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How Do I Get More Confidence? [58 Powerful Tips To Build Confidence]

How Do I Get More Confidence? [58 Powerful Tips To Build Confidence]

How can I gain confidence? How can I increase my confidence and appear confident?  Here you will find  all the tips you need to radiate more self-confidence. With the tips in this article you will work on your self-confidence at your core, so that you achieve lasting results.

Do you want more confidence because at the moment you are you limiting yourself? Afraid to express yourself? Not enough self-confidence to, for example, approach a nice potential partner or make business progress? Let’s start right away with all the tips on how to appear confident and grow your confidence.

Contents of this page:

Tip 1 – Do you want to gain self-confidence? Become competent and be well prepared

There is no need for extensive psychologization at all if you want to have more self-confidence. It’s just a matter of developing skills , gaining experience and being prepared .

For example, do you want to give presentations to groups with confidence? Then stand in front of groups ten times in the coming months  so that you improve your presentation skills and gain experience. Even if it is only for your own family. And yes, if you have often practiced your story and can dream, then self-confidence also becomes much simpler than if you constantly have to doubt your text.

Or do you want to feel better about yourself and be able to do more with your body? Then you don’t have to have blah-blah conversations about ‘drives’, but you have to get a kick in the butt to go to the gym and eat healthy. So work actively on your body, skills and habits.

Competence transforms fear into positive behavior.

Tip 2 – Make mistakes and enjoy the uncomfortable: this will be your new comfort zone


Embrace the uncomfortable. Start as soon as possible. You never exactly experience something uncomfortable that you have experienced: you have learned and you are getting better. Start making your biggest mistakes and improving your skills as a result. Every ‘reference experience’ is a good one, because it serves as feedback to learn something.

Before you do something exciting, you can think: this will be fun! For example, do these 42+ comfort zone exercises. And smile: this is my comfort zone! Push yourself. Die as a hero. Your comfort zone is in the arena.

Tip 3 – Want to be confident? Change your beliefs…

A belief does not equal the truth. It’s just a belief. Yet a belief seems lifelike to us! Tap into this power by having strong beliefs . This is then expressed in your capacities (self-confidence) and behavior.

Belief in yourself is your greatest strength.

What you believe is true for you or becomes true for you. So believe, for example, that everyone wants you, or believe that talking to a stranger is normal, or believe: ‘Addressing people is fun, people are friendly.’

If you believed in Sinterklaas for 8 years, surely it must be possible to believe in yourself for 5 minutes?
– Michael Pilarczyk

How can beliefs be so powerful? What you send out into the world comes back to you: the world is your mirror! Enter what you want and start believing it. Say, “I deserve to have x, and I accept it now .” Why now? Read the next tip …

Tip 4 – Improve self-confidence? Let go of the past

increase self-confidence

Do rejections from the past hinder your actions in the now? Then know that the past does not exist. Every moment is a new beginning. You are never stuck. Limitations are changeable, ‘fleeting conditions’, temporary things. So they are not something you always have to live with.

In fact, not one person in the whole world thinks about what happened in your past – and someone does, so what difference does it make? Let’s take your high school days as an example. No one is thinking back to your high school days right now. The only one in the world who does that is you (your ‘little me’), and far too often.

Imagine seeing the timeline of your life and zoom out completely. How small is that one moment that you worry about, if you compare it to all the other moments in your life that have been and are yet to come? It makes no sense at all to hold on to a limiting event or feeling from the past.

How do you do something with this? There are three very powerful things you can do:

Tip 5 – Out of your head, in your body and therefore in the moment

This is a real confidence booster! It seems as if the worrying mind is afraid of real relationships, real contact. From the earth your head comes last. So be in your body, because there is ultimately intelligence with which you have to get everything done, and get rid of your mind. You can  achieve this with meditation .

Make that body-mind connection with meditation-like exercises (mindfulness)  and these ways to go from head to body . For example, just sit down and feel what is happening in your body in terms of feelings. This brings you to the here and now, where there is no problem.

You are absolutely at your best when ‘yourself’ (ego) is gone. That is in the here and now. There you come with the body-mind connection.

Let’s take the example of having self-confidence for public speaking. You cannot have a fear of public speaking if you are really in the present moment.

  • You don’t want to be in the future for that. You only fear public speaking if you predict that you will make a mistake when you speak. That puts you in the future.
  • You don’t want to be in the past either. Even when you are in your past, you are in the emotion of fear. So we don’t want to be there, in that past. We don’t want to get into a habit. If you are in a habit, you are also in the past. And if you keep repeating your thoughts, you are also in your past. Most people predict the future based on their past.
  • So return more and more often to the here-and-now with the mind-body connection. You can read how to do that in the next tip. Every time you turn to the body in the here and now, your mind is automatically reconditioned. You are then no longer a victim. The body lets go and no longer believes in the predictable future or the recognizable past. Energy is released!

An easy way to do this is to ground yourself.  You can also be mindful of your feelings. See next tip …

Tip 6 – Make the connection between mind and body … by feeling your insecure feelings!


Make the body-mind connection. How do you do that, for example if you experience fear? Simple:  Feel  what feelings you are now experiencing in your body. Notice where in your body they are. Emotions are purely factual ‘just’ physical sensations. For example, that fear can be a tickle in your stomach.

Do not run away from it, for example with your thoughts. We are used to sitting in our heads as a means of escape. Whenever you find yourself turning your attention to your thoughts, bring your attention back to the feeling. Follow the feeling and notice how it is moving.

Do you feel nervous and insecure? Explore these emotions without wishing it to be different, so without pushing away or denying them. Go there with your attention without having to change or actively do anything else. Just notice what you feel.

The extra layers that we put on top of it ourselves are the problem, like not wanting to feel those sensations or the anger we have about it. Stick to that one layer of bodily sensations, without the judgment on top.

“This is not allowed,” “This is bad,” “This is fear …” They are all labels as an extra layer on top of the feeling. Just turn your attention to it and allow it as it is.

Also name what you feel in your body. Say what you feel. ‘I feel something that is sometimes labeled as scared. And I’m okay with it. ‘ It takes an incredible amount of energy to hide that fear. The uncertainty / fear itself does not hinder you. It is trying to hide the uncertainty / fear that is hindering you. Don’t try to stop it, the ego wants that.

  • What is happening to you inside?
  • Stay in this experience and notice where it takes you. Get curious about this.
  • Where in your body do you feel the {pressure, tension, movement}? How do you experience this in your body?

Also use the extra tips on how to process emotions that may arise.  And in fact, make those ‘unwanted’ emotions stronger. Only then will there be room for a feeling of peace and self-confidence.

Tip 7 – In fact … make the insecure feeling worse

When we feel insecure, we usually say to ourselves, “Don’t get nervous … shit, it has to stop!” In the previous tip, we already broke this up by allowing the nervous, insecure feeling to be good and to start feeling good

Now we take that one step further by wanting to feel even more nervous and insecure. Get into that corresponding body position and strengthen that too. So we let that ‘unwanted’ feeling first increase so that it can complete its mission, after which it will automatically diminish and perhaps disappear entirely.

Have you been doing this long enough? After that you can always turn to the breath – and then to the desired feeling. You will learn how to evoke an (un) desired feeling in this article,  a number of elements of which have already been discussed in the above paragraphs.

Then make this a habit – to move from the unwanted feeling, to the breath, to the desired feeling in a fluid movement, so that you can easily go from a limiting feeling to a desired feeling in various situations.

The less you fight your fear, the less it fights back. If you can relax, fear relaxes too.
– Elizabeth Gilbert

Tip 8 – Make it ‘showtime’! Dress fabulous, boost your energy and launch yourself instantly

cultivating self-confidence dress well

Are you afraid to do something, such as address someone? Then create a showtime ritual for yourself, consisting of two parts:

  1. Dress in the prettiest and coolest clothes!
  2. Don’t negotiate with yourself. Put your body in motion, increase your energy and do it immediately, with complete dedication. If necessary, count to 5 and launch yourself! This can create spontaneity.

That increased energy and launch is essential. Because what happens if you wait, think and stay in a neutral energy?

  • You lose a lot of mental energy when you negotiate with yourself …
  • And negotiating implies that there is a possibility that you will not do it after all …

Get back to the showtime feeling you want to feel more often. Then it becomes easier to feel that in everyday life.

Tip 9 – Do you feel insecure? Breathe into the uncertain feeling

This is so simple … There are no difficult theories behind it. All you have to do is breathe. Just keep breathing. Take a deep breath and pay attention to your breathing.  Exhale and take the feeling outside with you. More is not there!

Tip 10 – Get out of spectatorism and live your own adventure

self confidence

People do not regret the things they have done: they are always sorry for the things they have not done.

Have as little regrets as possible in your life. Rather die with memories instead of dreams.

In fact, we have become a spectator nation . Everyone watches on social media and TV how other people experience an adventure, instead of experiencing adventures themselves.

What does this have to do with confidence? Action, discovering new things, being on the move … All these things put you in the middle of life, while endless scrolling through social media on a screen only makes you weaker, duller and more passive.

You can read here how bad this can be and how much time you waste with this. Don’t become a spectator, live the adventure! Read more about quitting social media addiction here.

Tip 11 – Live as if today is the last day of your life

What would you do if this was the last day of your life? It’s not even a weird question. We are turning 80, but that is a lightning bolt in eternity.

Have I lived? Did I matter? Have I given love? Open, honest and generous? Or did I hold back everything because of the one time I was hurt?

Tip 12 – Appear confident? Setting goals creates self-confidence


Set goals. This naturally gives you so much adrenaline and confidence! You will then do what you say you are going to do. Setting goals ensures that you can already see your desired end results.

Thanks to your RAS (selective perception) , you have already seen the desired end result and you know what it looks like, allowing you to recognize it. When you have to spot something for the first time that you haven’t seen before, it becomes difficult. Thanks to the focus you immediately see ideas and patterns that you would not have seen otherwise.

Read here how to set goals.

Let’s take the dating context: You have set the goal to also be able to (!) Date the most beautiful man / woman. Because you do it for that, the self-confidence will come naturally: you have a high mission, and the underlying logical levels , such as the ability ‘self-confidence’, will automatically fall into place.

Also set small, simple goals, achieve them and appreciate yourself for achieving them. For example: brush your teeth tomorrow morning, buy a book, etc. Celebrate all those successes.
This confirms to your subconscious that you are in control, and it is going to get it.

Tip 13 – Take the right steps: if you put down a building block every day, sooner or later there will be a house

Focus! This means that you are actually going to do something, and to be more precise: that you do it often. If you don’t focus and take the right steps, you’ll be a ‘broke little loser’ (Fight Club’s Tyler Durden would say that). There is no excuse for not producing results.

Tip 14 – Go ahead fast with building confidence

You can make a plan to work on your confidence or your specific skill once a month , but you can really move forward much faster! You can also choose to work on it for an hour every day , or a whole week full time. Get better fast.

Go hard or go home.

Tip 15 – Want to grow your self-confidence? Don’t control everything

self confidence

This is paradoxical with the previous tip in which you have to take proactive action to achieve your goals, so you have to understand and use them both: being proactive and having acceptance for what you cannot change.

Life is something that happens to you while you are doing something else.
– John Lennon

So you shouldn’t want to try hard. Let go and let it be about the group: be non-needy and accepting. The moment you are less obsessed with your goal, results will come.

Tip 16 – Do not react: be on the ’cause side’ and have a strong intention

Don’t be reactive, be  proactive ! In other words: don’t please people. By staying proactive, you are on the cause side. The person who responds the least is the winning person. Don’t show that you need power. Does another person have control over what you feel, does the other have control over whether you are happy or angry?

By the way, reactive is not the same as responsive. Being responsive is good. Not being reactive. For example, act and respond positively to positive things (for example, when someone shows that he / she likes you), but not reactively / dependent, nor react reactively to negative things.

Of course you have to reward positive behavior, but that’s something else. When a date is testing you, or when someone insults you, the other person for you shouldn’t be in your RAS (selective perception), just like a drifter you don’t know. In other words, don’t think it’s important.

So instead of responding, what do you do? Have a strong intention: be on the cause side! Show this in everything you do, even through your tonality. Suppose you say “Hey!” says. Don’t say it reactively (shaky, soft, and trembling), but sure! That doesn’t always mean saying it in a loud voice. It can also be done with a soft voice full of love and rapport , but with the same power of a person who is on the cause side. Another way to be on the cause side is to be indifferent to how the other person reacts.

More ways to show you’re not reactive: Don’t let it bother you if someone suddenly ignores you. You are too busy with your own wonderful life to notice. If someone laughs at you or makes a nasty comment: it doesn’t bother you! Who cares what others think? An extreme metaphor to describe this idea: when you walk into your room and all the models from the Victoria Secret Fashion Show are on your bed, pretend nothing is wrong. It’s just one of the many great things in your life.

Being on the cause side: you are in control. You are part of the whole, so if you change something, the rest will change with it.

Tip 17 – Increase self-confidence? Learn from children and dogs

have more self-confidence

How is it possible that when you are in a room where there is a dog or a child, all eyes automatically go to the dog or child again and again? There are many reasons for this: each one of them lessons that we can learn from them.

Children are not yet affected by (social) conditioning. They have enormous self-confidence. They only think well about yourself and always feel good about themselves. They love their whole body. Do you do that too? Then you can achieve almost anything. Self-confidence Is just that: what you think about yourself.

You were born with extreme confidence. You came into this world knowing how beautiful you were. As a child you were already perfect. You didn’t have to do anything. You were the center of the universe and you knew it, you were not afraid to ask what you wanted. The whole neighborhood knew when you were angry. And when you were happy, you lit up the whole room with your smile. You expressed your emotions freely. You were full of love and confidence. Babies love their whole body!

And sometime in your childhood, well-meaning parents passed on their own insecure feelings to you, teaching you feelings of “not being enough” and fear. Those thoughts were never true, and they are not at all true now.

When you were little, you were acquitted. “I want this, I want that!” It was a very pure relationship.

Children and dogs have self-recognition and self-esteem:  the dog or the child goes for what they want. It just comes to make it! Watch the next video . A little girl of 16 months happily walks up to people and gives them a hug. She expects people to like her instead of feeling pressure to perform.

Seriousness is a disease.

What else do children do that we can learn from? They laugh about the little funny things in life, like someone who burps. They greet you several times a day, and they do it very warmly. They say your name. They show themselves to be vulnerable, even greeting you with your back to them and interacting with another group of people, and they wave enthusiastically. Some adults also have these qualities. In that respect, the movie ‘Happy Go Lucky’ is a must!

What’s the difference between crazy and genius? Results.

Be like a baby who wants it all: right on target! And nobody gets angry. Nothing has the power to hurt you. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t care.

The child in the playground holds the key to the here and now. It doesn’t need anything more than that moment. There is absolutely nothing it wants or needs anymore. The child’s flip in the playground is an expression of love.
– Eckhart Tolle

Tip 18 – Integrity: go straight for your goal and do not ignore it (Purposefulness)

This is one of those traits that children master so well. In English this is said so beautifully: acting through your own intensions. Do you intend to ask or tell someone something? Walk straight to it in a straight line and talk immediately. Do what you want to do. Turning around and trying not to be rejected (for example, thinking about what to say in advance) is a turnoff for women. Women always know if you want to hit her up. The truth always shines through. So do it with vulnerability like a normal human.

You are in control of your actions, how you dress and how you walk directly to the other person, stand ‘non-apogetically’ in front of her, have a certain voice and handshake, and tell what you want to say. If the other person doesn’t want to hear it, that’s completely fine. You just move on to the next: know your limits, let them know, and move on to the next.

Turning around and trying not to get rejected (with premeditated phrases) is a big turnoff. Women always know if you want to pick her up and are not honest about it.

Purposefulness is very much related to integrity and honesty. You do not show integrity to yourself and other people if you approach them in a roundabout way. You see a nice woman, but are you scared and are you not going to take action to meet her? That is being unfair to yourself: against your intentions and your sexuality. You are then needy and you are unable to expose your vulnerability. You care more about her opinion, her ability to say no, than in pursuing your own desires.

Fair action ultimately leads to a woman who fits you and who stays. This will happen even if the man does not have the communication skills. An honest expression of yourself and your desires is always the most effective way to demonstrate non-needyness and therefore to create the lasting genuine attraction with women who make you happiest

Do you need confidence to pick someone up? Here too you can be ‘purposeful’: don’t touch, hug or introduce yourself. Don’t be apologetic while doing that. Show that you like the other person.

Tip 19 – Do what is correct not what seems correct 

Let’s get back to the dating context. What is correct? Addressing a person you like. What seems correct to others? Sit still, don’t talk, don’t talk to, don’t take action. Be aware of the limiting power of social conditioning that tells you what is ‘normal’. But yes, how low is that standard …

Tip 20 – Develop self-confidence? Fear lies: you have nothing to lose

have more self-confidence

There are two types of fear. The first form seems real, but there is no logical reason for it at all. This is fear created by thoughts and is often about the future. In addition, there is also real fear in the now: fear is only justified when it comes to physical fear. For example when you are swimming and you see a shark below you. By the way, our ancestors were expelled from the tribe in case of non-physical danger and therefore died. Now you have nothing to lose! If you are not in physical danger, fear lies.

Fear is in your head.

Do you still feel fear, when you should have nothing to fear in the here and now? Feel the emotion completely, pay attention to it. Allow it to be there. It doesn’t kill you. You will if you identify with it, and if you start thinking about it (‘How can I get rid of it, I don’t want to feel this …’). In addition, this type of fear is a sign of needyness. For example, all fear surrounding your sexuality is needyness.

Don’t be afraid … and be yourself!

See fear as an opportunity to deal with it. In fact, develop ‘fear’ of not taking action. So turn it around.

Fear and trust both require you to believe in something you cannot see. The one who receives your focus is your choice. Choose wisely.

Tip 21 – Appear confident? Anxiety is also normal and healthy: don’t push it away

This may be paradoxical compared to the previous tip, but fear is still part of it, for everyone. It is healthy. Let’s get into dating. Anytime you talk to a woman, want to kiss her, invite her to your home, etc. Even though you’ve done all of that 100 times, fear never goes away, and it shouldn’t be, because it’s normal and healthy . You learn to deal with it alone. The difference is in how bad or good your relationship with that fear is (and how ‘needy’ you are).

So welcome the fear and at the same time show a little guts for the adventure of self-confidence!

The plural of guts is life.
– Loesje

Tip 22 – You don’t need anything: don’t depend on the outcome

increase self-confidence

When you don’t need anything, and are therefore independent of the outcome, you believe, as it were, “I am God, I don’t need anything from anyone, I’m completely happy, I have everything I need.” My life is already epic, my night is already epic. I wanna see where this goes. Everything that happens is a bonus. ‘

Trust believes despite the circumstances and takes action despite the consequences.
– Adrian Rogers

Needyness is fear, which we talked about in the previous tip. In addition, it is: depend on the outcome of your actions. Seeking fulfillment and life in external things, such as buying things and other people. That moment of fulfillment lasts very short.

This is a very paradoxical point: on the one hand, you want to take action to bring about an outcome, but on the other, your words and actions should convey a feeling that you don’t care.

For us there is only actually doing. The rest – the result – is not our business.
– TS Eliot

Tip 23 – Eliminate self-assessment fatigue: don’t reject yourself

Increase self-confidence? Don’t reject yourself! A man and a woman were in regular contact, and he liked her. Yet he never dared to show his intentions. Years later, she came up to him and said, “Why didn’t you ask me out all this time!”

From now on you will go for it, and whatever the outcome will be, know that you have not rejected yourself. The only rules and boundaries are the rules and boundaries that we set for ourselves. Not rejecting yourself ultimately leads to joy in life.

Tip 24 – Eliminate choice fatigue: test everything

Do not ask yourself: shall I take this chance or not, shall I say something or not. That takes so much energy! If you skip that, you will have more energy and you will get more experiences.

In other words , don’t negotiate with yourself whether or not you are going to do what is right for you, such as asking someone out or kissing someone on a date. Skip that whole step and just do it.

Recently I activated the feeling of self-confidence, guts and courage in me. So I ran straight into the street without thinking and without a plan, saw complete strangers who might be in a hurry, stopped them enthusiastically, chatted with them and gave them a hug.

Then I deactivated the feeling of confidence, guts and courage in me. I found that reflected in thinking, doubting and waiting before taking action. As a result, nothing meaningful got off the ground.

Finally, I spotted the differences:

My attention was directed outward. In addition, I did not think and I did not wait. I immediately started doing it in an increased energy and with surrender. That was the big difference with me. In other words: When I had guts and courage, my attention was not focused on my own personality, I did not wait, I did not think and besides I did not ask for a hug, but offered a hug and just gave it without thinking . As a result, every cyclist stopped for me and they spontaneously went along with everything I did with them.

Tip 25 – Eliminate persona fatigue: be yourself and accept yourself

have more self-confidence

Pretending to be different than you are is as tiring as a parasite, like putting one foot on the brake. Incongruity is the hardest thing to do in life. If you let go of those persona (s), your life will change. The result is, for example, that you let your voice be heard without a brake, so that everyone can hear you.

Owen Cook: ‘ Self concern is heavy, it drives consumerism and vice versa.’  I need my Nike shoes… Me !!! We have to break this persona. Get that weight off you. Don’t hold on to it more and more, but: ‘Fuck it!’

So quickly drop your mask (s) and accept what’s behind it. And take other people with you. You do that by being sincere. If you do that, the other will also become sincere if you include the other in this. As a result, the other no longer gives ‘excuses’. Good-looking women have masks like this constantly on hand when going out for men who are not sincere and who wear masks.

Turn the gas on and the brake off.

Tip 26 – Use these tips for self-acceptance and self-love

Also apply the tips for self-acceptance and self-love . As a result, your self-confidence will naturally increase. These tips are also excellent in combination with the acclaimed book ‘Increase Your Self-confidence’!

There is always enough love for everyone.

Tip 27 – Let go of your ego: being shy and thinking everyone is watching you is selfish and narcissistic

Don’t hold on to your little image: “I’m cool! I am cool! I am cool!” To defend it. It’s not even there, it’s a great illusion. To the ego you are the center of the universe. Other than that, for no one.

Walk outside. Can you see all the buildings and windows of the flats? There are all people living there with their own problems, and they all think they themselves are the center of the universe. Everyone is constantly thinking about how they themselves are perceived: they don’t pay attention to you, but to their own insecurities (egos).

Show me a guy who’s afraid of looking bad, and I’ll show you a guy you can beat every time.
– Lou Brock, American baseball player

You can read about what you can do with this insight in this article about being afraid of what others think of you.

Is your self-confidence low because you think that your appearance is not beautiful? You can only think that if you judge others by appearance.

Tip 28 – Don’t let it be about ‘me’ (ego): act from the framework ‘everyone wins!’

increase self-confidence

Don’t let it revolve around you: “I tried to …” “That was because …” Even when you speak softly, it’s about you, because the group can’t hear you. Instead, care about the group. I’m not doing anything unless everyone wins! How do I provide value to this group / person? Care about them. You don’t need anything yourself. You already have everything in yourself. Let it be about the group.

So don’t think: what can I get out of it? That is scarcity. That feeds of itself and then comes out. You are in your head then, because this is about you. Where does fear come from? Where does pain for rejection come from? A low voice, poor eye contact? ‘I don’t make eye contact because I don’t like the feeling’. So it’s about you: it’s selfish and narcissistic.

When it comes to you, when it comes to the individual and their needs, the audience cares. Why do people clap more for some than for others? Because whoever got no applause thinks it’s about himself: he wants it to work. ‘Now it’s my turn, I have to pass! Can I get the public to like me? ‘ You feel the pressure.

So what should you be doing? Forget who you ‘are’ and share . Add to the vibe! Think of collaboration instead of competition. If you want to compete, you actually get weaker. If you want to collaborate, you immediately become stronger when the environment becomes stronger, because you are the environment! You just share. We are here together. There is a feeling of ‘together’ instead of a competitive feeling.

People only come to get and bring one thing: Love! 

Less ego, more connection. Read more about this in the next tip …

Tip 29 – Get out of the ego,  into the unity (of the group)

If you are present, you are mixed with the group, you are part of the group. Turn yourself off (your ego) and become the group! Be in their head. Be them. In this way you take away your selfish, isolated self-awareness (self concern). At that point, if you believe you are fun / a 10, they think so because they are you. Then you can think about the other person: ‘you are going to laugh’, and that will happen. So you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to believe it while your attention is on the group.

Athletes often reach this state, which is why they can achieve peak performance: they are. They stepped out of their ego, out of ‘separateness’, and have become one with the sport. They are not playing, but they are one with the process, there is no separate individual standing there again. And it is a pleasure to watch. Also see the article ‘The world is your mirror.’

Tip 30 – Get completely out of the ego

increase self-confidence

That ego, which makes you a person with unpleasant behavior, can be completely put aside. Not a little, but everything! Tyler Durden from Fight Club: ‘Only after youve lost everything, youre able to do anything.’ There is then nothing more to protect. ‘Fuck it !!’ Be the idiot of the group, share! Jump and go crazy and say something weird that makes no sense, like “Dheeee”.

Self-confidence is believing that you have a power greater than your fear (ego).

When you do that, people think, “I’ll let him in because he doesn’t hide anything, gives himself completely and he doesn’t hold on to anything.” On the other hand, if your ego gets involved and makes you think, “Mhee, do you think this is cool, that I’m cool?”, People are going to think, “Wtf is this?” Share your energy with others. If you do that without ego, for example, it happens completely automatically that you start kissing someone when you are out. If your ego interferes just a little bit, making you try to ‘do it right’ and not go off, you become repulsive, with a sense of, “Here comes the kiss … I need the kiss. .. The kiss … Here it comes … “

One of the reasons that without an ego you achieve successes much more easily and automatically, as if it were happening to you, is because stepping out of your ego helps you get into the  here and now  , making it easier for you to say things and improvise.

When ego is lost, limit is lost.
– Yogi Bhajan

Tip 31 – Develop charisma

What is charisma? That moment when someone enters a room, and some people whisper to each other, “Wow, who is THAT?” How do you develop charisma? We’ll discuss this in this article , but one “kind” of charisma can be developed by making others feel fascinating or intelligent . Become their biggest fan.

Tip 32 – Learn to deal with rejection

If you can deal with rejection, it is a huge boost to your confidence.

There are two things you should know about rejection:

  1. Willingness to reject is necessary for a loving and successful life.
  2. Make sure you get rejected (often). This means that you do not withhold your love, but that you are willing to give it so that you can receive it again.

How and why? You can read that in this article about rejection.

Tip 33 – Be vulnerable: without risk and courage, no chance of success

self confidence developing tips

By opening up to other people, by giving them your full openness, attention, eye contact and presence, you make yourself vulnerable. Then you have some risk of rejection, but that gives you the most to gain.  Read all about vulnerability here.  Below are two less obvious expressions of vulnerability.

Living on the edge is an excellent idea: the view is fantastic!

When man or woman is sexually interested, he or she teases. Teasing is a sign of vulnerability because your connection  breaks : you give others an excuse that can be used to leave you. So this demonstrates that you are not needy. You are taking a risk.

This is just one of the many examples of vulnerability, and also a tricky example because it can easily skip into the opposite of vulnerability. Teasing can also be a shield for connection. You also can’t tease someone into a relationship. Ultimately, you have to transition to other forms of vulnerability, such as a connection on an emotional level.

Leading is also a form of vulnerability, because you take a risk to achieve something. Leading is, for example: reaching out and making yourself vulnerable in that way. A man who is leading takes her hand and leads her to the next place. Someone can also (sexually) advance the interaction, for example by asking personal questions, by asking the other on a date or by kissing the other.

So be vulnerable , have courage and show courage . Is it dating? Then step out, stand in front of a woman, express your authenticity and submit to rejection.

Dare. Dare to be.

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully and generously.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to spread a light.

When there is injustice, dare be the first to correct it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it.

When life seems to throw you to the ground, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find it anyway.

When you feel tired, dare to keep going.

When times are hard and hard, dare to be firmer.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is suffering, dare to help the other heal.

When someone is lost, dare to help the other find the way.

When a friend falls down, dare to be the first to reach out.

When your path crosses with someone else’s, dare to make the other laugh.

When you feel great, dare to make someone else feel great too.

When the day is over, dare to feel that you have done your best.

Dare to be the best you can be.

And always: dare to be!

– Steve Maraboli

Tip 34 – No self-confidence? It sounds corny, but you are enough: have faith in your abilities

The first tip to increase your self-confidence? Believe that you are capable and ‘enough’. You have all the necessary skills to do what you want to do. You always own them at a sufficient level.

Believe in yourself as if it were a religion.

The word ‘ sufficient or’ enough ‘is the magic word here. Your skills are not at an expert level, but they are enough. And with ‘enough’ it just works. Believe in it. Read more about the pitfalls of perfectionism here.

Wear confidence. That is extremely fashionable.
– Haemin Sunim

Tip 35 – Just do it! That’s how you go the fastest

Just do it! The timing is never perfect. The stars will never line up and all the lights will never be green at once. Do it and only say sorry when things really go wrong.

No luck without action.
– Tim Ferris

Tip 36 – Ask yourself power questions

self-devotion increase tips

What is the effect on you if you ask yourself these questions? You can also set them back in the past tense at the end of the day.

  • How can I make this day as interesting as possible?
  • How happy will that person be when I approach her?
  • How can I make this night even more epic ?
  • Who am I today?
  • What makes me happy?
  • What am I enjoying the most, right now in my life?
  • Who do I love and who loves me?
  • What am I going to give today? In what ways can I be a giver?
  • What can I learn?
  • How can today contribute to the quality of my life?

Tip 37 – Live with choices and options

Develop the ability to always see and create options. This way you can always create the options for how you feel and how you can respond: you then have a choice in how you feel and how you react. That way you can always choose self-confidence.

You create those options, for example, by doing NLP techniques that allow you to evoke moods or process emotions. You’re in the right place for that on this site! You can find all these techniques here.

An example of this is the Swish technique, which uses visualization. You create a positive vicious circle.

  • If you think you are clumsy, you will notice the times when you act awkwardly, such as bumping into a table. And this will reinforce the belief that you are a clumsy person.
  • If you see yourself as a charismatic person, you will start to notice and collect experiences / examples of charismatic behavior from you. You notice that when you walk in a door, you take up more space and everyone is looking at you. And this will reinforce the belief that you are a charismatic person.

As you build a collection of experiences and images – from your past, present, or future – more will be created. This is partly due to the law of selective perception . So choose images of self-confidence with your self-concept. You do that with the Swish technique.

Tip 38 – Learn self-confidence by doing

Look, there is a reason why we kinda repeat this advice now: it is important to actually get up and do stuff. That is a sure way to get more confidence.

Read this next:  198 Best Compliments Ever! Examples (List!) [Update 2024]

Tip 39 – Feel good because you are unique

self confidence tips

You have so many reasons to feel good about yourself, and that’s because you are completely unique! Just read the following inspirational quote.

You are unique. You are you. There is no other person like you in the world. You should think carefully about what that means. There is no other person in the world like you. It means that you can feel good about yourself and that others can feel good because they know you.
– Kid President

Tip 40 – Process old emotions

If there is one thing that is crushing your self-confidence, it is: old emotions that have not been processed … Fortunately, you can do something about this. It is already very simple to do by just crying.

You can find other ways to do this in the article on emotional processing.

Tip 41 – Reprogram your childhood with the gift of self-confidence

Also read the article about why self-confidence is so important in youth.  Did you not hear that affirmative voice in your youth that you are worthy? Then perform inner child work to still give that affirmative voice to your younger self.

Another way is to regress to your childhood, experience the emotions and give yourself the gift of confidence. The steps for this are in the technique ‘Change Personal History’.

Tip 42 – Express yourself!

Let go, share your thoughts, be free, have fun and express yourself!

Tip 43 – Use the law of attraction for self-confidence

self confidence

You can make self-confidence very simple if you just expect and express that you have self-confidence. This is the law of attraction . For example, if you expect people to like you, you will also see that that will happen.

Constantly expect good things to happen.

Tip 44 – People with really high self-esteem recognize and value themselves as a person

This is very important for self confidence: have a deep appreciation for the person you are. Value yourself and value yourself as a person. You look at yourself and you like what you see. You look at your achievements and you value them …  And you value yourself regardless of your achievements.

Who you are is worthwhile, not what you do and what you achieve. With that you feed the ego, but all those things perish, like a balloon that you blow up and that can pop or deflate at any moment. So don’t trust your ego for your self-confidence (it is sensitive to criticism, for example), but trust the person you really are.

Tip 45 – Encourage yourself, because language is powerful!

Language, even language you speak to yourself, is powerful! What is the tone of your internal dialogue? Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend: sweet. Otherwise, (self) criticism is a threat, causing your brain to shut down and your physical protection mechanisms to engage: so it makes you work harder, but at the expense of charisma and your ability to enjoy.

So compliment yourself more often . Also affirmations play a role.

‘What do you look like?’ Like a winner!
“Why are you doing that?” Because we are winners! ‘
‘Are you ready for it?’ “The real champions are always ready!”
“This is the party table!”

Tip 46 – Your behavior, including failure, is completely free, because it says nothing about who you are

self confidence tips

Your failure is not who you are, the feedback model teaches us.  Knowing this will make you willing to experiment and it will make you better: you go through the learning process and you gain more skills. Purely because you are willing to fail.

And then it is important to see all that is beautiful and useful in ‘failure’: they are reference experiences that you can look back on and of which you can know: that is an act of a good person who has done worthy, useful things and share the story with others.

Only the person with low confidence looks at the negative things instead of the positive things and wants to hide the story.

The person with self-confidence can also have a bad day and cry about it, but this person immediately hears the developed voice that says: you are worth it, you are worthy to be loved.

Someone with this kind of natural self-confidence easily achieves success. Such a person develops enough stories and reference experiences, in which he / she has done things that are worthwhile and with which he / she achieves things, to look back on. They are even adventures! These kinds of people know they have the lessons in them. They are a ‘force for good.’

A wound can heal. You look at it in different eyes. You are grateful for the lessons. Feeling good knowing you have progressed. You can laugh at the unpleasant events and move on. You can review past events and feel pride and glory for the unpleasant event.

A person with self-confidence can move on, and the next time he gets into such a situation, he is better prepared and can act better.

Tip 47 – See only the positive things

People with natural self-confidence, who appreciate themselves, default to the positive things. For example, if such a person looks in the mirror, this person thinks: “I like what I see!”

Someone without self-confidence does the same as someone with a lot of self-confidence, but focuses on the opposite: his / her filter focuses on the negative. After an event, he / she thinks: “That didn’t go well, that’s bad …” In the mirror: “What I see, I am not allowed.” Such a person finds the mistakes and everything that is not worth looking at, and does not even see all the good things that surround him or her. These people have disrespectful inner voices.

Tip 48 – Live from your values

have self-confidence

Self-confidence is built on values . Have values. Build memories that contain things you appreciate

Have a habit of mentioning things that are admirable because they bear witness to value. So always look for things that are worth valuing and respecting.

Make a top 5 of your most important values ​​and act accordingly.

The logical levels of Bateson teach us that values, which are at a high level, influence the lower level of capacities, where self-confidence belongs. So if you live up to your values, your capacities such as self-confidence will be fine. Act according to your values ​​and, for example, also do random acts or kindness to actually put those values ​​into action and to create memories.

Tip 49 – Get a coach who gives up your homework

Self-confidence is something you must do. And if you want to do something, a coach is a perfect tool. Get a coach who actually gives you homework to work on your self-confidence. Also track progress: has the number of times when you felt low self-confidence decreased? Measuring is knowing!

Tip 50 – Look forward to how much fun self-confidence brings you

There was one night in the pub that will always stay with me. Everyone danced only a little but no one really enjoyed it. That evening I had met a special lady. She seemed to be the only one having complete fun. She seemed completely in the now, she had no ego and her full attention was with you. She was completely available for pleasure. This was the lady who had the most fun in the entire building and she danced with all the men.

Do you want to have so much fun too? Work on your self-confidence and your life will be a lot more fun!

The ego cannot surrender to joy. It always includes a bit. ‘You must not be completely free and happy, even during joyful activities like dancing …’

Tip 51 – Learn the noble art of ‘not giving af * ck’

The more desperate you want to be rich, the less worthy you feel. The more you want to be desperately sexy and loved … The more you want to be spiritually enlightened … Fill it in!

Don’t care about rejection. Care about the important things in life. If you don’t care about the results, you will get the results. A complete summary of The noble art of not giving af * ck can be found here.

Besides, it’s a good idea for your confidence to read more books anyway. Here you will find a top 10 overview with all kinds of different genres around self-development.

Tip 52 – Be there for others: give others your validation, recognition, approval and attention

building self confidence

Now that you’ve learned to give yourself recognition and approval thanks to the previous tips, you can finally be there for the others! Now you can support others who are not quite as advanced as you. You no longer seek the approval of others, but you give others your validation, recognition, approval and attention!

Now you can really care about others and find ways to make them succeed. A selfless, thoughtful act increases your self-esteem . Even a small gesture helps.

Insecure people seek approval and need approval from others to be more confident. The self-confident person is already confident and thus does not need approval. He hands out approval.

Tip 53 – Pretend you are confident: what if you were your ideal self already?

For any mood or skill you can ask yourself: What if I already mastered it perfectly? What if I had already achieved it? This is the wonder question!

So just pretend that you already have complete confidence and are the best version of yourself.

  • How do you behave then?
  • How do you think?
  • What are you doing then?

And use all other questions of the structure of the subjective experience, as described halfway through this coaching question article.

Tip 54 – Set boundaries and be assertive

Those who control assertiveness and who are good at setting and setting boundaries are automatically a confident person. Read this article about assertiveness and this article about boundaries.

Tip 55 – Don’t compare yourself with others

Are you doing something because – like the others – you also need a Ferrari? Or are you doing something because it makes you happy?

There is nothing wrong with not being the richest or smartest person in the room or having the same experiences as other people. You just need to find out what makes you successful and you shouldn’t care about what other people say.

Tip 56 – Use the power of the higher logic levels for more confidence

Have a look at the model of the logic levels.  There are six levels and each level has a huge impact on the lower levels.

Let’s give an example of this directly in the context of dating:

  1. Mission : My mission is to find the perfect match so that together we can make our contribution to the world even better.
  2. Identity : I am a Don Juan / Doña Juana.
  3. Beliefs : Everyone wants to date me.
  4. Capacities : I have the skills to find a partner effortlessly.
  5. Behavior : I find a partner.
  6. Environment : Let me go to place x to flirt.

And that’s how it works with every theme. Adopt for yourself a mission, identity, beliefs and capacities (high levels) that are supportive for the behavior (low level) you want to display.

Tip 57 – Increase your self-esteem

Self-esteem means that you separate your brave actions from your dignity. So if you are brave, take risks and make mistakes, you still know that you are worth just as much as a person.

How can self-esteem be developed in someone?

Tip 58 – Awesome tips, but what exactly do I have to do or say to increase my self-confidence?

This article covers the core beliefs you need to have to boost and build your confidence. In addition, we have published an article that discusses the behavior: ‘how.’ On a behavioral level you can read this article about charisma.

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!