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Overcoming Fear Of Commitment [Meaning, Characteristics & Releasing It]

Overcoming Fear Of Commitment [Meaning, Characteristics & Releasing It]

What is fear of commitment and how can you overcome it? Fear of commitment occurs in men and women. Do you recognize it in yourself or do you have a partner with fear of commitment? How can you fix it? Read along…

Meaning of fear of commitment: Feeling obstacles to entering into a relationship

What is fear of commitment? Difficulty with bonding. That’s the short answer, but yes, it’s that simple. Fear of commitment is the tendency to keep the other person at a distance, for example as soon as they want to choose you. You are then not available for love. Many relationships have been broken by fear of commitment. So unnecessary! Fear of commitment can also occur with friendships.

Fear of commitment is a kind of invisible wall that holds you back

There are so many nice women and men in their thirties with good jobs who have never had a serious relationship, while they are perfect relationship material. What is holding them back is all in their head. It is an invisible obstacle.

They are very beautiful, they have a nice job and everyone sees a relationship with them … but that invisible wall is there. That invisible wall is what you say to yourself. That doesn’t make sense because they are really nice singles that are real partner material.

Have a look at Houdini’s story above … Commitment fear is an invisible wall. An obstacle that does not really exist. All you have to do is walk through it.

Houdini fell defeated against the door … that suddenly opened. The door opened because it had never been locked … but actually it was … firmly … in Houdini’s head. “How many doors in your life do you think are locked but aren’t?”
– Prince EA

Fear of commitment psychology: what are the causes?

What is the psychology behind fear of commitment? What is often the pattern of fear of commitment? One such pattern is fear of rejection. Another pattern is making a big deal out of it and thinking you’re stuck with the other person forever. Anyway, let’s look at all the causes and corresponding solutions below …

How to overcome fear of commitment? Remedies for each cause…

fear of commitment causes

Below you will find a list of common causes and solutions for fear of commitment.

Cause 1: The past hinders you

Perhaps you have felt pain in your past and you subconsciously extend it to new situations. It never hurts to consider this possibility. In any case, it gives you self-insight.

Solution 1: Let go of the past

How do you let go of the past? In allowing is letting go. Go to the pain of the past. Take your breath there – to the place where the sore is in your body. If you don’t, life will disappear from your body. So allow the charge of the pain, because as Hannah Cuppen puts it: “Then the place of injury can turn into a place of fertilization. Then it flows again.”

When you give up hope for a better past, you really grow up.
– Hannah Cuppen

Cause 2: You are afraid of rejection and fear of abandonment

Another common cause of fear of commitment is the fear of rejection and the fear of loss. Because if you want to commit to someone, there is a possibility that the other will reject you or leave you at some point.

Solution 2: Get the courage to be rejected and thus become vulnerable

There’s no getting around it: You just need courage and vulnerability . That’s very scary, but you will have to. Face your fears. Go for it. Get in the middle of life and don’t stay safe on the sidelines where nothing is happening at all.

Cause 3: You find a relationship scary

Do you find the idea of ​​a relationship scary? This applies to many people: our minds want security, stay with the old, stay with the familiar …

Solution 3: Do you think a relationship is scary? Then apply the power of vulnerability

This is no different from the previous tip. Expose yourself and have the courage to do so. That goes against the survival instinct, which makes it so difficult and scary.

Ask yourself: What makes me feel unsafe at the thought of a relationship? My answer is: the other half is scary! Exposing myself is scary! And then it comes … all those scary things are just the key! That vulnerability is strength. It’s fun too, an adventure!

Cause 4: You seek love outside of you

You can certainly find love outside … for half an hour. After that, that fake feeling fades away. Moreover, that is not attractive.

Solution 4: Self-love

Do not seek the love outside of you. Love is your birthright. You don’t have to do anything for that. It’s you. Here you can read all about self love.

Cause 5: You make a big deal out of a relationship and you are not flexible

Many people with fear of commitment think they are forever tied to the other. For example, they suddenly think about buying a house when they think about a relationship … or they fear that they should no longer fall in love with someone else …

Solution 5: You can always reconsider your decision!

Just take on the adventure of a relationship. You can always get out again! It can also take a day, hour or minute. Don’t make it too big in your head. Just enjoy your relationship this day. You can get out tomorrow.

In fact, you can even reconsider the decision to break up. It could also be on again. Everything is possible and no one is tied to anything. You are free.

Every decision is one that is now being made . It’s not forever.

If you stop, for example because you have fallen in love with someone else, say it directly to the other person instead of going on for months and making fun of each other.

Cause 6: You’re in your head

Fear lives in your head, not in your heart. In your head lives the saboteur, who has good intentions and wants to protect you. Your head wants you to survive. It wants to prevent you from getting hurt, but the execution of that intention is actually very weak because you cannot get love without that risk.

Solution 6: Reframe the positive intention of your mind and then listen to your heart!

Are you going to listen to the voice of fear or the voice of love? You always have that choice. First, reframe the positive intention of the saboteur in your head …  and then soften the thinking, because thinking is based on fear, aka ego. If you don’t want to let your ego speak, what should you do? Let your heart speak! Get quiet for a moment. Calm the mind.

When my heart speaks, I hear: I am boyfriend material, I give to the world, I give my gift, everyone is good enough and there is no ‘I’ that needs to be protected. There is everyone and everyone grows when I show my heart. Others also feel that power when I am busy with my heart.

Cause 7: thinking you are not good enough (ego)

What is the great obstacle to everything in our lives? The ego. When you want to enter into a relationship, the ego can suddenly appear in the form of fear of commitment.

My ego says: not good enough, not nice enough, not smooth enough, not handsome enough, not boyfriend material enough …

Solution 7: Don’t hide that ego, but welcome your ego too

Find your self-worth. And that insecurity / ego may sometimes come up. It may be there. Like all the other unwanted guests at the party, you have to admit them. You can read how to do this here.

Fear of commitment or just not in love?

not in love or fear of commitment

How do you know if you have a fear of commitment or if you just aren’t in love? It is also possible that you have only come across boring dates. It makes sense that you don’t want to commit to that.

You have a fear of commitment when countless ideal partners that you did have a click with have already passed without a relationship ending. If you’re just not in love, then there is no click. This is completely normal, for example if you are on a date with someone you met through a dating site or if you actually asked a boring person.

Quotes on fear of commitment

When we are freed from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
– Nelson Mandela

There is no lasting success without bonding and commitment.
– Tony Robbins

Freedom is not the absence of obligations, but the ability to choose – and connect myself with – what is best for me.
– Paulo Coelho

Without obligation you cannot have any depth in anything, whether it is a relationship, a company or a hobby.
– Neil Strauss

Love, above all things, is a commitment to your choice.
– Rob Liano

Dealing with your partner’s fear of commitment: how can you help your partner?

Some suggestions …

  1. Recognize the fear of commitment and look for the cause together.
  2. Do not put pressure on the other, but reassure him / her.
  3. Keep dating and do new things together.
  4. Allow the other person enough time for themselves.
  5. Talk about what a relationship means to you and what you want in a relationship.

And what is separation anxiety then?

separation anxiety what is that

Separation anxiety is an official mental illness also referred to as separation anxiety or separation anxiety disorder. Someone with separation anxiety has a fear of being abandoned by certain people who can be attached to, such as parents, relationships, friends, or children. These people worry in advance about possible abandonment, for example in the form of loss or deceit.

Fear of commitment experiences

What are your experiences with fear of commitment? Let me know in the comments.

On your luck!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!