Stop People Pleasing: 14 Tips To Cure Pleasing For Good
‘People-pleasing’, or ‘to please‘… What is the psychology behind the pleaser, what are the consequences of pleasing and how can you unlearn it? Pleasing is devastating to your confidence, happiness and success. Read on for the tips to stop it…
Unlearn pleasing? Use these tips …
Let’s take a look at what we can do to deal with please behavior.
Tip 1 – To stop pleasing is to say no … and you do it like this!
Not being able to say no is one of the qualities of pleasers. So start by saying no. You will learn how to do that thanks to these 14 tips.
Tip 2 – The pleaser’s behavior is clearly recognizable… Recognize it and change it
What is the meaning of please? Do you recognize these things in yourself or in others?
- Always stay nice and avoid conflict. The fun-loving syndrome …
- The character of the pleaser is apologetic. This can be seen in a soft, fast voice. The word ‘sorry’ is also often used. His / her personality is apologetic on all sides …
- The pleaser often thinks about others, instead of himself …
- Please behavior is also: responding to someone immediately and as quickly as possible. Responding quickly and directly implies that you are looking for validation. If you always want to do what other people want right away, you will annoy them.
As soon as you recognize this in yourself, you can think about it for a moment and decide to do it differently. However, this is a deliberate method. let’s see how we can tackle this unconsciously in the following tips.
Tip 3 – The pleaser says sorry for everything, even if it is not even remotely his / her fault
Why does everyone want to please? Guilt is a big cause. Sorry about the weather, sorry about the bus delay, sorry about the reaction of others … Process your guilt and notice how this does to your please behavior.
Pleasers feel guilty if they say no once.
Tip 4 – Does pleasing have something to do with fear? Anxiety is certainly a major cause …
Anxiety is one of the main causes of pleasure. Read here how to deal with your fear and how to overcome it.
Tip 5 – Look at your intention behind pleasing
Why does everyone want to please? Someone who pleases has good intentions. These are called positive intentions, and often these are fundamental needs. What those positive intentions are and how you can use them to convert please behavior into better behavior, you will learn in this article about the positive intention.
Tip 6 – Unlearn please behavior? Set your boundaries
To stop pleasing means to start setting your boundaries. Here you will learn in 11 tips how to set your limits.
“I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure which is: Try to please everybody.”
– Herbert B. Swope
Tip 7 – Don’t depend on the appreciation of others
You should get appreciation and validation from yourself and not from others. How do you take care of this? Apply these 26 self-acceptance tips.
Tip 8 – Pleasing in a relationship? Do not do that…
The pleaser in a relationship is not honest and not attractive. Here you can read more about a relationship that is not pleasurable in 36 tips.
Tip 9 – Pleasing a child? You shouldn’t do that at all …
Has the child forced you to please him / her? Then the child has done something very good. The child dares to ask for things and does not pleas himself. However, let the child express this positive trait in a different way, where you are not going to please the child.
Tip 10 – Don’t pretend to be different than you are
Show your real self, interests and opinions. No persona.
Tip 11 – The pleaser is more concerned with the needs of others than with the needs of himself
The pleaser is too concerned with the needs of others. Passes its own needs. So the pleaser gets very tired after a day with other people. Look at what your own needs are and what you want yourself.
Tip 12 – The pleaser avoids conflicts … deal with them!
The pleaser is the first to mediate or avoid a conflict. Rather, engage in conflicts more often! It’s allowed!
How wonderful it is not to have to be perfect and conflict-free. Suddenly everything becomes possible: you can be the bogeyman, be wild, go crazy and say unkind things. You can just say what you want to say instead of twisting or swallowing your words out of politeness. You can be yourself.
Tip 13 – A special solution for the pleaser: it’s a talent!
An excellent solution is to reframe pleasing as a talent : the pleaser has a strong empathy and is a good listener! Those are very positive things. However, the way in which these positive intentions are expressed is rather worthless. Pleasing is not cool at all.
What is the solution? Well, that talent of listening and empathy can perfectly manifest itself in other, more meaningful ways. Namely through charisma. See next tip …
Tip 14 – Develop charisma, because charismatic people don’t please
People with charisma have a clear vision, know what their standards are, guard their boundaries … and are very attentive and loving to other people. Win-win!
Moreover, charismatic people know how to suitably put other people in their place through good, worthy comebacks. All the more reason to develop your charisma. You can read how to become charismatic in this article with countless tips.
Tip 15 – How can you best deal with a pleaser?
Have you recognized a pleaser in another person? Ask the pleaser to respond more based on his / her own frame of reference and / or needs.
- What do you think of it yourself ?
- What would you like yourself ?
- How do you feel about it?
These were all tips. To your success!