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72 Flirt Tips: Best Tips & ‘Tricks’ To Seduce [Really Works]

72 Flirt Tips: Best Tips & ‘Tricks’ To Seduce [Really Works]

In this article you will find 72 flirting tips. These are the best ‘tricks’ and examples for flirting and seducing. So how should you flirt with a man / woman? In this article you will learn all universal flirting tips for men and women. So men and women, take advantage of this article!

Contents of this page:

The truth: I prefer that you don’t use these flirting tips

I have to confess to you: I don’t agree with you reading all these tips. That’s because I believe that flirting, dating, and love only exist in practice. By trial and error, clumsy and clumsy. Not on paper. Moreover, there are no errors!

Stop. We mean it. The only reason we wrote this mega-comprehensive article for you anyway is because so many of you Google this. Tens of thousands per month! Important: you asked for this info, we deliver.

We would have preferred not to have written this article. You just have to be a little extra sweet and cheeky. Take a lot of risk to get a lot of rewards in love.  Who does not dare, who does not win. You really don’t need to know more.

You already know how to flirt and you may learn these techniques, so you don’t have to use them. Then you can walk to someone relaxed, and then you don’t have to ‘do’ much anymore. It can be compared to when you learned judo, for example. You are not going to use it, but everyone feels your radiance because you have a kind of subtle look that reveals that.

You are not actually going to use the flirting techniques, moves, and phrases  in this article! Think of it as Judo or Kung Fu. If you learn Kung Fu techniques, after nineteen levels you can overwhelm someone in one second. But after all 36 levels of Kung Fu, you choose to retire ‘when the weak are stupid enough to start a fight’. Moreover, you have a look in your face so that everyone knows what you have in you. So you will not actually use the techniques! All you need is to give a lot of love to someone else. You know very well how.

Tip 1 – Follow your heart: don’t use the flirting tricks in this article

When something comes from the heart, it brings you to your knees with happiness and makes you cry. If your heart tells you to be with someone, then (!) It’s right. Also for the other. If you decide to use the tips from this article, make sure they all lead to that magical, authentic ‘movie moment’ where you follow your heart.

A good pickup attempt does not look like a pickup attempt.

The first tips in this article will literally teach you how to flirt. Here you will find hundreds of examples and sentences so that you know what to say or do. These techniques, moves and phrases are not going to help you. They are only here because you searched for them. The really important tips are found afterwards and are about the courage to show up.

Don’t lie or imitate anyone else.

Tip 2 – Speak the language of flirting: indirect & subtle

subtle flirting

Indeed, flirting is a language of its own. If you want to flirt with class , you speak ‘ flirtian ‘. You do that as follows:

  • Be subtle.
  • Be indirect.
  • Being implicit.
  • Being suggestive.
  • Hinting.
  • Dosing.
  • Being not too predictable.
  • Not being childish or vulgar. So be classy and subtle .
  • Be worthy. Don’t put yourself down to (unconsciously) sabotage yourself in love.
  • Leave a little bit to the imagination after making a move. You do this by showing that the other person does not exactly have you in the pocket. However, never seriously push the other person away – always do this playfully.

This subtlety and class creates that wonderful, intelligent flirting excitement. Let’s take a look at some good and bad examples:

  • Totally non-subtle and even vulgar: so don’t be vulgar. “I want you in my bed.”
  • Total non-subtle: it is not optimal to tell someone who you just knows for a brief time: “I think you really mega nice. I am absolutely crazy about you.”
  • Subtle: if you just know someone, you dose your moves so that you are subtle and less predictable: “I quite like you.” “I’d like to go on a date with you.” Maybe you’ll see me again tomorrow.” “You never know in advance if you will sleep over…”
  • Even more subtle: instead of stating you like someone, you can put the other in a guessing position “Do you like to meetup sometime?” Instead of “Do you want a date?” And what are we going to do? That too is a surprise …
  • Mega subtle: you imply that you want to do something with the other, so you don’t say it literally. “I’m a little cold.” Hint-hint. If the other person also speaks flirtian, he / she should think about putting his / her arm around you now. “You know that little pond at the end of the road?” Hint-hint. “I have a nice day off on Monday, then I don’t have much to do.” Hint-hint. “I’m going to the flea market tomorrow. On my own.” Hint-hint. Do you understand the hint yet?

“I’m cold” is much more fun than “Hold me.”

“Wow, the moon’s light reflects off your lips.” Instead of “I want to kiss you.”

“I’m thirsty” is much more interesting than “Maybe you can get me a drink.”

  • Mega subtle and optimally flirtian: after you have made a move, you also leave a little to the imagination by pushing the other a little bit away. Very lovingly, with a wink and therefore not serious. “That date tomorrow seems pretty fun with you … at least, hopefully you’re a little fun.” Be really careful with this and only use it when you can clearly feel flirting sparks. If the vibe of the conversation isn’t warm, flirtatiously positive enough, you can actually ruin everything with that last comment.

Play with this in the near future. In the coming tips you will see this principle constantly reappearing … and you will see that it does not matter that much. You can basically do whatever you want – because that’s what matters most: what do you really want? Just go for it.

Tip 3 – Flirting is very simple: give sweet compliments

Do you want the simplest definition of flirting? Here it comes: say sweet words to each other . Seduction cannot be simpler: this is a sign of warmth and love.

  • You’re pretty sweet.
  • You look good.
  • You’re funny.
  • I like talking to you. Can I call you sometime?
  • Did you know you’re pretty pretty?

Do you see how simple these compliments are? That’s enough! They don’t give too much away but they are incredibly cute. Also bring them with a cute and warm energy. That’s what flirting is all about. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a sweet thing!

Bonus points if you can give your compliments nice and nonchalant – between nose and lips – without making a big deal and putting pressure on the other person and yourself. So without thinking, ‘Wow, I made a big move. There must be another move! Come on … ‘No. Relax, take your time, and get back to your normal posture and doings.

Do you like someone? Let the other person know that you like him / her. Not madly in love. Just fun. Do you remember? We are flirting: you do it with subtlety.

Would you like more examples of compliments? Use the hundreds of examples and tips from the compliments article for this . But first read this article for all the flirting tips!

Tip 4 – Do you feel shy? Keep going: this is extra romantic

flirt frame

I don’t want you to learn anything in this article. I want you to go horribly wrong. Really. And that just happens to be convenient. Clumsy is flirting! Things are supposed to go wrong or awkwardly. If everything goes perfectly, it is of no use . It is ridiculous: striving for perfection. The perfect chat doesn’t sell. You are then a smooth jerk. Be real. It is the mistakes and flaws that make your character and make you approachable to others.

Imagine that in the image above the woman would stand wide and sturdy and the man would give the flowers without hesitation. Then it would have been nothing. Walk. Give flowers. To thank. Ready. The man, on the other hand, shows some embarrassment because he does not dare to give the flowers immediately and the woman looks somewhat awkward while her face shows a shy smile. It’s anything but perfect and that’s exactly how flirting works.

In fact, this is the definition of charming. Even though you’re very confident, play like you’re a bit clumsy, and you probably just are – unless you’re actually James Bond – because flirting automatically makes you a bit clumsy.

Stop trying to be cool. The ego wants to act tight, spasmodic and ‘normal’. Let that go. Have fun, laugh, be loose and have fun. Do you feel shy and everything goes ‘wrong’? Go for it anyway!

There has never been a flirtation interaction where the two individuals have not felt awkward, especially on the first meeting. So don’t give up if you stutter, you spread yourself, or if you feel uncomfortable.

Tip 5 – Flirting can be even simpler than that: put your ulterior motives aside and show your love …

flirt tips

See, flirting is a lot of fun, exciting and magical, but there is also such a thing as making things more difficult than they are. The people who are most successful in love simply tell the other person very directly that they like that person and / or that they want to meet. If you do that, you can still have fun flirting, and at the same time, you have made it ten times easier for yourself. You have created a framework. We’ll go into more detail about this in a later tip …

Put your ulterior motives aside. Go straight for what you want. Take a risk . If you really want to get close to someone, then you have to open yourself up to the other person kindly, directly and without ulterior motives, and then the others will open up to you too.

The best way to do this? Act like ‘the eternal child’ . Why? Adults don’t dare to be fair, while kids just go straight for what they want.

Do you want examples of this?

  • What do children do? They give kisses and they honestly say that they are a different child nice find. So … go for it! Give the other person kisses and compliments as freely as a child.
  • What else do children do? They spontaneously give you hugs . Multiple times a day. For adults, there is a kind of rule that you only hug each other at the start of the day and at the end of the day. So … you can imagine how much love you will arouse if you give each other hugs several times a day! This immediately creates the image that you are not just friends.
  • What else do children do? They show interest in you and ask what you are doing. So ask what the other is doing and in this way have a wonderfully silly conversation with childlike curiosity, interest and silliness.
  • Does a child have a hidden agenda? Do they revolve around it? No, only adults do – and that’s a shame. So freely say romantic things like, “I can’t hold back because of you, I want to kiss you so badly now.” “I want to spend a whole evening with you and no one else.” “I really want your afterparties at my place.”
  • What else do children do? They greet you 10 times a day and say hi again enthusiastically . Even if they have already greeted you often enough earlier that day. So if you are at school or in the study association, feel free to say every time you see the other person: “Hi Debbie / Hi Piet!” It’s so deliciously silly and flirty.
  • What else do children do? They call you from far away, giving you their vulnerability and love. Even if you stand with your back to the child and / or you are in a group. So … call the other from far away. Even if the other person has their back to you and / or in a group.

Why do all those things work? All of those things are vulnerable actions. You risk a social rejection, namely that your ‘hi’ will not be heard or answered – even in front of a whole group of other people. Moreover, you thereby hand out validation to the other  with your playful enthusiasm.

Go for what you want as a child. Everyone loves children because they have no ulterior motives.

All of the above are just sweet. It is what you really want to give. Really, forget all the tricks . Love and affection are the only things it takes. Just do nice things – and that is fragile indeed. But that’s where the magic lies.

Tip 6 – Use obvious flirting moves

What are obvious flirting moves? They are ‘silly’ but vulnerable actions that clearly set the tone : playfulness, attraction and ‘flirtatiousness’. This is all in the little things:

  • For example, you can joke: “Yes, I have a chance!” If the other person lets you know that he / she is single.
  • Find “excuses” for touch. ‘I got dizzy for a moment. Hold me.’ Or are you in a haunted house: ‘I’m scared. Hold me.’ Or: “Oops, I spilled …” “I feel a little dizzy, maybe you can hold me …”
  • ‘Oh, look, I’m dropping something. Can anyone help? ‘
  • “Oh, look, I tripped and fell.”
  • “Oh, look, I accidentally bump you again …”
  • “Oh, look, you spilled something on your knee, I’ll wipe it clean.”
  • ‘Oh, sorry, I’m in the way. I hadn’t seen you. ‘
  • ‘Can I help?’
  • Or just give the other person flirting assignments without excuses. “Put your arm around me.” Learn more about flirting assignments in one of the following tips.
  • You can say plainly-silly and seductive things: “Hi, I’m new here …” Or: “Have you tasted this chocolate?”
  • With all the nice things or compliments you say, you mention your flirting intention in a playful way: “I’m only saying that because I want to flirt with you.”
  • You can just start mentioning your phone number, with a clear  but also funny flirting intention: 06 …
  • You ‘brag’ about how ‘handsome’ you are: ‘I do strength training. I already have super big biceps. ‘
  • You just ask the other person out. From that moment on it is just clear that there is going to be flirting.
  • You make teasing jokes. In the following tips you will come across enough examples of this.

Be creative, be clear and not perfect. Make nice associations to come up with these kinds of ‘obvious flirting moves’. Of course do all this with humor and without emotional attachment, otherwise it will be creepy. If you do this with a healthy amount of emotional intelligence, then there is no problem.

Do you want me to phrase this tip in a different way? Okay, let me put this tip in reverse : if you don’t apply this tip right away, you are not a flirt, but just a friend – you know: ‘ friendzone ‘.

So … show right from the start that you like the other person, make immediate moves and don’t be too sweet. Literally refuse to just be friends and communicate that. It’s that simple. And does your kind Kumbaya heart hurt now? Take another look at the title of this article: this is about flirting – there are plenty of other articles about friendship too if you want to.

Tip 7 – Do you want to make a big move? Make sure you are alone for a while …

flirting-alone-for a while

Personally, I have never been able to make a big move while all kinds of acquaintances could enjoy it. Never. It was always when we went alone to the piano booth, the hallway, outside, or my room. The more discreet, the easier.

This is the key to being able to flirt freely: being  alone with each other for a while. In other words, discretion. That means no one hears or sees you when you are flirting. That also means you understand that some things should be kept secret – and yes, flirting is one of those things.

Sexual tension must always be a well-kept secret.

You know what’s so cool about this tip? Privacy not only makes flirting suddenly much easier – and even possible – but it also ensures that you come across as someone who gets ‘it’.

Arranging to be alone with someone for a while is the best move you can make. You can now ask someone out or offer a kiss in complete discretion. You literally create your own happiness with this move.

Be discreet when you need to. Not everyone has to enjoy the moment when you ask or kiss the other person. That is not nice for the other. Somehow make sure that you are alone at that moment or that no one can hear you.

All you have to do is come up with an excuse to make this happen. Easy right? Here are some tips for being alone with each other:

  • If necessary, think of an excuse so that the other person stays with you and the rest goes away. For example, use the excuse that you need help with something. Be creative and just think of a way for you to be alone.
  • Just take the other person’s hand and just start walking. “Let’s sit here.” Believe in what you say: a simple ‘Come on’ is probably enough. When the other asks: ‘Why’? Then you say, “Because I say so.” ‘Because’ provides extra strength.
  • Show the other person a nice view.
  • ‘You seem cool. I want to talk to you more. Let’s have a drink at the bar. ‘
  • ‘I want to show you something.’ ‘Hey. I’ll show you the playground / something cool outside / nice video on my laptop. ‘
  • Come on, let’s go out. It is warm here, it is colder outside. Let’s get some fresh air.
  • You can also just continue your conversation … You keep talking and talking and talking … And meanwhile you start walking. And so you walk to a place where there is more discretion!
  • I’m kidnapping your girlfriend for a moment, don’t worry, I’ll bring her back soon.
  • It can also be a total nonsense excuse. Anything is possible: “I saw a special sidewalk tile there, you have to see it!” “In the hallway is a very beautiful painting that I want to show you.”
  • Afterparty at my place!

The best way to be alone with each other is to visit each other. One of the later tips elaborates on that.

Are you alone with each other once? Super! If no one at all can see you, you have free rein. If a corner of the pub is the highest possible, then it is important not to rush. Control your rushed emotions and do everything slowly. Just slow down, sit back, have a nice chat, maybe order a drink, maybe talk about exciting things … and then there might be a kiss.

Tip 8 – Be nice and direct and create a ‘flirt frame’: this is how you give each other the green light to flirt freely

decorating tips

Do you recognize the following in yourself?

Suppose you suddenly hear, “Hey!” So you turn around and an unknown person addresses you. That person asks, “Have you seen the World Cup final?” On that day was the World Cup final so it was not a very strange question in itself but someone you don’t know suddenly asks you, so it’s a bit strange. “Ehmm no …” “Maybe you can look back, it was a good game.” “Okay, cool …” And suddenly that person comes up with something else: “It’s really hot, I mean, warm for the time of year.” ‘Yeah, uhmm … I think so too … Is there any reason you’re talking to me? “Ehmm no … I’m just having a chat …” “Uhmm I’m busy and people are waiting for me so I should actually go …”

That’s a strange conversation, isn’t it? A stranger who just raises some topics of conversation. What’s the problem here? There is no flirting frame,  so the person being addressed cannot do anything with it, while the other would have liked to flirt with you . The other person just didn’t know that he / she had permission, because your flirting intention was not communicated.

The solution? Make it known with your attitude and choice of words what type of conversation this is  and what role the other is allowed to fill, so that the other can fill that role .

Set up a framework that makes it clear that flirting is taking place. This gives both of you the green light to flirt with each other. It’s creepy when you act seriously for a long time and then suddenly say something flirty. Set the tone from the start. Be actually the flirty, fun person if your intention is to flirt.

How do you set up a flirtation frame? By saying and doing obvious, flirtatious things . In the previous tips you already found examples of how to do that through ‘obvious flirting moves’ and by going straight for your goal like a sweet child.

This may have seemed like a stupid tip with a hopelessly formal name – ‘flirt frame’ – but you will hopefully understand that the opposite of this is also known as … the friend zone. So this tip – the ‘flirt box’ – is pretty important … or do you sometimes want to go to the friend zone? Didn’t think so indeed. So apply it and intelligently flirt with it.

Tip 9 – Don’t be (too) quick-witted, ‘funny’ or sharp

not too witty flirting

You don’t have to be witty or sharp. In fact, it only works against you. If you do that, the other has to maintain your (probably ‘played’) high level of wit, so that the other cannot (also) be themselves . The same goes for you: you probably aren’t yourself if you try to be witty or sharp, even if you’re pretty good at it.

The other person’s self-esteem may already be very low in date situations. Then what happens if she dates a guy who is constantly very funny, sharp, and witty? She gets the feeling that they also have to be just as funny, while she can’t compete with that.

Generating emotions is much more important than proving that you are ‘funny’.

Tip 10 – Create a magical ‘bubble’ of seduction in these five ways

That magical feeling in love, where it seems as if only the two of you exist in space , can be created. You can achieve this in several ways:

  • Such a magical bubble will sooner or later automatically arise, without you having to do anything for it. All you have to do is recognize this, grab it and make it more intense.
  • Maintain eye contact extra long without running away from it. Just a little longer than with other people.
  • Touch.
  • The proximity effect.
  • Sneaky ‘orders’.
  • Literally mirror.

In the following tips, we’ll take a closer look at these ways.

Tip 11 – Use these tips for good eye contact

You cannot create a magical bubble without eye contact. It is therefore an essential part of flirting. Use the following handles for eye contact:

Could there be a greater miracle than looking each other in the eye for a moment?
– Henry David Thoreau

  • Look straight ahead: give someone your full presence with this. If your head is in an angle and your eyes are turned to look at someone, that is creepy. Put your head in the direction you are looking up.
  • Try to notice what color the other person’s eyes are. That way you can’t make  deep eye contact.
  • Admire the other’s eyes. You are not attracted to that person for nothing, are you? Make sure to keep your eyes peeled!
  • Look at the other person’s lips. This doesn’t have much to do with eye contact, but it’s an important flirting move!

Tip 12 – Touch … this is risky and that is why it is good: if you risk something, you win something

touch-on-flirting

If only there was a magical substance with which you could give someone a nice feeling – while that nice feeling is also directly linked to you … Oh, wait a minute. That just already exists! It’s called touch, my dear friend!

We can tell an expensive story here about how touch produces oxytocin and endorphins, but our message is very simple. Touch is the missing link why flirting hasn’t worked out so far. No matter how handsome, cute, attractive, nice and rich you are.

Touch is the perfect demonstration of confidence, attraction and comfort. Ideal for flirting! In fact, it must . Without touch you keep going platonically. In other words , romance doesn’t stand a chance without touch.

The ‘problem’ with touch is that it is actually the perfect way to flirt, and at the same time it carries risk: the risk of making the other person feel creepy … 

But the whole reason touch works so well for good flirters is precisely because it carries so much risk! It’s just touch, but you can also do a lot wrong.

So when you can show the other person that you are intelligent enough to know how to touch and how not to touch the other, you are also demonstrating that you are a person who is good at risk, vulnerability and winning. of trust.

All those well-intentioned flirting advice like ‘it just has to arise in the moment’ and ‘you just have to go with the flow and it will work itself out’ are totally useless if you don’t apply the absolute core: touch, hug, caress, hold hands.

How you turn or turn it: touch is attractive. Provided, of course, you combine it with ‘just letting it arise in the moment’ and if you alternate it with letting go. Going slowly with the flow and contrasts (touch & non-touch) create attraction!

Anyway , how can you safely touch?

  • When is something non-creepy? When it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Touch with self-confidence, decisiveness, without considering it important and from a position of ‘I am enough already.’ If your ego interferes just a little bit, making you try to ‘do it right’ and not go off, you become repulsive, with a creepy feeling of, “Here comes the touch… I need the touch… The touch… Here it comes… ”
  • Be assertive and proactive with touch. It will have to happen, otherwise it will remain nothing more than a platonic affair.
  • Sit close together and lean gently against each other. You can always propose it to the other and if he / she would indeed like to, you will be just a couple right away. Hey, was that so difficult? Now gently caress each other’s hands and the picture is complete.
  • In any case, never miss the next opportunity: every touch the other makes can be returned one to one. You know 100% that it is safe for the other, because otherwise the other would not have done it either. In addition, it is always good to reward vulnerable things that others do. You do this by giving back a touch.
  • To walk hand in hand. Offer your hand or extend your elbow so that the other can hook in and you are already walking hand in hand.
  • Hold hands while sitting on the couch together.
  • Teasingly pushing the other person away – usually for a ‘reason’ – and then pulling back towards you.
  • To hug . Not only at the beginning and end of the day / date, but also in the middle of it. Just for no reason. Well, there is actually a reason: because you are so attracted to each other. Nice bonus: from that hugging it is very easy to give each other exciting assignments. You can read more about this in one of the following tips …
  • A playful or soft, loving hug from behind – perhaps around the belly too – to surprise the other.
  • Find ‘excuses’ for touch . This may come across as an obvious excuse. ‘I got dizzy for a moment. Hold me.’ Or are you in a haunted house: ‘I’m scared. Hold me.’ Or: “People often say that my hands feel like fine silk.”
  • Making contact with the other’s hand and finally holding your hand while sitting or standing.
  • Lift the other .
  • Knocking on your lap to invite the other person to sit on your lap.
  • Feed each other . Then don’t simply bring a fork to the other person’s mouth, but put your arm around the other first.
  • Dancing and of course shuffling . Men: put your hands around her waist. Women: put your hands around his neck. And how close should you be? Until your mouth is at the other’s ear.
  • Invite the other on your lap .
  • Play and tease. Let something silly arise spontaneously. For example, make a claw of your hand, move it towards the other and wait for the other’s reaction. Probably the other will go along and a game will arise.
  • Apply the closeness effect , for example by correcting the other person’s clothing so that you can get very close. See next tip.

Tip 13 – Take every opportunity for the proximity effect

how to decorate

The proximity effect! That is wonderful. As soon as you get closer, the other person’s heart rate increases.

  • Clothing is an excellent opportunity for this: her scarf or necklace for example. Put it on yourself for the other. Or put your own accessories on with the other. You can also wipe off crumbs from the other person’s clothes or clean a stain with a cloth.
  • Whispering is a very clear example of the proximity effect. Sometimes whisper sweet things in her ear. “I think you’re pretty sexy.” Take your chances and apologies to whisper something!
  • Be in the direct sight of the person you like. For example, put on your coat right in front of her when you’re at a party.
  • Keep talking as you walk towards the other person for a wonderful closeness effect that curates a bubble.
  • If there is already some trust between you – and if you see that the other person is talking a lot – you can now slowly walk closer in a wonderful way without saying anything. Maybe nod slightly, laugh, look at the other and smoothly get closer in his / her personal space until you just don’t touch the other. Exciting!
  • If you are sure that there is enough trust and security between you, you could practice the Japanese Kabe-Don “ritual.” Wait until the other person is standing against a wall or place her gently against a wall and then immediately do the sexiest move that Japan has ever produced: with an outstretched arm, slap your hand firmly against the wall behind the other, making you suddenly very close together. And then you whisper something sweet or sexy in your ear.

I once lay relaxed on a couch. A girl who was actively coached in the search for a partner came very close by also finding a comfortable position via the armrest. Our heads were inches apart and we could have an intimate conversation. There was immediately a ‘bubble’ that made it seem like only the two of us in the room exist. She knew what she was doing: so use the proximity effect too!

Tip 15 – Give the other flirt commands

As you read in one of the previous tips, wants  others probably love to flirt with you, but you must do it the green light to give . And what’s the best way to give the other person the green light to flirt with you? By literally telling the other what he / she can do! Some examples:

  • ‘Stand there. Stand here now. ‘
  • “Take a picture of us.”
  • “Put your hand here.”
  • Give me a hug. How does that feel? ‘
  • “Whisper something sweet in my ear.”
  • “Say that again.”
  • “Say my name again.”
  • “Put your hand on my arm.”
  • “Stroke my hand.”
  • “Put an arm around me.”
  • “Give me a massage.”
  • “Squeeze my hip / arms / chest.”
  • “Bite my neck.”
  • “Pant in my ear.”
  • “Bite your lip.”
  • “Bite my lip.”
  • “Bite my ear.”
  • You can do the same with almost any other touch.

Bonus tip: these commands are easy to give and follow during – or right after a hug.

Tip 15 – Flirting is the only activity where you can literally mirror (magical effect!)

This is wonderful: where mirroring is the death knell for your bond of trust in normal situations, mirroring is literally magical when you are flirting. Do exactly the same as what she does:

  • If the other feels butterflies in his / her stomach because you have a click, and the other is therefore fiddling with her hand in amazement, then you just do that too.
  • If she plays with her hair, so will you.
  • If she taps your hand gently several times, you tap her gently on her hand.
  • If she squeezes your hand, you squeeze back too.
  • If she runs her finger across your hand, so will you.
  • If the other person is in a cheerful / flirty state of mind at all, then take your chance, step into that energy and literally imitate all the movements. Spark after spark will jump.
  • Also mirror / utilize the words the other is using. She just said, “I had no choice,” and after you want to kiss her, she asks, “Why did you do that?” Then it is almost a shame not to say, “I had no choice.” This is possible in all words: “I feel like pizza.” “Do you also feel like nice guys?”

Notice immediately what kind of ‘magic bubble’ this creates!

Tip 16 – Tease with a wink (with warmth and love)!

flirt tips

Stay away from any tips that tell you to tease in a condescending way to challenge or demean the other … This is about love guys! Below are positive, warm, and loving examples to tease.

When done wrong, teasing creates distance. If you do it right, it creates connection.

Tease Set 1: Loving and warm ways to tease are …

  • Teasingly push the other person away, usually with a ‘reason’ – and pull him / her back towards you to give warmth with at least a hug.
  • Always go straight against the other. So contradict everything nicely. “That’s ugly.” “No, that’s nice.” “That was short.” No, that was long. “” Often. “” Sometimes. “” Just. “” Strange. “” You have new glasses. “” No, it’s still exactly the same. “” That’s orange. “No, that is pink, can’t you see that? “
  • Steal something from the other person and let him / her wrestle it from you.
  • Poke the other.
  • If the other person has said that he / she hates a certain item of clothing or accessory, wear it correctly.
  • If you walk past an obstacle, direct your walking direction so that the other person almost runs into the obstacle.
  • Poking fun at each other: “You have the funniest expression on your face right now!” ‘You look beautiful. That is probably due to the lighting in the room. ‘
  • In the third person, tell what is happening or will happen. “We’re just sitting in your office, and you lean over to kiss me.” “Come and talk to the nice woman / the nice boy.”

Plague Set 2: Accuse Accuse Accuse (with heat)!

  • ‘Stop letting it rain! That’s your fault! ‘
  • Passer-by who suddenly has a chat with you: “Would you like a day enjoying the sun together?” You: “Ah yes. Get a little romantic before we get married. Then the misery begins. ”
  • ‘I’m getting distracted and that’s because of you …’
  • “That’s a nice dress you almost wear.”
  • “They can dance beautifully, don’t you think?” “Are you saying you think the rest is ugly?” ‘No.’ “Well, that’s what it sounded like.”

The last example was a teasing technique by Tim van Conversation Ninja. He’s # 1 when it comes to flirting and teasing. Here you will find more information about Conversation Ninja.

Tease Set 3: Also use sarcasm as a fun tease and flirt tool:

The examples of sarcasm below are a few paraphrases of the brilliant work of Tim van Gespreksninja. Here you will find more information about Conversation Ninja.

  • ‘No sorry, you are boring. That’s why I’ve been talking to you for an hour. ‘
  • In a monotonous way: “How I love you dearly.”
  • The other points to something very clear: “Thank you. I did not notice.’
  • If the other person doesn’t respond so enthusiastically, “I like your enthusiasm.”

This kind of ‘flirtatious sarcasm’ could also be called ‘the obvious lie’:

  • ‘Let’s go home.’ “Oh yeah, what’s going to happen then?” “We’re going to talk about the constitution, the VVD’s financial expansion and politics … and books.”
  • ‘I need a taxi.’ “My house is a taxi rank, come with me… Well… I’m gone for a few hours and the taxi rank is gone, they renovated it!”

Or you say things overly in love, but in a sarcastic tone. The other will of course not believe you, but you never break from your role so you keep insisting:

  • The other says, “What did you do last Friday night?” Your reaction: “I was alone at home on the couch because I was waiting for you, you just never came.”
  • Answer any question about your love life with, “No, I’m saving myself for you.”
  • The other says, “Didn’t you see that other woman who just walked there?” Your response: “Uh no, I only have eyes for you.”

Or play the character of an extremely affectionate and clingy person :

  • ‘See you tomorrow!’ ‘Huh, are you going to leave me? Forever? Is this the end of our crossed love paths? Why now? You are always the favorite part of my day. In my life even. Please do not go. I can’t live in a world without you. I had already had my mother mashed a sweater with our names on it … ‘
  • The other mentions – accidentally or a little silly – something that is actually very logical and self-evident. Something like, “You have a mouth.” Then you use that as an extremely obvious flirting move. “Oh Marie. What a coincidence. We have so much in common you and I. This is meant to be . It was meant to be .”

Tease set 4: You can also – with warmth and love – play ‘angry’ to tease. Really keep the loving charge in it:

  • “Don’t give me that look, Jansen!”
  • “We’re done, lady.”
  • ‘What am I supposed to do with you, lady. Why am I talking to you … ‘
  • ‘Come on. Let me give you a second chance, but only because you have a nice face. ‘
  • “I don’t usually tolerate this kind of behavior, but because of your cuteness, I condone it … for this time.”
  • “Don’t doubt it, lady.”
  • ‘Am a little disappointed… No, I fully accept that;)’
  • ‘Something like that is called a compliment …’
  • What am I supposed to do with you … I knew you were trouble / Why do I feel like you’re a trouble maker?
  • It’s okay … you’re here to be beautiful and I’m here for the content. So you don’t have to take responsibility for that.
  • If you weren’t so pretty, I would have left a long time ago.

Bad  Tease Set 5: Be careful of mean teasing!

Never tease in a mean way! Flirting is about warmth and love. Be careful of teasing phrases that create too much distance, challenge, and resistance. So never use these examples:

  • “You know, you’re a nice girl, despite what everyone says about you.” ‘What? What do they say about me? ‘ ‘Oh, nothing …’
  • Nice perfume. I think my grandmother is wearing the same / Nice hat, my grandfather has the same one too. / I love that dress, they are very popular these days, I saw a woman walking in it a few minutes ago. / I love that dress, remember how popular they were last year?
  • I think you are really sexy as a monkey.
  • Wow, you workout… Every now and then …
  • And now some terrible jokes about the other person’s haircut: ‘I think you have a nice haircut. It reminds me a bit of a bird’s nest. ‘ ‘I think you have a nice haircut. It makes your head look normal. ‘ “It’s amazing how good a 10 – haircut looks these days.” ‘I think you have a nice haircut. Imagine how good it looks when it was washed. ‘ “Your hair smells good: it smells like taco meat.”
  • You look pretty, just a shame you use so much make-up.

Again: do not use the last pest set above.

Want to know more about how to combine heat, love and teasing in a healthy way? Read the article on provocative techniques.

Tip 17 – Use ‘funny arrogance’ and suggest that you are the prize

flirting tips and how

Funny arrogance is a great way to apply humor in flirting. It always produces a smile and it shows intelligence. But the biggest reason you want to blink in the air? With this you make yourself a challenge and a ‘ prize ‘.

If you’re a woman this is nice because you supposedly act like a diva and let all the cliches pass by. If you’re a man this is even more fun because you’re ‘flipping the script’. These are typical women’s things to say to a man.

Funny Arrogance Set 1: Make “arrogant” flirting accusations

Make “arrogant” flirt accusations, “as if you were an arrogant diva who has to shake off pick-up attempts all day long.

This is a great way to show humor, feel like you are the prize, and flirt at the same time. This is the main form of funny arrogance because it sets a healthy sexual tone: it portrays the other as “the most sexual of you two.”

The point of this is to lovingly accept sexuality and not condemn it as taboo. You achieve that by really doing it with a warm wink.

What examples?

  • If the other person does something mildly impressive, “Are you trying to impress me?”
  • “I know you can’t keep your hands off me, but you’ll have to be patient. None of that at this stage, young lady. Hands off. There is now nothing of it. I mean there are limits dear. ‘
  • “Don’t get anything into your head.”
  • “Don’t be under any illusions for tonight.”
  • “Slow down, tiger.”
  • Manage yourself lady. A little self-control, please. ‘
  • “Stop seducing me … with your mannerisms … and those heels of yours.”
  • “Were you just staring at me?”
  • Stop undressing me with that look of yours / with those devilish blue eyes.
  • You make no bones about it. You will surprise me with it.
  • I’m flattered, but flirt a little bit more, honey.
  • Has the other person misunderstood you so that he / she accidentally turns it into something romantic / sexual? “That was not what I meant but I like the way you think.”
  • If the other person happens to walk by for the second time: “You’re not me and stalking, are you?”
  • ‘Can I trust you? What if you want to get me drunk and take advantage of me? “
  • ‘How cute. How in love you are with me. Logical, because I am also very nice. ‘
  • “Would you like some sauce with that?” “Wow, take it easy with your flirtation.”
  • ‘Stop looking at me like that. I am a shy and sensitive guy so I get completely confused about your flirtation. Stop seducing me with your look. ‘
  • ‘You women are all the same too: standing by the men’s toilet to pick up boys …’
  • “I’ll resist your charms straight home in time.”
  • ‘First you must conquer my heart’
  • ‘Hands off lady. This is not free. 6 euros per hour, and you get a discount because you are fun. ‘
  • “It’s nice that you’re bringing me the {item}, but of course we both realize you’re using this as an excuse so you can impress and flirt with me.”
  • Good night. And don’t think about me too much. And please don’t send me 20 messages a day. “
  • “For a moment I was afraid you were going to get too clingy and stalk me and suddenly be standing at my door.”
  • In a failed / annoying flirting attempt: “Do you think you can really get me into bed with this kind of action?”
  • Pretend you hear the other person incorrectly and speak to them about politeness. “Such naughty statements don’t belong here lady.”
  • With a perfectly normal statement that the other makes, such as: “Do you know where the remote control is?” you accuse the other, “Are you hooking me up?” As if the other is a player.
  • Anytime the other person wants to ask you something, you can ‘misunderstand’ it and answer a question that hasn’t been asked in advance. “I have to ask you something.” Sorry, that would be really wrong. I’ve thought about it once, but no … ‘Or if the other person says:’ I’m going to the toilet now, ‘you can accuse it with:’ Thank you for your invitation and I would certainly have been with you, but you are my colleague so this is really not possible. ‘

Funny arrogance set 2: ‘Arrogantly’ disqualify the other

  • ‘Don’t talk to me that way, I’m not your boy toy. I hope you don’t take advantage of me. You think I’m just like any other man. You treat me like any other man. You’re using me. ‘
  • “That was your first mistake right away.”
  • ‘You are about to enter the’ lets just be friends zone ‘.
  • ‘You’re wasting your chances with me. You’re back to square one. ‘
  • ‘I can go too. I don’t have to stay here. ‘
  • ‘You can go. No go, just go. ‘
  • ‘Someone … take this lady away from me! I’ll give you 200 euros if you take her away from me. ‘
  • You can then say to every defense of the other: ‘Yes, yes, I would say too. I am on to you…’

Funny Arrogance Set 3: Act “arrogant” about how great you are

  • “Everyone thinks you are so handsome.” “Blame them.”
  • “All the women were looking at you!” “Can you blame them? Have you ever taken a good look at me?”
  • “You can kiss well.” “They say so.”
  • ‘It is not my fault. When I was a baby I fell into a box of glitter and since then I just shine. ‘
  • “So, how does it feel … to be with a real man / sexy woman?”
  • ‘Do you mind walking with such a sexy man / woman because no one is looking at you and everyone is looking at me?
  • If someone stumbles at your feet: “I often have that effect on women.” Yes, my charming appearance can indeed have that effect on people. I know such a real man can be a bit overwhelming. ‘ “Can I say that you fell for me?”
  • “Are you always shy when you talk to nice men / women?”
  • “It’s okay, we both know I’m a bit too ambitious for you. But that’s okay. ‘
  • I wouldn’t date if I were you. I’m afraid you’ll fall in love.
  • Do you dare me? Apparently not.
  • “Fortunately, I always have my charms.”
  • “Aren’t you going to hold the door open for me?”
  • “Are you going to order me another drink or what?”
  • ‘You are already starting to get nicer …’
  • “Okay, slow down… buy me a drink before you flirt with me (walk arm in arm to the bar).”
  • ‘With peacocks, the man is more beautiful than the woman. That is also the case with humans. ‘
  • “You really are a …” “prince in shining armor?”
  • I know, that was really funny of me. Compared to other great comedians, the ranking would be as follows:
    1 – My joke
    2 – Theo Maassen
    3 – Jochem Myjer
  • The other proposes dates for dating. ‘I can not do that. Then I can’t. I can’t on that day either. Just kidding!’

Funny Arrogance Set 4: ‘Arrogant’ misinterpretations are a delightful way of lovingly teasing

  • “It’s nice of you to wear that especially for me.”
  • “It’s great that you made yourself up so beautifully especially for me.”
  • After being alone at a party and going back to the group: “Yes, I really wanted to talk to you too but she dragged me along.”
  • Your eyes are so beautiful when they are angry. I think it’s sexy how you look so dubious.

Tip 18 – ‘Disqualify’ the other person with humor and warmth so as not to come across as ‘slimy / stalky’

flirt advice

In this article you will learn to be especially sweet, but you are not healthy when you are slimming. Note: slime is very different from warmth and love! Always be warm and loving. That is why in this tip you will learn a useful tool to ‘ decimate yourself with warmth and love .’ This technique is called: disqualification . Note: it is important that you apply this technique with heat , otherwise you will only break the connection.

Disqualification has the opposite effect of mucus. It communicates intelligence and humor. Examples include:
(I can’t say it often enough: run these examples warm and loving, with a wink !)

  • If you’ve found one thing after another in common, “This is too weird, we can’t talk anymore.” Or: ‘You’re really too nice: I can’t take it, we can’t talk to each other anymore’. ‘Do you know why we never get along? We are too equal. We would never accept each other’s opinion. We have too much in common, we would argue all the time and I would win. ‘ “We have too much in common, we can’t date.”
  • If the date is going really well and she suddenly makes a slip of the tongue or confesses something, “Listen, you’re really nice, but this isn’t going to work. Sorry. You are beautiful, you are great, but … you really can’t! ‘ Or: “That is unacceptable!” Or, “Okay … it was fun talking to you … but I have to go and floss my cat …” “Too bad. I used to like you.’ “I was about to marry you until you said that …” You can go, you don’t have to be here. ” “You started off so well …” “Part of me wants to stay here with you, but another part of me wants to run!”
  • If you get along really well, and if you both know that, “I feel like we can’t get along.” “I can tell you now that we really can’t get along.” “You’re too nice, we’ll never be a normal couple.”
  • ‘Criticize’ an insignificant pointless point: ‘Where did you get that bike! I think it is too yellow. I hate him. ‘
  • By the way, I’m not going to kiss you tonight (only say this if it sincerely comes from your feelings and it is really true).
  • What’s your number … before I change my mind.

Tip 19 – Never consciously apply ‘hard to get’ or ‘push’ (very annoying and not honest)

Do not use push pull consciously

What a horrible principle, that ‘play hard to get’ or ‘push-pull’. That is, if you apply it consciously. You get reflected what you do yourself. If you yourself are putting the other down, hurting or challenging, you can expect the same in return.

Moreover, if you consciously use push-pull, you are building a wall around you : you show yourself anything but vulnerable, and then – paradoxically – you are not protected in any way.

Love is warm and liberating. She is innocent, like a child with no ulterior motives.
– Haemin Sunim

Through hard to get to play , you’re not loving, and even repellent busy. Feel free to be hard to get, but never play it! By having an interesting life and chasing your passions, you automatically become ‘hard to get’ because you genuinely find the other person less important. You will find many more tips about this later in this article!

Love is something … sweet! Lovers are … nice to each other! We all long for deep connection and unconditional acceptance. For example, don’t give nasty, mean “tease compliments,” but see how you can express your love and affection . Because what do boys and girls do with each other? Right, they give each other kisses and hugs . No reason to be mean.

That you are open and loving gives me permission to be open and loving too.

So be vulnerable  instead of ‘protecting’ yourself by being ‘mean’. Vulnerability is about the question, “Am I taking risks and loving, or am I playing it safe by building a wall around me?”

“Why are you so nice to me?” “Because you allow it.”
– The Breakfast Club

Tip 20 – Remain somewhat unpredictable: positive ‘pushing’

flirt-be-unpredictable

Don’t be a dull, colorless, average, soporific, frumpy, monotonous, meaningless, dry, good, narrow-minded, dead, dusty, uninteresting, gray mouse … where everything is always the same.

Who wants to date such a boring? Please have a little tension and unpredictability in you. Do things that will make the other person wonder what you’re up to next: “What’s next?”

Don’t do what you say or say what you do.

Have spontaneous actions, suddenly come up with something fun, take the other person to a new place, appear somewhere unexpected, reveal some secret … and perhaps most importantly: don’t react eagerly to the other person every time .

When the other gets the feeling that you want to rush straight to the other’s house with a simple whatsapp , the interest is gone. So stay unpredictable.

And for that we unfortunately have to make a little use of that annoying push-pull thing. But do it from a position that is real: you actually have to have something better to do with your life, so that you are not always easily available for the other person.

Here comes the paradoxical joke: ‘hard to get’ and ‘push-pull’ are actually good things – and they even testify to vulnerability because you are in danger of losing the other – but only if it comes naturally . In fact, push-pull will also naturally occur if you do the following normal things:

  • Being honest and authentic: giving your own opinion without wanting to please and impress the other.
  • Give each other space .
  • Having your own passion .

So again: if you do the above, normal things, ‘push moments’ will automatically arise. Then moments will automatically arise when you don’t feel like having the other person around, and so push the other away.

Examples of (with a wink and warmth) ‘pushing’:

  • Being distracted for a moment by pushing her away from you for a moment and focusing your attention on something else in the room – or becoming bored and disinterested for a while – so not just paying attention to the other person. Remember: this is flirting. It would be creepy to only be involved with the other while you hardly know each other.
  • ‘Yeah, dooeeeeiiii! It was nice knowing you! Never see you again, hello Laura. Have a nice life. ‘ Of course with a big wink.
  • Literally keep the other at a distance with your arms. ‘Leave me alone.’ Again: lovingly and with a big wink.
  • Stop kissing. “Sorry, I changed my mind anyway.” “Okay, that’s all you get.” “Okay, the show is over.”
  • – I’m from Amsterdam
    – Pushing: bleegh … No that was just a joke, I have friends there, it’s not that bad.

A somewhat acceptable push-pull technique is to apply push and pull at the same time: ‘verbal-physical flirting’. That means getting physical with the other while verbally pushing the other away. Or the other way around: flirting verbally and taking further physical distance.

What’s not allowed is tempting.

Using a push and pull at the same time is also not such a bad idea if it is genuine and you do it with a warm smile.

  • Tease the other person and take him / her away … and immediately get the other person back for a hug to give warmth again.
  • I like you, but I’m not sure.
  • You have an interesting look, I kinda like it and I kinda hate it. There is something about you that I like and something that I have doubts about. Something interests me about you, but I don’t know what.
  • You’re pretty nice for an annoying girl.
  • You’re quite nice for a hipster.
  • Get away from me, I can’t have you for none. You’re way too cute and tempting.
  • I hate you: you’re just way too sexy when you smile like that.
  • I hate you: because I genuinely like it with you. I just can’t pinpoint what’s causing that, and that drives me crazy.
  • I hate you and I think you are horrible but I think you are cool and interesting.
  • There’s something about you, I don’t know what it is, I can’t decide if I like it or if I hate it.
  • You seem like a nice person … But I don’t know you that well yet, so who knows. You could just be completely crazy.
  • Do you know what I like about you? Absolutely nothing. But it’s a bit weird. I like that you are creative, interesting and unique, which I actually think is terrible, but luckily you are not boring, or at least not completely boring.

Tip 21 – This is how you always keep it exciting: know when to stop (at the peak)

stop-at-the-peak

It is emotionally intelligent to know when something is enough and when it is time to stop. Live in moderation and stop at the peak.

You then know when you (first!) Have to stop with a conversation, a kiss, etc., so that you leave the other person with the feeling that you want more. You sense the right moment to stop the conversation at its peak, and not when it is dying off again. This is an unconscious, natural and healthy (!) ‘Push’.

So take a step back at least as often as how often you take a step forward. This way you create dynamics, tension and an elastic effect. Also in bed. Until the other person almost begs you to continue.

Make sure you actually have more interesting things in your life than wanting to spend hours sticking with that one person. Then it is honest and not ‘hard to get’ in a played way.

Tip 22 – Avoid the following conversation topics

This is true in all occasions anyway and even more so when flirting. This immediately takes away a great deal of attraction.

  • Money (and how much you earn).
  • Tell about your career with ego.
  • Subjects for intellectual stimulation.
  • Unsolicited advice. If the other person wants advice, he / she will ask: what should I do?
  • Negative topics.
  • Criticizing something.
  • Religion.
  • War.
  • Politics.

Tip 23 – Use these examples for appropriate topics of conversation

decorate tips

So what can you talk about to keep the appeal high?

  • Anything to do with emotions.
  • Trivial, things: what you have done or something that is happening in the environment. Always be sensible to notice nice things in the environment.
  • Funny, nonsensical things.
  • Relationships between people and drama.
  • Anything that brings pleasure and joy, such as good food.
  • The other’s opinion.
  • The advice of the other.
  • Ask if the other person can teach you anything.
  • Teasing subjects, ‘nonsense’ and ‘funny arrogance’. We discussed this extensively in previous tips.
  • A compliment serves as an excellent topic of conversation when flirting. This was the second tip of this article for a reason!
  • Say “Yes, and …” of the improvisational theater techniques . Because everything that comes after ‘Yes, and …’ is valuable, positive, energizing and exaggerating.
  • ‘Sexy subjects’. These are all the topics that are slightly associated with sex: topics such as piercings, tattoos, parties and booze … For example, “Do you like the taste of beer?” “Do you have tattoos or piercings?” “Do you like parties?” “Do you like staying up late?” Do you already understand? You don’t ask questions like this to just a friend, and yet it is subtle.
  • Conversation topics that are metaphorically related to doing things that are actually not allowed. “How old were you when you had your first drink?” “Did you often get into trouble in high school?” “Did you ever take drugs?”
  • Anything that puts you in a childhood state of mind. Related topics include glitter or things that were not allowed, such as sweets (what was your favorite candy as a kid?)
  • The wonder question , “What would you do if …” “Would you ever …” “Let’s pretend we’re boyfriend and girlfriend for the next five minutes.”
  • Talk about sex. Besides, it shouldn’t be a taboo topic for you. Not while flirting. Then it is even a logical subject. Moreover, the law of ‘conversational hypnosis’ also just comes into effect with this subject: when you talk about something, you do it from the inside of your head. You can imagine that this benefits the excitement.
  • Qualifying Questions, Disqualification Jokes, and Comfort Questions. More about this later. These are some more serious topics of conversation that you won’t immediately use after you’ve just met someone. Keep reading this article and you will come to the explanations for these conversation topics.
  • Suddenly ask a deep question to the other. It is surprising and perhaps a bit ‘unusual’, but it immediately creates a deep connection because you don’t just have a deep conversation with everyone. A deep question is something that goes further than environment (“Do you come here more often, they have nice decorations here, don’t they?”) And behavior (“What do you do?”). A deep question is about capabilities, for example: can you name 3 strong points of mine? And also mention 3 strengths of the other. More deep questions can be found here …
  • Use diminutives to instantly make any topic of conversation cuter and more emotional: hand, foot, chair …

Do you want more inspiration for fun conversation topics? Then read the article with hundreds of examples of original questions you can ask to get to know someone .

Tip 24 – Make sexual jokes in a safe way

Talking about sex is normal. Joking about sex too. However, there is quite a difference between the inappropriate way of doing this … and the classy, ​​neat, safe way of doing it. How do you safely make sexual jokes without appearing creepy?

  • Simple: you are creepy if you pretend to be different from you , so if you are not that funny at all, don’t make these kinds of jokes!
  • Sexual jokes are only a ‘metoo-trampling’ if you have no sense at all about what kind of person you are dealing with.  Only do it if you already know the other person is interested and is the right type to appreciate these jokes.
  • Keep an eye on how vulgar and raunchy you come across and how many credits you have left to appear classy.
  • You can also appear creepy and unsafe if you make sexual jokes before the other person has gotten to know you a little. These kinds of jokes only become safe when you roughly know each other’s real character, so you can trust each other (and remember: trust can also be built very quickly with the rapport technique ).
  • Ambiguous comments are generally not creepy at all, but safe, classy, ​​erotic and fun. However, the main focus of ambiguous comments is … they must actually be ambiguous , not vulgar! So you’re just talking about something non- sexual – with an ambiguous meaning behind it: “My countertop is so big because of course there must be enough room for tasty activities on the counter.” The next sentence is too direct – and thus not ambiguous: “My countertop is big enough for a woman to use it.” Such a statement is less exciting, less safe and much more vulgar.

How do you make sexual jokes? There is a simple ‘ formula ‘ for that. You can lead all the other’s statements to something sexual through associations. Make sure you do this with a safe, warm and playful undertone and make sure you don’t do this until you trust each other and already know each other a little.

It works like this: all words with a potentially ambiguous meaning are pronounced with extra emphasis so that they are a clear joke. Again: keep it  safe  for the other person, for example by keeping it playful and full of humor.

With the words ‘ Sweating, Exciting,  Nice, Do, Wild,  Good, Spicy, Hot, Warm, Spicy, Naughty  and Experiment.’ you can always do something. 

Another thing you can always do is teasingly accuse the other person of making ambiguous comments. So if the other person makes a comment that has two meanings – for example, because he / she used the word ‘experiment’ in a normal sense – you simply accuse the other of making a sexual comment. “Experimenting … You with your naughty thoughts always … I feel flattered again but this is really not possible.”

Examples of all these ‘techniques’:

  • “I’m good at {ambiguity}.”
  • “I’m going to the bathroom.” ‘Sorry, thanks for the invitation, but I really can’t go with you. That’s inappropriate with so many peepers at the toilet entrance, but I like the way you think. ‘
  • The other is eating a salad: “That looks good … And the salad too.”
  • ‘Yes, I love good stuff. Otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you. ‘
  • “I’m leaving in a day.” “I like women like that: women who leave after a day.”
  • If the other talks a lot about children he / she sees somewhere: “If you insist like that, we can make children.”
  • “It’s really hot / warm in here!” ‘Well … that’s because of me. I often have that effect on women / men. ‘ Or: “That’s because of you.” Or: “You can take something off from me, I don’t have any problems with that.” Or: ‘You can just say that. You also warm to me. ‘ Or, “Yes, it’s hot, but nothing is as hot as you.”
  • ‘I’m cold.’ “Huh, but you look very hot.”
  • “It goes really deep.” “There are two situations in your life where you will say that in front of me.”
  • “It goes really deep.” “Well, I don’t need to know that many details.”
  • “It goes really deep.” “No, that’s just tonight.”
  • ‘Yes, just mix the stew well. Also on the bottom. Go really deep. ‘ “Well, I’ve done that before.”
  • “It’s late so I’m going to hang up the phone. We really need to go to bed now. ‘ Yes, that was planned, but not yet dear. ‘
  • ‘Bah, that’s gross. Let him go.’ “That reminds me of my first time having sex.”
  • You can always use this: “This is really {beautiful}.” ‘Do you know what is beautiful? You.’
  • “Could I do something for you?” “Well … what kinds of requests do you accept?”

Tip 25 – Do not think ahead about what you want to say during conversations: stay in the here and now

flirt-don't-think

Magical moments only arise spontaneously. You cannot think of them in advance. So don’t think ahead while you are talking. This is one of the most important aspects of excellent listening skills. It’s a very simple tip, but it does take a bit of courage and confidence.

Don’t think about whether or not to address someone. Don’t think about what you are going to say. Don’t think about all sorts of quick reactions. Don’t think about the move you’re about to make. Do the move.

Don’t try to come up with a ‘funny reaction’. A ‘funny reaction’ is only funny if it comes to mind on the spot – by chance.

For this you need to be in a state of mind  where you feel funny, alert and attractive. A state of mind is very much something much “richer” than a reaction. A funny reaction is just one funny reaction, while with a powerful frame of mind you can always create all possible funny reactions!

How do you achieve such a powerful state of mind? You can  take two gigantic steps for this anytime and anywhere :

Tip 26 – Flirt without talking

You create a more special bond with someone when you ‘understand’ each other without talking to each other. In fact, this ‘telepathic’ communication is the basis for flirting. So talk to your facial expressions regularly without saying a word.

How? Simple: just by letting your face express what you are thinking at that moment.

So keep your mouth shut and let your face and body speak. The more you can say with as few words as possible, the more socially intelligent you come across. Look at the other person meaningfully, get closer, do not fill in the silences and ask some questions. In other words, be present with all your senses instead of telling long-winded stories.

Get decorated. It’s okay to keep your mouth shut. Look at the other person and wait until he / she says something. The most confident men and women can hold it for up to seven seconds. After those 7 seconds, they all start talking.

Tip 27 – It doesn’t matter what you say, but  what your vibes are

flirting tips

Are you flirting? It’s all about the ‘underlying tone’ . It really doesn’t matter what you say at all, but it’s about the vibe.

It doesn’t matter what you say. You can convey the most perfect sentence with an insecure, slimy vibe and you can convey the most potty sentence with a certain, sexy vibe.

For example, you learned in the previous tips that it is certainly not necessary to be ‘funny or witty’. In fact, you can act as awkward and shy as you want (if that really matches how you feel). You also learned that in one of the previous tips.

Now let’s take it one step further: you can talk the biggest nonsense because it just doesn’t matter what you say. It’s just about a few important things:

  • How much of your real self do you show?
  • How much vulnerability do you show to tell the other how you feel about the other?
  • How can you arouse emotions ?

So the words you use don’t matter. You could even talk complete nonsense: ‘A dog on the street does: woof woof. A cat does: meow. Dog: woof. Cat: meow. ‘ As long as it is real and full of dedication.

There is a well-known exercise for training this: stand in a row with three people in front of a spectator. The spectator gives you a word. Then you start to talk freely about that word, continuously taking side paths to other topics. “Shoe. A shoe is on your foot. Feet sometimes stink terribly. There are also solutions for this, such as washing your foot. Washing is done with water. A wet substance. Substance is a difficult word. We use words to communicate … “After about five minutes, the spectator tells who best attracted the attention and why.

Tip 28 – Be sensory sharp, so that you don’t just have an eye for the other person

Your date isn’t the only thing interesting. That would be creepy. Everything you see / hear / feel / smell / taste is interesting. Pay attention to that and name it. The content is not important, the way you say something is.

A fun exercise to do: talk about something uninteresting / trivial that your senses notice, like a brick, but bring it as authentic and / or interesting as possible. If you genuinely don’t care about the brick, fill the time by saying how you feel about this exercise or talking authentically about the fact that you can’t think of anything.

What do I see, what is the other doing, how does she react to the environment at that moment, what does she look at …

Tip 29 – Always be social towards others

This communicates that you don’t just have an eye for her at the expense of others.

  • If someone joins in, involve that person in the conversation before anyone else can.
  • If someone asks you something, tell the person you’re flirting with that you’re going to give the other person some attention, and then turn to her again.
  • If someone comes to flirt with the other, involve him / her. Even introduce them to each other. Don’t be claimant.
  • Even if a bum passes by, you can include it to show that you don’t just have an eye for her: “He likes you too.”

Tip 30 – First seduce the party and only then seduce the person

seduce the party

First seduce the party. Talk to everyone first. Immediately introduce yourself to all the wallflowers and even give everyone a compliment. Then it is more natural for the person you like to speak to her. Moreover, there is a bonus that you take with you when you do this: maybe someone will automatically start flirting with you because they see that you are a nice person!

How would you like it if you were the prettiest person at the party anywhere and always get all the attention right away? But now someone comes in and doesn’t even notice you because he is busy with the party? Then you become interested.

It seems a bit mean, but it is just an expression of love when you are busy with the party and the wallflowers. Make them feel good, see the good in them, and express appreciation for their positive qualities and qualities that no one else noticed. Build an emotional connection with them.

That handsome person at the party will naturally be interested in you. Plus, you’re no longer a stranger if you’ve ‘infiltrated’ the entire party – and maybe even his / her social circle.

Tip 31 – Never hunt anyone!

Oops, how embarrassing! Chasing or chasing someone. If the other person walks away, you just stand and talk, but then louder. You also turn yourself away from the other. Otherwise it looks very sad. And if the other keeps running away, then it should be so. On to the next opportunity.

Someone should not be forced to use the word ‘no’ more than once. Know how to take a loss and go for a new chance with someone else.

Tip 32 – Sometimes just lead the interaction forward

woman decorating

There must be progress in the interaction. So don’t wait but show intention: man to woman (or woman to man). Avoid an endless conversation that leads nowhere , but let the interaction ‘go forward romantically’.

Please don’t hang around that funny dude or chick for too long. Move forward. Kiss. Touch. Take with you. Make a deeper connection.

This seems to contradict some of the other tips in this article where you learn that it is enough to be yourself and enough to just show up. That contradiction can be correct, because at times when you feel that you can take the next step, you can safely do so .

Know clearly what you want – and let your intentions actually be expressed in your words and especially actions with full conviction . Be vulnerable. Sometimes words have to stop for a moment – so that there can be room for that one vulnerable hug.

“Ninety percent of language is just avoiding dating. We’re creating a big wall of words to hide the fact that we don’t want to be in a relationship.”
– Osho

Sometimes just be a ‘man’ and lead,  say, to a touch, kiss, or invitation to go home . This is often seen as masculine energy, but women can also step into that energy. It is not tied to a gender. Women can do this too.

I could tell from her body language that she wanted it, and before she could even say yes, I took her hand and she followed me.

What does that mean, that lead? Make sure that there is already trust, connection and physical contact (!) , And then be extra (loving!) Teasing, extra guiding or extra romantic. For example:

  • Look her in the eye with extra intensity as if she were the most beautiful in the world. What happens now? True love.
  • Or be extremely direct, as you learned in the first tips of this article: ‘Just authenticity, no more masks. Be real. Be cool. ‘Are you single? Yeah, I just said that. So that’s how daring I am! ‘
  • Simply point, in silence, with your back straight, with an open palm, your finger / arm to let her approach and pull her towards you.
  • Invite the other person to your home.  See next tip …

This involves a bit of risk, but the other person will respect you for the fact that you took risks. The result, such as a possible rejection, does not matter.

Tip 33 – Invite the other to your home, but do not think that the other is retarded

Make sure you do something at home. This is the easiest way to move things forward, but do it with some intelligence. Show that you ‘get it’.

You can easily remove any creepyness by not thinking that the other is retarded. The other person also knows that it is easier for you to get physical with each other at home, and that that is your intention. So adopt an intelligent attitude about this by being willing to scoff at this.

How do you invite the other? For example, use the following magic words:

  • “Afterparty with me. There is enough drinks and music.”
  • “I have a Playstation.”
  • “I’ll cook for you. You get the groceries.” “Let’s make dinner.”
  • “Come and show your piano skills.”
  • “I’ll show you that DJ program on my laptop.”
  • “You have to see my pets, they can do tricks.”
  • “Passionate, loving sex. With you or me? We have to work as a team to leave your friends cleanly.”
  • “Okay, that’s it. I’m going to introduce you to my cactus.

I once had a date who was really good at it: she took every opportunity to invite me over to her house. Phone empty? It could be charged with her. Make a drawing of our date? That could be cozy at home!

Remember: anything is  possible at your home. Charging the phone, fixing food, after parties, looking up something nice on the internet, etc.

Another thing you can do to make it less creepy is to (dis) qualify the other . For example, if you invite the other person to a romantic dinner at your home, say:

  • But you cook.
  • But you arrange a good dessert.
  • Only if you promise not to steal anything.
  • Only if you behave. If you can just hold back when I get to your place.
  • Just show how good your taste is in terms of drinking and hospitality.
  • If your soup is as good as my grandma’s recipe, you can come over. But first I have to approve it.
  • I can’t go with you. I don’t know if you’re a psycho yet. You’re probably gonna cut my head or something.
  • I can’t go with strangers, I’m shy.
  • Please don’t take this personally but… I have to get up early tomorrow, and I give myself an hour of quality time with my dog, so if you come you can only stay half an hour.

The same goes for when you first go to the other person: Yes, certainly. I would be happy to visit you for {tea}. On a few conditions …

  • How nice is your sofa?
  • How cozy is your home? 
  • Do you have a little taste in terms of drinking?
  • How well can you cook?

Once at home you make sure that there are no obstacles between you. For example, make sure that you end up on the couch next to each other. Or show something on your laptop and invite the other person to your lap.

Tip 34 – Ended up at home? Think about the sense of security and build confidence

decorate tips

In the previous tip you already learned to invite someone to your home. It is not unimportant that men pay extra attention to safety ( keep #metoo in mind ). You make her feel safe in the following ways.

  • If you are the man, it is recommended that you say the following sentence when she comes to your home so that she feels safe : “This is my house, where I live. I have boundaries, rules and I think it is important that people feel comfortable and safe in my home. So let me know if anything can do to make you feel safe. ‘
  • Agree with the other: ‘This is my hand, this is your hand. As soon as you don’t feel comfortable hit my hand, yes really hit it. ‘
  • Let her know she can only come in for ‘2 seconds’ or ‘5 minutes’. In reality it takes longer, of course, but this immediately gives her a sense of security because she knows that at least you don’t expect it to take very long.
  • Sit back to give the other person the energetic space.
  • You get big fat plus points if you put yourself in a situation with her where you can theoretically get physical with her, but don’t! Be at ease yourself and keep your distance. You build comfort if she can sit on your couch without entering her space.
  • Make the other person feel familiar with your home. For example, arrange to meet at home to go on a date together.
  • Do something fun on the computer. This is a safe place to get physical. The other can always continue with, for example, the Winamp-DJ program that you have switched on.

Another essential reminder for safety: one time no is no. If the other does not want to continue, take your loss.

Tip 35 – Flirt two steps ahead: do things ‘already’ that only partners would do

Partners do (nice) things for each other, right? So what happens when you ask the other person to do something (nice) for you? Then ‘already’ seems a little bit as if you have a relationship. So ask the other person to do something small for you, such as giving you something, giving you a tissue, or removing a stain from your shirt.

This is the power of presuppositions (implications). When you do these kind of sweet things, you unconsciously accept the reality implied by this: that you are “already” in a relationship. With this you flirt two steps ahead!

Tip 36 – Feel attractive, then flirting will come naturally

Feel attractive, then flirting will come naturally. How do you do that? You achieve that with the tips from this article to become more attractive.

Tip 37 – There are no ugly people, only people who don’t care for themselves

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Do everything in your power to look good. There are no ugly people. If you do everything within your reach to look well-groomed, then you are attractive.

Wear good clothes, stylish accessories, have good breath, and use deodorant. That really makes the difference. You have a lot more right to stop a walking woman to speak to her, because you are a super handsome, well-groomed and nice man!

Are you a man or a woman who always dresses and looks neat? Then I have good news for you! You’re done. You don’t need tips. All you have to do now is give a nice bouquet to a woman / man and ask this person out that way.

Tip 38 – Love yourself first: otherwise you cannot love someone else

Love yourself and your own imperfections first . This really has to be done first. How can you expect to give love to someone else if it isn’t even in you? That doesn’t even make sense.

Am I available myself? Then the other is also available.

Once you fall in love with yourself, the rest of the world will fall in love with you (you create reality.)

I also can’t give you money if I don’t have it myself.

Tip 39 – Be who you want to attract … This is guaranteed to work (understand what ‘soul mate’ means)!

flirt what you say doesn't matter

There is one way that is guaranteed to work to attract the kind of person you want to have in your life: Become like that person! For energy attracts similar energy.

You attract what you are.

Do you want to attract someone who is happy, active and whose soul is clearly present? First make sure that your soul is clearly present. If your own soul is absent, then you can really only attract someone whose soul is also absent. Hint: you can tell from someone’s eyes and grin that his / her soul is present!

Are you looking for a soul mate? Note the word ‘soul’. Your own soul must be present if you want to achieve that! By the way, let’s clarify what “soul” means. Soul is joy and love. There is then no more ego , anger and fear, because the only expression of the soul is love.

Fall in love with yourself, then the world will fall in love with you.

This has to do with the law of attraction and the phenomenon ‘perception is projection’ . Life always mirrors back to us the feelings that we have in us. It gives it back to you like a mirror. Send your (self) love into the world, then the person who recognizes this feeling of love and wants to share it together, will be attracted to you like a magnet.

From now on I want to be the one for myself.

You prepare yourself for your soul mate by being the one yourself. When you are happy with yourself, you will automatically attract the person who fits your peaceful, confident state of consciousness.

If you don’t do this, the search for ‘the one’ can be an attempt to fill the void within yourself. So first accept yourself. Love yourself first.

If you want to have a meaningful relationship, then you have to stop looking for the one, but become the one yourself.
When you find real love, you find yourself.
– Deepak Chopra

If you have a hard time loving yourself and accepting yourself, then you are telling the universe that you are not worthy of love.

I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and say “I love you” to me. An African saying goes: Beware if someone who is naked offers you a shirt.
Maya Angelou

I know a woman who was very sad and said, ‘Why doesn’t anyone want to be with me? Love me, hold me? There is no man who comes by! Why me?!!!’ You know the answer by now:  Energy attracts similar energy.

What in your life is ‘you’, with which no one or even someone wants to vibe?

  • Do you hate your life?
  • Your car?
  • Your neighborhood?
  • Your job?
  • Your hobbies?

And you wonder why people want to run from you?

‘Oh, I love you … because I don’t love my own life. Do you want to live my life for me? Because I hate my job and my hobbies right now… ”
And you wonder why they run? Let your vibes be what you want to attract.

Don’t try to fill a void in your life through that other person. Be complete yourself. Live your life, live your life and love your life. Someone who is doing that is a powerful person.

When you fully embrace and live your life – and when you do it with your intuition (sixth sense) , you become very charismatic. Six-senses have a very attractive energy. Be guided by your sixth sense and constantly ask: Is this feeding my soul? My growth? Does this allow me to be present in my true self? In short: put that at the center of your life – and then lovingly share it with your dream partner.

Tip 40 – Don’t get too attached to the other person

 The boy who continuously wants to go to the girl and send messages has no meaningful life and in the end does not even get the girl along. The girl who gives in to it has no respect for herself. The analogy of a drunk junkie in the street is absolutely spot on!

If you can only think about the other person all day, it is a sign that you have nothing important in your life: that you have no passion in your life.

The best remedy for this: find a passion ! In addition, you show that you are not too quickly attached to the other because you give the other time and space. If the other person has canceled your appointment, be understanding and patient “Hey, it sounds like you need more time to get used to your new school. Take your time to get acclimatized. ‘ With that message you showed three very attractive qualities: patience , understanding and self-control .

Even if others want to hook up on your date, just let that happen. You show that you are not the jealous type and that you know that the others are absolutely no threat.

Tip 41 – Have your own passion: this makes flirting less important, and therefore easy for you

Why does the boy get the girl in The Greatest Showman? Because he has a vision and because he puts that vision at number 1 … and not the girl.

Your passion, or your life mission, that is the most important thing in your life. Your wife / husband is the most important male / female resource in your life. So your partner is not the absolute most important thing in your life, because that is your passion or your mission. It’s very unattractive, creepy, and it creates all kinds of ego-related problems when your partner is the most important thing in your life.

This is not a “trick.” So do not quickly determine your passion, dream or life mission and then focus on flirting again. This tip only works if you are actually focused on your great passion with great enthusiasm.

Then suddenly you have that strong attraction around you because you don’t care that much about flirting or dating. Then you accidentally meet someone and it goes without saying. Then you can easily ask someone out. The other can just see and feel it in you if you have put your great passion first.

So: determine what your dream partner looks like , write it down somewhere and then let it go completely so that you can focus on your fantastic life and passion. A few weeks later you have already bumped into your dream partner.

Tip 42 – Don’t care too much about flirting: this will make it work!

If you don’t care about it anymore, you can flirt successfully. This is the power of ‘not giving af * ck’ and it is simply a matter of prioritizing: flirting is important, but if flirting is the most important thing in your life, you are not attractive . You radiate that and you cannot do anything about it, except by having things in your life that are more important to you. Read all about this in the summary of ‘The Noble Art of Not Giving a F * ck’.

Have your priorities clear. Do you see your family or suddenly get a strong urge to work on your dream, excuse yourself and pick up the conversation with the other time again.

To highlight one of the book’s most important lessons: don’t make a big deal out of anything. Be sparing about handing out your f * cks so you can save them for the important things in your life. Don’t get overly emotional about the person you’re flirting with. Only do that when you are in a relationship. Now don’t be overreacting to trivial things like flirting. Sit back and let the other person do some work as well.

If you want something  too bad, you probably aren’t ready yet.

If something is not important to you, you will be sharper and have more inner space to succeed. If you think things are too important, you start to have doubts. There is a lot of pressure and then little happens. You are then unreliable for the other.

So apply balance in your life. Make sure you look good for your date and then you’re already done ‘spending your f * cks’ on dating. Then you start contributing to the world again, to what is really important. For example, you can think about the other once in your day, as long as you can get back to your world mission afterwards.

Important: don’t confuse this with apathy! With the right conviction and decisiveness, you can just flirt with someone now and a little later you will be dating. See next tip …

Tip 43 – You really have to want it: then you have 100% success

how to flirt

What is this now? Am I going to contradict myself with the previous tip in which I say you shouldn’t care too much? Yes, because there is an important nuance.

This is paradoxical if you have just read the previous tip: you can also just really want to flirt with someone and succeed.  Wanting to achieve a crystal clear goal – in this case to flirt – is the most powerful thing there is.

Skills don’t mean anything. It’s about the will. The will to take action.

If someone approaches you when it is clear that that person does not really want it, do you trust that person? Like attracting money, attracting a partner requires faith, persuasion, desire, and persistence.

You really have to want it, with conviction. You are not ready to receive anything unless you are convinced that you want to and can receive it. Have the will, the faith and the confidence! Life gives what you ask for!

However, combine your desire to flirt successfully with the previous tip so as not to care too much in relation to other things in your life that really matter to you. This is a very different kind of ‘wanting’ than the ‘sticky’ wanting when you have nothing else in your life. This tip is about ‘wanting’ from a powerful basis in which you have your priorities in order.

So feel free to go for it and flirt if you want to. And really want it to succeed! It is a special effect: you succeed 100% of the time if you really want it 100%, with full vigor. If you get rejected, it’s because part of you secretly wanted the other to say no.

If you get rejected, it’s because part of you secretly wanted the other to say no.

Tip 44 – You don’t need any techniques, tips and tricks at all

You don’t need any techniques. You just have to be a normal person . How simple is it to behave normally? Well, a normally attractive person just needs to have the following in order:

  • A normal person pays attention to his / her appearance.
  • A normal person has a hobby that he / she is passionate about.
  • A normal person has his / her life in order in terms of career, family and finances.
  • A normal person has good friends of both sexes, which shows your potential partner that you are already ‘approved’.

Ready. That’s all. If you comply, you are a normal person. No tricks, no techniques. You’re already there. Now you can get any potential partner.

Why? To put it simply: put a male cat and a female cat in a bag and a little later they have formed a family. Men like women and women like men. In principle nothing else needs to be done if it is two normal people.

I always manage to make a special connection with someone and automatically get close to someone – without tricks and gimmicks. And you can do that too. Anyone can do it.

Only use the tricks and tools in this article – such as funny, overly arrogance, and teasing tips – when the situation calls for it. Do not use it inappropriately.

Tip 45 – Success means you did it: condemn yourself not for how it has gone

decorating-tips-success

The result is not important, so don’t get attached to it. Your criterion for success is: I did it, I did my best, I gave myself without hesitation. Know that only feedback exists, that feedback is never personal, and that all feedback will bring you closer and closer to ‘getting’ the ‘dance of seduction’.

Since you made a move at all, you can do it a bit better next time. The most important thing is that you make a move at all. You have to judge your success on that!

Let go of all tips and make mistakes. The most important thing is that you do anything at all. I once had a date where the biggest ‘mistakes’ were made. For example, I made a much too heavy, overwhelming and therefore awkward compliment. But it was a great date nonetheless. Because I was there. Because she was there. Because we showed up. That’s your only measure of success: Show up. Do it. And do it wrong.

Tip 46 – You just have to show up: this is your only ‘move’

You have to do something , no matter how trivial and imperfect it is. Don’t put it off. Don’t beat around the bush. You will only regret otherwise. Go for it, no matter how badly it can start to ‘fail’, because at least you were there.

Realize that just the act of showing up is enough. What do we mean by showing up? For example, that you address the other without knowing him / her. That is already an impressive act. Once you have done that, you no longer have to pull out all kinds of tricks and jokes. The other person is already impressed by you that you spoke to him / her, because no one dares (without alcohol).

After that you are done and you just have to be yourself and act like a normal person. So don’t try to impress the other person anymore, because that will bring yourself down. Also just arriving on your date means that you showed up and that you are there. No more is needed to impress the other. The other person is impressed by you, so don’t bother with that anymore.

Most people are afraid or need alcohol to talk to someone. If you’re doing this sober, you’ve already been impressed enough.

You don’t have to do flips, beat dragons, and make super fun jokes so that the other person likes you. A very clumsy conversation might be even better, because it is more real.

Just to know you are is enough. You don’t necessarily have to offer others something they need you for.

Everyone has insecurity and everyone becomes happy when you offer your flirtation / love. Just because you are you. You may meet all kinds of beautiful men / women that you would like to pick up, but you don’t dare to pick up because you think it won’t hurt them, it won’t be welcome and they won’t like you anyway. That’s a lie.

Everyone has their insecurities and everyone is happy when they are flirted with. Be the person who gives love so that the insecurities of others are healed.

Even I still make this mistake way too often. When I see the most beautiful woman in a group who dares the most, I immediately think that she has no insecurities and that I cannot bring her anything. That’s why I don’t dare to ask her out.

Tip 47 – Be honest and be yourself … if you are actually a normal person (and fix your shitty behavior)

flirt and decorate

Decorating is simple. Step 1: be and remain yourself . Step 2: say nice things to the other person. There is really nothing more to it. That is, if you don’t act like a total loser who never takes a shower – we’ll get to that later in this section. We now assume that you are a normal, neat person who has his / her life in order.

Express your interest in the other person without fear of rejection. You are yourself when you can express that you actually like someone.

Honor the person you are. Don’t apologize for it. Don’t put on an act , because sooner or later your real me will show up and the other one will be disappointed. And the great thing is, the other person will love every aspect of you if you just show your real self right away.

If you don’t feel enthusiastic and energetic, just be slow on that day. Of course, speak it out too. Don’t hold up nice weather but be honest about your feelings. So for example you feel down about something, say it.

Be vulnerable. Feel and share your true emotions as much as possible. Literally. Straight away. Authentic, congruent and fair. Be yourself – authentic – because then all sources come naturally. Say what you want, go forward, be honest, real, brave and exceptional. Go for straightforwardness through honesty. Say and do whatever you want.

You only sabotage your flirt or date if you pretend to be different than you are. Why? The other person will immediately notice if you are not yourself. And in the rare case that the other person doesn’t realize it, your true nature will show itself in one of the following dates … If it could come that far.

Moreover: do you always want to put on your mask when you are with your partner and not be able to be yourself? Maybe you can keep it up for a day (and the other too), but then it stops. You cannot rely on an act.

It’s about showing your true self, because that’s what the other person wants to see in you too. Otherwise, the other cannot open up to you.

Really be your full self, even if it means being ‘boring’ . Because actually you are the only one who thinks you are boring. In reality, that’s incredibly attractive. So when flirting, don’t be ten levels more energetic or ‘less boring’ than you normally are, or you won’t be yourself.

If necessary, be your most boring self. Do not deliberately “like”. The other person may fall deeply in love with your most boring self, and turn off 100% with your ‘fun self’ if that is an act. Women in particular are always aware of this … ‘There is no escape!’

‘Be yourself’ does have a few important conditions: if you have negative aspects to your personal care or personality, you should work on them first. For example: your grooming, outfit, insecure behavior …

So the advice ‘just be yourself’ falls badly and is far too meager advice … if ‘being yourself’ means you are a boring, unkempt, video game addict, non-empathetic, smelly, sticky, annoying sucker , then ‘being yourself’ is the last piece of advice you should follow.

Yes, rest assured – so be real – and please fix the unattractive traits, laziness, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that are totally worthless. You can do that if you put in a little effort.

So if you’re a normal person, without annoying, crappy, smelly, unattractive, pathetic behaviors, then you’re already there. Congratulations, you don’t need any pick-up tips!

But are tricks and acts useless? Sometimes not. Trump and Obama sometimes perform an act so that they can become successful, but they want to be able to be themselves with their wife and show their true self. You don’t act with your partner:  you want to be able to relax and be yourself.

Do you want a woman / man to fall for your act, or for you as a person?

A big reason people don’t dare to flirt is that they don’t think they are good enough … Nothing could be further from the truth. You are already ‘boyfriend material / girlfriend material’ if you behave normally, without pretending to be different than you are.

Tip 48 – Take a risk and throw away your ‘shields’: ‘protecting’ yourself and not making a move is selfish and heartless

throw shields flirt

How do you flirt successfully and become happy? Less tips. Less ‘skills’. More risk!  Indeed, the more you give – with the inevitable risk of rejection – the more love and happiness you can bring into your life.

The more you give, the more you get. This is the law of love.

This should actually be the very first tip because this is the big reason why you don’t get love: don’t want to be rejected. Because what do you do if you don’t want to be rejected? Then you hold back your love … You don’t give anything. And if you don’t give anything, you can’t receive anything.

That holding back your love is a feeling that we still carry with us from prehistoric times, because at the time rejection was tantamount to dying. However, in modern times you have millions of partners to choose from without anything bad happening at all.

If you let go of the fear of rejection, you will actually give your love to potential partners. Then you actually start flirting. Then love can finally come to you!

What I’m about to say sounds really harsh, especially if you’re very shy, but I’m not going to feel sorry for you and tell you the hard truth: if you keep ‘protecting’ yourself and not making a move, it’s inherently narcissistic and greedy . You don’t want to lose anything. It’s up to your ego. Nobody wants you then, because you don’t contribute anything. You just want to take without giving. Repulsive!

Many people are bad at flirting because they are unwilling to start something new if they have to risk it. They expect to gain something without the possibility of losing. However, this is greedy, cowardly, narcissistic and heartless.

Am I taking a risk and loving, or am I playing it safe by building a wall around me? Intimacy means opening yourself up to a stranger. You then have to drop all your defense mechanisms.

If you believe that you really have feelings for the other person and you want to make the other person feel something for you, stick your neck out and risk rejection. There is no other way.

If you risk something, you win something. Show the other person that you are a person who can handle risk, vulnerability and gaining trust well.

So the problem really is n’t that you don’t know how to flirt. You should n’t even know how to flirt. The problem is you don’t dare . If you had a week to live, you would ask someone out right now. And then you shit. Ready. And then it works.

If you wait until you are ready, you will wait for the rest of your life.

So get vulnerable. In short, vulnerability is: dare and risk! Do it. Just do it. Ready. Who does not dare, who does not win. It is a necessary risk to be able to win love.

  • Touch.
  • Flirt.
  • Plague. If you tease, you run the risk of rejection.
  • Send sweet messages and don’t wait for the other person to send something nice first.
  • Dare to express your own opinion : don’t change your opinion to please or impress the other.
  • Go for the one you find really attractive. Not someone who’s taken too low – out of pity for yourself.
  • Don’t play hard to get, but show a combination of interest and self-confidence.
  • Keep the other only at a distance as you affectionately teasing want or  truly something better you do at that time. However, don’t do this unnecessarily, but only if you actually have something better to do or do it with a loving undertone. Then it is a good deed. Then pushing away is healthy and even loving and vulnerable. If you push someone away, you run the risk that the other will not come back. This is also a vulnerable act, because you also dare to push the other person away.
  • Accept the possibility of rejection. The first and most important step to overcoming rejection is to accept that you are going to be rejected. Expect it in the other and be prepared to deal with it in the most elegant, honest, respectful, safe, and perhaps even persistent way.
  • Do  n’t give in  to the other’s ‘tests’. So stand up for yourself and your opinion, even if it upsets the other person. It is a necessary risk to be able to win love. Also read this article about rejection.
  • Bonus tip: giving your intuition free rein and getting loose works great in combination with vulnerability.

New round, new opportunities.

In other words, make mistakes and be okay with them. Flirting is not an act of winning by making as few mistakes as possible. Flirting is an act where you win by doing a number of things well, so your mistakes don’t matter.

Fail in public and be vulnerable. Love is a gamble but you should always take that gamble .

So flirting is an ‘anti-skill’. A skill means that you reduce the chance of mistakes. When flirting, you have to let that chance of mistakes exist. The more risk of being rejected … the better and the more chance of success. The more things you do that have a low probability of success, the better. Think about giving someone a sexy compliment, asking someone out or kissing … This is vulnerability!

Dare to fail. It does not matter.

In a number of moments in life, we should not hesitate but act: tell someone else how we feel. If we don’t, someone else will. And even though you get a rejection … it makes you a better person and you never have to daydream about ‘What if …’

Tip 49 – Go for deep self-confidence with these tips

flirt tips

One of the most important tips for decorating with confidence is this: Give less importance to the perception of others about you – and more to your own perception of you. This gives you the freedom to go for what you want.

The consequence? This makes it easy for you to be vulnerable. You communicate through this: I put myself in the middle of the arena. I don’t care what you think of me. This is who I am. And I’m okay with it. So you don’t hide your nerves. You even show it or name it!

Read the article with all the tips to increase your self-confidence.

Okay, so let’s give one more great tip for more confidence here: Eliminate choice fatigue. What does this mean? All flirt moves are good , like asking someone out or kissing someone on a date. They just have to be done if you want to take it beyond a platonic affair.

So what should you eliminate? That whole mental pep talk process in which you negotiate with yourself whether or not you should do it. Weighing these choices not only makes you tired, but also creepy, because you are very busy with them. The solution? Skip that whole step of that mental pep talk and just do it. So eliminate choice fatigue (‘Am I going to do it or not …’) and the accompanying ‘creepyness’ so that you can immediately do the right thing without mental pressure.

Tip 50 – See through your sabotaging ego!

Your ego convinces you to hold back, not to give your love, and to be afraid . This is brutal sabotage. Can you break it?

But your ego has even more nasty tricks … For example, it can convince you that you are doing everything wrong.

If someone reacts unpleasantly, it is never your fault, but the other. Maybe the other person is having a bad day. Which can! But what does your ego do ? It relates to itself. It convinces you that it is up to you.

The ego also wants to try to be cool and it wants everything to go flawlessly. Laugh about things that go wrong, such as when you spill wine on your shirt.

Have Fun: Be the guy who can’t control them but is so eager to tame them.

And perhaps the worst trick of your ego: it tries to drive you crazy without any dirt in the air.

For example, your thoughts tell you that you messed up, that you put too much pressure on it, that you seem too slimy, that you make mistakes and that you don’t like others …  Don’t let your own thoughts drive you crazy .

Yes, you might make some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Your thoughts want to convince you of that, while your date ‘just’ likes you a lot and waits for you to make the next move … You have free reign to do what you want, to give the love you want and then the love get what you want.

How do you see through those lies in your mind? Take a nature walk, play music, dance or  meditate and suddenly superpowers seem to arise, such as absolute clarity and effortlessly going for what you want.

Get out of your sabotaging head. Think less. In reality, there is nothing right or wrong. Just go. Be more mindful. Keep meditating. Consciously make a lot of time for that. Twice a day.

Tip 51 – Pass the other person’s (qualification) tests (flirtatious accusations …) in order not to appear ‘slimy’

flirt tips disqualify

Sometimes the other person will also test you by qualifying you with beautiful, deep questions. Just answer those questions honestly. Simple enough.

But sometimes the other person will flirtatiously ” accuse ” and ” provoke ” you. Not serious, but a little teasing to find out what kind of reactions you have in your house … just like you learned in the previous teasing tips of this article! This is a test on an unconscious level to see whether you ‘get it’ and whether you are socially intelligent .

So ‘ comebacks ‘ are important in flirting, but not as a reason to attack someone or defend yourself. The intention of a comeback while flirting is to show that you have self-deprecation and intelligence , and most importantly: that you are not slimy .

When responding flirtatiously to the other person’s tests, you say everything with a playful, naughty smile and a tone that reveals: I don’t really care what you think. So in situations like this where you are challenged, it is good to come across as uninterested … as if you were not doing your best at all. That’s the right attitude for beautiful comebacks!

Feel free to even shout controversial things – like “I hate fat people / dwarfs” – because that’s the ultimate act of, “I don’t care who I’m going to please and don’t. If you don’t like my attitude, you can go . “

Is the other person throwing you a test, for example by accusing you too teasingly (or even seriously)? Then do n’t fetch like a dog by qualifying and defending yourself , but use exactly the comeback techniques that you will learn in this article about comebacks.

Tip 52 – Have a good time yourself

Self-entertainment: It’s about having fun. Not “I want a response from her.” Well: I enjoy this for what it already is. Being in the moment and creating your own party. Don’t care about how she reacts. So not ‘is this going to work, does she like me’ (that implies scarcity and dependence).

Tip 53 – Don’t put pressure on the other person

don't put pressure on the other when flirting

Do you see the picture above? Body language is claimant and slimy. The man and the woman are both draining each other’s energy.

Flirting is a fun and light thing. Do not put pressure on the other: do not expect the other to respond after you have said something (nice). Be a value contributor, not a value taker. You don’t need approval from others!

Do not expect a response. Everything is already okay for you.

How exactly do you show that you are not putting pressure on the other? You show this in different ways. One way is to lean back . Another way is by not letting your compliments hang . Give the compliment and immediately engage in something else:

  • “Cool earrings-could-I-have-three-glasses-of-wine-please?”
  • “I like you Anneke-Wow, what’s that there?”

Tip 54 – Be authentic and honest: what do I feel and what do I really want? What values ​​do I want to live by?

Be authentic. Being authentic means saying what you really want to say, saying what comes to your mind, and decisively standing up for your feelings and your values . I don’t assume “external tricks and phrases that I have to say.” On the contrary, I assume integrity with my values ​​and feelings.

If you act on your values , a miracle will happen: do you know the model of the logical levels ? You will see that you do not have to remember ‘phrases and tricks’ (behavior) at all if you act according to your values! The underlying neurological levels (behavior, what you say) are automatically filled in if you act according to your values! Be real.

The next tip builds on this …

Tip 55 – Put your values ​​into practice: live the way you want to live together with the other

Let’s take three example values: are you looking for an adventurous, cheerful and free person? First, be that adventurous, cheerful and free person yourself. Do you think you can attract such a person if you communicate: ‘Do you want to bring more fun, freedom and adventure into my life …? Please? Because now I don’t have it yet … ‘You attract what you yourself are. So pursue your own values ​​so that others with those same values ​​will feel drawn to you.

Do you want to attract a person with those values? Then set the intention for yourself every day to live those values ​​yourself (for example: fun, adventure and freedom). Then you automatically attract the other. By the way, you don’t have to strive too hard. These values ​​are already very close to you. Embrace these values ​​in the moment!

Tip 56 – Check whether the other meets your values: ‘qualify’ the other

flirt and decorate how

Do you know the best compliment you can give someone? That is qualifying, or testing, whether someone meets your values and standards . If you have found something like that in the other and make it known to the other, it is an insanely meaningful compliment. It is really deserved.

This is an extensive tip, so let’s start with the short explanation: everyone should earn your attention and interest . So research what you like about the other and tell the other why you like the other.

Even the fact that I turn my body towards someone so that I’m right in front of someone for a good conversation has to be earned. I’m not going to give my time and attention to just any vagrant, aso or sad person, am I? If I am in full connection with someone, it is because there has been something about that person that piqued my interest.

Then now comes the long explanation. In the previous tip you learned that you should be guided by your own values ​​so that your behavior will automatically turn out right and you don’t need tricks. So the first step is to be aware of what your values ​​and standards are. To do this, have someone else question your values ​​in the field of relationships. This is possible with the questions in this article about values .

I don’t tolerate women who don’t have depth. If a woman keeps chatting about her nail polish dilemma, I probably won’t respond. In fact, I will change the subject or address her about it. After too many lost opportunities I am gone. I know very well what I like to talk about and I know the kind of behavior that I will not tolerate from women and people in general.

You can then also actively act on your values ​​by screening the other based on your values. This way you determine whether you like the other and whether you actually find the other relationship material. This creates the buyer mentality instead of the seller mentality: you are going to evaluate the other: ‘Is he / she what I want’? “What am I looking for in the other that will help me in my life mission?” You will screen for that and for other things.

Does the other have the qualities that I like?

Does the other have a life?

Is the other person as cool as his / her looks suggest?

This makes the other person feel that he / she also has to win you over: she doesn’t just have to be a woman to be liked. The other notices that he / she has to do something for it to make you like the other.

Make the connection and find out if you want to meet up again at all . This also means that you know and apply your own principles and standards. Have limits: after the other person does something stupid twice, or something else that goes against your principles, you break contact. For example, if the other person is boring, while you are looking for completely different qualities in someone, then it is logical that you are uninterested. You are not going to fake that you are interested.

A beautiful woman who also has good taste. Are you trying to seduce me?

Important: this does not mean that you consciously let the other person jump through all kinds of hoops. You prefer not to consciously qualify the other person: this happens naturally if you know your standards.

  • Do you see everyone as equal?
  • Are you chill and relaxed?
  • Do you have a mission / passion? Everyone is careful and tries not to seem weird. People who dare to live with passion and without being restrictive are rare. Do you want to become that unique snowflake too?
  • Surprise me positively.
  • What kind of personality do you have? Is it a fun personality?
  • What does that say about you?
  • Please tell me there’s more to you than your beautiful smile.
  • Are you fun, are you interesting, are you attractive? And why?
  • Tell me something interesting about yourself.
  • You are different you want to say? Explain.
  • When was the last time you broke the rules / did you do something impulsive?
  • What are your talents / specialties that make you unique?
  • Cool people are a dying breed. What do you do for fun?
  • Are you a good friend?
  • The why question is a good qualification question!
  • Give an example!
  • Tell me more.
  • Ask about the values ​​of the other: what do you find important about …?
  • What are 3 reasons why I would like to get to know you?
  • Teach me something interesting about what you are passionate about!
  • What is an important event in your life?
  • You’ve been lucky with your genes, but looks don’t matter. If you could name three things about yourself that would make me want to get to know you better, what would they be? And it should not have to do with appearance.

This can lead to a serious and deep conversation. Don’t be the clown here and don’t judge and advise. Just let the other person talk and listen. In this way you allow the other to invest emotionally. If you tease or judge during this vulnerable sharing moment, the other person will withdraw.

It is important that you don’t just show your interest in everything the other person says. It must actually be your own values ​​and standards. Your interest must be earned. Once you have qualified the other person in this way, it should be possible for you to say the following:

  • I appreciate you for your qualities, and that you are also attractive is a nice bonus.
  • You surprised me. This was a wonderful surprise.
  • Now that I’ve gotten to know you, I think you’re quite interesting.
  • I had unexpected fun with you.

Tip 57 – Stop joking at some point and get to know each other (comfort)

comfort stage decorating

One day it is enough with joking and building attraction. Otherwise, you will just remain ‘that funny pub guy’. Build comfort together now. This is very suitable for when you are finally alone with each other. How do you do that? Below are the ways to achieve this:

  • Be yourself and get to know each other.
  • Show your other side: You show that you are also very nice. You bring the other tea, you get an inhuman high-pitched voice when you see a baby and you wipe stains from the other’s shirt.
  • You tell information and cute things about your family.
  • Tell the story of your own past and future and ask about that of the other.
  • Show your vulnerability: say, for example, that you are afraid of the dark. Or tell a secret, such as that you are a nerd.
  • You build comfort when you give the other person a sense of security.
  • Be genuinely interested in her. Ask personal questions about herself.
  • Tell personal things about yourself. “I really have to tell you something you shouldn’t tell anyone, please keep it between us, okay?”
  • Discover each other higher logical levels : capacities, values, identity and mission.
  • Ask these 198+ questions to get to know each other better.

Tip 58 – ‘Emotional nonsense’ is sometimes just welcome: the other person has (after a while!) hijacked your brain

flirting men

At some point, when you feel it and you both deserve it, you can create magic by expressing what your heart wants to say. Think of it as ’emotional nonsense’, but it still remains beautiful. You give the other the fairytale: you are different from the others. And it really is true for you. Speak your innermost heart. For example:

  • You just became important to me … I don’t know why.
  • You know, I can really be myself with you.
  • You and me together, we can provide magic.
  • Your love makes me feel that the best is yet to come.
  • You are simply irresistible.
  • I could talk to you all night.
  • I love you because you are the best in me.
  • You always say what I need to hear.
  • I’ve had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.
  • And, of course, I like your intelligence so much because you were smart enough to fall in love with me.
  • You were in my head.
  • I understand every word you say
  • I really enjoy being with you. It’s been ages since I felt this good on a date. Why? I can be myself. We are on the same level, which means we understand what we mean almost telepathically, without having to say those things literally. It’s like we’ve known each other for a long time.
  • I can’t believe how beautiful you are.
  • Don’t get too excited about what I’m going to say in a minute but I don’t know what happened or what I haven’t even known you that long but when you went I felt a kind of emptiness or something and then you came back got a big smile on my face i don’t even know you that well yet.
  • I’ve never been able to be so open with someone. I can be AUTHENTIC and REAL with you.

Tip 59 – When does someone flirt with you?

To begin with, you need to understand something important: Maybe you thought  someone was flirting with you, and it later turned out that the other already had a partner. Then you should not be disappointed in your own judgment. The other person was probably just flirting with you. That’s what many people in a relationship do because they like the attention of others and flirting. Not quite right towards their partner and you, but they often can’t resist.

Some people are always flirting with everyone . They like the attention. Don’t fall for it, see through their bullshit and don’t get attached to them.

Anyway, how do you recognize that someone is flirting? In fact, you don’t have to recognize that someone is flirting with you, because you just have the power to start flirting with whoever you want. Anyway, if you really want to know, there are a number of signs …

If you’re a man and you suspect she’s flirting with you, flirt back. Clear hints that someone is flirting with you: she lets you know that she’s going out on her own for an afternoon,  looks at you intently and / or she constantly looks at your lips. But the most important hint is when she lets you know she’s single. Then you just have no excuses for not making a move.

If you are a woman, this is all a lot easier for you. It is socially accepted (and even expected) that the man not only flirts, but also explicitly says that he is in love with a woman or that he is asking her out. Because men (need to) flirt less subtly , this is very easy for women to recognize. Of course, women can also be so direct when flirting, but a little more is expected of the man.

Tip 60 – Is someone flirting with you? Allow the other person to flirt back too!

decorate tips decorating

Flirting is a vulnerable act. Reward that act by flirting back. If you confirm positive things with a positive response, the other person will start doing positive things more often. If the other person shows interest, thank the other and express interest as well.

Tip 61 – How do you flirt with a woman / man you already know (friend zone)?

If you want to flirt, you are not only tied to new people that you have found through dating sites , for example . You can exchange the platonic friendship relationship you have with someone for a romantic relationship at any time.

It is good to reiterate that there are no errors. As our colleague Mathijs wrote in our latest friend zone article: once you are in the friend zone, you can leave it at any time. Of course you could have avoided it by being instantly flirty. See one of the first tips of this article. Okay, how do you flirt with someone you already know? There are roughly three ways:

Method 1 : you gradually say more sweet things to each other and you meet more often until you become very close to each other. Many months later, you both already know: you have been in a relationship for a long time.
Way 2: you just say that you are in love with the other, authentic, vulnerable and honest. Make your conversations more romantic and sexy – because friends just don’t do that. Easy.

Tip 62 – Create compliance

Let’s take the example of a woman who approached a man on the street or in the supermarket. They have a nice conversation so she would like to ask the man for “coffee with a nice lady.” There is a chance that he will immediately say yes if she asks him directly. However, she can greatly increase this chance by increasing his compliance …

She can easily do that with an intermediate step! She says first, “Come on, let’s stand here on the side of the aisle , so we won’t get in the way.” Because of this she has already gotten him in a different place. It is unbelievable how easy it has now become to get him for ‘coffee with a nice lady’!

The great thing about this tip is that you can combine it beautifully with an important tip at the top of this article: be discreet. Because if you lead the other person to a place where no one can hear you so that you can question the other, you not only show social intelligence by observing discretion, but you have also ensured compliance!

Another way to get the other person in a yes mood is to list some facts about the other, and then ask the other person out: ‘So your name is Hannah and you live in Nijmegen? And you are looking for a guy with a good brain who is confident and assertive? What do you think about coffee with that boy? ‘

Tip 63 – Use the remedy for interview mode: cold reading ‘statements’

‘What kind of hobbies do you have? Why? What do you study? Why ‘One question after another … This gets you both unbelievably out of the flow.

Fortunately, there is an excellent remedy for this: statements! They provide fun, surprise, dynamism and simple possibilities for follow-up questions. Statements are the way good friends talk to each other. They are an invitation for others to share.

How do you make a statement? Simple: don’t ask the question you are so curious about, but make a well-considered estimate or take a wild guess.

The one thing people love more than talk about themselves is listen to how other people talk about you.

You can actually base your statements on a serious cold reading attempt. So you can really do your best for this. Moreover, you will notice that you just get it right 50% of the time. It is deceiving to be afraid of making a mistake. It is not bad, but only fun!

Examples:

  • You seem like a student of biomedical engineering. (If the other person asks, ‘Why do you think that’, you say, for example, ‘You have a kind of inquisitive look.)
  • You seem like a … adult 21 year old.
  • You really seem like someone who loves books.
  • You can also make statements about character traits instead of asking: “She is hard on the outside, soft on the inside, but above all a pleasant and nice lady on the inside.”
  • You can even make statements about someone’s name to find out: You seem like a Michelle / Laura / Olga / Agnes / Griselda.
  • Tea drinker? I had correctly estimated you as a ‘Sex and the city’ type who gets her caffeine shot every morning.
  • You can also make statements by reading thoughts : “You probably think …” “You probably want …” “You may wonder what I’m going to say next.”

By the way, bring them with a bit of high energy, otherwise it is almost as boring as interview mode.

Tip 64 – The difference between Alpha and Beta is in the details

decorate-alpha-beta

The difference between Alpha and Beta … That’s a feeling you can have. Yet this can also be expressed in your speech:

  • You are so beautiful: Beta. You are so cute / to eat / cuddly: Alpha
  • Would you like to go out with me? Beta. I want to take you out: Alpha
  • Which restaurant do you want to try? Beta. We’re going to eat at ___: Alpha

Stop asking for approval: can we dance? Can I get your number? Can i kiss you? Just test what happens when you just do it. See what happens.

Tip 65 – Use the conversation technique ‘open loops and nested loops’ to never stop talking

This is so important: don’t go on endlessly about one topic. It is much more fun and dynamic when one topic is interspersed with the next topic … And again the next topic … While there was still so much to tell about the previous topic! Bonus points if you transfer a topic at the highlight to another topic! You can read all about this in the article about metaphors .

“I’m curious about you, but check this distraction!”

This also ensures that the other person gets a lot of opportunities to ask you questions and connect with you. There are so many loose ends that there are plentiful questioning opportunities for the other to show interest.

How do you make the transition between one topic and another? This can be done fluently, by connecting the subjects, and it can be abrupt. In fact, the best transition is not a transition!

‘I will (maybe) tell you someday when we have a drink. We have so much to talk about! ‘

Also, don’t give out all the information when answering a question about yourself. For example, you deliberately leave all kinds of holes in your story so that the other person has dozens of possibilities to ask more questions about this or to come back to this later.

An excerpt from a book about selling:

“I’m sure you don’t want to know the boring details”, and he turns to walk away, whereby the girls grab him, saying “where do you think you’re going??… Tell us the rest of the gddamn story!!” In sales: “Where do you think you’re going, come back here and finish selling us this gddamn car!!”

Tip 66 – Be better than Average Pete: no alcohol

Do you know how Average Pete flirts? He talks about his average life, average job and average hobbies. He responds with ‘Oh, nice’ when his date cannot hide her melancholy while she tells that she is practically a supporter of debt services at the municipality of Houston.

Average Pete is not really nice – and the woman he dates with certainly not. So he pours some average wine so that he might have average sex.

Most guys are Average Pete. Nothing wrong with that… if you want to end up in an average life with an average partner. And all because there happened to be alcohol on a conscious night …

No. Hopefully you are not your average. Hopefully you are not Average Pete. Alcohol is good. But she’s getting something much nicer: you. This is the start of a deep, special relationship. 

Whenever and wherever you want to flirt: If you’re a truly special person with charisma and charm, just flirt without alcohol and everything will work just as well – and even better.

Alcohol is an average gimmick for flirting. Show class. Feel free to take the alcohol out of your date’s hands. If all goes well, you are concerned with the other person’s heart. Then your date knows that you are not just anyone.

Tip 67 – Use this best opening line ever

flirting and decorating tips

The best opening line simply exists! It’s, ‘ Hi, how are you? ‘Isn’t this too ordinary, boring and unoriginal? Only if you yourself are boring and unoriginal. You come to bring yourself, with a nice energy and radiant eyes. That is original. The other person has never heard this opening sentence from you . More examples and a full step-by-step plan to use the ideal opening sentence can be found in the article about the best opening sentence ever.

Tip 68 – Use your masculine and feminine energy wisely

Let’s add something ‘spiritual’. If you know the properties of male energy and if you know the properties of female energy, you can use that to create attraction or to create understanding for the other. So educate yourself about all the characteristics of masculine and feminine energy and the creation of sexual polarity.

Then step into your masculine energy if the other is in the feminine energy, or step into the feminine energy if the other is in the masculine energy. In addition, there are certain situations where you create attraction by being in the feminine or the masculine energy. When those moments are, you can find out in the article on spiritual love relationships.

Tip 69 – Use the law of attraction

What is the Law of Attraction? It is a law that states that if you are single, and in the meantime you continuously confirm to yourself that you are single and will remain single, that will come true.

So do the opposite. Place beautiful images of happy couples in your home, screen saver and phone background and send a ‘wish’ into the universe. Because the universe is a great matchmaker. More information about the law of attraction can be found here.

Tip 70 – Show that you have mastered politeness, courtesy and etiquette

Politeness makes you attractive. You don’t always have to be polite, but if you can show that you master politeness and etiquette, you will become very attractive to everyone. It’s a sign of maturity and people want to be around you. It works like a magnet!

Rude people are shunned. People prefer to stay away from rude people.

Tip 71 – Never make the other person jealous: that is hurtful and unnecessary

flirt and be nice

It is said so often in this article: heat is more important than hurting someone. Why would you hurt anyone at all? There are dating advice that tells you to look ‘wanted’ among men / women so that you have social proof.

The truth is, you can’t influence this with tricks. If you’re a normal, fun person, this will be fine by nature and the person you like will automatically see that all other people are very close to you. You do not have to influence this with a trick, for example – if you are a man who wants to impress a woman – by saying that ‘a girlfriend’ helped you move.

Tip 72 – Speak clearly and charismaticaly

That’s right, this article emphasizes that you have to be yourself. But if you are unintelligible, then you really have to talk louder, slower and deeper. For example, if you ask the other person out, do so in a loud, clear, deep, relaxed and charismatic voice.

If you speak in a high-pitched, tense, fast voice, the implication is that you don’t dare to occupy your space and that you ask for approval from the other. It is not charismatic and energizing. It requires energy from the other. Not cool.

Whatever flirting move you make, do it nice and direct, positively and confidently.  Internally you are calm and at ease with making contact and with yourself. Your body language is relaxed.  You project your verbal message loud, slowly and clearly articulated.

Talk slowly with extremely deep calm within yourself. Because think for yourself: is it so logical to be able to kiss the other when you are bouncing like a sociable social friend with whom the other can continue to chatter? Then you get cosiness , not sexuality .

It takes a lot of practice, but it is important. More tips for communicating charismatic can be found here.

Don’t be ordinary. Charisma is one of the most powerful traits that sets you apart from the crowd. Provide qualities that are absent from the ‘competitors’ in your environment: be different, because then an indispensable contrast arises between you and your average, mumbling, insecure, soft-talking, nervous, reactive ‘competitors’.

Read more related flirting tips below to learn how to hook up effectively

So, there were a lot of them! Good luck discovering these tips and following your heart! Let us know how it turned out for you in the comments and read the other dating articles on this website!

To your success!

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About The Author

Rubin

Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!

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