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NLP Coaching Tips: 58 Powerful Coaching Skills For NLPers

NLP Coaching Tips: 58 Powerful Coaching Skills For NLPers

How can you refine your coaching skills so that you are even more effective in your coaching conversation? In this article you will find additional coaching tools for top NLP coaches, in the form of 58 coaching tips with examples.

Contents of this page:

Coaching Tip 0 – Set a clear goal… this is 80 percent of the work

The basis of coaching is: setting a clear goal and moving towards it. If there is a goal and homework tasks to achieve that goal, then you have already applied 80% of the coaching profession.

Without a goal, it is not clear what the client pays for and what exactly should be done. How do you set a goal? Here you will find tools to set a complete and clear goal.

Coaching tip 1 – Make an effort, because you are not just having a nice conversation

Do your best and commit to the client. You are not enjoying tea together. Be alert and put yourself in an awake and active COACH state. Learn how here.

You’re not just having a pleasant, relaxed conversation, so you can’t sit back. You shake the client completely awake by everything you do. To be a good coach, you need everything you have to offer!

Coaching is not endless bullshit. It is an active search for new options.

Not only the coach makes an effort – the client should exert even more effort than the coach. So let them know as early as possible in the coaching process that your client can expect to make an effort. For example, you can communicate the following: “This coaching process requires time and attention. Growth means constant action. Put time and effort into change and achieving your goals.”

Coaching tip-2 – Take immediate action and take a lot of – repeated – action

coaching is repetition

Action creates magic …

Coaching is not a passive affair in which you start to psychologize by just having some conversations … That does not set anything in motion. Coaches should put things in motion ! This is why homework is the essence of coaching. We will discuss this later.

Often something has to happen before something happens.
– Johan Cruijff

Concrete steps that someone can take to achieve a goal can in many cases also be carried out within a day, hour, ten minutes or immediately. Encourage the client to do the same. For example: “For whom are you very grateful? Call that person and tell them. ”

Wim Hof ​​(‘The Iceman’) is increasingly scrapping all ‘mental preparation’ for his coachees. No hassle, no thoughts, no psychologisation. At most, the whipping of the pain-pleasure principle. How do you climb the mountain? You take one step, and one more step, and another … and then we reach the top.

And now it comes: a coach ensures that the client takes action frequently , not just once In other words, a coach ensures that the client develops  a habit. So have the client repeat or say something he / she has learned several times.

  • Has the client learned a new change, habit, or technique? Have him / her do this several times directly. And give homework so that the client continues to do this regularly.
  • Does the client have an insight or a new empowering belief? Have him / her repeat this several times.

We’re fine already. We were born joyful. We don’t have to dig and psychologize about how we are broken. We just have to do something .

Coaching Tip 3 – Successful coaches do not distinguish themselves with techniques, but with their connection and presence 

successful coaches tips

Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of the human aspect of coaching. At number 1 comes rapport , including empathy , presence, personal congruence (the coach says what he / she thinks and does what he / she says) and unconditional acceptance.

If none of that is available, the client might as well have taken an instruction booklet. Remember the power of the human aspect of coaching and don’t hide behind the ‘mask of the perfect coach’, let alone hide behind …

  • Techniques.
  • Exercises.
  • Wanting to help too much … You know the story of the caterpillar that got too much help and didn’t survive?
  • Thinking and wanting to have everything under control so that there is no uncertainty. ‘This is too difficult, what am I going to ask later, where the hell do I start, this client is resisting me, it’s not going to work with this client …’

All those things are not necessary and work against when you actually have to be fully present for your client. The solution? First acknowledge what the worrying voice in your head is saying to you,  then touch your body  (for example, by following your breath) and apply your rapport and listening skills .

Coaching tip 4 – Pay attention to the shape and spot the patterns you find in it

People will show you the ‘grammar’ of their thoughts and inner world in their behavior before they actually say it.

People speak volumes … without saying anything literally.

We can notice what a person is paying attention to, for example through his / her choice of words and grammatical structures. We can hear and see what people are doing inside. This is in everyone and it is clearly visible in everyone.

So pay attention to the form while listening to the content. It’s kind of advanced multitasking . So pay attention to, for example …

All verbal utterances should be considered unverified rumors unless supported by sensory-specific evidence.

Pay close attention to the information given so that you can ‘utilize’ it later, or use it.

You get this information not just in a conversation, but by continuously observing the other person. For example, if you choose to carry out a coach model with cards on the floor and in this way have the client lay down a kind of timeline, you can observe what kind of person someone is while laying down the model.

So get the patterns from the list above of things to watch out for. Then actually return them to the client as taught in the fact-based feedback model : “I saw you do x and y, what could that mean?” Or examine the patterns with metamodel questions  and how questions ( TOTE model) .

Do not sit on content but on structure, such as emotions, posture and being there for the other.

There is a very nice skill you can use for this. Recognize changes in the client that you notice through calibration : look carefully at what the problem state looks like in the client so that you can see at the end of an intervention if anything has changed. Continue to calibrate continuously and respond to it. Acknowledge the changes and shifts you observe.

For example, if you observe a major physiological shift in the client, name it, “That was a big one, right?” So keep observing constantly and giving back to the client what you perceive. Use the accompanying coaching questions from the question article for this.

Coaching tip 5 – Design(!) homework (or let the client come up with the homework)

coaching tips 22

In many types of coaching, homework is the essence of coaching, because the client ultimately wants to achieve something, so there must also be execution  to definitively establish the new boundaries and neural pathways.

There are many people who can say that a football team plays badly; few people can say why the team is playing badly and only a few people can say what needs to be done to make them play better.
– Johan Cruijff

In many cases, it even makes sense to give the client homework before you start. Milton Erickson often gave his clients homework before working with them. For example, he gave them the task of climbing a mountain. Milton knew then, of the clients who had not climbed the mountain, this person will not do what I say, so I will have to work on that with this person first.

Giving homework before the coaching process begins serves in this way as an ‘ordeal’. This ordeal is a symbolic representation of the source of the problem, and it will begin to unravel the problem. It ensures that the client makes an investment of energy and attention , that the client does what you say  and that new ways of thinking and behavior come into the consciousness of the client.

This ordeal is especially necessary when the client is not paying for himself, has seen multiple therapists for the problem, or has a sense of pride and identity associated with the problem: “My problem is different / bigger than other people’s.” Tell the client to do the tasks or else you won’t be able to work with him. “Do you understand, is that OK?”

When you give the task, make sure the client agrees to do the task before giving up the task . In addition, the coach also agrees that the coach will do his homework tasks. Also let him / her agree to the fact that homework will also follow after the session.

The homework really has to be 95% -100% done. If you weed only half weeds, and don’t remove them completely, they will come back stronger. Speak to the client if the homework isn’t finished: ‘You know we had an agreement . You know you have not kept the agreement. ‘

And how do you design the homework? This goes as follows:

Ask yourself: What experience can I already give the client to get close to that goal? To view the world differently? Around here yet? Something like visiting a store, booking a holiday, seeing your own reflection in a river … An experience in which the solution is packed? Not through words, but actions? Real experiences?

Homework gives the client the actual, real real-world experience. That is irreplaceable. Talking is heavily subordinate to that. One overweight woman had the belief, “Because I’m so ugly, no good man wants to be in a relationship with me.” Did you think therapist Milton Erickson would have a nice chat with her so she could feel really sad? using words to change her beliefs if he could also give her the real-world experience? So her homework task became, “I want you to stand on the street corner, look at people walking by and see all the fat, gigantic notices women holding the hand of a man. ”

In addition, the strength of the homework (which is communicated clearly and precisely) often lies in the aspect that it receives more attention than the problem or symptom . This ensures that the problem disappears because the focus is no longer on the problem but on the solution. The next tip of this article takes a closer look at this solution-focused aspect.

After a seminar or coaching session … something has to be done. When you hit the gym for a weekend, you don’t have an athlete’s body yet.

Coaching tip 6 – Let your client focus on what he / she wants

what do you want in coaching

Almost in a stubborn way, let the client focus on what they want. After all, positivity attracts more positivity. So it makes great sense for the client to always have the option to focus on what they don’t want or the option to focus on what they do want.

What do you want to achieve and what steps are you going to take?

Keep in mind that – where necessary – is  formulated positively . Feel free to help the client with this. “I don’t want to be tired anymore.” ‘What makes you tired and what gives you energy? What do you want?  What do you want to achieve and what steps are you going to take?  What does that yield? Fatigue comes from doubt, avoidance and fear. What is that then? How can you make that positive? By making your goals clear. ‘

Many people see that something goes wrong with the team during the match. See much less where the error is and only a few see what you can do about it.
– Johan Cruijff

Don’t be blinded by obstacles and psychologizing about the past. Look at the goal and find ways to get there. This can often be done via a lateral chunking construction.  ‘This is a problem, but what is the intention behind it? What are other ways to fulfill that intention? ‘

In any case, let the homework be a simple sensory activity with ‘ towards ‘ instead of ‘away from’. This can be something small, such as: doing something fun, such as visiting a dance evening, cinema or party. This moves your client to what he / she wants, making it easier to move to other positive things.

An effective homework task to get your client into the towards energy: “Say out loud everywhere you want. What do you want? I want {X} !!!!!!! Show it with your body too, full of enthusiasm. even a crazy movement to get it into your body … I don’t see your movement! “

The following homework task also focuses the client ‘s RAS on the positive: “Submit a list of behaviors you are satisfied with, so you don’t want to change.”

Coaching Tip 7 – Don’t be a gentle healer

Why do you take coaching? Most of the people around you are already gentle healers. People go to a coach to not hear socially acceptable things for once, but to actually tackle pain points.

As a coach you have to say congruently what you think and think what you say – of course still using tact.

Furthermore, a coach simply has the task of sticking the knife in the wound and twisting it a few more times so that the client is motivated to achieve his / her goal. A coach does not want to become friends with the client.

Friends don’t want to hurt each other and would say nice things as a white lie, while thinking otherwise. A coach wants results and shows the client’s patterns like a mirror – no matter how painful it can be.

Coaching tip 8 – Move your client physically

By using your body and letting it move literally, new options enter your system more easily.

  • Why don’t you take a seat there?
  • Why don’t you take that seat there?
  • Why don’t you stand there so you can see better …
  • Why don’t you let that happen?
  • Why don’t you come here so I can tell you about … Because this piece is important to you.

You can also activate the ‘witch doctor effect’ .

Coaching tip 9 – Subtle nod for compliance – The internal yes-ladder

We are talking about the ‘Sullivan Nod’: make a very subtle nod movement with your head. This is used by illusionists and sellers, for example, to let the other person make the choice that the seller or illusionist wants. They nod slightly when they mention the option you want. Coaches can sometimes nod subtly to take the client up a yes ladder. That is better than the outdated explicit yes ladder where you keep asking a question to get a yes.

The intention of this tip is not that you will do this consciously, but the intention is mainly to dump the outdated, explicit yes-ladder. Here you will find more of this kind of outdated “sales psychology”  and the better alternatives.

Coaching tip 10 – What people say about others refers to themselves

As a coach you are constantly collecting information about the client’s world of experience in order to recognize patterns. A powerful insight for every coach, is that the client’s own reality on his outside projects . The client sees the outside world as he or she is. All the positive and negative things that the client says about other people actually refer to the client itself.

Coaching tip 11 – Is the client asking a question? Look for the right question behind that question

An anecdote about Bandler, the founder of NLP: once a woman he did not know sat in a car with him. The woman began to cry violently and asked him, “Why are you drinking?” Bandler simply answered the question, then added, “That’s not what you wanted to ask me. “Why are you drinking?” You’ve heard from everyone all your life, perhaps in a mocking way. “

Bandler then created confusion and distracted the woman from crying: “Look, is that your dog?” “No, why?” Bandler began to tell a metaphor about a dog. “Oh, you wanted to ask me, ‘Why am I drinking !'” Bandler replied, “Still not the right question. This is about to happen …

I’m going to tell you what the right question is, then you start feeling my touch on your right shoulder, and after you feel my touch on your shoulder, you go home and find the answers to the question I’m going to ask you. ”And the question came, “What would you do if you didn’t drink?” And the touch followed, and the woman developed a trance because of it. She went home, and she solved her drinking problem.

This is the upchunking technique in action : what is the question behind the question? What would you do if your drinking problem was solved? What would that bring you?

Coaching tip 12 – Mirror the client to let them unlearn something

By mirroring someone, you can show them what behavior they display. The coach grabs you by the depths of your soul and shows it to you. This is a provocative technique.

Coaching tip 13 – Coaching with baby steps (Kaizen)

A claustrophobic woman came to Milton Erickson. He guided her by putting her in a closet and opening the door all the way. Every minute he closed the cupboard door a millimeter further. The door kept on sliding until the cupboard finally closed completely.

What is the first small step?

Erickson also hosted a client who was constantly biting her nails. So Erickson gave her the task: “For the next week, use 9 fingers for your nail diet, and save one. Every session Erickson gave as homework to save one extra finger, until they were eventually spared all ten.

It is sometimes surprisingly easy how with a small change you can change big things.

This ‘salami technique’ is sometimes used to convince people to buy something. For example, the first time someone is asked, “Would you like to check this letter about our donation campaign?” A few days later, you are asked, “Do you want to rewrite this letter?” And eventually a donation is asked. This is also applied in finding agreement: “We agree that {a small subject}?” To then expand the subject on which you agree.

As a coach you always make sure that something positive happens. So don’t dare think that nothing will happen if you ‘don’t think you have a successful session’. Even a placebo, your presence, a little movement, listening or showing understanding has a huge effect.

Read more about kaizen here.

Coaching Tip 14 – Get a Good Start: The First Steps in Preparing for an Intervention …

After you have had an intake session, it is almost time for the real work: giving up homework or an intervention. Do you opt for an intervention? Then there are a few things that can be paid attention to.

  • If this intervention does not take place immediately after the intake interview, first build up some rapport .
  • Sit quietly in a place where it is quiet and where you will not be disturbed. Do it in a trusted environment or with someone else who is there to support the client.
  • Never let the client sit with his back to a (busy) open space.
  • Allow the client to sit naturally on a chair or sofa. “Get comfortable somewhere.” Ask if he is comfortable.

Coaching tip 15 – Pseudo orient in time for less resistance

coaching tips

By letting the client imagine the future in advance, you can make the resistance disappear, because the client is then enjoying the benefits!

Coaching tip 16 – Touch the client

Touch doubles your success in everything. When you touch someone, for example when you pat someone on the back while telling the message, you are literally sending a message into someone’s body. The message is not only recorded verbally, but the whole body absorbs it. If an exercise requires you to touch the client, such as when installing anchors, you can ask the client what a suitable place is.

Coaching tip 17 – ‘Go First’

‘Go first’. You can be 100% sure that someone will do what you say if there is rapport and you will do it yourself first. This applies to all instructions in your session. If you want to make the client feel something, you first feel it yourself. So first get into the desired state of mind after you have built up a report.

You can do this, for example, by asking: “Suppose I could exchange with you for a day. Can you teach me how I experience what you experience? ” In addition, with ‘learning’ you assume that you can also unlearn it. Another example of the ‘Go First’ rule during the ‘ Negotiating With Sharing ‘ exercise: you can look into the room yourself and start looking for the parts of the client, so that the client will follow you and so that they also look where the ‘parts’ are.

Coaching tip 18 – Use the NLP spirit by asking: ‘How?’

The how question opens an incredible number of doors. For example, if you have a client with depression, the ‘how question’ implies that the client is an expert in building the feeling. And if you know how to build something up, then implicitly you can also reduce it.

“How do you do that? That depression? Suppose I could trade with you for a day. Can you teach me how I experience what you experience? In addition, with ‘learning’ you presuppose that you can also unlearn it.

The how question becomes very easy if you use the TOTE model .

Coaching tip 19 – Get started with the following tools

  • Make a report before you start. With rapport everything is possible, without rapport nothing is possible.
  • Start with an intake interview, in which you clarify the goal, among other things. A coach grabs the clouded image from the client and turns it into HD vision. An excellent tool for the intake interview is the Coach model (Outcome model).
  • Treat the frame, and to be more precise, the pre-frame . Be sharp: what are we doing here, what are we going to do or not do, and so on. In addition, outline the framework that the session revolves around action and curiosity to discover all kinds of things.
  • Also use pre-frames for clear communication with the client about practical matters. For example, tell the client, “If I go too fast or too slow, you have permission to interrupt me.” This kind of communication is useful for visualization assignments, for example.
  • Do not make too much of your own plan, but ask the client what he / she wants to achieve in the (first) session in the first place: “What would you like to focus on in this session?” ‘What would you like to have achieved by the end of this session’?
  • Think about ecology at every step: is what we are going to do next acceptable? “Is it okay for your subconscious to add these choices today, while your conscious brain is also involved?” Here you want a congruent ‘yes’. All ecology questions are addressed in this article.
  • Definitely build up the response potential . You and your client are now prepared for the coaching exercise.

Coaching tip 20 – Have silence tolerance

Silence tolerance is the most important tool for every coach! Provide silences and pauses, especially after meaningful sentences that have a clear impact on the client. Also use silence tolerance to get more information, for example while asking questions (‘and what else?’). Let the other person do the work.

This is not something you should do because it is “just a fun psychological trick.” You are at work and that means that you actually have to make your client work!

Silence tolerance has a very serious reason: you support the dig-and-search process for the client. It is not your job as a coach to ask an ‘intelligent question’ in which the solution or a special insight is enclosed. The client must think carefully and for a long time and let the inner process run its course. Even if he / she has already given the answer. Then you still remain silent and / or you keep asking questions. And then again. And again … without asking a new question or moving on to something else!

Another example of a good application of silence tolerance is during an intervention. You just let the client go through his / her process without constantly expecting something to happen or be said.

Enjoy the silence. Are you in front of a group? Then enjoy looking around the audience. During these breaks, mirror the audience: a few seconds per person. The silence must be voluntary and loved. Only then does it get quality.

I know what I know. I want correct information!

During that silence tolerance, keep observing what changes you perceive in the client. This was covered in detail in one of the first tips of this article.

Coaching tip 21 – Install a filter to protect yourself

Some clients carry a lot of negativity and other unprocessed emotions. It is then nice to protect your actual physical and mental well-being with a filter for during your coaching: for building up too much rapport.

Also know that you are Divinely protected when you are coaching someone, and to make sure you can install a filter through your subconscious mind. This is also done in order not to put yourself in a trance or for allergies.

You can install this on yourself or ask someone else to do this for you:

  1. Have an upright posture and ask for the subconscious signals for yes and no. How to do that is explained in the article about the subconscious mind .
  2. Pre-frame: In a moment I’m going to ask your subconscious to put in a filter that filters out everything that questions your health and well-being, physical and emotional.
  3. Ask the subconscious, “Do you get it?” Wait for the yes signal.
  4. ‘The kind request to the subconscious to place the filter. Give me a yes signal when it’s done. ‘

In any case, work from the model of the world of the client, but don’t get into it yourself: always have the option to dissociate again. Know that you will always be protected with a filter.

Coaching tip 22 – Have a proof procedure for achieving the client’s goal: to measure is to know

coaching tips goals

What in my experience is an essential part of every coaching process?

  1. We measure how you perform in the current situation. So a baseline measurement.
  2. We do an intervention and / or you get homework.
  3. We measure the result: to what extent has the current situation improved?

Hopefully you already knew that coaching should be strongly based on setting and achieving goals. A well-formulated goal also has a proof procedure. If the goal cannot be made specific because it is about a feeling, for example, you can measure the progress towards the goal by having the client count each day how often the unwanted situation presents itself. If all goes well, there will be less and less peat over the weeks as the coaching process progresses.

Another example of keeping the evidence procedure (which is actually also a homework assignment at the same time) is keeping a list for a client who wants to lose weight by keeping a food diary in which all food and drink are recorded. the trigger that caused him / her to do so and the accompanying feeling.

Coaching tip 23 – Have a good balance between permissive and authoritarian

Being a coach sometimes means being permissive and following, and sometimes it means being leading and authoritarian. Develop the right balance for yourself. At times it is certainly necessary that you lead the client through a technique in an authoritarian way. Sometimes it is necessary for a coach to have strength, fire, spirit and rock-solid certainty. That gives the client confidence.

“With your permission …”

Coaching tip 24 – Talk (and write!) with the client

  • While setting the goal, you have drawn up an ‘evidence procedure’: how do you know that it will work (often perceptible by the senses)? ‘ Now you check that. For example, if it was a behavior, check whether the behavior can no longer be performed. After an intervention, revisit the evidence procedure that was determined during goal setting. Have the client check that he can indeed no longer (for example) do the behavior. Receive approval from the client that it was successful.
  • Due to all the different impressions, confusions, fractionations and abrupt changes, memory loss has occurred in the client. He / she will therefore be able to remember very little specifically of the session. You can use this to give extra force that the problem has been solved.
    Question: “What was the problem?”
    “I do not know anymore.”
    “That’s right, you don’t remember. It worked. ”
  • Do an ecology check (again). If there are still conflicts, do a parts integration for all conflicts.
  • The coach leaves the room and says “take a minute for reflection”.
  • In the spirit of NLP, it is now time to teach the client a concrete, practical skill . Think of associating and dissociating, observation positions, anchoring, etc.
  • Repetition is important: give the client homework by having him / her do the exercise on a daily basis, or by having his / her perform actions to achieve the goals. No results without practice. In any case, homework must also be given up in the context of the stated goal. Working towards the goal with concrete steps is the essence of coaching.
  • The client will perform his / her homework tasks for the next days, weeks or months. Always allow the client to reflect after completing the tasks, including writing down the reflections.
  • Now help the client get used to the ‘new’ ‘identity’. You can do this, for example, by discussing these new possibilities in the light of the logical levels , metaphors or starting points of NLP .
  • If it makes sense here, you can (again) install the target from the client in the future using the TLT technique.
  • Ask for feedback. What went well? What was the best part? What could be improved?
  • Validate the client for the success of this session and sincerely compliment the client itself.
  • Make an appointment for the next session and make use of the ‘witchdoctor effect’ . The last thing you say to the client before she leaves, hold eye contact for three seconds. This gives the ‘witchdoctor effect’ an extra dimension, and gives the impression of a ‘magic’ coach even more.

Coaching tip 25 – Realize just how important coaching is

  • A coach asks you where you want to go. What is your target? How do you want to organize your life?
  • He looks at your future, your options and your solutions.
  • The positive coach helps you to (re) discover your strengths and talents.
  • It helps you build habits through positive daily actions.
  • The positive coach helps you not to get caught up in the past or problems.
  • The focus is on positive emotions, thoughts and behavior.
  • The focus is on health, not disease.
  • The coach elaborates on what is already going well in your life.
  • He supports you in setting goals and in achieving these goals.
  • Coaching improves your joy and well-being.
  • The coach facilitates permanent changes in your lifestyle.
  • He pushes you forward.
  • He teaches you to love yourself.

Coaching tip 26 – You can check the congruence and ecology at any time

doubt incongruity in coaching

You can check the congruence and the ecology again at any point , even if you did this earlier in the intake interview. As soon as the client really wants something, you don’t have to do much yourself. That is why ecology and congruence is so important in coaching. So ask the client what he wants to achieve, what exercise he wants to do and whether he wants to work with the subconscious . Only if the answer to the last question is yes do you proceed.

When you notice incongruity, you name your observation: “I see you say you want it, but I see … in your face / I don’t believe you.” Then you clarify where, when and with whom the goal does not apply, and to which contexts the goal does relate.

Coaching Tip 27 – Make it small and manageable

You make it much easier for the client and yourself if you keep the goal simple. Don’t make it unnecessarily difficult, because the client is already doing that to himself. You can coach against ‘complicated’ generalizations by first asking: what is it specifically that does not work? Then those little things are easy to solve. This is the metamodel in action.

Coaching tip 28 – Your state of mind already solves a lot: only analyze the problem / goal later

This tip can be applied well as a trainer, coach or for yourself: first change people ‘s moods and only then look at what they want and what is holding them back, because it is then much clearer.

This is why Tony Robbins spends the entire first day in his multi-day events sparking a strong, happy and energetic state of mind.

A changed state of mind – or even going from head to body – ensures that you immediately break through your pattern and that you already feel happier without having ‘done’ anything at all.

The most important decision you can make in your life – your number 1 priority – is to live in a beautiful frame of mind no matter what happens in your life.
– Tony Robbins

Happiness already  lies in the here-and-now . It is not in the future where you have to do something first. It’s just a state of mind that you can step into right now.

Coaching tips 29 to 59

  1. As a coach you are constantly curious, surprised and enthusiastic about what insights the client gets. When the client comes up with solutions and insights you convey surprise: “How interesting that you discovered that!” If you don’t show enthusiasm, discovery and energy, how can you expect your client to change something in his / her life?
  2. A coach is always aware of  language . You program people with your language. For example, do not use the words ‘positive’ and ‘negative’, but use: ‘supporting’ and ‘hindering’.
  3. Coaching does not mean changing someone. Coaching means that you give someone more options and choices . It is the coach’s job to take someone from the effect side to the cause side ( proactively ). Keep this in mind constantly.
  4. Separate identity and intent from undesirable behavior. This is the train of thought behind the main reframing: reframing the positive intention of undesirable behavior. You care about the client and you care about the positive intent of the client’s apologies, but you don’t care about the client’s apologies.
  5. Preferably, do not use jargon and terms that you refer to, such as ‘current situation’, ‘desired situation’, etc. So not: “What do you see in your desired situation?” But: “What do you see now that you are well prepared for your job interview?” Or explain every idea or word before using it.
  6. Coaching is a personal process. When you write something down, always add the name of the client. For example, “Karen’s List of Career Values.”
  7. Put the client to work. If you want to write things on cards, you let the client do that  himself . You also let the client clean up his / her model from the ground.
  8. When the client has put his / her model on the floor, for example his / her goal or timeline, you always step around it . That is respectful and maintains rapport.
  9. Are you stuck and do you not know how to continue in your coaching? Are you stuck as a coach, probably because you think too much? Then just ask the client again: “What is your goal (with this conversation)?” In addition, keep it simple for yourself and dare to let go of things. Then do something random. For example, have the client stand on the table and ask what this gives new perspective, use a random rethink reframing, or grab any NLP model that you put on the floor and explore.
  10. Use breathing as a tool that is always available. For example, you can use it as an integration tool after an intervention: ‘Breathe it through.’ Encourage the client to continue to breathe in all interventions and also initiate this. You can also use the breath to strengthen a state of mind by guiding it.
  11. Echo constant moods telling the client, so if you’re in the instructions NLP exercises {mood} reads, replace it by literally prefer to mention the aforementioned moods again.
  12. Always pay attention to the natural anchors displayed by the client. For example, while he / she is talking about certain moods. Observe carefully and use those anchors to your advantage.
  13. The client and the coach both recognize that the space they are in and the exercises they are going to do are only a representation of reality . It’s a portrait. There is a clear boundary between reality and representation, although this does not apply to the subconscious. This recognition and honesty that this is only a representation allows the session and relationship to be moral and ethical .
  14. Tell the client about the power of the subconscious mind.
  15. Are you doing an intervention? Then minimize the conscious communication between you and the client. For example, use your calibration skills so that you no longer have to ask for things (because you can see it yourself). Or, for example, agree signals in advance for when the client can take the next step in an exercise, instead of telling you consciously.
  16. Discovering a negative experience in a regression can sometimes be scary for the client. Then say, “You were safe before the event and also after the event. All NLP interventions are neatly closed at a safe point. “
  17. Inevitably, thoughts come up that are difficult to deal with. The goal is to find a solution for that, to give it a place. This requires warmth with the coach. However, it is safe : “We can distance ourselves from these emotions whenever we want. If it is not pleasant, we will not continue. ”
  18. Use all options for fractionation . This means that you look for contrasts and that you further emphasize contrasts. So look for contrasting emotions and moods, for example.
  19. Support the client in welcoming and processing emotions . It is very nice to feel the emotions that arise. It may be there. Feel good. We do know that we are Source (Love). Then we are safe again.
  20. Give Karl Rogers’ school a try. As a therapist, your most important remedy is yourself! Your presence. Everything you have learned is secondary. Don’t judge and listen .
  21. Are you regressing , or are you otherwise associated in the past or in the future experiencing a representation associated with it? Always use the present tense in your speech. For example, don’t say, “What did the young person need then?” But: “What does the young person need now?”
  22. Always say what you’re going to do, and always do what you’ve said: in a moment I’m going to …
  23. Have the client follow your procedure instructions exactly . Be precise in your instructions so that the client can focus one hundred percent on the content.
  24. Be mindful of the client ‘s pace . If you want to reassure the client about the tempo, you can use phrases such as: “Do that at your own pace”, “And when you have done that you can give a signal” and … ”
  25. If the client is not sure whether he wants to go for his goals or whether he would rather live comfortably as he lives now, bring in the four-step learning process (unconsciously incompetent, consciously incompetent, consciously skilled, unconsciously competent). It is nice to be unconsciously unconsciously competent, because with conscious competence you still have to keep your head and you may not feel like it anymore. While you are learning to drive, no one should also ask, “Did you watch the football yesterday?” But are you also open to returning to conscious competence? To keep discovering, to keep growing?
  26. Use reframing and tact to win over the subconscious. Think carefully about how you deliver something. For coaching, people with the strangest coaching goals can come to you. In an example from one of the first NLP case studies, we saw how this was dealt with in an effective way: the unconscious of a homosexual who wanted to become straight could only agree to the change if you bring it up as a ‘spiritual change to heterosexuality, “not that homosexuality was a” mistake “because of something that happened in the past, because he would see that as a mistake all his life.
  27. Before you let go of an unwanted feeling or behavior , keep the lessons associated with that unwanted part. You can add this as a bonus to all interventions.
  28. Use the TOTE principle to constantly check whether the client is satisfied with each step: ‘Is the spot right? Is the word correct? Would it be of added value for you if we add [part x] to this exercise? Would it enrich your experience if we also add sounds to your representation? ‘
  29. Do you apply an intervention that allows the client to experience different states of mind? Then use the TOTE principle also to check whether the client has entered a new state of mind. You can do this by asking if the client gives you a signal when he / she feels a different mood, or by calibrating it on the client’s own.
  30. The client must want to change. The only reason something doesn’t work is if the client doesn’t want to. So trust the processes, techniques and models you use in your coaching. That is not the problem. If the client doesn’t want to, stop and have a cup of coffee together. Also read about the benefits of problems and the ecology questions.
  31. Live by all the presuppositions of NLP . These all come in handy during your coaching.
  32. Find the essence of your coaching techniques! For example, do you use an NLP model for an intervention? Only grasp the essential step of the technique. What is the essential step? The difference that makes the difference?

Let’s close with an affirmation for coaches

All thoughts and emotions of my clients are welcome.

It is not my job to heal my clients. My job is to help my clients as they heal themselves.

It doesn’t matter how self-sabotaging or suffering my client has been. I see that behind his or her protective layers there is also a loving, vulnerable and good person.

I am open to feedback from my clients.

I have let go of all expectations, but not hope. I have a lot of hope!

I do my best to assist my clients when they share their suffering with me.

I’m sure I can take care of my clients’ wounds without making them worse.

I believe my clients already have all the answers, wisdom and capabilities within them. My job is to help them access these resources.

I settle the costs for my expertise and my time to the client. My heart is free.

I am committed to being my client’s protector and always keeping his or her interests in mind.

These were some of the most important coaching tips you will learn during an NLP (Master) Practitioner Training. What are your coaching tips?

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!