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‘Finding Yourself’: What Does It Mean & How Do You Do That?

‘Finding Yourself’: What Does It Mean & How Do You Do That?

How do you find yourself ? Many people struggle with this question and with the feeling of not knowing who you are or having completely lost yourself. “I don’t know who I am and what I want.” How can you find yourself? It is a question that you cannot just answer in a course, poem or afternoon. Many people even travel especially for it. For this article, we called for the help of an expert. Read more…

By Jan Verbeek

Foreword: “Searching for yourself” does not mean that there are two “selves”

two selves looking for myself

If I want to find my bike key, there are two things:

  • I
  • A bicycle key I’m looking for

Makes sense, right? Because they are two different things. Me and the bike key. On the other hand, ‘searching for myself’ is impossible, because there cannot be two ‘selves’:

  • I
  • An I that I am looking for

There is simply one you. If there is another ‘me’ you are looking for, you run into problems because that is practically impossible. That would be dual, while we are non-dual (one).

So ‘looking for myself’ is a metaphor . That metaphor means: having clear what your own goals, needs, values, desires, beliefs, talents and limits are. And to express it in the world there too.

In search of myself: You can find yourself!

I lost myself

Are you looking for yourself? Then you are already on the right track!

Apparently you found out that you lost yourself somewhere. That you don’t do what you wanted to do anymore. That you have lost sight of the goals you had with your life. All kinds of circumstances can be the cause of this.

Fortunately you can find yourself again! Fortunately, you can take actions yourself, with the result that you regain and find yourself again.

In this article I will take you into what will help you in the search for yourself. Read on quick!

Why you lost contact with yourself

I completely lost myself

Losing contact with yourself is not something that happens overnight. You may have experienced that.

It’s a process. You are like a ship that has not suddenly changed course but is slowly getting off course.

Good that you were somehow shaken up. That you realize that you have to go back to the course you want to live.

Deviating too far from your own standards, values, views and beliefs can have far-reaching consequences.
Even so far that an identity crisis can be the ultimate consequence. If this applies to you, you can read more about resolving an identity crisis here .

All kinds of factors can have caused you to lose yourself. For example, think of:

  • A relationship that costs you a lot of energy
  • A job where you cannot use your talents
  • A living environment in which you do not feel comfortable
  • A social environment that does not accept you

If you look closely at these series of factors you will discover a common denominator. Due to the expectations of people or the environment, you no longer do what you want.

You are probably mainly concerned with making others happy. Or there is another cause that makes you seem to find the wishes of your environment more important than your own.

The challenge for you is to find a balance between not denying yourself and meeting the wishes of others.

You can read below how you can do that.

What will help you in the search for yourself

Insight will help you. And I am going to give you that insight by means of an example.

Right now you are a ship on the waves of the sea.

The wind and the current (conditions) determine which direction you are sailing.

If the wind comes from the left, you also go to the left.

Freely translated: does someone want something from you? And you do that blindly? You do it even before you think about what you yourself want!

It is necessary for you to regain control over the direction of your (life) ship. That you take the helm. That the current and the wind (people and circumstances) no longer determine which direction you go or which choices you make.

What is needed for this? That you are going to sail a course. That you know what you want. What you stand for. What you aim for. Make that very sharp for yourself. Only then can you start listening to others.

The benefits of a life in which you are connected to yourself

find yourself how

Perhaps you do not yet fully understand what it will yield you when you start looking for yourself. What it will bring you when you are more connected to yourself.

Below I give you 3 reasons why you should invest in this! Read on quick.

1. People are attracted to other people with a vision and opinion

Someone who knows what he or she wants is considered much more attractive than someone who never knows what he or she wants. A person who is opinionless – or always says, ‘I don’t care’ is not experienced as a strong personality.

People like to know what they choose when they interact with you. So realize that people around you love it when they know clearly what you are going for and what you stand for. So speak up!

2. You can make choices much easier

If you know what you want, what you are going and what you stand for, you can make choices much easier.

However, you sometimes hear people say: ‘I have difficulty making choices’.

Anyone can make choices. It only becomes complicated when you cannot compare what you can choose with your own preferences.

If you find yourself in the search for yourself, it will result in a situation in which you can also make choices with far-reaching consequences much easier!

3. You will be more confident

If you know what you are going and what you stand for so that you can make your choices easier, this will result in a confident feeling.

You feel that it does not matter if you get into a situation that ‘overtakes’ you. You know what you are going for and you are ‘connected’ with yourself.

This will ensure that you face new situations with confidence. As you can see, becoming self-confident is something you can directly influence!

On your luck!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!