Select Page

‘I don’t fit in…’ Do this when feeling left out… [6 tips]

‘I don’t fit in…’ Do this when feeling left out… [6 tips]

Do you sometimes feel like, “I don’t feel at home anywhere.” “I always fall outside the group.” “I feel left out and not connected to anyone.” I don’t really belong anywhere. ” “I feel lonely in a group.” “I’m not welcome anywhere.” “I feel like no one likes me.” “I don’t fit in anywhere.” “I don’t feel accepted.” If you long for that connection, read on …

Expert contribution | Jan T.

Feeling left out hurts …

It can be quite a painful feeling. The feeling that you don’t belong anywhere. You may recognize this feeling. Do you regularly feel lonely and only because you miss connection with your environment? All kinds of questions can run through your mind at those moments.

“Is it me?” “Am I interesting enough?”

In this article you will get tools that will help you to feel less lonely and alone. After reading this article, you will understand why you often feel you don’t belong anywhere. This will help you to understand why this feeling is making you so depressed and you will know what to do to get rid of this feeling.

“I feel left out by family.” “I don’t belong in school.” “I feel left out at work.” Nowhere between fitting in and feeling left out is certainly not a pleasant feeling.

That is why it is good that you read this article. You may already be thinking about ‘Ugly Duckling Syndrome’ and feel like an outsider, but we have an important message for you. Read on quick!

The special thing about ‘outsiders’ who are excluded …

Do you know what is special about the ‘outsiders’? These children later develop into exceptional adults. Being an outsider forces you to generate certain forces and energies to overcome the sense of ‘out of order’ . So let’s first welcome the challenges of ‘I don’t belong anywhere’ as an entrance to something beautiful.

Why people like to belong to something (and so do you!)

First we would like to tell you something about the fact that you and I would like to belong somewhere. If you know the cause of this, you will understand where your pain comes from. You will then have a better understanding of the fact that the feeling of belonging nowhere makes you so sad.

The cause of this can be found in ourselves . That is sometimes hard to believe, because our biology makes us tend to seek out others.

We humans are a social species that has benefited from companionship since the dawn of humanity. Especially when we used to live in nature, the group offered protection.

The group provided security against attack from enemy tribes – and the group always had some knowledge of where to find food and drink. The group also contributed to the (social) education of children.

You already notice; we humans are programmed to thrive in a group. We like to belong somewhere because this gives you and me a feeling of safety and security.

Which stimulates your feeling that you don’t belong anywhere

Our biological tendency to seek out others contrasts sharply with the trends in today’s society in which we live. Individualization is increasing and personal development is elevated above the development of a larger group.

From an early age we have been pushed to mainly invest in our personal development. We are much less aware that it is important to be loyal to the group or what it takes to function well in a group.

There is actually more and more a mismatch. A mismatch between, on the one hand, a situation in which you and I thrive – namely being together – and the situation in which you and I currently live – namely that isolation is encouraged.

Below I will tell you a little more about the consequences of this mismatch – about the consequences of a situation where you feel you don’t belong anywhere.

What is the result of social isolation

The result of a situation in which you feel you don’t belong anywhere is that you start to experience unpleasant feelings .

Think of:

  • Boredom
  • Negative self image
  • Little energy
  • Lifelessness
  • Self-pity
  • Fear Of Missing Out
  • Et cetera

All emotions that will make you feel down – so that you will experience an increasingly higher threshold to do your best to belong again. You actually get into a vicious circle that is difficult to get out of.

Your self-confidence decreases because you yourself also feel that you are becoming more and more uninteresting because you are there. If you notice this in yourself, it is advisable to boost your self-confidence first. You can do this, for example, by following a course for permanent self-confidence .

It is time to take you along into what you can do concretely to experience the feeling of ‘belonging’ again!

Our 6 concrete advice: that’s how you belong again!

What you can do to belong somewhere

1. Work on your own appearance

You will rarely come across this advice. And yet it is very important. If you radiate something yourself, you will be found attractive to enter into contact with.

Just think about it; someone who is kneeling in a corner looking for an earwig is not invited to anything and is never asked about anything. There is a chance that your appearance has unconsciously changed over the years to such an extent that you no longer have the appeal that you may have had before.

How do you achieve this?

In this way you will be involved in something much sooner so that you get the chance to belong again!

2. Join an association

You probably feel a barrier to this. Nevertheless, it is highly advisable to get over this threshold.
Find out for yourself what you like. What do you like to do in your spare time? There is always an association or club that matches this.

Of course these tips should suit you a little bit. Some people just don’t like associations. Nevertheless, joining an association helps enormously to feel less alone!

3. Practice a group sport

Do you like sports? Then consider taking up a group sport. Choose a sport that you enjoy because you will last much longer. Exercise is an ideal way to make nice contacts. You learn to work together on a goal.

In addition, you get to know your fellow sportsmen well because you may be dependent on each other and have to show perseverance to achieve the goal. How often is there not a nice chat or drink with each other after exercising? Definitely consider this tip if you like sports!

4. Restore your contacts from the past

You may miss those contacts you used to have. You have grown apart. Life has driven you apart a bit. Perhaps you live further away from each other or there are other causes that have caused you to have less or no contact anymore.

Still, there was a reason you got along so well! Be the one who sends that first message to that parent friend! Get those old contacts back and enjoy those pleasant evenings together as before!

5. Start helping others

Helping other people is a wonderful medicine to feel less like you don’t belong anywhere. This is mainly due to 2 things.

The first reason is the reciprocity principle that you are using. If you help the other, the other will automatically feel the urge to help you too. To invite you for a fun night out, for example.

The second reason is that you always feel better about yourself when you do good things for someone else. You can use this good feeling if you want to spend more time in a group. For example, do voluntary work in the retirement home. Or help your family more often when they are busy. Do you already know the random acts of kindness ?

6. Improve your social confidence

Social self-confidence is necessary to function well and smoothly in groups. The freer and more social you feel, the easier it will be for you to connect with a group. And it is precisely this connection with a group that will ensure that your feeling that you do not belong anywhere will disappear.

The basis for this is of course this social self-confidence. Without a solid foundation of social self-confidence, you will find the threshold too high to join any group. So start at the beginning and invest in this foundation!

On your luck!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!