heard from a friend that their store offers excellent service at competitive prices. Then you can ask your question or tell your problem. “I came to you for help because I couldn’t think of anyone who can do it as well as you / is as skilled as you.”

This is also a way of expressing appreciation for someone. Starting with appreciation is like the dentist who starts his job by applying an anesthetic. The patient still feels the drill, but the anesthetic takes away the pain. Another Dale Carnegie metaphor: it’s like the barber using shaving cream before starting to shave. So start with honest appreciation (which immediately gives someone a reputation to live up to).

Read these anecdotes about this principle:

“Jack,” he said, “since I left this morning I realized I hadn’t given you the entire picture of our new line, and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you about the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change.” Could Jack refuse to give him another hearing? Not with that reputation to live up to.

Mrs. Hopkins decided to face the “Tommy problem” immediately. When she greeted her new students, she made little comments to each of them: “Rose, that’s a pretty dress you are wearing,” “Alicia, I hear you draw beautifully.” When she came to Tommy, she looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Tommy, I understand you are a natural leader. I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the fourth grade this year.” She reinforced this over the first few days by complimenting Tommy on everything he did and commenting on how this showed what a good student he was. With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn’t let her down – and he didn’t. If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behavior of others, use the principle: give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Technique 49 – Think ‘Out of the box’: This is called ‘inductive thinking’

If you are in induction, then you are in solution mode. When you are in deduction, you are in problem mode. Read the article on induction and deduction  to learn more about this.

Technique 50 – Use the coach model for options and influence

When using the coach model , you always have the current situation, goal, obstacles and resources in mind. This is an excellent tool to influence effectively, as you can easily shoot into solution mode by finding resources for the obstacles and by keeping the target sharp.

Technique 51 – You have a huge amount of influence by giving feedback in the right way

effectively influence tips

Learn to give feedback in a way that the other will most quickly accept and apply it. Use the feedback model for this .

Technique 52 – Do you want to be seen as a warm person? Be charismatic (and literally make it warm)

The great thing about charisma is that they are concrete behavioral characteristics that you can learn, such as a softer voice, a slower speaking rate and smoother movements. Here you will find all charisma tips.

Persuasiveness is four things: lower – lower – softer – silence. Or actually just one thing: charisma.

Moreover: literally make it warm in the room where you are. Raise the temperatures of the room and give the other person a warm cup of coffee or tea. This literal warmth also ensures that a figurative warmth is created.

Technique 53 – Use someone’s values ​​as the ultimate influencing tool

It works like this: question someone’s values, and then give these words back to that person, as packaging for your idea. In this way you can effectively convince, influence or motivate someone to achieve their goal. In short, these are the steps:

  1. Question the other’s values. You do this by asking the questions you will find in this article about values .
  2. Now that you know the other’s values, you can, at an appropriate time, in a  certain and directive tone, give the other’s values: “Besides, I know it’s important to you to {value}. You  must  {value} (fulfill).
  3. Then immediately offer your desired outcome in the guise of the values ​​of the other: ‘To achieve that, it is important to do {your desired outcome}. Would you be willing to make this change now? ‘

You can find a complete explanation of this technique in the article about values.

Techniek 54 – ‘What’s in it for them?’

Do you want something to be arranged for you? Then find out what the other is doing and tell the other. For example, do you want your employer to listen to you better and buy a faster computer for your workplace? Then you can say something like: ‘This allows you to make better use of me so that better things can be made and more can be done in the same time.

Technique 55 – Use the salami technique as an alternative to the outdated yes ladder

If you want to take someone’s whole salami, the other will never just give it to you. However, if you ask for a small slice, it won’t be a problem for the other person. If you ask for a small slice a few times, you will soon have the whole sausage.

The salami technique is sometimes used to convince people to buy something. For example, the first time someone is asked, “Would you like to check this letter about our donation campaign?” A few days later, you are asked, “Do you want to rewrite this letter?” And eventually a donation is asked.

You know what? You think it’s a good initiative, right? Then we fill in the form together for the smallest amount. Then you can always increase it.

This is also applied in finding agreement: “We agree that {a small subject}?” To then expand the subject on which you agree.

“You just have to stand … Come over there on the aisle, there is more space … You are standing now anyway, so come on stage.”

Technique 56 – Persuade vulnerably!


Showing vulnerability – the opposite of showing perfection –  is a powerful technique to influence effectively. It is logical and simple: if you just show that you are perfect, for example in a job interview, then it is almost impossible to make a connection with the other person.

On the other hand, if you show in the interview that you are only a person with mistakes, insecurities and weaknesses, then there is a good chance that the other person will immediately love you because he / she will finally meet an authentic person. In fact, this invites the other to also share vulnerabilities, and that in turn connects. Read more about vulnerability here.

Technique 57 – Have ‘power’ (pleasure, value and contribution) instead of ‘force’ (ego, effort and fear)

Suppose you want to apply for an assignment somewhere. The person you speak to will feel the energy with which you bring the proposal to cooperation …

  • If you present your proposal in a light, cheerful, active, energetic way that says: ‘I am here to offer power and value, we will do it well and it will be fun,’ then everyone will want to accept you and even you at his wedding to invite!
  • If you present your proposal – with perhaps exactly the same words – in a heavy, sticky, longing and dependent way that says: ‘I have to force an assignment for myself’ , then it won’t work.

The first way is one of power , the second way involves an energy of force . The energy you radiate ensures that you get what is a match for that energy. This is also called the law of attraction.

If you live with ‘power’, you have a positive, certain attitude of: ‘Relax, we’ll see …’ Because there is no ‘force’ then, you attract success.

Technique 58 – Live the NLP principles for Maximum Influence

The NLP presuppositions can be seen as principles or precepts of NLP. You want to comply with the NLP rules of life to communicate nonviolently and to respect the subjective experience of other people. Read all these NLP principles and from now on act according to the principles of NLP, aimed at increasing respect and options.

Technique 59 – Use pain as a powerful and empathetic motivational tool

Do you want to convince someone? Then don’t just mention the beautiful things that your suggestion will yield. Also mention the current painful situations of your audience. This pain motivates people enormously to change and with this you show empathy!

Here you can read more about the pain-pleasure principle and here you can read more about convincing with pain.

Technique 60 – Apply Your Leadership Skills (49+ extra tips)

Effective influence has a lot to do with leadership. A good, persuasive leader includes:

  • Steadfast
  • Be brave
  • To experience
  • Decisive
  • A good follower
  • Binding

What do these capabilities mean and why they are important for effective leadership? You read it here, along with 49+ leadership tips.

These were all techniques to influence effectively (positive manipulation)

Good luck applying all these psychological techniques to persuade and influence effectively!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!


  1. Anonymous

    Wow, your blog is incredible and thorough. It deserves lots of readership. Thank you!!

  2. Anonymous

    To Who ever wrote this article,
    Thanks man
    You saved a lot of time of mine
    Now i can make people agree with me without any violence