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How To Forgive Someone [17 Tips, Meaning & Exercises]

How To Forgive Someone [17 Tips, Meaning & Exercises]

What is the meaning of forgiveness and how can you forgive? In this article you will find the meaning, all the tips and an exercise to forgive. Read along…

What is the meaning of forgiveness?

Let’s start with some possible definitions of forgiveness:

  • Forgiveness means that you can muster to give someone another chance.
  • Forgiveness means looking beyond the mistakes of others . You will continue to love them as much as before.
  • Stop holding a grudge .
  • Forgiveness is: admitting, feeling and then letting go of old emotions.
  • Open the door to your heart again and accept everything with love.  Instead of seeing the person who wronged you as someone who victimized you, think of them as someone who wants to help you get closer to your heart.
  • Forgiveness is dealing proactively – not reactively – with your own feelings.  You never suffer because of what someone else has done. The one who hurt you is the one who is suffering. Until that person also forgives himself.
  • You forgive someone’s heart / soul. The behavior remains unaccepted in your life. This is the same principle that is used in the model of the logical levels, in which we distinguish between identity and behavior.
  • To forgive is to see that there is nothing personal about the unconscious behavior of another . That’s not who they are. Does someone say something mean to you with the intention of hurting you? Just let it float through you, don’t resist. It is almost as if there is no one left who can feel hurt. That is forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an act of liberation. You free yourself. Resentment is like a poison cup that you drink yourself in the hope that it will kill the other person.

What is forgiveness not?

to forgive

However, forgiveness does not mean:

  • Understanding, defending, approving or erasing the other person ‘s behavior. We are not going to pretend it never happened, including the pain and humiliation.
  • That you suddenly no longer feel pain or that someone’s wrong choices are suddenly right choices.
  • Suppress your feelings.

To be forgiven is to be loved.

Whom can I forgive?

  • Forgive your parents .
  • Forgive yourself for some of the things you’ve done.
  • Forgive all other people.

This is the most liberating and therapeutic thing you can do. Have the intention to always be able to forgive. Ultimately, the goal is not even to be offended at first.

All forgiveness is self-forgiveness.
Because all thoughts happen in me.
I also let go of all hate because of this.

What exactly do I forgive? Everything from the past

learn forgive tips

What all could you forgive? The answer is: everything! You must forgive everything that has happened before this present moment . After all, every moment is completely new: the past is not the same as the future.

Treat good people well. Treat bad people well too. This is how goodness comes about.
– Lao Tse

Focus on the present. You can’t turn back the clock the event happened. We can choose how we deal with it.

The weak cannot forgive. Forgiveness is a quality of the strong.
– Gandhi

Why is forgiveness so important?

By forgiving you process old ballast, like old emotions. You stop punishing yourself when you forgive yourself. This allows you to continue on your way and change your behavior.

Love is the best revenge. Get Happy.

By forgiving you can free yourself from the resentment you carried, which is an energy block . Feelings of revenge block the free flow of wisdom and love in your heart. Through forgiveness, we can shake off the burden we carry. This makes you happy.

You can learn from your mistakes. That is one of the powers of forgiveness.

Because if you have a grudge for someone or if you hate someone, then you think a lot about that person. In the long run you will take over all those bad qualities from the other.

Don’t let your worst enemy live between your two ears.
– Laird Hamilton

So make sure that the other person does not take your heart for a long time. Did that person deserve to be in your heart? Just show the other person the door immediately with a gesture of forgiveness. Only keep in your heart the people who love you. They really deserve it. And love everyone yourself.

Life is too short to be angry with each other and stay cranky.

How can I forgive? 16 tips

Let’s look at the tips for forgiveness and becoming free …

forgiveness tips

Tip 1 – Feel the unpleasant feelings, because then you can let go

Respect and feel your feelings. Perhaps the feelings of bitterness come in the form of tense muscles, a fast heartbeat, flushed skin, shallow breathing, or a pressure on your chest? Maybe tears of bitterness will come.

Take care of these feelings. Let the tears be there, let the tears flow and let the tears come. Treat those tears kindly with your heart full of love.

Then, after acknowledging the tears, ask yourself: Do I want to keep feeling this resentment in my heart? Do I want to remain a victim forever?

Tip 2 – Feel the other person’s apology, even if it was never given to you

The other does not have to apologize to you if you would like such an apology. Accept him anyway, even if he wasn’t literally given to you.

Life gets easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got.
– Robert Brault

Tip 3 – Forgive yourself? Show it yourself by showing new behavior

Do you want to forgive yourself for engaging in unacceptable behavior? The way to do that is to show it in your actions. Replacing your outdated habits with new ones is a wonderful and valuable way to forgive yourself.

Tip 4 – Want to forgive yourself? Learn from your mistakes

Learn the lessons from your mistakes so you can do things differently in the future. This is another way of setting the previous tip.

Tip 5 – Say with a smile: ‘I forgive you’

Put on a smile and say: {name}, I forgive you. The ego then thinks, “I hate that … I want it to suck me longer!” Now you have peace, love and forgiveness.

Tip 6 – Has someone ‘done something to you’? Help that person

If someone disappoints you, that other person is probably not doing well. So don’t involve yourself in a selfish and narcissistic way. Forgive quickly and be there for him / her.

Tip 7 – Pray for the person you want to forgive

Pray for the person you want to forgive. In other words, express a beautiful intention for this person. Feel love and compassion for the other in your heart. For example with the Loving Kindness Metta meditation.

Tip 8 – Understand the other person

Understand the other’s worldview,  for understanding even replaces the need for forgiveness. So have attention and understanding. Can you honestly say “I see you” because you have explored the other’s worldview? That’s even more powerful than “I love you.”

Rather than judging everyone, it is wiser to find out why people do things the way they did. Understanding is forgiven.

Tip 9 – Have deep, empathetic compassion for the other person

Use some empathy and see the matter from the other person’s perspective. That person is just a soul on this earth just like you. Have compassion for the other.

Can you see behind the attacker’s mask? Can you feel what’s behind that mask? Like that mask of dishonesty? Can you feel the other person’s fear, insecurity, or unworthiness? Or maybe loneliness or shame beneath the surface?

Tip 10 – Let the other person’s behavior float through you, without ‘you’ being there

Someone doesn’t even say anything to you with the intention of hurting you. What are you doing? Just let it float through you. Do not resist. It is almost as if there is no one left who can feel hurt. That is forgiveness.

Tip 11 – Speak your forgiveness

Write or say these sentences out loud or in your mind. ‘I forgive you. I forgive myself. Sorry. Forgive me please. Thank you. I love you.’ Do this daily for a few minutes and for a few weeks and you will feel lighter!

Tip 12 – See how the other has good intentions

For a moment, think of a loving  NLP principle : Nobody has wrong intentions. Every behavior has a positive intention. Dare to forgive the person . Of course, the behavior is still disapproved. Everyone is always doing their best. It’s pure incapacity when something goes wrong.

Take time to forgive. It doesn’t have to be today. It is never too late to forgive someone.

Tip 13 – The person you have forgiven doesn’t literally have to hear it from you

The person you have forgiven doesn’t need to literally hear it from you, because you are making forgiveness for yourself first. The other has his own responsibility to forgive himself.

Grace is bestowed, not forced. It drops like a soft rain from heaven to the earth, and a double blessing brings it.
– William Shakespeare

Without forgiveness you look at the world through dark, gloomy and desolate glasses. Thanks to forgiveness, take off these glasses and see again how the world is full of light and love.

You forgive someone (or yourself) in your heart. The other does not need to know.

Tip 14 – Learn to forgive? Learn from each situation and see the wisdom in it

See anything that happens to you as a gift or lesson you need. Take the lessons and be grateful for them. See the person, event or limitation in your mind’s eye. Say sorry in your mind’s eye and then ask yourself, ‘What did you teach me with this? What have I learned from you? (And possibly: What have you learned from me?) ‘

Be grateful for everything that happens to you as it is a guide sent to you from above.
– Rumi

Tip 15 – Apply the art of non-judgment

Non-judgment is an art because it is so beautiful: once you take away the judgment – that is, the story – only the facts remain. Now there is not much left to be forgiven. Facts are just facts.

Tip 16 – A visualization to forgive, to have closure and to let go

  • Imagine flying or floating.
  • Create a stage with your inner eye.
  • Have a conversation with the spectators. Always ask a different group on stage.
  • Say the following: ‘I forgive you, do you forgive me? (You forgive part of yourself).
    Do you fully support the direction I am taking in my personal evolution?
    Yes? Do you want to stay or go. No? Absolutely let them stay.
  • Feel an infinite source of love, light and healing on your head … And pour it into your body. It fills you and heals you completely. It floods and it goes towards the spectators.
  • From ancient Hawaii: see the energetic knots / connections with the other people, such as an umbilical cord.
    Break these connections, for example with large falling knives
  • These people can now float away and get on with their lives. Attach the loose strands of the connections to yourself.

That was an additional technique for forgiveness. In conclusion, let’s sum it up …

Tip 17 – Affirm your forgiveness: say this out loud or in your mind …

Read the affirmation below.

I forgive anyone who has ever hurt me, consciously or unconsciously.
I ask forgiveness from anyone who has ever hurt me, consciously or unconsciously.
I forgive myself for anyone I have ever hurt, consciously or unconsciously.
I accept forgiveness for myself.

Goodluck!

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About The Author

Rubin

Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!

4 Comments

  1. Fons

    Good (what am I saying: very good) article and especially damn useful. Thanks and my compliments!

    Reply
    • Rubin Alaie

      Useful, that’s what we’re going for!

      Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Point 6: offend me! The word narsitic is used too easily here. I don’t think people who have been abused by a narsist and are looking for forgiveness are meant to live on. not have to be blamed for that, and that you have to help someone like that. I get your point in healthy situations, but narcissists aren’t worth any trouble.

    Reply
    • Rubin Alaie

      Thank you for your contribution.

      Reply

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