Being Attentive: How Do You Do That? [Meaning & 9 Tips]
How can you be considerate and attentive? We all want attentive, considerate people around us. Attentive people make life more fun, more pleasant and more social. There are some really simple ways to be a more considerate fellow or partner…
Tip 1 – Want to become more attentive? Send cards and call people
Birthdays, weddings and other important occasions… When such an occasion is coming up, make a card for the other person and / or call the other person. It is useful if you keep a close eye on all these things in a special calendar.
Of course you can also call your friends spontaneously. Or people who can use it well.
Tip 2 – You look closely at the preferences and needs of the other
Find out what the other person’s preferences and needs are. Then do the things that make the other person comfortable and that make the other happy. In other words, be caring.
If you hate sports, you don’t have to suddenly become a sports fan, but you might enjoy going to a game with your partner or doing something sporty.
If there is a TV show that the other person likes, check it out so you can have a say in it. Learn what the other likes and / or finds important.
A good tool to put yourself in the shoes of another – and thus to feel more empathy – is to take the second perceiving position. Give it a try.
Tip 3 – Take the other person’s feelings into account
If you say certain things or not because you take the other person’s feelings into account, then you are considerate. If you know your best friend just broke up with his girlfriend, don’t talk about how much fun you had that day with your partner.
Tip 4 – Ask about the other person’s feelings
Ask these questions:
- What are you thinking about now?
- How are you doing now?
- What is it? Really tell me what’s up, it relieves.
- How do you experience this? What do you run into?
- How is this for you?
- Do you want to talk about it?
- Where does the other want to go?
- What does this person need now?
- Does this person really feel heard?
These questions are so beautiful because you are thoughtful: you wonder how the other person’s inner world is doing.
Tip 5 – Be alert to opportunities for thoughtfulness (‘Ladies first!’)
In almost every situation with people, there are opportunities to be considerate. Introduce clearly, loudly and in a guiding way.
- If you see someone lugging a lot of bags, ask loud and clear if you can help that person.
- If you get into a situation where a woman is allowed to do something (and you are a man yourself), make sure that the ladies go first.
- If you see someone struggling with something in another way, clearly offer your help.
- If your neighbors have been broken into, offer a glass of water.
- When people come to your house, take their coats and offer them a drink.
Tip 6 – Make decisions in a thoughtful and sensible way
Attentive people don’t just do anything – they are deliberate. They first assess the situation and then make a deliberate decision to engage in a thoughtful act. This is the virtue of thoughtfulness .
Suppose you help your mom with grocery shopping and eventually with the cooking. She puts the fresh tomatoes on the counter. Thinking, being alert, and being thoughtful and deliberate will give you the impulse to pull open the refrigerator door and put the older tomatoes – which need to be cooked first – on the counter. Then, of course, you wash and cut the tomatoes without your mother saying anything about it.
Tip 7 – Disconnect… from the internet
If the internet is not needed, don’t connect to the WiFi – it’s that easy! Concentrate nicely on the conversation with the other person, the task you have to perform, or the lesson you are being given. Suddenly you are much more attentive to all the things that are happening around you.
Tip 8 – Be a sponge: listen carefully and keep asking
When you’re having a conversation, enjoy everything the other person says. Notice how carefully and thoughtfully you are actually listening. Also ask more questions out of interest for the other, so keep asking. Click here for the best tips to improve your listening skills.
Tip 9 – Want to be more considerate and attentive? Make eye contact
Those who are attentive make eye contact. It’s more than just courtesy. This way you can notice very precisely what the other person needs. This makes it easy to take a thoughtful act to respond to this.
Tip 10 – Being considerate means being a leader: be vulnerable and go first
Being thoughtful actually means daring to lead, rather than passively waiting. A true leader dares to be vulnerable and go first. For example, by being the first to show affection and love. So be the first to say something warm!
When people meet, someone should start doing or saying something warm. People who are considerate make sure that they initiate it themselves:
- Say you are happy to see the other person.
- “It was fun when we …”
- “I liked it so much that you … I have fond memories of that. I am grateful to you.”
- “Remember when we … You did a really great job.”
- “I’ve missed you.”
- “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”
- “I look forward to our appointment”.
Also make compliments. Always check with yourself what kind of compliment you can give the other person:
- “Good that you …”
- “You are a good person…”
- “I love you.” “One love.”
- “Well done. Good job. You’ve earned your rest.”
- Here you will find more examples of compliments.
Always send a gift to people who have done something nice for you, such as inviting you to a party at their place.
- Thank you for your invitation. Very nice. Fancy. Can I bring anything else?
- Can I help you with something? For your party?
- It was a great party, thank you for all the love you put into it.
In other words: all the positive things that happened between you applaud … so that they happen even more.
The original work? View the cards of the virtues project
The virtues project is the original initiative to spread as many virtues in the world as possible.
On your luck!