Spiritual Relationship & Intimacy [Essential Features & 19 Tips]
What are the essential characteristics of a spiritual love relationship and intimacy? What is the true foundation of your relationship and how can you grow in it? Read in this article the extensive tips and exercises for more intimacy and to be spiritually connected with your partner.
See this article as a summary of David Deida’s work. He has written the book ‘Intimate Relationships’, among other things.
Do you want to gain a good understanding of a spiritual relationship? Then let’s start with David Deida’s three collective phases …
Phase 1 of growth in a spiritual love relationship: Self
We can be brief about the first phase. This phase is about yourself. ” I need x, and these are my limits.” Dependency is a keyword in this phase. Men are masculine and women are feminine. This is really from the past. For example, the woman wanted to be beautiful to the man so that he wants her.
I want you to look into my eyes. I want you to touch me this way. I want to feel that you love me.
Phase 2 of growth in a spiritual love relationship: Other
Phase 2 is characterized by independence . In this phase it is about growth for others, growth of the world, sharing, cooperation, giving something for the whole.
This came up strongly in the 60s and 70s. The man became sensitive and feminine: he had long hair, expressed his feelings, was singing together, chatting, feeling emotions, enjoying nature, looking well-groomed, going to the beauty salon going, wearing earrings, learning to communicate better … All things that women have always done.
Finally, men were also allowed to flow and dance … whereas before they were not allowed to cry or express their emotions.
The woman also developed masculine energy – and thus became more whole and balanced. Independent business women who make decisions, set boundaries, make a career, set goals, have their own vision, et cetera.
Women emancipated and became more assertive. They no longer have to be beautiful to the man: they are concerned with less superficial matters, such as peace, harmony and cooperation.
Phase 2 is therefore: ‘You need this, I will take care of you. Let’s share our values and create something together. ‘ You cannot become happy by getting what you want. You also have to think about what others want. Compromises are inherent to this.
What do we want ? I’ll give you this – you can give me that. I’ll scratch your back if you scratch my back. I’ll take the garbage bag away when you do the dishes.
In phase 2, a wall is built around your heart. That also means that you are not willing to step into the masculine or feminine completely. You respect the boundaries of the other. “My life is complete, but I’m missing something …”
Phase 3 of growth in a spiritual love relationship: Unity
Phase 3 is of a completely different level: What difference does it make what I want (phase 1) and what you want (phase 2)? What becomes important at this stage: what must we do to awaken love so that we can give our deepest gifts so that the Divine can move through us? How can love flow more fully through all of us, even if it requires giving up our personal preferences?
This third phase is about letting go of boundaries, and letting go of our sense of self. You have built it up for years, so it is difficult to let it go. But it is necessary, because what you want is complete surrender to the heart of another. To be taken over by Love itself. There is then passion between the masculine and feminine.
You get true happiness when you live in the service of the greater whole . You are lived by something greater. It is sometimes referred to as:
- Space without object
Let’s see what tips and exercises there are to enter phase 3 …
Tip 1 – Learn to trust each other
This phase requires you to trust each other . The first two phases were about trusting yourself: the other person knows what you need. But now we offer ourselves to be lived by a love greater than our own preferences.
What does it matter what your preference or my preference is? How can love be most liberated? How can we best give our deepest gifts? How can love shine more fully through all of us ?
Trust is therefore an important keyword in this third phase – and this can also be expressed in the trust in each other’s loyalty to each other:
- 1st phase: “I don’t want you to have sex with someone else. I promise …”
- 2nd phase: “Gosh, that demand was selfish of me: who am I to tell you what you can and cannot do?”
- 3rd phase: Now it is no longer about what we want or what is ‘fair’. How can love be most liberated through both our bodies and hearts? How can our children, our friends, Love itself, Light itself … flourish best? A monogamous relationship is by far the most suitable for this.
Tip 2 – Find your mission … your heart’s desire
This third phase is not about seeking love and light, but about offering it. Giving your deepest self to the world. We have to grow for that. In this phase you will support each other in each other’s mission , each other’s spirituality, in opening each other’s hearts .
Don’t give me anything less than your heart. Your innermost heart.
“This is the art of my life, which I offer my wife.” You give love. This makes phase 3 a Divine phase. You will realize that everything changes. You feel: everything is passing. For example what you create in this world, your relationships … So give and let go, give, let go … It’s about surrender , and about giving our deepest masculine and feminine gifts. Your whole life is like a gift to the world, even though it is sometimes not accepted.
To hold back your gift to the world is to suffer. Always give your donation to everyone.
In this third phase you are engaged in giving freedom, love and depth to your partner. You are not looking for it for yourself.
Nothing is more attractive than a woman who is in Stage 3. She shines her full light, knowing that she is completely attractive: she uses it to open the man, to inspire him to deeper love. Nothing is more attractive than that.
Tip 3 – Feel all borders fade away: you are one with everything
You don’t stop outside the skin of your body. You are not your name, your body, whose cells are completely different every so many years, not your mind, but you are still the same person.
In this third phase you feel: who am I? The beholder , the witness of everything.
So you are the only thing that does not change. Consciousness itself. That infinite consciousness is the masculine. Relax (meditate, contemplate) in that which came before you were born, what is now and what you will be after you die. Who are you around this life? Be grounded in that which never began and can never end. Let all your actions in your life be grounded in the feeling of: I am consciousness, I love the world, how can I give that love to the world? How can I express my mission in this way?
This can be through formal moments of meditation , prayer , moments of no-distraction, isolation … For example, half an hour or an hour a day, to connect with your deepest mission and to reconnect with your true source. Stop doing, start feeling.
Over time, over the next few hours, weeks, months, that source will gently communicate with you and tell you what it wants to do. You then feel an impulse. You gave everything you could.
Tip 4 – The foundation of a relationship is listening to your deepest impulses, instead of superficial ones
When you choose committed intimacy, it is important to understand that the woman you choose does not want to be number 1 in your life. Of course she wants to be the most important person in your life – or most important female resource – but not the most important thing.
She knows that if you hide or ignore your deepest purpose / mission / life impulse to please her and make her number 1, you are soon going to blame her. There’s a big difference between being the light of your life, the inspiration of your heart, the source of your heart’s excitement … and a woman you can’t live without. The latter is very limiting.
If you can’t live without her, if you depend on her, if you can only keep giving your gift to the world when she’s in your life, and stop giving your gift when she’s not in your life, she will. feeling weakness. She doesn’t want a baby that depends on her. She wants a man who gives his gift completely to the world and to her, and who fully embraces her in that chosen purpose. She is part of this purpose. but it is not complete.
She wants to feel like a free man, a man who loves her, a man who chooses her above all other feminine resources, a man who chooses her as the treasure of his life , bringing light to his entire life. But also a man who continues to give his gift , even if she disappeared tomorrow. A man who is happy with her, and happy without her, but chooses her , powerful and full of passion, while being just as powerful and passionate about giving his gift to the world, with or without her.
That’s the kind of man she can trust, along with his heart. A man who doesn’t bow down to her needs, but who offers love. A man who does not ignore the deepest impulses of his heart . He’s not holding them back just to keep her. He is a living gift, feeling her, embracing her, loving her, knowing her innermost heart.
But if she leaves, he can go on completely. When she dies, his heart will mourn and be sorrowful. For months and months, with intense suffering and grief, but in the midst of that suffering he still has full access to the source of his being, to the love that moves his life, with or without it. And then she can trust him.
The third phase is about serving others so that you can die completely.
- Through your art.
- By raising children.
- By starting a company that you serve with a service or product.
- And the feminine? By asking: how do I give and receive love so that I can die as love?
Don’t make her the only thing, the most important thing in your life. Embrace her as the person you choose to live most intimately with. Embrace her as the treasure in your life that shines and gives you the value of life itself. The attractive force that makes you happy to wake up next to you in the morning, making you happy to be alive. At the breakfast table, where she smiles and makes your heart grow bigger. When she looks into your eyes, in the midst of all your hustle, goals and tensions, you feel the depth of devotion in her eyes that amazes you.
Tip 5 – Committed intimicy: sexual polarity serves your spiritual mission
Polarity, sexual polarity, is the ark of attraction between the masculine and the feminine . If you are identified with your own masculinity, making decisions, achieving goals … then you will be sexually attracted to a partner who is currently identified with feminine energy.
It’s harmless – it happens automatically. You will always be attracted to the sexual energy that you will not receive for the rest of your life. Thus there is mutual service : “I want to serve you.” Your partner wants to serve you too. You want to serve each other’s openness and depth. Help each other’s lives to flourish. This is how you can give your gift to the world. That is committed intimacy. What is your goal? What is the purpose of our relationship? Know your deepest purpose. This is your anchor against superficial things, such as cheating.
The feminine is life force. The masculine is unchanging consciousness.
Sometimes you have to feel her: give her the space to bring her beauty and light into your life, for example by choosing the furniture. Trust the feminine in your partner. Let go of your own femininity and step into your masculine energy.
At other times it’s the other way around and you can rely on her masculine energy. But sometimes you have to intervene based on your integrity. The masculine has choices and limits , because it really cares about certain values deep down in its heart. Thus, the masculine sometimes has to say to the feminine, “I love you, and I can’t let you do this because I love you. My innermost heart feels this, and I want to ask you to trust my innermost heart, that’s why we are together. ‘
Read the article on masculine and feminine energy , and know that there is a deep reason for the existence of masculine and feminine energy. The same woman who sexually attracts you the most is the same woman who frustrates you the most in other areas of your life (and vice versa).
When you want to get a task done, her feminine energy can get in the way for you. For example, she will not understand what you mean. What is most important to you in your intimacy? Collaboration, sexuality, the children?
Tip 6 – Go beyond male and female: become one and find your other half in your partner
Phase 3 is the phase of unity. The man is now also all the feminine, and is no longer looking for it. Every light, every form is you, is consciousness. Together, you and your wife are relaxed in the realization that you are her. It is your light, you are its depth, and there is no difference. Consciousness (the masculine) and light (the feminine) are fused together.
You become one with each other: let go of distance, isolation and difference. ‘We have always known each other. We have always loved each other. Become one with me if you dare! ‘We also feel in phase 3 that we are not separated from other people – only at the limited level of the five senses.
We love everyone in the world. So our heart becomes an extremely sensitive and fragile organ because it feels . So feeling is an important part of the third phase. We live in an unknowable magical display of love.
In phase 3, you start to trust parts of your partner more than yourself. You become complete in the other. You release yourself from the need to animate your own feminine essence. You begin to become complete by receiving your partners feminine, by trusting that. She becomes the other half you so needed to become complete .
After ejaculation, the energy is de- polarized. What keeps you together? The deep love you feel for the woman next to you in bed, despite the sexual desire to mingle with her energy, has diminished.
The masculine feels: now my deepest goal is to be with you. To take you. I am a transmitter of consciousness – through my fingers, toes, face, heart … and that’s what I dare now. I am here with you. I long for you and I take you. My desire for you is so strong that I merge with you, become open with you – as you. Our hearts fused into one.
I want you to find me. That you feel me. That you feel my heart. My trust in you.
The feminine feels that it comes to life, full of light and full of tension, free and untamed, wild, dancing, moving through breath, energy and sexual desire.
So in the third phase we go beyond the masculine and feminine qualities. Beyond those limits. Beyond every border. In the third phase you start living the journey – but already arrived. Instead of looking for light, acceptance, consciousness and love, we offer all of those things through our sexuality.
To be open. Open even further. Be connected. Vomit and relax.
Now consciousness – non-isolation – is shining like everything we see and feel in this moment. Our hearts want to feel that non-isolation in this moment. That is the essence of this moment. That’s sex: letting go of that separation of bodies and hearts so that they can merge and realize that they are one love – and that they are moved and lived by one love.
We recognize in this that we have always known and loved each other. And yet that we can lose each other’s body and personality. We recognize that too: that everything can come to an end . Anything that is not real.
Tip 7 – Recognize that each other’s body and personality disappear from your life, but the Love does not
Everything comes to an end. Committing yourself to that which changes – as if it never will – is hell. Committing yourself to Love, offering Love, the oneness of light and oneness – what we desire in our sex and our relationship … is heaven.
In the third phase, you no longer feel satisfaction from taking care of yourself or the other . You realize that it is an illusion to get satisfaction out of that, because all that earthly thing ends: everything and everyone dies – no matter how well you take care of yourself, your partner, your children and the planet. So you no longer try to get what you want or give to others what others want – because that doesn’t make anyone really happy. Now you focus on something bigger than all of this: Love . You want to become a channel of that. Surrender and be taken over by love. Be lived by love.
We are fully aware of this moment. We want to give and receive this. In it, we can commit – through thick and thin – even when our partner comes and goes and dies – and when our own bodies and minds die.
You can safely lose each other so that you can find each other’s souls again.
You are going to seek that Love – that Consciousness – in each other … and find it. And perhaps lose it again because it is overshadowed by personality / ego / fear. And you will find each other again. Far away. Close to. Over and over again. This is the game of games. The essential game of life: peek-a-boo is therefore every baby’s first game.
The feminine feels whether the masculine is there . She will give that clear reflection to the masculine.
Tip 8 – Embrace the sexual polarity: this is your gift to each other
That sexual polarity is essential: together you become complete. Let’s take the example of being in the now. That is a feminine characteristic. The masculine can step out of the now, distance themselves and make a rational decision from a dissociated position , based on the bigger picture. It considers all the events of the timeline in its judgment, allowing it to forgive. Suppose his wife has never lied in her life, and lies for the first time about something small, he can forgive her because he can live out the moment and see the big picture.
On the other hand, if the woman is in her feminine essence, it doesn’t matter if you haven’t lied for 10 years. Your track record of 10 years doesn’t matter. There is no track record for her. She is now assessing . You’re lying now, so she ‘s angry now , and she doesn’t trust you now , even though you had lied zero times in the previous 10 years. The masculine can forgive mistakes, and feminine energy cannot because it provides a pure reflection .
And that’s fine, and in fact, it’s desirable! Sure, she can go into her masculine energy so she can forgive you … But then there is no polarity, no more sexual attraction. So don’t expect the woman to be like you, but let her reflect the depth of your integrity for you at this moment. That is her gift to you. In this way you can experience the deep passion of polarity and so it reflects, moment by moment, your integrity, so that you can grow and deepen your heart.
She is water, and you stirred the water, and it ripples and ripples on. She is then a woman who directly reflects your points of improvement to you, with her deep wisdom and feelings in the moment, in response to you. But she responds just as deeply to your offer of depth and love.
In every moment you have the chance to open her heart or to close it. Feel her heart and do what you can to open her heart blossom, to receive your presence deep within her heart and body. Help her to feel her Divinity, her deepest devotion to God and commitment to love, so that she can also give you love from her deepest heart.
You achieve this by feeling the woman’s response in the next now moment and thereby improving yourself. Plus, give her energy: the feminine lives in the domain of energy (not attention, such as attention focused on information, theory, promises for the future or events). Energy is movement, connection, touch, embrace, eye contact, etc.
The secret to offering your innermost heart to a woman is to hang not in time but in the moment. Sometimes you can open her body with touch, Sometimes you can open her heart with humor. Sometimes you can enter her soul with attentive eye contact. Embrace, dance, tickle, a laugh, a loving spank, maybe a sudden hug, maybe a passionate hug.
Honor the feminine by honoring your masculine. Does your heart stay connected to her? Are your muscles soft? Is your heart vulnerable instead of shielded? Do you feel the movement of her body as if you were going to dance with her? Do you breathe with her? Is your breath full? Look her in the eye. Hug her. Feel her, make your heart deeper. Feel deeper in her heart. Breathe with her. Feel her deepest heart desires. Connect your deepest heart desires with her.
Tip 9 – Find more ways to honor the masculine and feminine in your relationship here
Not only the masculine is completed by the feedback from the feminine: the same applies to the feminine. The feminine learns through encouragement and love. So give her feedback: ‘Say / do that more often! I want to hear that, crazy woman, come here for a hug. ‘ The feminine, in turn, provides unique feedback on the masculine. But give her what she needs in moderation: a hug, a breath, or something else for the stress. But enough is enough. I need my space, you too.
Do not delay giving your gift to the world. This is the desire of the masculine. Live like you have 3 days to live. Your purpose, your mission, must always be certain. It must not change so that the woman can trust that the man knows in his heart. She must feel that it is grounded in that which does not change. What does change is feminine. All those changes in women are her dance. Embrace that dance.
You sometimes test the feminine in how clear you have your purpose by pushing it. She wants to distract you, and she finds pleasure when she discovers she can’t.
Let your mind and body (changeable organs) be an expression of your depth. Let your changeable expressions be grounded in your heart, so don’t just let it be random. The woman has to feel that to be able to trust you. The woman can feel when you really come from your heart, your depth, and she can feel when she should not trust you because you come from a more superficial motive.
Also when it comes to intimacy, you can honor the degree of masculinity or femininity in women. Balanced women attract balanced men and want quiet sex. Very masculine / feminine women usually want passionate, dramatic sex. Read more about this in this article about sexual chemistry.
Tip 10 – Connect your spirituality with your relationship: why is intimacy such a spiritual phenomenon?
When she feels your heart, she wants to feel the heart of God. In your depth she wants to feel the depth of God. She wants to feel the divinity itself that motivates you and motivates your desire to be with her. She wants to be taken by God when she is loved and taken by you. So God is most important to her and to you.
Her deepest desire is to feel the inexpressible, Divine. This cannot be expressed in words. This is what lives in all of us. Your deepest desire is not her. Demonstrate your deepest commitment: “I love you, but I love God more than going after you. So if you want to be with me, I’m here. I will love you, I will commit myself to be with you, to serve you in the name of God. I give and want all of that from you. But if you don’t want that, I don’t want that either. ‘
That’s what she wants: your deepest desire, of which she can also be a part. She doesn’t want to be the only thing for you, and she doesn’t want to feel that she’s more important to you than God.
She wants to choose someone who loves to bring the will of God into the world, your commitment to bring love and light to the world, and that she can be a part of it. She doesn’t want to be the only one in your life. So choose a partner who chooses to be with you. She wants to be part of that.
If you go after her when she doesn’t feel your deepest purpose in your heart, you’re actually saying, “I live on superficial desires. Sure, I want you. You are very beautiful and nice. I would like to be with you even though I have lost my life, my mission. I don’t know where I’m going, God won’t find you in my heart. You feel my superficial desires, but that should be good enough …? ‘
Such a woman will not choose you. In this way, as the mission in your life, did you ‘win’ the woman you wanted? It’s never as good as you thought it would be. Business as usual. If you think that then something would change fundamentally, you are wrong.
Your experience of intimacy with another person or object directly reflects your desire and capacity to experience God. It’s about making your life and your mind merge with others. Your success in marriage, in your business and physical health is directly related to your experience of God. You can’t go farther with something or someone than how far you can go with God. If your trust in God is weak or not there at all, your trust in other people and your trust in life will be the same. This is why you should consider your relationship with God before considering any other kind of relationship.
Tip 11 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner: Affirm how present your partner is
Sit opposite each other. If necessary, close your eyes. Be present by entering the silence. You may also focus your attention on your heart and / or stomach. You can of course talk to each other. How is your conversation different now?
After a while, affirm how connected to the here-and-now your partner is:
I can see you in this moment. And in this moment you are present – and not thinking. There is nothing to think about. I am not preparing what I am going to say. It just comes out. Now you are the space that everyone is. Now you are connected to everything.
Tip 12 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner – How present is my partner with me?
- In these breathing exercises you look at your partner’s left eye.
- Feel the space around you. Feel your partner’s heart, like a fisherman feeling the fish in the water. A love, a becoming,
there is no separation, there is the Divine here that sees the Divine, recognizing itself in the heart of the other.
- Feel how present your partner is with you now, so: how much does she feel you? On a scale of 1 to 10?
- First you do this assessment of presence silently, after a while the active partner starts calling out numbers first. Say a number every five seconds, for example. Then you do it quiet again. Do you notice that your partner is not present and trapped in thought (under 7)? Then send yourself and your partner to 10 with your intention: full feeling, full connection.
- After a while, you can also use your hands to retrieve your partner. With your hands you call her to presence. ‘Please come back to me. I need to feel you, I need to feel your heart more. Come back. Hello. Feel me. Feel my heart. ‘ Feel the ‘peek-a-boo’ of the soul. Feel the iris of art open and close again – opening together and then recoiling in isolation. And then the connection again.
- Take turns doing this first. Then do this at the same time, so no longer take turns but mention those numbers at the same time. That’s how we train each other.
- End with a bow or simple gesture to say thank you, I appreciate doing this with you. A simple bow of gratitude.
Do not do this exercise alone with your partner, but take the energy of this exercise into your interactions with everyone. Every time you hold this back from your friends, you hold back your gift, your gift of presence. Withholding your gift is suffering. Maybe you were tired at such a time, or maybe you just didn’t know it was possible.
Say to each other, “I want you.” Do the same as the previous variation. Provide feedback on a scale of 1 to 10.
I am here. You ‘re there.
Tip 13 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner – “What is your deepest Mission / Love?”
Ask your partner with the masculine energy, “What is your deepest mission?” Do not focus on what the other person is saying, but feel if it comes from his / her heart. You are your mission. You live it. How deeply connected – and thus not distracted – did your partner remain when he / she answered the question? Please rate it again on a scale of 10. Is your partner present with you as she says it? The responding partner can continue with a new statement or say it again until the number increases. Always say thank you after each rating and retell your mission. You say your mission SMART for this exercise.
Ask your partner with the feminine energy, “What is your deepest desire / way to give love?” Breathe, feel her heart, look into her left eye. Feel that in her heart she longs to be known. To be seen, to feel that you want to enter her, that you want to feel her heart, just as she is, deeper than she can herself. So she can feel herself through you. This is a gift that lovers can give to each other.
To conclude, feel your and your partner’s deepest Gift / Love radiating out into the universe, into space. Bless it so that it can reach and help all beings. Offer a bow to your partner. So that it enters the universe through your partner.
Tip 14 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner – The circle
Sit or stand with your bellies together. One partner takes a breath, and as a circle the breath returns through the spine of the other. Breathing deeply into your genitals, feeling life and filling our body. Put your tongue on the roof of your mouth to close the energy circuit.
- In: we say yes to the life force that fills our bellies.
- Off: we let go. A complete surrender of the body.
You can also synchronize your breathing this way by sitting with your backs to each other. Sit all the way together and feel your breath travel from bottom to top. Feel your breath moving together in this way. Finally, get up again by hooking your arms together and pulling up forcefully – with your backs still together.
If you want to take this a step further, feel outward while breathing. All directions. The following exercise will elaborate on this.
Tip 15 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner: entering the third phase
If you want to work towards enlightened sex, aka sex in the third stage of David Deida, do this exercise.
- We start by discovering the first phase: First feel your own body, emotions and thoughts as a meditative practice.
- Then we go to the second phase: now you start to feel your body from your heart outwards. For you. Next to you. Behind you. Above you. Below you. So beyond yourself in all directions.
- Now we go back to the first phase, but then we only focus on our breath. We will see our breath as a circle of light / energy: you will follow your own breath, or life force, in this first phase. Feel the breath fill your lungs … enlarge your stomach … and breathe all the way into your crotch. Then you also have the exhalation: the breath comes up through the spine. Up … all the way to heaven, in fact. In this way, the inhalation and exhalation form a circle.
- Now we both do the two previous bullets with exercises at the same time: do the circle breathing and feel the space outside you, but now even further: after a while you will feel more and more reaching beyond you – into infinity . You may feel that you are now becoming transparent because you are feeling that way from your heart outwards.
- Have your partner assist you with this by pressing on your stomach as you exhale – with his / her hand or body.
- As you do this, feel the unity of the third phase. Everything is now lived in unity – by Light itself. So keep feeling Everything in all directions, so that you feel that you are the space itself, instead of objects in that space. In this phase you let go of your limits. So you are one. So you go further than your own body, emotions and thoughts … and those of your partner. You start to feel from the heart without stopping.
This is important during sex. Now feel that you are your partner, breathing his / her breath and feeling from your partner’s heart in all directions. As if you have put on your partner as a coat and are in your partner. Not just your partner – but Everything. Feel yourself like the universe. Feel everyone and all the emotions of all beings. This will be making love to the cosmos. Every moment is caught in this moment of making love – in which you are feeling from your heart in all directions.
Feel yourself – because you are important – and feel your partner – because your partner is important … and feel everything and everyone, because that is the most important.
Use your tongue and lips to consciously share this universal energy with your partner. Make a conscious choice to kiss your partner, with intention, with focused energy.
Move his / her body to a different position so that your hearts are opened the most… and kiss him / her in a way that opens your partner the most like a flower. Use your tongue and lips to express that Universal Love as consciously as possible. Talk to your partner in a way that best expresses the desire for love.
The masculine: “I want you.” The feminine: ‘I want you to want me’. I want you to see me, to know, to enter, to take, to open the innermost part of my heart. Feel your desire for your partner. His / her light, love, holiness and openness. To know him / her deeper than your partner knows himself / herself.
When you are not doing that, your mouth is closed and you continue to breathe with your tongue on your palate so that you keep your full energy circuit within yourself.
Tip 16 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner – Your movement is one with my movement
- Sit across from each other and don’t touch each other.
- Take a deep breath through your stomach and cross. Inhale through your stomach … heart … and crotch. Of course you also have each other, so you can help your partner with your hand to really get all the air out by pressing on each other’s stomach.
- Close your eyes and feel each other’s presence without touching each other. Do you feel like a person? Warmth?
- Open your eyes and look at the love you envision, which loves you. You see yourself as that one love: that one love, looking at itself. You know that love, and that love is you.
- Hold both hands in front of you. Slightly above your knees, eyes closed. Raise your left hand as if you were holding an apple and lower your right hand as if you were petting a dog.
- Now touch each other’s hands very lightly, let your palms kiss each other, stay connected.
- On the exhale, bring one side towards you and the other away from you together. When inhaling, you do it the other way around. It is a train movement, as it were.
- Take turns having someone lead.
- Feel each other’s hands well. Do not grab or slip: palms tightly together, gently. Do not grab with your fingers.
- Now you go from that neutral front – back movement to a free dance movement in space.
- The female partner consciously gives the light of her heart to the male partner. Feel this. This is my love, this is my light. ‘ The masculine actively receives it.
- Go back to the neutral ‘train mode.’
- Now the man is leading the dance. This is the deepest consciousness I have to offer. My deepest, most infinite, and limitless consciousness. Your movement is one with my movement.
Tip 17 – Intimacy exercise to do with your partner – You are a beautiful person
I learned this special exercise from Dr Vincent van der Burg of UNLP. For this exercise you are present with the other, while at the same time staying with yourself.
- If necessary, take each other’s hands and look at each other for 5 minutes . Without social masks such as a smile to hide the vulnerability of this encounter. One partner receives, the other partner gives. During these 5 minutes, the giving partner says, “ You are a beautiful person. ” The receiving partner remains in silence.
- Although you are present with the other, the intention is not to lose your own feeling. To do this, do the following: The giving partner and the receiving partner both remain with their own breathing in the meantime . They also check for themselves: how does it feel for me to receive / say this? In addition, you can choose to pay attention to your stomach and / or the center of your heart . This automatically gives you full attention to the other, precisely because you stay with your own feelings.
- Do you want another round? Then take a break in between and do what you need with your body and your thoughts to feel more at home and to stay with yourself. What do you like for yourself to do so that you feel more comfortable and can stay with yourself even better?
- Extra variations / assignments to experiment with: Focus on the feeling (‘ aura ‘) that you receive from the other. In addition, breathe with the other while doing this.
Since this only takes five minutes, it is impossible not to be able to do this every day.
Tip 18 – Did you like the tips of this article? They are based on the work of David Deida
View all of David Deida’s work. While the titles sometimes suggest that it is for men only, I can tell you that it is for women too .
You are addressed as a man in his work, but the author makes no distinction between man and woman. He only distinguishes between male and female energy, and that can be in both men and women.
David Deida’s books are highly recommended about (spiritual) relationships. For example, take a look at the book ‘Intimate Relationships’.
In summary, demand this beautiful Love from each other: help each other with it
Just help your partner to awaken his/her love more every day.
The masculine demands from the feminine:
- Open my heart. Open me. Inspire me to deeper love. Be the inspiration of my heart, the source that excites my heart.
- Be my pure reflection – with your deep wisdom and feelings in the moment, in response to me, for my integrity, for example – so that I can grow and deepen my heart.
- You are my light. Let your full light shine. I want to see the depth of your devotion in your eyes. Nothing is more attractive than that.
- Bring your beauty and light into my life.
- Come alive, full of light and tension, free and untamed, wild, dancing, moving through breath, energy and sexual desire.
The feminine demands from the masculine:
- Give your deepest gifts. Give your deepest self to the world. Live in the service of the greater whole. What is your deepest mission, your deepest life impulse? With or without me. Do not delay giving your gift to the world. Then I can trust you.
- Your purpose, your mission, must always be certain. It shouldn’t change. I want you to know and feel that in your heart – that your mission is grounded in that which does not change.
- Don’t give me anything less than your heart. Your innermost heart. Let your heart grow bigger. Is your heart vulnerable instead of shielded? Feel my deepest heart desires. Connect your deepest heart desires with mine.
- Know my innermost heart.
- You are my depth. Be that deep, infinite Consciousness. Orphan. Who are you? Be that beholder, the witness of everything. My deepest desire is to feel the inexpressible, Divine. This cannot be expressed in words.
- I want you to find me. That you feel me. That you feel my heart.
- Feel. Feel my heart and do what you can to open my heart blossom.
- Channel the energy – in the moment – to enter my soul and keep your heart in connection with me: attentive eye contact, dancing, tickling, a laugh, a loving spank, maybe a sudden hug, maybe a passionate hug, movement , connection, touch, embrace me, keep your muscles soft. Do you feel the movement of my body like you are going to dance with me? Are you breathing with me? Is your breath full? Look me in the eye. Hug me. Feel me make your heart deeper. Feel deeper in my heart.
- Give me encouragement.
- Love me like the treasure in your life.
You are one
- How can the Divine move and shine through us? See the true nature of your partner. See his / her soul, through the eyes of your own soul.
- How can Love flow more fully through all of us? How can we be taken over by Love itself? Arrived already? Instead of looking for light, acceptance, consciousness and love, we offer all of those things through our sexuality. Surrender and be taken over by love. Be lived by love.
- Use your tongue and lips to consciously share this universal energy with your partner. Make a conscious choice to let your partner kiss you, with intention, with focused energy. Move his / her body to a different position so that your hearts are opened the most… and kiss him / her in a way that opens your partner the most like a flower. Use your tongue and lips to express that Universal Love as consciously as possible. Talk to your partner in a way that best expresses the desire for love.
- Be present with me. Please come back to me. I need to feel you, I need to feel your heart more. Come back. Hello. Feel me. Feel my heart. I want to be known. I want to be seen. Deeper than I can do myself.
- Enter my heart so that I can feel myself through you.
- Feel outward from your heart – without stopping.
- To be open. Open even further. Be connected.
- Go beyond every limit with me. Now you are the space that everyone is. Now you are connected to everything.
- Surrender to me.
- Trust me. Trust me more than yourself. That is why we are together. Find my trust in you.
- Become one with me if you dare. And one with all other beings. Become the other half I needed to complete. I long for you and I take you. My desire for you is so strong that I merge with you, become open with you – as you. Our hearts fused into one – so that our hearts realize they are one love – and that they are moved and lived by one love.
Leave in the comments what you will apply in your relationship.