Rubin | May 6, 2018 | 3
Letting go of judgement: 14 tips to not judge others
How do I stop being so judgemental? How can we stop judging others? In this article, you will learn what you can do in order to let go of judgement. Read along for the tips…
Why is letting go of judgement such a delightful thing?
How wonderful it is to be with someone who doesn’t judge! You feel free like a bird when you are with such a person, and you don’t have to pretend that you are different. You can do this too. If you do this too, you and other people will experience more love, joy and freedom.
What is ‘not judging’? First, let’s look at what judgment is…
Judging means that you make a comparison between ‘what is’ and ‘what should be’. You are then dissatisfied with the actual current reality. This applies, for example, to your emotions, but also to the things that other people do or the things that happen at all.
Judgment also means: confusing one’s subconscious behaviour with who that person really is, or projecting your own subconsciousness onto someone and confusing that with who that person is.
Not to judge is to understand that the behaviour of other people is pure conditioning: it is not who they are, but who they pretend to be. Start with not judging yourself anymore, and then continue with not judging other people anymore. Do you have a partner, for example? Then have complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is.
We are always new.
Not judging does not mean that you do not have a backbone: you can still mention someone’s behaviour that should be done differently. Do that while remaining alert and present, without the interference of the ego, without judgement.
Pure attention without judgment is the highest form of human intelligence and an expression of love.
How to not judge others and yourself: 10 tips
Tip 1 – Don’t look at the ‘conditioning’, but look at human beings.
Meet people without meeting their or your past. Don’t meet them as an ongoing personal history. For example, with your family members. When you think about a person’s conditioning, that is, his or her past, you think you have interactions with other people, but there is nobody there, just a lot of conditioning (actually a whole lot). There is no one at home. That is not who they are. What you can’t think about in the other person, that’s who they are, and that’s who you are.
Tip 2 – Don’t confuse the unconscious behaviour of people with who they are
How do you do that, not judging? Don’t confuse the unconscious behaviour of people with who they are. As a result of this: only mention the good in people when they have done something bad.
Tip 3 – Get rid of your mind (compulsive thinking)
Not judging can also be achieved by not thinking. How different is the load of your experience when you don’t think! Sometimes you look at nature for a moment and your thoughts are silent, before your thoughts perhaps decided to like it very much (which is a concept again). For a moment, you don’t interpret what you see. Perception occurs instead of conception. For a moment, you don’t know anything.
Tip 4 – Don’t be fooled by your thoughts and don’t make a story of it: stay in the now
Situations do not make you unhappy, at most they can give you physical pain. Thoughts make you unhappy, and interpretations and stories you teach yourself often take the form of complaining. This puts us in the right and the other in the wrong. And it puts us in a position of invented superiority. The ego needs these self-created enemies. ‘What a terrible day. He has abandoned me.’
Without the story, we are fulfilled.
On the other hand, if you experience suffering, unhappiness and problems, do the following: stay in the now. Unhappiness, thoughts, stories and problems cannot survive here. Suffering starts when you label situations as undesirable or bad: when you detest a situation.
If you are in such a situation, stick to the facts: ‘I have fallen, in the mud, in the rain. I missed the plane. The cup is broken.’ Do not judge this situation as bad, good or painful. Can you accept that moment, with everything that happens in it? If you let it ‘be’, enormous forces will be liberated for you.
Tip 5 – Stop labelling
Mental labelling, what is that? Let us look at some examples. Your thinking can’t really know a tree. Only facts and information about the tree. My thinking cannot know you, only facts, judgements, labels and opinions about you. You put labels on it and consequently, it becomes more and more ‘dead’.
If you only think, and immediately think about what you see, you don’t see any real beauty. In that case, you attach labels to them. You then walk superficially into a park: ‘Oh such beautiful flowers. Okay, what’s the next thing to think about? Oh yes, I must have that done, and that important thing…’. If you didn’t really look, then at that moment you experienced a memory from a long time ago as a child, when you saw how beautiful a flower was, instead of looking at it in the now to discover it.
Also read the article about spiritual awakening, which will be posted soon. You may also find that in the here and now your compulsion to label your experiences and sensory perceptions is disappearing. You can then see, hear or touch something without immediately putting a label on it, calling it something, having a conclusion about it, comparing it to something else… You can be with a tree or flower, and just look.
When you label, you say, ‘Oh, okay I know now what it is’. Then you miss the depth, mystery and don’t make contact with it. You miss its essential reality. And the surprise is: you also do this with yourself: you attach concepts and labels to whom you think you are, and then you miss the depth of your own being.
How simple would life be? It was raining, he did not make any calls. I was there. He was not there. That is all.
Tip 6 – Be trained in not judging
Even if you think you’re not judging, it could well be that you’re still doing it. ‘I have to accept that I live in a bad place.’ Where is the acceptance then? Then you’ve already judged it to be bad. So how not to do it: ‘I have to accept that I have thrown away the next 25 years of my life, that I am stuck, that I am sick…’ All you have to accept is the reality of the moment. Maybe there is pain, but not the story around it. So beware. Do not immerse yourself in the story.
Stick to the simplicity of what’s there. Describe the situation. This is the situation, and do not add anything. You don’t interpret for a while.
Tip 7 – Assume that everyone is doing their best
If you assume that everyone is doing their best, you will find that you no longer have a judgment for anybody.
Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring light.
Tip 8 – Learn the skill of ‘Calibration’
By calibrating (which will get its own article soon) you will have more information about whether any changes have occurred in the other person. It is important to stick to that information, and then ask what exactly is going on. That is what the next tip is about.
Tip 9 – Ask questions
When you ask questions, you bring more factual information to the surface, so that the stories and judgments no longer have a chance to survive. In this way you are performing the ultimate ‘test’ before you proceed to ‘exit’. This prevents thoughts from being read.
Tip 10 – Observe!
Observe and experience what is happening in the here and now. Without wanting to change it, you look at feelings, physical sensations, emotions, thoughts and events.
Tip 11 – Just be aware that you are judging
It’s very powerful to become aware of something you’re doing. This already ensures that 90% of the work is done. This already makes it very easy for you not to judge anymore.
Tip 12 – Understand the other person
Do your best to understand the other person instead of judging the other person. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person.
Tip 13 – Develop the quality of ‘proactivity’
Proactive people do not judge, because they always have a choice between two things:
- If they can do something about a situation, they will do something about it.
- If they cannot do anything about the situation, they will accept it.
Tip 13 – Train yourself in acceptance
Accept the person for who he/she is and accept the situation as it is, without wanting to change the person or the situation.
Tip 14 – Love: you will always return to love
Love the other person, love yourself and love the situation. You will always return to love. How soon will you return to it?
Good luck with letting go of judgement!
What are your experiences with non-judgement? Please let me know in the comments.