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Reframing: 362 Techniques + Examples [Quotes & Tips]

Reframing: 362 Techniques + Examples [Quotes & Tips]

Reframing is a powerful skill that you will definitely want to learn. In this article you will find 362 examples and dozens of reframing techniques to learn to reframe for yourself! So here you will find the most comprehensive theory with examples, texts, quotes and sayings for reframing, including examples from politics, relationships and coaching.

Sources consulted : Vidarte , Omdenken & Sleight of Mouth

Contents of this page:

Before we get started with reframing and all the examples: why is reframing so powerful?

Re-framing means that you work with frames. By working with frames, for example by re- framing, you challenge someone’s existing beliefs and patterns.

If you can set up, remove or change these frames of reference, it will help you a lot in your coaching, persuasiveness or debating. In this article, you’ll read dozens of ways to turn your thinking around.

Thinking around is not just a trick. You reprogram someone’s nervous system. There must be something attached: the other person must be emotionally attached to it (“married to it”). We can now let go of that thinking. If the river is already running, there is no point in stirring it to get it moving.

What is the meaning of reframing? That you can go around frames!

Reframing means that you can work well with frames. You can place frames , walk around frames or you can change frames in all kinds of ways .

A frame determines which behavior is permitted. Whoever sets up or changes the frame has a tremendous amount of influence . For example, you indicate the boundaries (of communication), or you use a frame to manage expectations. In this article, we’re going to look at all possible reframing techniques.

Numerous practical books have also been written about framing / reframing. The techniques of this article are mainly references to the work of Robert Dilts – Sleight of Mouth.

In the next few paragraphs you will find dozens of re-thinking techniques with hundreds of examples.

All Reframing techniques, quotes and examples are below!

Let’s start with all the techniques:


Apply to self (the boomerang)

Evaluate the statement with one of the other’s criteria / the statement itself. You just bounce the ball back. So ‘go meta’ about the statement and use the criterion on the statement itself to erase the belief.


  • “I’m not good enough …” “I think it’s really good of you that you say that about yourself! Just because you say that about yourself means that you are a good person.”
  • “I am a quitter and a weakling.” “You are a great go-getter because you believe in it so much!”
  • “It takes too much energy for me to exercise.” “Doesn’t it take you a lot more energy not to exercise?”
  • “Saying mean things means you are a bad person.” “Don’t you think it’s mean that you say this?” Or, “Bad people always tend to see only the bad in others.”
  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “Someone who really cares about someone, sometimes overlooks a bit of lateness.”
  • “You leave your friend all alone now that you’re talking to me.” “Aren’t you doing exactly the same with your friends?”
  • “Trying new things is risky.” “Isn’t it risky to think like that? To believe that …? ”
  • “People are pushing me for their cart.” “People can put that thought in front of them.”
  • “Saying that you have to be flexible is not a flexible statement.”
  • If the only reason someone is still arguing is to maintain their position of being flexible rather than specific, “Are you flexible enough to be specific?” This way you validate its flexibility instead of going against it. It is an expression of flexibility.
    Pace their criteria, beliefs, gestures and thought processes (for example making large gestures with flexibility and making small gestures with specific)
  • I can’t afford this investment. “” Can you afford not to make the investment? “The criterion, namely being able to pay for the investment, is returned in a different form.
  • “I don’t like what you say at all.” “The way you say this is not exactly sweet.”
  • “I can’t learn.” “” How did you learn that you can’t learn? That’s an interesting lesson you learned about not being able to learn. The fact that you have learned this belief proves that it is not true. The fact that you have learned this belief proves that you can learn many more things. ”
  • “People shouldn’t be self-centered.” “” Isn’t that a self-centered way of living life? “
  • “People with bad manners are rude.” “Isn’t that a rude way of seeing people?” “Only someone with bad manners would say / believe that.”
  • “I’m being limited too much.” “How does holding on to this belief limit you?”
  • “People shouldn’t be prejudiced.” “” Do you have prejudice against those people? “
  • “Your lack of attention means you are not interested.” “” The fact that you are making that statement shows that you are not paying attention / interest to me. “
  • “I accept other people’s mistakes way too easily.” That statement doesn’t really make you an accepting person, does it? “Or,” You don’t accept this mistake. “Or,” Can you accept that as one of those mistakes? ”
  • “I just want fun!” Every day every minute. Just fun, fun fun! It always has to be fun! ” ‘That belief isn’t really fun, is it?’ ‘
  • “If someone is really a good friend, he should always be there to help.” “How wonderful that is for your friends, that you are always ready to help.”
  • “Smoking is so nice!” “Yes, very nice, yes! To sit and suck poison from a white stick.”
  • “It is a good thing that our country is making nuclear weapons. That provides security and protection.” “Are you sure this is a safe belief to believe him so strongly?”
  • “Games are for kids.” “Isn’t that just a bit childish to say?”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “That’s exactly the kind of thought that makes this too expensive.”
  • “I don’t like extremes and absolute statements!” “Was that an absolute statement?”
  • “I can’t do this perfectly yet.” “You’ve articulated that perfectly.”
  • “I think you’re too critical.” “That’s a critical comment.”
  • “I dread doing my administration because it feels like someone pushes me to do it. As if there is an authoritarian figure behind me who is forcing me to do it. So of course I have to rebel against that. “” “Because this belief forces you, you have to rebel against it. How would you like to rebel against that belief? ”
  • “You’re so judgmental!” “” I feel touched by that judgment you made of me. “
  • Also relevant: the article about ‘perception is projection’.

If you want a mnemonic for this reframing method, you can think in three directions: avoidance, achievement, and contradiction.

Reflection of the avoidance criterion:

  1. Repeat the belief. For example, “I don’t like x.”
  2. Say, “This belief is x.”

Example: “I don’t like absolute truths.” Response: “Is that belief an absolute truth?”

Rebounding from the attainment criterion:

  1. Repeat the belief. For example, “I want x.”
  2. Say, “This belief keeps you from having x.”

Example: “I always have to please people.” Response: “I don’t feel satisfied with that.”

Contradiction rebound

  1. Repeat the belief.
  2. Say, “The fact that you have this faith proves it’s not true.”

Example: “I cannot learn.” Response: “You really learned that belief well, didn’t you?”

Reframing through the counterexample: the opposite

reframing sleight of mouth techniques

This is a metamodel pattern , but because it works great for evoking beliefs, it’s also an official sleight of mouth pattern. Ask yourself, “When is this not true?”

  • “Saying mean things means you’re a bad person.” “That’s not always the case, because isn’t it possible to say mean things and not be a bad person?” “Isn’t it possible to be a bad person without saying mean things?”
  • “Just because you arrived so late means you don’t care about me.” “Isn’t it possible to be late and still care about someone?”
  • “He hates me because he yells at me.” “Have you ever yelled at someone you like?” “Yes!”
  • You can also tell the ‘counter example’ directly and then ask: “What are you going to do / change?” In this way you are still not pushing but Socratic.
  • “I have little or no self-confidence.” “How would you know when you are confident?”
  • “I promised a dinner tonight and I really don’t feel like …” “Could you imagine that it is possible that you could revoke a decision once you have made it?” (Modal operator of possibility)
  • You can also see this as a black and white frame. Just an extreme example: “So you don’t vote for PVDA: then you are a fascist.”
  • “The other extreme is …”
  • “I keep thinking: is it already over? I want to get rid of that thought. ” “No worries. There is plenty of time. ”
  • “I can’t think of many.” “I know you want to tell so many, but you only need / are allowed to tell 1.”
  • “If someone asks a skeptical question, they don’t want to buy from you.” “Have you ever experienced that someone asked a skeptical question and have bought?”
  • You can also combine this with world model Reframing, which is discussed later in this article: “It’s impossible to get into a relationship with a respectful person.” “Do you think this is true for everyone? That no one can attract a respectful person to be in a relationship with? Or do you believe that’s only true for you right now? How would those people go about it differently?”

Use the Cartesian coordinates model for more inspiration to come up with questions. Then you could challenge “If you learn slower than others, it means you’re stupid,” like this:

  • Not A: Have there been times in your life when you learned faster than others?
  • Not B: Have you ever experienced that you are smart?
  • Yes A, but not B: “Do you know someone who learns quickly even though he or she is stupid? He or she is not really the brightest star in the sky, but whatever that person learns, he or she learns quickly.”
  • Not A, but B: Have there been times when you felt stupid even though you didn’t pay attention to your learning pace?

What if frame (‘what if’ reframing)

The ‘what if’, or ‘as if’ reframing is one of the most effective reframes. What would happen if you did / didn’t? In many cases this is also a form of humor and creative ‘out of the box’ thinking. This is an excellent frame for countering limiting thoughts. Change the frame in time, space, size, etc. to create arguments.

  • Is a coachee unable to visualize, for example? Then say, “What if you could see … Just pretend.”
  • See yourself doing that right now, and notice how you have done it in the past.
  • What if everyone did that?
  • Do a what if very enthusiastically and as early as possible to provoke a positive state of mind: “Wouldn’t it be great if x did!”

Reframe the consequences

rethink examples

  • “You say mean things to people.” “I only say mean things to people to make them better.”
  • A seller can mention the consequences of an objection: “It will only become more expensive. It will no longer be there. Have you ever experienced that a sweater was no longer there the next day because someone else had taken it? ”
  • Indicating the consequences: what the other person will miss. “How many nice things do you miss in your life?”
  • The leverage technology from Tony Robbins applies here also: “What if you still have that belief in a year (eg:” All men are pigs! “) / Still your goal not have achieved?”
  • What happens if you keep believing this?
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “Isn’t it true that the end justifies the means?”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “Now if you think it’s expensive, just wait for the problem to get worse (the problem the product solves).”
  • If someone asks how much you earn, which is not done, you can talk about the consequences of your income, instead of your income itself: “How much do you earn?” “I can go on vacation.”
  • You can also reverse the direction of cause-effect: A does not take care of B, but B takes care of A. ” Poverty causes crime. ” ” I read in an article that crime causes poverty. ”

Thinking through the meta-frame

‘Meta about something’ takes the intensity out of the emotion! You will dissociate because of this. Because when you are talking about something, you are no longer in the middle of it. Consider the dating context: you prefer to go as little ‘meta as possible’ in it. The power and mystery is out when you talk about it.

Blame the frame:

  • This is a meeting, it is only natural that we disagree. It’s nobody’s fault.
  • This is a learning frame: “You come here to learn.”
  • You only disagree with me because of the location we are in now / because you don’t belong to this group / because you belong to another group.
  • Of course he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you – his family. It’s not your fault. He grew up in a religious family. So often children push themselves into religious families – so that they have breathing room from that pointing finger that is continuous.
  • This is an education: you are here to learn. Coaching is suitable for what you want.

The above examples are official examples of Robert Dilts (he has rethought, or made ‘sleight of mouth’ transparent). Below we continue with a number of new examples that we can also see as a meta frame:

You can also ‘go meta’ about the conversation:

  • If someone talks around it, “Do you have the impression that you are answering my questions?”
  • “You’re just trying to score easily.” Johan Derksen as soon as he is not proven right.
  • “Sorry, are we here to express our feelings or to play cards?” Clever use of The Mentalist’s (TV character) meta frame when he got provocative commentary while playing poker.
  • “I want to be called a doctor.” “You don’t set the boundaries and rules here.”
  • “Why are you arguing with me now?”
  • “What’s your age anyway?” “Did we suddenly end up in the Achmea Knowledge Quiz? What is this? 20 Questions With Debbie?”

Another application of the meta-frame is the word ‘the’, which makes it possible to view the conviction steps it from a distance and about talking so you can see the conviction as an object. This creates dissociation from the belief:

  • “Because women are weaker, they are inferior.” “You know, it’s interesting that you made that statement .”
  • “Because women are weaker, they are inferior.” “The fact that you made that belief statement is very interesting.”
  • “Our bosses got that high for taking advantage of others.” “I wonder what you think about that belief.”
  • “Our bosses got that high because they took advantage of others.” “Has that belief brought you beautiful and interesting experiences?”
  • “You say that only because you are oversensitive / stuck in your own world model / don’t understand it.”
  • “The only reason you think about this in this way is experience x you’ve ever had.”
  • “You may think this way because …”

Or make a meta comment about the other person’s identity:

  • “We can’t believe this man, he’s too emotionally unstable.” “Are you suddenly the psychologist?”

It is also possible to go meta to dodge a question:

  • Your date asks you how old you are and you don’t want to be the first to reveal how old you are: “What is this, are we suddenly playing a questioning game?”

And you can ‘go meta’ in many more ways. You can also go meta through the relevance box:

  • “This question is irrelevant here.”
  • “This topic is not relevant here.”
  • “How does this help us in our goal?”

More examples of ‘meta go’:

  • “I am a weakling and a quitter.” “Do people always have to be strong and persevere?”
  • “It’s raining, it’s ruining my mood!” “So for you, weather conditions determine your mood?
  • “It only has to do with your unrealistic expectations that you are disappointed.”
  • The problem is already some way away, but not quite yet. Celebrate your progress. Life doesn’t have to be perfect. ‘

Finally, you can go meta about the whole structure of a belief:

  • “{Appearance}, {meaning} and {value} have nothing to do with each other.”

Later in this article you will find an explanation of the terms appearance, meaning and value. This is part of the structure of a belief.

Reframing through perspective reframing

rethink from a different perspective

  • View the problem from the ceiling.
  • From the ground: a worm.
  • From a child.

Think through the contrast frame

Dan Ariely has done the famous price anchor experiments in the marketing world where it became known that we find something less big or small when we previously anchored for something much stronger.

  • “I already support other charities.” “Excellent! That is very positive. That is why I do not want to ask you for help for years . That is why I want to ask you for help for a few months / times. That has helped us enormously.”
  • “This giga TV at the entrance costs 30,000 euros! Hey, have a look. That TV there only costs 1,300 euros.”
  • “This mistake cost us 100 euros!” “That’s not too bad, I thought 1,000.”
  • That strikes me I thought: this is the end of the world

Ecology frame

reframing technique

  • How do these actions fit into the wider system with other people in our lives (friends, family) and other areas of our lives (business, health)?
  • Is this congruent with your deeper self?

Also read this article about ecology and disease profit.

Agreement frame

This is comparable to ‘piggyback’, where you create momentum and introduce your idea or suggestion behind it.

  1. Confirm what they are already doing: agree
  2. And behind that you can add your idea or suggestion.


  • I agree, and I would add… too.
  • I almost agree, and I would add….
  • I could agree, and I would add… too.
  • You’re right, you can’t get into a trance, and I’m not going to tell you you can get into a trance, Debbie, now. Because you can’t GET IN TRANCE at all, in a very comfortable way. Very well. And it is not important that you go into a trance with much pleasure. Exactly Debbie.
  • It’s true, you are right not to buy the product until you realize this product is only for really motivated people.

This is discussed in more detail in the article on the agreement frame.

Reframing through context reframing

reframing-rethinking 1

In what situation / context would this problem be good / normal / valuable / take on a different meaning? ‘In {place / time} they thought differently about {phenomenon}, namely …

What do I want to include or exclude from the frame, for example in terms of location, time, sources, amount of people and values? Where and when does this make sense? It takes the blame for the unwanted behavior. This creates a new meaning.

Every behavior and every feeling makes sense if you find a suitable context for it.

When changing the context, you often automatically change the meaning of the behavior. Examples:

  • “Being too assertive makes him earn more money at work.”
  • “The fact that your daughter is bossy now means that she will soon be fine on her own two feet.”
  • “My father is often disappointed in me.” “” Was there a time when his disappointment had nothing to do with you? “Or,” In what ways can dealing with your father’s to deal with disappointment in better ways in the future? ”
  • “I hate that my wife snores.” “That’s not nearly as bad as living along a railroad.”
  • “I put everything off forever.” “If you put off bad things like eating cookies forever, aren’t you doing very well?
  • “5.5 is enough.” “I’m so happy that the surgeon who operated on you graduated with a 5.5.”
  • “I’m so busy!” “A lot of people cannot take that responsibility.”
  • Doesn’t that apply to 97% of the people? Even the king! ”
  • “I’m nervous about my presentation because something can go wrong.” “How do you feel when you tie your shoes or turn on the TV? And if it goes wrong? ” “Nothing.” What if you see your presentations that way? Remember that your life can last 90 years. What great things have you experienced and can you experience? What is that hour, even if it is not 100% good?
  • “My sense of rhythm is not good.” “There are many, many worse than you”
  • All those houses you see. All people live there. Would they care if they hear your problem? Nobody cares about your broken watch or your fears. Nobody cares about your problems and worries. They have their own problems and concerns. They won’t even notice yours.
  • For a perfectionist: “Your 60% is someone else’s 110%.”
  • While walking or cycling through the rain: “Look how many raindrops don’t hit you!”
  • “Everyone hated me.” “Who else did they hate?” “Who doesn’t hate you all?” “Isn’t it great how many people are allowed?”
  • “I have ADHD … I can’t concentrate well …” “Be happy! Otherwise you should have become an accountant!”
  • “I’m screaming too much.” “That is not useful in church. It makes sense when chasing vandals away.”
  • Sometimes I’m too tired. “When you go to bed it’s a good time to be tired.”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “If everyone believed that, humanity would not have progressed.”
  • Is the glass half full, or half empty? The glass is refillable! Because a tap can be found elsewhere.
  • So you have trouble saying no because you want to help a lot of people now? If you want to help everyone now, you are exhausting yourself so that you cannot take care of all people and your family in the long term and have no impact on them.
  • “I don’t pay close attention to the needs of others in that situation.” “” Isn’t that a meaningful skill to use in this different situation, where you are with people who don’t appreciate you? “
  • Your partner: “You are stubborn.” “It is good that I stubbornly hold on to our marriage vows.”

In a nursing home, a woman with dementia was very bothered and kept taking food from others.

Context reframing: So they put her next to a paranoid woman who always thought her food was poisoned. The behavior suddenly made sense because she served as a test subject for the paranoid woman to test whether it was actually toxic.

Meaning reframing:  They told the paranoid woman that her new neighbor would test the food for her.

The context reframing in a formal technique:

  1. Think about the behavior you don’t want anymore. I asked someone this and his eyes went down. Ad . He thought, “It’s not right … I’m ashamed of it.”
  2. In what context does this behavior make sense?
  3. His eyes went from top left to top right – back and forth. Just that searching is already a change in the subconscious mind surrounding this behavior!
  4. Now go in and ask your subconscious mind to take responsibility for applying this behavior only in the contexts where it makes sense. Imagine what it is like to be in such a situation while using those skills in that new context for positive effects.

The exception contexts reframing


  • You may feel a bit unproductive in general, but your studies are fine.

Reframing by redefining words

  • “You said something mean then!” “I was indeed a bit too strong in my communication there.”
  • “He is not disorganized, but he is creative in his planning.”
  • “He is not a beginner but an expert in the making / training.”
  • “Saying mean things means you’re a bad person.” “I’m not saying mean things, I’m telling the truth / I’m showing the facts.” “I’m not a bad person, I’m just honest / sincere / not as sensitive as you.”
  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “It’s not that I don’t care about you. Jet is just the way I show that I care about you in other ways.”
  • “You can do better x, otherwise you do bad.” “Indeed. He can do better x, then he does even better!”
  • “It’s really bad.” “It is indeed less than optimal.” Or: “It is indeed almost perfect.”
  • Not bad, but full of potential and room for improvement.
  • In the event of a conflict: “Simply depends on different personalities, so different meta programs .”
  • “He’s not psychotic, he’s special.”
  • “He’s no different, he’s special.”
  • “It is not limited, it has potential.”
  • Disabled people are referred to as people with opportunities. Use this redefinition more often! For example, “I have a body of possibilities.”
  • “I’m always so tired after a week of work …” “It’s not so much tired, but it’s relaxing and a release from stress.”
  • Are you not qualified or do you still have a few things to learn?
  • Not a problem, but a challenge.
  • “We have a good opportunity here” instead of “We have work to do.”
  • Not have to but tomorrow.
  • “My colleague is always shouting!” “He has a loud voice indeed.” Or: “How nice! I can never hear my colleague. ”
  • “I’m so busy!” “You do indeed have many goals, skills, successes and ambitions.” Or: “Then you are indeed very important to many people.”
  • You call it … I call it …
  • You call it tired. I call it satisfied.
  • Dead tired: you are indeed satisfied!
  • Not “How old are you?” But: “How young are you?”
  • I’m not late, I’m delayed.
  • I am not confused, I am positively shocked.
  • It’s not gray hair, but silver hair.
  • Stingy: he is indeed thrifty and responsible.
  • Depressed: You are indeed recharging yourself.
  • “Oh she’s left / alone!” “She is indeed available!”
  • “What a busy child I have!” ‘Wow! What a lot of wonderful energy! ‘
  • Nervous: you do indeed have healthy tension!
  • Problem: That’s a challenge indeed!
  • Relationship conflict becomes interesting rather than problematic.
  • Overwhelmed: you are indeed nicely challenged!
  • Confused: You Are Learning!
  • You call it a problem, I call it an opportunity!
  • We are not imposing controls on you, but security.
  • Lost: searching!
  • “You have come to get us …” “I have indeed come to invite you.”
  • “We have to again.” “You can indeed go again.”
  • “I find some less …” “You have your favorites.”
  • Side effects are not side effects but just one of the effects of the drug! So ‘side effects’ have been a clever reframing of the drug industry.
  • “Isn’t it that you are checking someone when you are coaching him and he should call you in a week to see if he has done his job?” “It is not so much control, but motivation.”
  • ‘I’m a weakling and a quitter’: ‘It’s not so much that you are a weakling, but you just haven’t found what you think is important enough to persevere.
  • You are a car salesman talking to a married couple. The man actually wants a fast car, but both definitely want a family car. What do you say? ‘Model x is the fastest family car we have’ (actually there is no family car).
  • ‘I have failed.’ ‘That was indeed a feedback moment.’
  • Not two too many, but two more!
  • Must = may or want.
  • Only = available.
  • “I’m not good at cooking.” “You’re right, you weren’t good at cooking until now .”
  • “I can not do it.” “Yes, so far have not shown it yet.”
  • Different words to point to the same thing: “What is the cost?” “What’s the damage?” “What’s the investment?” “What is the purchase price?”
  • “Can we use it officially?”
    This is a redefinition of ‘no’. Unofficial is quite positive.
  • “I’m looking …” “And what if you are going to find?”
  • “I try.” “And what if you do?”
  • “You’re sweating.” “I’m trans-inspiring.”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “It is indeed a valuable / costly service.”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “I’m not saying it’s too expensive. I’m saying you’re worth it.”

The book ‘Frogs into Princes’ discusses a case from the 1970s of a homosexual who came to Richard Bandler because he wanted to be straight. The client himself called it a ‘mistake’ that he was homosexual until now (note: in the 1970s in highly religious America, homosexuality was viewed very differently in the 21 century in the Netherlands.). Richard Bandler redefined this by ignoring the word ‘wrong’ and replacing it with that the client would make a spiritual change to heterosexuality.

The client’s subconscious could only agree to a spiritual change to heterosexuality, and not that it was a mistake, or his whole life would be a mistake.

The inductive reframing

Induction is the opposite of the scientific, deductive approach. With induction you look out of the box, and you assume that the next time it can be completely different, even if it has always been the same.

  • “It will not work.” “Indeed. Until now it didn’t work.”
  • “I’m not good at this.” “Indeed. You were n’t good at this.”

Reframing through the model of ‘The structure of a belief’

Do you know the model ‘The structure of a belief’ ? The paragraphs below offer all kinds of ways to reframe beliefs using the above model.

Reframing through the facts frame

Separate facts and meaning. Fact is a verifiable phenomenon that you can capture on photo or video. A meaning is a generalization that transcends facts. This can express itself as the following: opinion, evaluation, opinion, conviction, imagination.

Reframing through the ‘It’s just a belief’ frame

This actually falls under the fact frame, because a belief is a meaning, not a fact:

  • “I’m not confident.” ‘That is not a fact , but a belief. Perhaps it seems true to you, but in fact that is not correct and you can be full of self-confidence the next moment. ‘
  • “I can’t get to my gut.” ‘No, that’s not true, you can get to your feelings. Because with ‘I can’t feel’ you pin it as if you always are, while you are completely new tomorrow or even the next minute.
  • “If I believed that too, I would have that problem too.”
  • That’s what you believe.
  • That is your opinion.
  • ‘I do not agree with you.’ “That’s your choice.”

You can also use a meaning as a reframing (you give it a different, positive meaning). The meaning reframing is discussed above in this article.

Limit the context to the opinion of just one person

This technique is strongly related to the following technique (the world model frame). There is no real truth, and you point that out to the other. In fact, you make it seem like the other person is the only one who looks at it this way.

  • That is indeed what you believe.
  • That is indeed how you experience this.
  • “That is indeed what you think.”
  • The word ‘believe’ instead of ‘know’. “So you personally believe that …”
  • “You can have that opinion.”
  • “You can believe that.”
  • “That is your opinion.”

World model reframing

You start from the basic belief that there is no real truth: everyone has their own subjective experience of the truth. No exceptions!

The intention of this pattern is not necessarily to lose a belief. The intention is to no longer see it as absolute truth, but only as something an individual believes. You don’t stop believing it, but you become aware that it is just your belief. It is my model of the world, so that presupposes that other models of the world are also possible.

You narrow the power of the belief and at the same time you expand the range of new possibilities. So you create new options.

  • To what extent do you know that this (this belief) is true? (This is also a metamodel pattern, see next reframing!)
  • I know many other {mothers} who {do the opposite of what you do}.
  • “I am a weakling and a quitter.” “That is indeed how you experience the truth. Who do you know who thinks differently about it?”
  • “American students have so much debt. We have nothing, or just a few thousand euros. Live in abundance!”
  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “Most people I know judge caring by the feelings you have for someone, not by time.”
  • “Cancer causes death.” “Not all doctors have that belief. Many believe that each of us has a number of mutated cells, and that it only becomes a problem if the immune system is weakened.”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “That’s not the case for someone who wants to grow.” Or, “Most of my clients say I’m not asking enough.”
  • “So now, at this point in time, you know that …” ” How long have you been thinking that way?”
  • “Life is hard.” “So for you , Piet, has your experience been that life had been difficult?” Others see it very differently. They experience …
  • “I can not sing.” “So your perception is that you can’t sing?”
  • “It’s hard to make money.” “So it’s hard for you to make money?”
  • “I find it difficult to get up early.” “So at some point in your life you had the experience that it is difficult to get up early.”
  • “The world is flat.” So you believe the world is flat. So your perception is that the world is flat. “
  • “So the way you it describes / see, is …”
  • “I have a disability.” “So it is your perception that you have a disability.”
  • “I can’t learn.” “So you’ve had experiences from which you concluded you can’t learn.”
  • “I think everyone is greedy.” Ah, you think everyone is greedy. “
  • “I think everyone is greedy.” Ah, you  think everyone is greedy. “
  • “I think everyone is greedy.” Ah, you think everyone is greedy? ”(You just put a question mark behind the other person’s sentence.)
  • So for you this is a chair. You think this is a chair.
  • You describe this as a chair?
  • “This is a chair.” “Oh, so this is a chair?” (You just put a question mark after the other person’s sentence.)
  • “It’s exhausting coming here.” “Oh, so it’s exhausting coming here?”
  • You can also use someone else’s perspective as a motivational tool: “Look at it from your child’s perspective. He takes you as a role model. Do you want to be the role model for your child who bites his nails to punish himself? Or do you want it? role model that finds more meaningful ways to deal with his emotions? “

No idea who determined that thin is more attractive than not thin. That seems to me to be a matter of taste.
– Gwyneth Paltrow

You can also use ‘unreality predicates’: “Looks”, “looks like” and “makes appear like …”

  • “This is a chair.” “This appears to be a chair.”
  • “This is true.” “This seems (to you) to be true.”
  • “The world is flat.” “Okay, your perception is that the world is flat.”

Think about your car. Picture him. What are the submodalities ? Now tell yourself: it appears to be a car. How will the submodalities change as a result?

The following reframing, time-context-reframing, is also a nice addition to this …

Time-context reframing

nlp timeline therapy

  • “You’re right, UP TO NOW you weren’t good at cooking.”
  • “You’re right. Indeed, we currently have no money left. ”
  • “Saying mean things means you’re a bad person.” “Then how long am I a bad person?”
  • A 6-year-old boy sucked his thumb. Erickson asked him when he became a 7-year-old young man. In doing so, Erickson showed respect for the child. Then he said, “Of course you can suck your thumb, because you are now a 6 year old. When you turn 7 next month, you will be a tall young man showing adult behavior. ”
  • Later, when you look back on it, you will laugh about it. Who will know the difference in 100 years? Who cares then?
  • “I can’t stand my project group!” “How long will this semester be?”
  • “It is a good thing that our country is making nuclear weapons. That provides security and protection.” “For how long?”
  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “Better late than never.”
  • “This is true.” “This may be true right now.”
  • “Right now, this is your experience.”
  • “This too will pass.”

“True puberty lasts your life”
– Loesje

Somewhat related: the history frame…

  • Old is good. ‘It has been done like this for years. It is a fact confirmed years ago that … ‘
  • Old is bad. “Would you rather have an old computer, shoe, meal, or a new one?”

Reframing through downchuncking (The Metamodel frame) (Reality strategy)

Use the metamodel  to, for example, ask for specific parts and evidence. Use the metamodel especially when you spot a cause-effect or complex equivalence.

Maybe it just seems so …

  • How do you know something?
  • How are you going to prove that it is so (sensory perceptible)?
  • Which parts exactly?
  • In which way exactly?
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “You say you only care about the money (and not about the greater intention)?”
  • “When I do my homework, I don’t have time to play.” “Exactly how many minutes does it take to finish your homework?”
  • “I’m just a student, so I don’t have any money for charities.” “I just drink 3 beers less every month and then I can already support it and do something meaningful in the world. Surely you can miss those 3 beers, can’t you?”

Thinking through Upchunking (The Milton Model Frame)

  • How do you feel in general?
  • In a discussion, “What are you trying to achieve here?”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “The problem here is not with the payment, but with the changes you want.”
  • “When I do my homework, I don’t have time to play.” “Are you saying that playing alone can make you enjoy yourself?”
  • What is your intention with that question?
  • It’s not your house, it’s your palace!

Reframing through the hierarchy (of values)

This is Reframing by questioning the criterion (the value) and finding more important values.

Put a value in the light of a person’s value hierarchy:

“What’s even more important than this? Isn’t it more important that …?”

This is a wonderful reconsideration technique. You do this reframing by listing things that are more important than the conflict.

  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “Isn’t it more important to fulfill my responsibilities to the people who depend on me, like you, than to be punctual?” Or, “Don’t you think there are more important things: honesty, sincerity?” Or, “Are you saying the most fundamental aspect of our relationship is a matter of time?”
  • Isn’t it more important to be successful than to be right?
  • Isn’t it more important to push boundaries, instead of simply creating boundaries?
  • If someone says you’re mean, “Don’t you think it’s more important to be realistic than nice?
  • “I’m not good enough …” “What do you find more important: that, or that you are having a good time  yourself  ?” Or: ‘What’s more important: that, or that you have the courage to want to improve yourself?’
  • “I don’t want to go to the gym because I want to play video games.” “What do you think is more important than playing video games?”
  • “I think it’s a shame that we can’t maintain our friendship that often anymore …” “Oh well … Life is making choices. That’s more important!”
  • “Freedom is important to you: so is it bad not to be perfect?”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “Don’t you think it’s more important to focus on how to make more money than to focus on how expensive things are?”
  • “You do score a lot less viewers than with RTL.” “So it matters how many viewers you have?”

A special way to do this is:

  1. “What’s the positive intention of doing {flossing}, so what’s important about that?” “Then I’ll get strong, healthy teeth.”
  2. “What is the positive intention of not doing {flossing}, so what’s important about that?” “Then I get relaxation and then I feel prepared.”
  3. What’s even more important to you than those two? ” Helping others. To become the person I need to become to contribute to the world through my work. ”
  4. Then you can play with the answers and mix all the values ​​with the behavior you want: “I wonder how flossing your teeth will help you relax more fully. How can you enjoy your relaxation even more with clean, strong, freshly flossed teeth? This knowledge of how flossing helps you in the long run is more relaxing, isn’t it? Knowing you have strong, flossed teeth is very relaxing, isn’t it? Optional: ” How does not flossing your teeth prevent you from relaxing and preparing? ”
    How can flossing your teeth prepare you for all the other days in your life. Then you weren’t aware of how it prepares you for the things you need to do every day, and now how flossing your teeth allows you to be the person you need to be, to help and reach others what you want to achieve in life? How do you come to understand that flossing your teeth is completely in line with your intention to relax, be prepared for all the days ahead, and become the person you need to be? When will you discover the benefits of that relaxation, preparation and becoming the person you need to be to contribute to the world? Allow your subconscious to realize that after you floss your teeth,

In case you are wondering, following the example above, what tooth flossing has to do with spirituality / contribution to the world … It has everything to do with it! Your body is an important tool in this world. It is the basis and it is a gift with which you can contribute.

In addition, use the Bateson / Dilts neurological levels to put the subject in the light of values.

Reframing by accepting and bending further (exaggerating)

This Reframing technique is strongly related to utilization . You utilize what the other says, and you bend it further.

  • “I cannot join your organization. Then I will be disinherited and I will lose a lot of money!” Do not contradict the other, but bend it further: “In fact: you lose everything , and then you are free.”
  • “How stupid. It rains.” “That’s right. It is really awful that it is raining. The world is coming to an end. There is no bright spot at all. ”
  • You may only eat chocolate and 4 glasses of water for the next 9 days. How do you feel now?
    Come on have another one, aren’t you the chocolate champion? Come on. Isn’t chocolate the best! Can you taste it already, does it make your mouth water? Be very yielding to chocolate. Put your worst foot forward!
    “you can’t force me!”
    Shortly after, the client realized what he was saying.
    This broke his pattern.
  • “Are you that stupid?” “Only on Wednesdays.”
  • Exaggerate the all-or-nothing statements (or make your own to overdo it). “Nobody likes me.” “That’s right. Nobody likes you at all. There are not even exceptions. No one at all.”
  • “You make 200,000, right?” “No, the thirteenfold.”

The positive side frame (positive reframing)

  • What’s good about the problem?
  • What is good about today / situation x?
  • What is the advantage of this situation?
  • What’s nice about this situation?
  • How will this situation help me?

For example, this is how celebrities deal with mean tweets and comments:

  • “She’s fugly.” Aw this guy thinks I’m ‘funny’ and ‘giggly’. I already have a boyfriend.
  • “Why the hell are 5 million people watching this?” ‘Aw, he thinks more people should be watching. Thank you!’
  • “How can this stupid bitch be so famous?” “He said I’m famous, how sweet!”
  • When someone criticizes something that is yours, “Hey do you want to have it for yourself and steal it? You will never get that! ”
  • Taking an insult as a compliment.
  • “Everyone just criticizes me.” “Wow, you must mean so much to them that they all take the time to tell you these things.” Or, “Wow, you’ve got people’s attention!”
  • Criticism with the intention to hurt you, take it as positive: “Thank you for caring about me so much and for wanting to keep getting better and better.”

More examples:

  • Being afraid of cockroaches means you like a clean kitchen …
  • The fact that you keep working means that you have high standards and that your work is of high quality …
  • The fact that you keep doing your administration while you could also have fun means that you are someone who not only values ​​having fun, but also order and tidiness …

The next technique builds on this: reframing the positive intention. “… and how can we generate new ways to fulfill all of those wonderful intentions of yours?”

(Positive) intention frame (lateral chunking)

reframing and rethinking

You can also use Reframing by upchuncking and downchucking with the logical levels. First upchuncking, then downchucking to find new alternatives and to accommodate the positive intention.

The intention reframing is the most important reframing – there is even a formal technique that is very popular: N-step reframing. In fact, the intention reframing is so important that no fewer than three separate articles have been written that go deeply into the reframing of the intention . One article is about the positive intention and the other article is about the technique behind lateral chunking .


At NLP we never throw away behavior. We respect it and find another function for it. For every behavior there is a context in which it makes sense.

What has this person not (yet) noticed that causes a different meaning and his response will be different? What else can all this mean? How can I describe the same statement or experience differently? How do I interpret it? What is it? What does it look like?

Meaning reframing creates a different response for the same stimulus.

A man was always upset because his wife kept the kitchen cabinet door open. The psychologist said to his wife, “Tell your husband we said it psychologically means you want to get intimate with him that night.” The man never complained about the open closet door again.

In fact, almost all reframing techniques change the meaning. For example, this is in many ways the same as the positive side framework (positive thinking) that is also discussed in this article. You focus on a meaningful meaning of the event. Or you label again what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

  • “I’m so worried about my child!” “You do that out of love for your child!”
  • “I have so much dandruff on my head, which is very …” “How good, you have healthy skin that cleans your old skin cells very well!”
  • ‘The tutor keeps calling me on the mat, so I’m a lousy student.’ ‘Wow, how good! He probably sees a lot of good things in you because he gives you so much attention! ‘
  • ‘My mentor is not interested in me. After 5 minutes, our conversation is always over. Your mentor has so much faith in and respect for you that he won’t bother you with unnecessary details. He respects your time, just like an adult. ‘
  • ‘A bad quality of mine is that I spend centuries working on details, and then I often still can’t figure it out …’ ‘So you are very careful and exactly what you do! That’s a compliment for you! ‘
  • Being afraid of cockroaches means you like a clean kitchen …
  • The fact that you keep working means that you have high standards and that your work is of high quality …
  • The fact that you keep doing your administration while you could also have fun means that you are someone who not only values ​​having fun, but also order and tidiness …
  • A student constantly interrupts class. “You are very intelligent, you have a lot to say!” (And then lead to your desired situation: that he gives the class the space to continue.)
  • “I am the only one dressed in purple today, how bad!” “Good, I can easily find you in the crowd!”
  • Reagan: “Is age an issue for the election?” Raegan after someone said he is old at 72: ‘I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience. ‘
  • “I made a huge and stupid mistake!” “Great, you are human!” (One of my favorite reframes – from my teacher Saskia from Vidarte)
  • Instead of “You caught the wrong one”, “Almost right!”
  • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  • Authentic red salmon: guaranteed it won’t turn pink
  • You don’t get a fortune cookie. “I’m so fortunate that they couldn’t think of one for me.”
  • “That’s good because …” you can use with all the bad news.
  • Red traffic light? Nice. Just relax.
  • “I’m doing it wrong.” “There are many variations.”
  • “Why are you repeating what he has already said?” ‘I thought it was a good comment. That’s why I repeat it. ‘
  • When someone says, “Would you like to go away for a while?” can you think of it as follows: “Guys I have to make a phone call, unfortunately I have to leave you.
  • “Put your jacket of.” “Can he go out?”
  • The music at a party suddenly stops while everyone was dancing. “Freeze moment!”
  • “I can’t learn.” “If a person cannot learn it is due to lack of mental organization and that is because his perception is not trained, so if you train your senses you can learn.”
  • Confusion means that you have almost understood. If you immediately understood everything you learned nothing and you wasted your time and money.
  • “I hate that my wife snores.” “I wish I could hear my wife snoring!”
  • “It’s raining …” What good news, then you can test your rain gear nicely! “Or:” What good news, so the pollen no longer works: no hay fever! “
  • Confusion is good-frame: a rainbow can only come when it has rained before.
  • How nice it is that we can now look at it and learn from that unpleasant experience that fortunately has already passed.
  • “I’m frustrated.” “That means that you want to be better than you are now and you believe that. It is a very positive sign. It means that what you want is at your fingertips, but what you are doing now isn’t working yet. So you have to change your strategy.
  • A metaphor for something you’ve lost to think: “A swimsuit slows you down. What a terrible handicap. You can swim much smoother with your skin. ”
  • “I am very suspicious of the metamodel (a model where you improve the clarity of your language). You have to pay attention to everything!” “You can also see it like this: I can broadcast messages very well with this.”
  • “I feel really awful today.” “You know your feelings. How delightful!”
  • It’s nice to be weird!
  • “It’s hot in here, isn’t it, in the hall?” “Good, you get all that for free.”
  • Fearful: you are indeed in good contact with your feelings, how handsome!
  • Someone has had an accident for the fourth time in a week: “Apparently you are an expert at injuring yourself! I don’t know how you do it, it’s an expertise! ‘
  • “I miss Marie so much.” “If you miss someone, it means you have someone to miss! If you had no one to miss, it wouldn’t have been nice.”
  • “I’m not in balance …” “How nice! You can allow your imbalance, because everything that is in balance stands still. ‘
  • “I made a mistake / I was rejected.” ‘Great, you have another reference experience! You’re learning! ‘
  • After you yawn, “I’m relaxed!”
  • Not “Can I have some of your food?” But: “As a true friend I help him to eat the food.”
  • A crisis is an opportunity!
  • Failure / problems is progress and being on the move!
  • Do you find something difficult? Growth is outside of your comfort zone. So maybe you are now starting to learn!
  • “You eat a lot!” “I still have to grow.”
  • Do you travel by train and the train shakes violently back and forth in the morning? “We woke up extra now!”
  • Anyone feeling down? “How good that if you can do this, you can also go the other way.” Or: ‘How good. Things are moving now. ‘
  • Imperfection is human!
  • Suffering is motivation!
  • What a “trouble” to have, isn’t it?
  • Frustration is having a purpose!
  • You are fed up … How beautiful you are in contact with yourself!
  • To a salesman at the door: “I don’t have time. I have to go / put the kids to bed.” New meaning: it must be short, instead of: I must go. So: “Then I’ll keep it brief for a moment. I’m here for {important reason}, you can of course take a minute for that, can’t you?”
  • Too late? That means that you are beautiful in the here and now.
  • Too expensive? Think of it as an investment.

Reframing via the consistency frame

For example, are you in a situation where someone does not want to tell further and does not want to provide more information? Then find a way to make it clear that the other person brought up the topic first at all. “You were the one who started it!” You use the power of consistency: people like to be consistent with themselves, and not contradict themselves. So they will give in and give any further information.

You also use the consistency principle with the following reframing technique (logical levels). See next section …

Reframing through the logic levels

This is one of the most powerful thinking and influencing techniques. First, take a look at the logic levels:

  • Mission
  • Identity
  • Values ​​and beliefs
  • Capacities
  • Behaviour
  • Surroundings

Determine at what level the problem situation is. Then say this situation in light of a higher logic level, creating more power for the lower logic level. Let’s outline this with an example:

Are you exercising with a friend, but does he already want to stop while you want to continue training for another half hour? Then you can convince the other as follows: the problem situation, training, is at the behavioral level . Therefore, use a higher logic level to fuel the lower behavior level.

  • Capacities: “Do you have any energy left?”
  • Values, or criteria: “What do you find more important: settling for less or excellence?”
  • Beliefs: “Do you believe you will benefit from staying another half hour?”
  • Identity: ‘Are you a go-getter?’

Goal frame (this is also an intent frame)

You evaluate the event by looking at the goals.

  • State your own goal.
  • Question the purpose of the others involved.
  • Connect the goals.
  • Questions to ask: For what purpose is this happening? What is the intention of this? What is your intention?

In my enthusiasm I did {wrong}.

Redefine along the logical levels

rethink examples

Also redefine from identity to behavior or from behavior to environment:

  • “He’s not a bad person but he chose the wrong words.”
  • “This house is too expensive, I can’t afford it.” “OK, that doesn’t mean it is too expensive but it has exceptional value.”
  • “You were late.” “No, I was delayed.”


With the scope reframe you literally stretch or shrink the frame.

  • Are you just zooming in on the problem that makes you forget to look at the bigger picture? Then zoom out.
  • Are you in helicopter view? Then zoom in.
  • “I can’t find a job in philosophy.” “Indeed, there are currently no jobs in the Netherlands. Have you already looked across the border?”
  • Instead of arguing about the bill – “No, I’ll pay.” “No, just let me pay,” – increase the scope by telling the seller, “Don’t accept money from him.”
  • “I don’t want to support this charity every month, but just once.” “Nowadays almost everything goes monthly. For example the telephone, the internet, the rent … isn’t it much nicer if a lot of money isn’t gone all at once?”

When an accident happens, luck is everywhere.

The pre-frame: you set up the frames yourself!

The pre-frame is perhaps the most powerful reframing technique because you put the frames yourself first. You can see it as managing expectations.  Click on the link to learn all about this in the accompanying article.

Think circular

This is circular reasoning:

  • It works: give more money.
  • It doesn’t work yet: give more money.
  • It doesn’t work because you used it wrong.

Reframing the emotions: humor is a reframing

  • Erickson said to a child who was sad because she had freckles: “You are a thief. I know exactly what you stole, when and where you were. I even have proof of it. ” First, this creates confusion and breaks the pattern. “You wanted to open the cookies when suddenly a whole box of cinnamon fell on you from the cupboard. Now you have a cinnamon face. ” With this, the problem has been reframed to relief and humor. In retrospect it was not so bad: the accusation was dropped. From now on she only had to laugh when she thought about her ailment.

Balance Reframing

This reconsideration method is based on the principle of balance: there must be ‘good things’ in the world, but there must also be a few ‘bad’ things, so that there is balance and balance. This is close to non-duality.

You can use this for when bad news needs to be told:

  • In addition to all that positive, I also want to tell you some bad news. There must be balance.

Provocative thinking Reframing: prescribing the symptom

sleight of mouth omdenken

You make the symptom mandatory. You spit in someone’s soup like that. They can still eat it, but they won’t enjoy it. By confirming the negative, you break the pattern that the client has been hearing from everyone for years and let the client fight back to the positive. This is a provocative technique. Provocative conversation is always a form of Reframing!

  • Indeed you cannot. Not even a little.
  • Bet you can’t do {symptom}? Bet you can’t prove it to me?
  • “You are really stupid.” With that sentence you break the pattern even more. “If you were intelligent, you would have done it like this and that to really annoy person x, y and z.
  • Erickson got a client who wanted to lose weight, but she kept gaining weight. She hated losing weight. So Erickson demanded that she put on exactly 11 pounds that week. She does the opposite and is either losing weight, or gaining 11 pounds, so she can control her weight. That’s the presupposition.
  • If the client has been trying very hard for a long time, tell her to do the opposite, such as taking herself away.
  • A child was constantly banging doors. While the child was doing something else fun, Erickson said, “Would you please slam the door? Thank you.” The child did. “Do it again.” Thank you. Do it again. ” Thank you. Do it again. I insist.” “But I’m reading my picture book.” “I thought you liked it the way you did it.” “I really don’t like slamming doors.”

The changing-of-topic frame

“What (really) matters here is … {change the subject}”.

  • “Since you haven’t cleaned up the trash, we’re not going to have a good evening.” “Don’t let my mistake ruin your evening. The point here is how we can improve our communication so that this doesn’t happen again. ”
  • “I don’t know if I want to participate …” “Maybe … But tell me, what is your favorite sport?”

Reframing by presupposing a solution in a question

For this technique from John Overdurf it is useful to know what  presuppositions are (they are implications). You then use a presupposition to ask a question in which you incorporate the Reframing solution. In this way, you skip a step, as it were, and present the reversal solution in a very sneaky way.


  • A father says, “I always get so mad at my wife when I keep coming home and seeing the children’s toys all over the floor …”
    “How good would your wife feel that you are just mad about toys!”

The NLP Presuppositions Frame

Put your challenge in the light of one of the NLP presuppositions, aka the NLP Principles, and notice what it brings you.

Content reframing

Change the submodalities , which changes the structure of the content. This also automatically changes the meaning. The name ‘content reorganization’ is paradoxical because submodalities do not change the content.

Metaphor reframing

All reframing and re-thinking patterns can be presented as a metaphor / analogy :

  • “It’s a bit like when you first learned to walk …”
  • “You’re a diesel, you need to get going.”
  • “Saying mean things makes you a bad person.” “Would a dentist be a bad person if he told people they have tooth rot?”
  • “Being late means you don’t care about me.” “If a surgeon is late for dinner because he’s saving someone’s life, does that mean he doesn’t care about dinner?”
  • “Your service is too expensive for me.” “If the price of water went up, would you stop drinking water?”
  • I don’t want these little exercises, I want to do the big exercise right away. I feel like I’m spending my time cutting the vegetables. I want to enjoy the delicious soup right away! Do you really want to eat a soup where all vegetables are not yet cut? So with a whole onion and a whole carrot in it with the skin still on? Isn’t it nicer if they have already been cut into small pieces? ” This metaphor incorporates chunking and consequences-Reframing.



Deframing has everything to do with showing power: showing that you are ‘high value’ and your willingness to walk away. That way you break the frame of the other. You give the other person a challenge to be allowed to participate in your frame. This challenge is more important than that person’s original defense that makes it disappear.

  • “We have probably misunderstood each other. You’re right, we shouldn’t work together. ”
  • Someone makes a negative comment about your appearance. “Because otherwise I am too dazzlingly beautiful.”
  • “Tell me why should I hire you?” “You know what, I think we misunderstood things and you are probably right. We probably shouldn’t work together at all. ” What you communicate with that is that what you do is so valuable that if you don’t want it, there are plenty of other people who do. You come from a position of abundance instead of a position of scarcity.
  • A customer says: “You know what, actually I think this is a bit too expensive for me.” As a salesperson, you can deframe that by saying, “You know, I’m pretty glad you said that because people don’t realize how much power they are getting for their money. And to be honest with you, I’m not sure that most people who buy a car in this price range know how to handle a car like this one. So while I want to show this excellent car to everyone, I have to admit that I am relieved when people go for a slightly more modest, smaller, safer car. ” Here’s the built-in challenge: are you man enough to drive this car? Of course, this frame will not work for a man with a family, who probably wants security.
  • Is a person just talking endlessly and are you unable to interfere? Run away and just start over. You determine the frame.
  • When you organize an event where you want to make a lot of video recordings, and there could be objections from the audience, it is a question of: whose frame is the strongest? From the public or from the organization?
  • Ignoring is also a form of deframing. By ignoring something, such as an insult, you do not recognize the reality of that frame of the other. You are not going to see an insult as an insult: you ignore the insult. For example, if you are a teacher and your student submits a blank paper, you can give the student another chance by ignoring the content and saying, you forgot the date and signature. Only if you correct that I can check it.

Being precise in the definition of an existing frame: find ‘loopholes’

Lawyers do this: they find loopholes in the law. “The rule doesn’t say this, so we’ll do this.” This is about being exact in the definition: ‘the letter of the law.’

  • Mother said we shouldn’t throw stones at the window . So we have bricks and we can fire it off a catapult. ‘
  • It’s okay to this resist. You really resist this  trance induction, don’t you? You think really that you do not go into hypnosis, but your breath just changed.

Smart trick to easily find loopholes: repeat the sentence of the other and … The text remains the same, the emphasis  on a particular word changes.

Utilization as a Reframing method

Utilization is also a great way of thinking. However, this is a very important concept that falls under the idea of ‘Follow, then lead’ .

Consciousness reframing

It is often said and there is also truth to it: if you are aware of something, it has no grip on you and it is even healed. Some examples of this:

  • “I keep worrying.” “Being aware of that now means that you have already regained control of worrying.”
  • “I have relationship problems.” “If you really had deep relationship problems, you wouldn’t have said anything about it to others.”
  • “I’m sweating … very much!” “If you weren’t aware of it, then you had a problem.”

Non-duality reframing

Non-duality states that there is no right or wrong. There are only opposites. In fact, the opposites are needed! If one pole is not there, the other pole cannot possibly exist.

  • “A distance has grown between me and my wife.” “That’s what people do who love each other. Distance … and then fiery connection. One thing makes the other possible.”
  • “My wife is mad at me.” “People who love each other get angry with each other.”

The ultimate reframing: Reframing from the Source (Or Spirit / Soul)

rethink from the source

I learned this reframing from my teacher Peter Dalmeijer:

  • For example, if you are on a timeline, check the time before your conception, when you did not yet have a body. No judgment, and all the wisdom of the universe: universal wisdom. What do you give the earthly {you}?
  • “My mother is so cranky and uncomfortable.” “That is indeed her character. And her soul? What qualities does her soul have?”
  • “That’s what your personality says, but what does your heart / soul / intuition say ?” When it is a fearful / sabotaging / negative answer, “Is that your heart or ego speaking?” “Is it your heart that says that or your intellect?”
  • In this way you also easily arrive at the ‘Reality = God = Good reframing’ that Byron Katie teaches us.

A number of things to keep in mind when Reframing

  • Also when working with frames: believe in the reality that you present. Go first.
  • Re-thinking is a form of leading: you present a surprising angle to another person. That is why you make sure that you also follow this first, for example by repeating the current situation: “If I understand correctly …”
  • Be and remain proactive when working with frames. Then your frames remains intact because you are not reactive to the framework of the other. Don’t be impressed, don’t challenge, don’t defend yourself, and ignore the other person’s frame. You are also not reactive with your body. If you are dealing with a nagging child, look up at him weird, because in your reality (frames) that is not appropriate and that is strange.
  • When presenting your frames, also consider using the Socratic method by just asking questions. The examples in the following paragraphs are often written down as a statement, but you can also think very nicely by putting them in question form.

Exercise: Give thoughtful gifts to each other

Person A mentions a challenge. Person B repeats the challenge and Person C fires the reframing (which is predefined). Do this with a number of challenges simultaneously in a round. The receiver makes a representation (visualization) of his / her situation, notices if any submodalities change and just says, “Thank you.”

When giving the reframing gifts, it is always helpful to calibrate how A’s body responds when he / she says the problem phrase. Afterwards, you calibrate what happens to A when the reframing is spoken.

Just look at the example below. What effect would you feel if you had all those reframes fired at you at a rapid pace?

Problem Statement:
“I made a terrible mistake, Marie is angry with me for using her landscape photos without her permission.”

Meaning reframe:
With every mistake you take a big step forward. If you – and your company – didn’t have a problem, then you had a problem. And you said you thought criticism was important? Well, here it is.

Consequences Reframe:
This was a key moment in your life, leading to originality. Your entire work will change from now on. Originality has always been important to you and you have shown it many times. This key moment will make you breathe this even more.

Scope reframe applied to Marie:
She also learned her technique for taking landscape photos from someone else.

Scope reframe applied to the subject:
Look at all your other photos that are correct.

Intent Reframe:
You didn’t have a negative intention with it – you didn’t want to knowingly steal it.

Contrast Reframe
You haven’t used all of her photos.

Logical level reframing at the level of capabilities
Yes, your job is challenging and there are responsibilities and risks like these, but you are not afraid. You have a lot of courage to deal with this.

Exercise: Transform negative opinions with Reframing

  • A gives a negative opinion on a particular topic.
  • B and C give a reframing, with the aim of A to nuance his opinion.
  • A indicates which reframing was most inviting to him / her.

Exercise: Practice all Reframing patterns

  • A tells a belief or other phrase to reframe.
  • B points to a reframing pattern.
  • C uses that reframing pattern to create a reframing. Make sure A can’t see where you’re pointing.

Exercise: How Can I Reframing More Gracefully? Before you cast Reframing spells … follow the other!

With Reframing you lead someone out of their problem (or you win a discussion / debate) . And what do we know about lead? That you must follow first! So use your rapport skills  to build trust with the other before you start thinking around. So first follow the other through empathy . “I can imagine … I agree … And … And …” Once you’ve done that, you can start thinking warmly with the other person!

  1. Start tracking by showing understanding. Explore how the other person is ‘thinking’. Explore the other person’s ‘mind’ with questions: ‘So if I heard correctly, you say …’
  2. Deconstruct the other person’s fasting: How has that worked out for you so far? Are you sure? How do you know that? “I don’t know” (the magic answer!). ‘Okay, you think it’s true, but you don’t know. So it can’t be true either. ‘ So far we haven’t reframed anything!
  3. Then you can lead with a think-back spell to reconstruct a new frames: the solution! Use the following entry: ‘Could you imagine that … {place your turn-over spell here}’
    (Steps 2 and 3 can also be performed simultaneously.)

These were all Reframing techniques

Let us know in the comments what you think of these techniques, statements and examples and how you use them. Reframing and sleight of mouth occurs extensively in the NLP Master Practitioner Training.

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!


  1. Heidi

    I’ve this situation from my client. She is a life insurance agent. Her company’s medical plan doesn’t cover covid. Company B covers covid. How to help her to reframe ?

    • rOBBINS

      It will depend on the exact situation, but if the insurance premium is more expensive instead of covering the covid, “The insurance covers the corona, but even if the corona vaccine comes out and anyone can treat it, the price of the premium will not go down.” You can say.