Worrying about what others think of you? 11 tips (immediate effect!)
Are you always concerned with what others think of you and how you come across to other people? Do you worry too much about everything? Here are tips on how to deal with this …
This article answers the following questions:
- Why do I take everything personally ?
- I fear reactions from other people.
- I want to worry less about what others think.
- What do others think and think of me?
- How do I come across to others?
- I feel like others don’t like me.
- Why do I always adapt?
- I care too much about others.
How can you deal with this? Let’s go to the tips …
Tip 1 – Afraid of what others think of you? Ask yourself these questions and dig a little deeper
The problem – that you fear what others think of you – is never the problem. There is something behind it. Ask yourself these questions to find out:
- Why do you care? Why are you bothered? How come it affects you so? Why do you make it so important?
- What does it bother you when others think about you or say something about you?
- What do you want? And why? What would it be like if you did that? What would it do to you? How would you feel?
- What are you afraid of?
- What does it matter exactly?
- Do you find criticism annoying? Besides, criticism is very useful in order to learn something. You will have to learn to deal with it. Fortunately, we sometimes get criticized! You cannot expect the whole world to adore you and for them to be only positive and never have things in front of you that could be improved.
- What do you think about others and yourself? Aren’t you judging just as hard?
- How narcissistic are your answers to the above questions? How much are you concerned with judging and how much are you concerned with yourself?
As soon as you judge less, you will also notice that others also judge you less.
Tip 2 – Value what you want most
Read the myth below …
A man and his son went to the market with their donkey. As they passed the donkey, a fellow countryman passed them and said, “You fools, what does a donkey take but to ride on?” So the man put his son on the donkey, and they set out.
But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy little boy, he makes his father walk while he rides the donkey himself.”
So the man ordered his boy to come down, and the man himself sat on the donkey.
But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other, “Shame on that lazy bastard to let his poor boy trudge along.”
Now the man didn’t know what to do, but he finally decided to sit on the donkey with his son. By then they had arrived in town, and the passers-by began to laugh and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were mocking. The men said, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself and your lazy son for overloading that poor donkey of yours? Animal executioners!”
And again they chose to follow the donkey into the city, and they said, “What fools! They are walking in the scorching sun and neither of them thinks to sit on the donkey!”
The father turned to his son and said, “See, son. However you behave, there will always be plenty of comments or remarks. Follow your own path.”
If you try to please everyone, you will not please anyone. So follow your own heart. Follow your own path. What does your own heart give you in?
People all have an opinion and that doesn’t matter at all. It’s about staying true to yourself at the end of the day. Let the rest of the world find what they want.
What do you want ? What needs do you have? What do you want to do? Who do you want to hang out with? Who do you want as friends? Who do you want to date?
Do you have any kind of friends? And does your family say it is bad to interact with them? While your ‘enlightened’ friends say you shouldn’t hang out with ‘normal’ people? While others say that you should drop your religious friends? While your religious friends say you should drop your ‘worldly’ friends? While your ‘normal’ friends say you should drop those pathetic ‘self-development friends’?
What would happen if you could ignore it all and would just do what you yourself feel like?
Tip 3 – Stop filling in what others think of you (‘reading negative thoughts’)
We often think that others think something of us. In other words: we make an interpretation. We imagine something that is not at all factual.
What we think is often just an interpretation. And we often make very harmful interpretations of what others think of us. In reality, even the opposite of what we think can be true.
For example, do you think, “Nobody likes me”? This is an interpretation. To be more precise, you are “reading the minds of others.” It doesn’t make sense.
Many people who walk into a store act as non-suspicious as possible beforehand so that they don’t think you are going to steal something. Suppose an employee comes to my neighborhood and comes to greet me, I might think: she checks whether I steal anything … But that is only one of the thousands of possibilities. I guess she was just new and wanted to prove to her boss that she was chatting with everyone. And that is of course also an interpretation – one of the thousands of possibilities. But it is a more positive, non-selfish, loving interpretation.
For example, do you not have a reaction from someone else after your vulnerable act? Do you feel rejection, pain and loneliness? It’s all because of “the story I’m telling myself,” which is a form of mind reading.
For you, against you. Good bad. Acceptance, disgust and rejection … For example, after someone does not respond to your chat message or when someone looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. In reality, someone was in a hectic day, or the other was thinking of a way to get close to you. Or the other was fighting off a panic attack. Please don’t be the first to go directly on the narcissistic tour by thinking that the other person is disgusted with you.
So what should you do? Simply become aware of this, quit and even read thoughts in a positive way : “People are happy to see me again.” “Everyone loves each other.”
Do your thing and don’t care if others like it.
– Tina Fey
- Here you will find more examples and techniques for using mind reading positively.
- Read more about non-judgment here.
Tip 4 – Do not fill in anymore, but what then? Inquire…
Do you know the abbreviation ‘IEAN’? Inquire Everything, Assume Nothing. Inquire. “Why do you think that about me? Why do you say that?” Ask in a friendly manner, with rapport , and you will find meaningful information for yourself.
Tip 5 – An insult someone gives you is a reflection of themselves
Do you know the statement: ‘The world is your mirror’? Any insult someone makes towards you is right on itself. Do you hear anything mean about how you live, talk, dance, etc.? The person who says, has just self issues with it – and you do not need to be dealing with.
None of what the other said actually applied to you.
Tip 6 – Don’t judge others yourself – and don’t judge yourself
This is important: if you no longer judge others, you become a pure person and you automatically stop caring about what others think of you. The same goes for yourself. Don’t judge yourself. Be accepting and loving to yourself.
Tip 7 – Stop taking others into account too much, then you will become limitless
It is essential to take the lead in your own life. Don’t discount yourself so that you can consider others. That is simply a waste of your entire life.
How do you stop being too considerate of others? There are four concrete ways to stop this and balance it:
- Why do I always adapt? Don’t ignore yourself anymore.
- Take care of yourself. You can read how here.
- Set your limits. Here’s how to do that.
- Do you feel dependent on approval from others? That way you stop pleasing.
- Read the noble art of not giving af * ck.
The less you care about what others think of you, the freer you will feel. Then you become boundless in everything you do.
Not attracting yourself from others anymore makes you limitless. That is why, for example, Donald Trump is also limitless.
As you learned in an earlier paragraph thanks to the story with the donkey: You can never do it right for everyone. People always have an opinion. If you want to do it right for everyone, you are the first to get it yourself.
Tip 8 – Everyone is busy with themselves and not with you
Do you think everyone is watching you regularly? Then I have news for you: everyone thinks exactly the same about themselves. Nobody pays attention to others because everyone keeps thinking, “What do they think of me ?” That’s why nobody really pays attention to you. They pay attention to themselves, just as you do.
Let go of that selfish thought. Being shy and thinking everyone is watching you is selfish and narcissistic
Don’t hold on to your little image: “I’m cool! I am cool! I am cool!” To defend it. It’s not even there, it’s a great illusion. To the ego you are the center of the universe. Other than that, for no one.
The moment you really don’t care what others think of you … Look at what freedom it brings!
Walk outside. Can you see all the buildings and windows of the flats? There are all people living there with their own problems, and they all think they themselves are the center of the universe. Everyone constantly thinks about how they themselves are perceived: they do not pay attention to you, but to their own insecurities (egos).
People who easily ignore others do so because they fear being ignored.
– Haemin Sunim
What can you do with that insight? This means you no longer have to worry about what you look like. All of your attention can now be with other people – instead of yourself (your ego).
And in the meantime, all those other people are worrying about what they look like themselves, but you are getting through this narcissistic illusion of the ego, which would make everyone believe that all eyes are on him / her. You can also dare more. Don’t be afraid of making an ass of yourself. You will go through life in anonymity.
People don’t pay attention to you, only to themselves.
Once I was on the train when the two passengers in front of me suddenly looked back. I thought, ‘Do they think I’m too close to them? Am I doing something wrong? Is my music too loud? ‘ In reality, they just wanted to check travel times. We think too much that the world revolves around us. How narcissistic …
Suppose you walk into a dance school. Obviously there are a lot of mirrors in the dance hall. Chances are that you (your ego) see yourself in the mirrors and think, ‘I’m not that pretty … I’m even ugly …’ However, the ego doesn’t realize that everyone looks ugly in that mirrors in connection with the lighting in the room. This way you can think for months or years that you are ugly (and that you are the only one).
This is the ego’s great, cunning magic trick. Indeed: is the ego strongly present? Then people don’t pay attention to others, only to themselves.
You will naturally stop worrying about what others think of you as soon as you realize how seldom they do. About everything we feel ashamed of, all the embarrassing moments we have … Nobody cares. There is therefore no excuse to live life to the full. The world hasn’t focused on you in the first place, so why worry about failing or embarrassing yourself? That doesn’t make sense!
Almost everyone is insecure about some aspect of themselves, and is constantly concerned about it. While all other people find that same person incredibly attractive, charismatic, powerful, etc. Even the most beautiful people you meet are constantly thinking about their own insecurities. See this as an example of what not to do and free yourself from it!
In fact, if you fall for the illusion that you think everyone is constantly watching you, which makes you act shy and restrictive, you are very narcissistic . Shyness is inherently narcissistic and extremely selfish because it is based on a ridiculous belief that everyone is paying attention to you.
Tip 9 – Give validation to others!
Among other things, what can you do against the illusion of the previous paragraph? When I limit myself because I think of my own appearance: Give! Let it be about others, not about yourself. The next tip continues on this …
If you want to be exceptional, you cannot be ‘normal’. Let go of the thought, “What would others say?”
So other people are not at all busy validating you. They are looking for validation. Be the one who gives this validation to others.
Others are constantly thinking: am I beautiful enough? Even the ‘most beautiful’ people … Can you support them?
Tip 10 – Stop depending on the approval of others
You shouldn’t even get validation from others. You should get it from yourself. This is the power of self-love: do you like yourself? That is actually the most important thing that counts.
Even if others think something about you, it is not even important. In reality, it doesn’t really matter what others think of us. It is important what we do to become happy ourselves. However, it is a persistent illusion that we think it is important. It is important to see through that illusion.
It is a massive redemption when you give yourself love. It couldn’t be easier, because you are always around and you can always rely on yourself.
It doesn’t matter what others think. All that matters is what I think myself.
How do you develop more self-love? Read all 26+ tips for self-love here and read all about rejection here. You can also achieve a ‘feeling’ of ‘everything is good’ through meditation.
The biggest reason we don’t live our own lives is because we think others think about us – and we care. Because of this we don’t dare and we don’t go for what we want, such as asking someone out. Don’t care what others think, live your own life and do what you want.
Tip 11 – Do you care too much about what others think of you? Nothing is personal
Is someone saying something bad about you? Here’s the secret: That statement has nothing to do with you – and everything to do with the other person. Have you ever heard of the following statements? ‘Hurt people hurt people’, ‘the world is your mirror’ and ‘perception is projection’.
Annoying comments are never personal attacks. They only seem that through the eyes of the ego and that is an illusion.
Does someone seem to be ignoring you or reacting negatively? Don’t take it personally. It’s the other’s problem:
- The other is likely to be dull or shy. He’s just not that spontaneous person.
- This person has a dip.
- This person has – recently or longer ago – had unpleasant experiences in similar situations, which makes him / her extra careful.
- This person is ignoring everyone, not just you.
- This person has autism and so it is very difficult to express affection, affection and kindness. It just looks rotten and blunt, but it’s not meant to be.
Don’t worry about the people who aren’t happy with you … They probably aren’t even happy with themselves.
What people say has nothing to do with you. Even if they say it very directly. “You did x!” They are actually angry about it because they have conflict within themselves. Someone cannot have their day. It doesn’t mean that person doesn’t like you. It is their own judgment of themselves. It is your choice what to do with it.
Take people’s opinions with a grain of salt… and pepper, noodles and some cheese because mac n’ cheese matters more than what anyone thinks of you. The End.
– Jenna Kutcher
Tip 12 – Should you be considered ‘normal’? Absolutely not: the ‘standard’ is very low
I have fallen in love with a woman who is anything but ‘normal’. And that is therefore positive. That is not only positive: it is ecstatic! She jokes all the time and, she’s celebrating life and she doesn’t hold back. Not even during her serious profession as a doctor.
Many ‘normal’ men should not think that their parents have to meet their ‘non-normal’ partner. Why? Because the ‘norm’ means that you hold back, that you do not move freely, that you are serious and that you are above all not too happy.
If you don’t let anyone hate you, you’re doing something wrong.
– Steve Jobs
Now let’s take a look across the border, in Germany.
In Germany there is a collective awareness that everyone must above all be ‘normal’, tight and restrained. My German niece came over with her new boyfriend. Normally (!) In such a situation you have to care a lot about what others think of you. You shouldn’t show that your niece has ‘crazy’ relatives. You have to be soft, low-key and polite. However, I didn’t. I screamed enthusiastically at my niece from afar. Everyone was looking at us, of course, because it was also in Germany, where it doesn’t often happen that someone expresses themselves unsteadily and unrestrained. Of course my niece also apologized to her boyfriend for being so loud and ecstatic about me.Did I mind? Not at all, and I even thought it was a success for myself. I knew I was free. Free from what others think of me and free from your ‘normal’ behavior.
Read more about how low the ‘norm’ of ‘normal’ is here.
Tip 13 – There is more: a large part of the answer is self-confidence
With the tips from this article you can be well on your way to ‘shit’. If you also have a lot of self-confidence, you naturally no longer consider what others think of you. That is why self-confidence is the absolute basis. Here you will find all 52+ self-confidence tips.
To your success!