How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself [9 Great Tips]
Are you too hard on yourself and are you asking too much of yourself? Do you make yourself do too many things and do you feel like others are also putting that pressure on you? Does everything always feel like a ‘must’? In this article, we’re going to find out how to stop this pattern. Read more…
Many people put pressure on themselves – also to do things for other people …
For many people, everything feels like a must. They often ask too much of themselves. They also always have to justify themselves in life and are too critical of themselves. You will see that their calendar is full of appointments – and maybe they are also lived a little by their calendar and by other people.
Many people have to do so many things: they have to improve themselves constantly…
Recently I received an email from a reader. She talked about all kinds of things she needed to do to improve herself when she didn’t really do those things. This stressed her out.
“My issue is that I plan things because I think they can help me. I also start, sometimes I can even hold on for a long time (I think), but often it gets bogged down.
Sometimes they linger (breathing better), but often not (eg going through 3 positive things of the day before going to sleep, changing eating habits to more greenery, doing stretching exercises, etc.). “
As you can see, she has to do a lot of things in her day: breathing exercises, mandatory gratitude exercises, thinking about her eating habits, stretching and stretching … In the tips in this article we will see what we can do with these cases.
Let’s go to the tips …
Do you put too much pressure on yourself, are you tired of all that fighting and you ask yourself: “I don’t want to have to anymore. How do I achieve that?” Let’s start with the first tip.
Tip 1 – Live ‘kaizen’: be satisfied with all the small steps you take
“I’m disappointed that I can’t make any progress.” Kaizen is an important solution for these types of people. This principle boils down to taking baby steps.
Those small steps are your focus and goal. If you apply this, you are always satisfied if you have already put one foot on the judo mat. This is the most peaceful thing you can do for yourself, while also growing, because you stood on the judo mat and at least did something .
This is the kaizen way of life, something the Japanese are very good at. This is the ideal remedy for perfectionism, which also improves your results.
The reader I quoted at the beginning of this article gets a big 10 from me. Why? Because she wrote, “I’m starting too.” Anyone who starts with a small step has already succeeded. No more is needed. In fact, she’s already done too much.
Tip 2 – Overcome perfectionism
If you have to do so much … chances are you have a lot of insecurity about certain things like money, income or self-confidence. And guess what: perfectionism is the ultimate form of insecurity.
The title of this tip – ‘overcome’ – is actually incorrect. Perfectionism is not an ‘enemy’. That perfectionism has very good intentions for you. We call that the positive intention.
So all you have to do now is acknowledge and thank the positive intent of that perfectionism. “Thank you for being there for me until now and for taking care of me.”
Often that good intention of perfectionism is: certainty. When something is perfect, you know exactly what to expect. Perfect is perfect and you know exactly what you are getting.
Tip 3 – Read The Self-Destruction Book
The subtitle of this book sums it up well: “The Self-Destruction Book – Why We Should Stink, Drink, Bleed, Burn, and Dance More.”
This is, among other things, an invitation to learn to be human again. A little piece from the author Marian Donner:
Every day we fall short, we do stupid things and we make mistakes. We know what life could be like, who we ourselves could be, and yet we fail to live up to it. We long for the highest and are pulled down by the lowest. We move in that discrepancy, somewhere between dream and failure. Knowing that reality will never beat fantasy. And yet we keep trying.
– Marian Donner
Tip 4 – Let go of striving
Having to do all kinds of things according to yourself … we sometimes call this striving for a better future. If you think that in the future you will find happiness, peace and contentment as a result of the pursuit … you will always be very disappointed.
The reader I quoted at the beginning of this article also wrote in that same email, “My ultimate goal is to be healthy and happy …”
You will not find that happiness as a goal in the future. Your current situation does not need to be improved. In fact, you are already whole. You’re just happy now too. It’s just here already. You don’t want anything from me.
All tips and emails I send are worthless. All that advice and all that secondhand insights about what we should be doing is worthless. All 5 steps to the ideal relationship, 7 ways to get a six pack, 3 ways to create your dream job etc. It’s just words.
The small moment of ‘the now’ is seen as insufficient. The underlying sentiment is: I am not enough yet, and therefore I cannot be joyful.
Tip 5 – Set limits and say no
Do you want to make sure that you ‘have to’ less for others in your life? That is simply a matter of setting and indicating limits.
- How can you set & indicate limits? 12 tips, examples & meaning.
- Learning to say no? [14 Ways & Tips] Say no decently & assertively.
- Everything about pleasing & tips to unlearn pleasing.
Anyway, you may already be stuck with all kinds of agreements and ‘musts’ in your life, to which you had already said yes in the past. Can they be removed with retroactive effect? Can you come back to that? The answer is simply yes! See next tip …
Tip 6 – Feel free to come back to decisions
Sometimes life flows differently. Oh – and not sometimes – but always. So you can safely come back to decisions. Did you set a goal for this year, but does it not make you happy anymore? Delete it! Is your agenda full of appointments, but do you really want to choose for yourself after reading this article? Delete it! It is allowed. Be okay with that.
How can you get rid of that mess from your life? It is possible, but sometimes it has to be rigorous. It is not always pain-free. The following tips will happily help you with this …
Tip 7 – Delete all junk from your calendar (and yes, including appointments that actually ‘should’)
Make an inventory of everything that needs to be removed from your life. This does not only apply to things, but also to agreements, responsibilities and obligations … which actually do not yield you much at all. Surprisingly , this article about decluttering is also about decluttering your activities and appointments . In addition, read this article about minimizing.
Tip 8 – Do you have to rigorously delete ‘musts’? Read this article about depression and burnout
I have already written an article in which I – somewhere halfway through the article – elaborate on scrapping everything that drains your energy. Just get rid of it. Read this article on overcoming depression – especially the section on rigorously scrapping all of your ‘musts’.
Tip 9 – Be more kind and sweet for yourself
You can of course ensure that you have to take care of others less, but of course you still want to be able to do something for others. In fact, that is the purpose of life for many.
And as the cliché goes, if you want to take care of others, you also have to take good care of yourself first. Take care of yourself & choose? Read these 26 tips!
So also have self-acceptance and don’t be too hard on yourself. If something must , then it often means you do not have peace with how it is now. Increase self-love & self-acceptance? 26 tips for loving yourself!
On your luck!