How To Increase Your Charisma: 31 Instant Tips [HowTo]
‘I want more charisma. How can I become more charismatic ? What are characteristics, tips and examples of charismatic behavior? ‘ Charisma is that ‘cool feeling’ that can simply be learned. In this article, you will learn exactly what to do and say to become a charismatic person. Read further…
There are a number of things that charismatic people do over and over again. All these things can be learned in appearance and behavior. Below you will find all the tips for developing personal charisma and charismatic leadership.
What is charisma?
Power, warmth and especially presence are keywords that belong to charisma.
Someone who shows strength without warmth comes across as arrogant or cold. Someone who shows warmth without strength comes across as submissive or desperate.
Charisma is above all the result of specific non-verbal behavior . This is very good news: charisma is not so much an inherent, ‘magical’ personal trait, so you can learn it very easily without having to change your personality. So you can just stay close to yourself while developing your charisma.
There are different types of charisma
When we get to know the most charismatic people in the world, we can notice completely different types of charisma. Because of this charisma is not the easiest word to define. In this article, you will get the best of all worlds. Here you will find all the concrete tips for becoming charismatic.
But you learn best by looking at excellent examples, so let’s first look at some examples of the different charisma types …
Charisma type 1: kind, empathetic and loving
Sometimes charisma is a matter of deep compassion, care and love. Maya Angelou was a very powerful example of this type of charisma.
Be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.
– Maya Angelou
Charisma type 2: people who are in the here and now with full focus
These people can listen to you very deeply. Bill Clinton is a good example of this, but Ellen Degeneres and Beau van Erven Dorens also show this type of charisma.
In the video below, you can see how Bill Clinton focuses with full focus on someone in the audience who asked a question during the presidential debates. So we can learn from him: stay present, listen and be of service to the other.
Charisma type 3: People who radiate authority and leadership
People who present themselves gracefully, elegantly and confidently are extremely charismatic. They know they are worth it and therefore do not make doubting, jerky, quick movements.
Angelina Jolie does a great job with her slow, fluid movements that radiate authority, although she also shows a lot of focus charisma.
Charisma type 4: People with a vision
Vision is an essential part of charisma, because it prevents you from blowing with all the winds. Powerful examples of this were Steve Jobs and Martin Luther King, who literally continued to build their mission until the last day they lived.
Let’s move on to concrete tips on how to become charismatic
What exactly can you do to increase your charisma ? The behavioral traits below contain characteristics of all types of charisma. For example, they have the effect that they radiate authority and leadership.
Let’s start with the tips …
Tip 1 – You make others feel good
Do you want to be charismatic? Then you have to realize that it is no longer about you. You no longer need to receive validation from others. As a charismatic person I know one that validation, acceptance and encouragement handing . The definition of charisma is to show how good others are.
If you want to get interesting, you have to be interested.
– David Ogilvy
Make other people feel that they are the center of the universe. In addition, make them feel emotions.
- An excellent way to do this is to listen deeply. Here you will find tips for your listening skills.
- Be empathetic.
- Feel compassion for yourself and others.
- Get ‘soft’, get calm, soften your eyes and smile (or think about a smile).
- See what others excel in and not what they fall short.
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.
Tip 2 – You create scarcity: charismatic people stop at high points
Few things are more charismatic than scarcity. In other words, know when to stop. When you are there, be good and make your contact with people meaningful and special. Don’t linger too long, though, and stop before the fun feeling starts to die.
Don’t worry: you won’t leave the other person for good, of course. You can always return. In fact, because of this you always return together because there are still interesting unfinished topics. When you come back, there is new energy in the interaction.
Use absence for respect and admiration. Create scarcity to create value. Know when to leave.
– Robert Greene
In other words, charismatic people know how to keep others in constant anticipation and tension. They do this by leaving behind a sense of unpredictability.
Leave the other with the feeling of wanting more.
Tip 3 – You have tolerance for silence
Silence tolerance, what is it? This means, for example, that when someone asks you a question, you wait a few seconds before answering . Moreover, you allow the other person to finish optimally.
You can also use this after you ask a question yourself to bring more information to the surface. The other person will automatically fill the silence with valuable information.
Charisma has everything to do with being present without saying anything.
By the way: a charismatic person always has enough ideas to talk about , but he / she prefers silence tolerance because he / she knows how powerful it is.
Always say just enough – or even less than necessary. Sometimes “Hmmm” and “Hmmm?” enough. Rather absorb information about others. Saying a lot is ordinary and lacks control.
If you are joking, do not immediately fill up the tension with words or laugh away the tension.
There are innumerable powers in the skill of silence tolerance. This is described in more detail in the article on coaching techniques.
The less you talk, the more people will think about your words.
Tip 4 – You do not respond immediately, because you react in a controlled manner without immediately wanting to ‘please’
If you want to become charismatic, then you shouldn’t be a person who tries to ‘please’ other people. This pleasing manifests itself in, among other things, responding to someone directly or as quickly as possible.
Responding quickly and directly implies seeking validation, and as a charismatic person, you should be the one who hands out validation. If you always want to do what other people want right away, you will annoy them.
You don’t act in direct response to another – not even in your body language:
- If someone speaks to or calls you while you are on a conversation, excuse the person you were currently working with or finish your current activity. Then you turn quietly to the person who spoke to you.
- If someone asks you a question, don’t answer within one second because you ‘finally get the chance to say something’.
- Don’t laugh in response to everything the other person says. Sometimes just be quiet.
- Don’t speak quickly, speak slowly in your answer. You also pause. Not only after your sentences, but also in the middle of your sentences for extra tension.
- Make all your movements calm, so not reacting to the environment.
- Get closer slowly.
- Do not bend over in order to be able to hear the other person very happily, but stay straight.
- Do not turn yourself directly to someone while you are talking. Only do that when that person has earned it.
- If someone lets you know that he / she wants something from you – for example, that you will sit a little closer to that person – do not immediately arrange this in a hurry. Let it be known that you heard it, wait and do it at your own pace if you think it is a good idea.
- If you give away a sparse – and therefore special – smile, do it slowly. The smile slowly develops on your face.
- Don’t stick with someone all the time, but also step away for a while – especially if someone else comes over to take over. Were you talking to someone nice? He / she always comes back! With more enthusiasm.
In any case, it is good to always wait two seconds before responding. The benefits of this are scientifically supported. See the book: Ons Fallible Thinking. In fact, when you respond immediately after someone, even the most effective or the most witty comment will lack all its power. Such a pause that makes the punchline of a joke work is sometimes called a ‘pregnant pause’.
Do you want others to like you? Then stop trying to get others to like you. There’s a word for this: don’t please.
Tip 5 – Take the non-pleasing one step further if you want to flirt charismatic
Do you find a follower attractive who dances to everyone’s tune? No, nobody wants such a person. Charismatic people don’t do that. So not pleasing and not responding is one of the most important things for charisma, but with flirting you can even take it a step further. So this paragraph is for the people who want more charisma when flirting .
Apply the previous tip and also consider the following things to put this principle of no-pleasing and non-responding into practice:
- Do you have an opinion? Don’t change it. For example, your no remains a no. Solid. You are not a plaything of the other person who has you completely under his / her control?
- How do you feel now? Stick to that feeling and don’t be the other person’s plaything here either. For example, if the other person asks if you feel bored now, stick with that feeling and do not forcefully act happy because the other person is now giving you attention. However, keep rewarding positive attention from the other person and keep flirting, but stick to your own state of mind.
- Don’t lean forward when talking to the other person. That screams that you do not stay with yourself, but put the other completely at the center. Not charismatic. Stand up straight – even in a loud bar – and let the person make enough effort to turn to you, too.
Stay with yourself while you are with the other. That is the art of charismatic, alert and warm presence.
Tip 6 – You speak with ‘command tone down’
Have you ever heard of ‘command tone down’ or ‘downtalk’? Make sure to put a period at the end of every sentence you say. You do this by going down with your voice during the last word of the sentence , possibly followed with a one or two second pause.
This is a “vocal premise” that implies a lot of charisma. Because of this you are believed and you come across as a leader that people really want to follow.
You can take it a step further by using this in a question as well. So you make it sound like there isn’t even a question mark in the sentence: “Can you please close the window.” Point. “How old are you.” Point. “Tell me what you like most about your job.” Point.
In addition, also complete all sentences that you start. Make strong, low-ending sentences, holding the volume.
Speak loudly, speak slowly, speak lower, and pause.
– Charles Black / Luuk Black
Tip 7 – Have a slow pace of speech
Why is a slow pace of speech important? When you speak very quickly, you unconsciously imply that you are not important. You are allowed to take up as little time and space as possible of yourself, so hurry your sentences.
Compare “Once upon a time there was a king and two princes” with “Once upon a time … a king … and two princes.”
In the audio below you will notice the difference between slow and fast speaking. I am speaking Dutch there, but do you feel the difference in impact?
Talking slowly also ensures that your conversation partner can understand you better and can more easily focus on your story.
Tip 8 – Slow and fluid are keywords for all your movements
From now on, do the following:
- Have a slow walking pace. One third of your normal speed.
- Move slowly and smoothly, as if you were underwater. This also applies to your eye movements, for example.
- Provide smooth, slow transitions of facial expressions, such as laughing. Do not make unexpected, sudden movements – for example with your head.
What helps you with this is to ground yourself.
Tip 9 – Also keep your movements small and subtle
Subtlety is a quality of charismatic people. For example, nodding slightly is more subtle than nodding strongly, and smiling is more subtle than nodding at all. It communicates social intelligence because you can convey a feeling or message with minimal means.
Keep your head still during a conversation, instead of constantly nodding (yes). This contributes to your silence and tranquility.
Tip 10 – Essential: be able to communicate well, clearly, pleasantly and intelligibly
Someone’s charisma stands or breaks with this tip. Someone who requires constant effort to understand or understand that person not only immediately loses all their charisma, but it is also impossible to make a strong connection with that person.
- Have a clear speaking volume. Have a loud voice. You can never talk loud enough. Talking too softly is the problem!
- Don’t mutter: Speak as if you were playing a Shakespearean scene.
- Have a pleasant speaking voice. Have a low voice (if you are male).
- Work on your uhms. You can just train this.
- Talk mature.
Tip 11 – Take your space, take the throne
Too many people don’t do this without knowing it. Don’t be one of those people. Take up a lot of space. Literally and figuratively. How?
- Take your time when you talk. Don’t rush your sentences, speak slowly and loudly.
- Do you walk into a room? Do not rush directly to a place where you are less noticeable, but stand in the doorway for a while and slowly walk to your spot. You can be seen.
- Do not immediately shy away from people.
- Do not stand and huddle, but take your space.
- Do not sit and stand bent over. Shoulders back, chest out, solar plexus open and forward (but no buttocks extended).
- Chest forward, not protecting him with your arms or anything else.
- Do not look at your phone aimlessly, but absorb the space.
Go through life with your chest out and shoulders back.
Tip 12 – You are relaxed, instead of adopting a ‘charismatic attitude’
It is sometimes advised to throw your shoulders back and adopt an open attitude, but there is some advice that greatly drowns this advice …
And that’s the next piece of advice: be congruent. If you are forced to take a strong stance of yourself, it probably doesn’t match how you feel. This is an incongruity. So rather be congruent while sitting bent over and closed. You then adopt the attitude that suits you completely. This is probably also a relaxed position. This is truly charismatic.
Tip 13 – In general (!) maintain eye contact
In general, eye contact is a charismatic quality. The keyword here is: generally . You are preferably the last person to break eye contact, but there are countless exceptions and nuances …
- ‘Match’ the amount of eye contact of the other. If the other person keeps eye contact sporadically, you also make little eye contact.
- Switch to a ‘soft focus’ in your eyes.
- Blink your eyes regularly to make this natural
- Make sure you also look away as soon as the other person is looking away.
- Look people directly in the eye, never from an angle! If you look from an angle, you are not completely open and that is not charisma. Plus, it makes you look a little creepy.
- Don’t you dare look at the ground. Ever.
As a ‘gimmick’ you can instruct yourself to always be the last person to break eye contact in the near future. Now you have to automatically make your eye contact softer, more pleasant and more beautiful, because otherwise it will be scary. Good practice!
Tip 14 – You are proactive: you are on the cause side
This is by definition charismatic because you do not get carried away by environmental factors. Develop a proactive attitude and learn what it means to be on the cause side.
Tip 15 – You take care of yourself
Charismatic people take care of others. However, they do not do this from a position of ‘people pleasing’, but from a powerful position in which they have taken care of themselves first. How do you do that? Read more about taking care of yourself here.
Tip 16 – You can express yourself
Do these things regularly to – as it is so beautifully called – “stay close to yourself.”
- You express what you feel.
- You form your own opinion on all kinds of matters.
- You say and do what you want.
Tip 17 – You dare to ask for help
Tip 18 – You are honest about your strengths and weaknesses and you dare to ask for help for your weaknesses
You even dare to ask for feedback about your strengths and weaknesses. It is equally painful, but charismatic people are not too proud for anything.
Tip 19 – You know there are always ‘haters’ for people who are themselves and do their own thing
Anyone who gets successful will get haters. Even anyone who does the right thing is going to get haters. You cannot escape it, especially if you become charismatic, you are yourself and do your own thing. Read more about this in this article about rejection.
Tip 20 – Care about important things: have a strong mission that you are working towards
Look and feel like an important person, with an assertive attitude and assertive body language, and feel like an important person with important work.
How else can you do that? By not caring about unimportant things, such as rejection and other nonsense, but by caring everything about important things, such as love and connection. Here you can read more tips from The noble art of not giving af * ck.
Tip 21 – You know exactly how to influence effectively
It is very beneficial to your charisma if you have some good tools in your arsenal to be able to influence effectively. Not because the tools make you charismatic per se, but because you as a carrier of the tools give yourself more self-confidence because you know that you are good at persuading and influencing.
One of these tools is the ability to move people!
The person who moves people – literally – to do things is the leader. In order not to appear too bossy, bring everything casual and with a smile.
- Why don’t you take a seat there?
- Why don’t you take that seat there?
- Why don’t you stand there so you can see better …
- Why don’t you let that happen?
- Why don’t you come here so I can tell you about … because this piece is important to you.
Tip 22 – Be vulnerable
When you enter a room, stop at the door. Nobody dares. But you immediately stand out as the charismatic person who dares to.
If you are at a network meeting, stand in the middle of the room with an open attitude and look into the room with a smile. Within 20 seconds you are guaranteed to have greeted someone and you are in a special conversation. And indeed: nobody dares to do that, but you immediately stand out as the charismatic person who does.
Tip 23 – Become mega social, fun and ‘a nice person’!
Apply these 38+ tips for your social skills and you will immediately become extra charismatic. Just one of the most important tips? Nice and sociable people keep unsolicited advice to themselves. Just think: all the people you like to be around never bother you with know-it-all advice.
Tip 24 – You know how to make contact with everyone
Charismatic people have no problem connecting with people. It just happens for them. How do you do that? Here are 12+ power tips to start a conversation with anyone.
Tip 25 – Reward good behavior (and ignore bad behavior)
In other words, condition others to respond nicely to you. People condition each other in different ways. If someone does something nice for you, respond positively and kindly. If someone says something mocking, turn your back on them and pretend you didn’t hear it.
Actor Russel Brand always does this subtly during interviews by calling it a superficial remark, looking in a different direction and, for example, starting a new conversation with another presenter or with the audience. If the presenter asks him a normal question again, Brand responds positively and friendly. When the presenter makes another insulting joke about Brand’s accent moments later, he keeps eye contact, ignores the frame, and responds with a defensive joke.
So never reward bad behavior. Give people a chance to stop being bastards, and state their behavior if they keep going. These are all powerful non-verbal acts. The presenter feels Brand’s disapproval. He will not play as long as the presenter is acting rude. The result: the presenter gives Brand a sincere compliment. Brand reacts extremely positively. The tone has been set. Treat him bad and feel the sting, show genuine kindness and get the sweetheart.
Tip 26 – You are assertive and you guard your limits
Assertiveness and charisma are strongly linked. Click here for all the tips for more assertiveness and learn how to monitor your limits here.
Tip 27 – You are present by making contact with your intuition
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, you should see presence as the main component of charisma. That presence is certainly not an afterthought. It is very clearly visible when someone is not present in a conversation.
How can you be present?
- Use your deep listening skills.
- Be in the here and now by meditating . After you meditate, you carry a strong ‘glow’ and ‘flow’ of charisma in everything you do.
- How you can tell whether someone is present or not, and how you become present, you will learn in this article about developing your intuition. Because when you make contact with your intuition, you are present!
Being charismatic has nothing to do with how much time you have, but it has everything to do with how fully present you are in every interaction.
– Olivia Fox Cabane
Tip 28 – Choose your charisma style, for example: ‘Adult style’ VS ‘Happy Suuuuper Glad Gaaf Happinez-Vrouwtje’
This tip outlines once again how diverse charisma can be. Ultimately it is really a matter of trying out different styles and sticking to a style that suits you.
Below are examples of two types of charisma. You will see / hear two presentations on the same topics. The gender of the speakers is also the same.
The first example is from Artjanna Stories. This is very much like Maya Angelou’s charisma style. It is very nice to have someone around who radiates a lot of positive energy . I really love Artjanna. People like to interact with people who have an increasing energy around them.
So this is a form of charisma that is very welcome, but there are also pitfalls if you go too far in it. Not everyone likes the childish kumbaya let’s hold hands tone . So there are certainly reasons to go for a more ‘adult’ form of charisma. But we’ll get to that later.
Now let’s look at a more “mature” form of charisma, which covers much the same subject. The example below is from the Eindhoven vlogger ‘Pick-up Limes’. You see a lower energy level, but this is again charismatic because of the unvarnished and calm communication. Angelina Jolie’s charisma style can be recognized in this.
Tip 29 – Or just combine all charisma styles
You can also simply combine all the styles that have been discussed in this article. Angelina Jolie combines focus with authority and even softness.
- Get quiet …
- Get soft …
- Get low …
- Get calm …
- Throughout your body …
- Make your eyes soft and smile …
- Move smoothly and slowly …
Tip 30 – Read Olivia Fox-Cabane’s Charisma Myth
The author immediately caught my attention with her first anecdote. She describes how Marilyn Monroe travels on the busy New York subway without any guard, without being recognized. Once she walks out of the subway and reappears on the sidewalk, she “turns her charisma back on,” making everyone recognize her again.
When she resurfaced onto the busy New York sidewalk, she decided to turn on her magic. There were no grand gestures—she just “fluffed up her hair, and struck a pose.” with this simple shift, she suddenly became magnetic. An aura of magic seemed to ripple out from her, and everything stopped. Time stood still, as did the people around her, who blinked in amazement as they suddenly recognized the star standing in their midst.
The book is highly recommended because it tells you exactly how to apply each charisma style.
Tip 31 – Exercise: build charisma in this ‘meditation’ that you can quickly use everywhere by default
Security and charisma are essential at work. The feeling of, “I can help you!” So you have to have self-confidence. A rock solid energy around you. So before going to work, you can get into a state of mind of confidence and charisma. With the following self-hypnosis you can get this done …
- Put your palms flat together, in a kind of prayer position.
- Rub them and focus on the change of temperature. Feel the heat build up in minutes.
- Keep your hands apart.
- And focus on the space between those hands. As your eyes focus on the space in between, your mind can focus on the feelings in the palms of your hand. And you probably feel the differences there. Maybe your hands are starting to tingle, or maybe it’s a warmer feeling.
- Begin to feel the power. Maybe you allow your hands to separate your hands, or move towards each other, very slightly …
- … Until you feel that a magnetic force is created. It could be a pulling or pushing sensation or a tingling sensation. Focus your attention on the feeling in your hand until one of those things arises.
- Please let me know when you have it. What do you experience?
- Allow your hands to do what they do, whether facing or away from each other. Let them move.
- Focus your attention on that feeling of tingling. That feeling of energy that moves your hands away from each other.
- Feel free to close your eyes right now. And feel that energy. And feel that energy surround your hands. Maybe that energy is going to travel across your arms, elbows, shoulders … Allow and feel it spreading and feel the nesting all over your body. It can be a comfortable tingle, a comfortable warmth, or a comfortable relaxation.
- And perhaps there is also a sense of charisma, self-confidence and / or inner peace.
- And to really let this comfort, this inner peace spread out really well, all you have to do is focus your attention on your hands, and the energy that draws your hands away from each other or towards each other.
- When your hands start to move automatically, you just feel that peace, that tranquility that is further deepened and strengthened. Just feel it and allow it to grow.
- And your attention goes to your hands and to the energy that creates and grows that feeling of peace. And allow to focus on that and let it grow so that you can intensely remember what this state of mind feels like.
- Remember it so you can find it anytime and use it when you need it.
- And if you want to make it stronger, focus again on your hands, that move … Feel that force moving your hands, and that force moving your hands, strengthens and increases the feeling of peace and comfort.
- And once you have memorized that feeling, you can come back fresh and alert.
- Future pace: now you rehearse a (work) situation that is to come. Also backwards until it goes smoothly. See that the pressure you encounter strengthens your determination to maintain the mood. See also the consequences of achieving it. Enjoy it.
Next reading tip on this website? Read these 49+ confidence tips!
To your success!