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Increase Sexual Tension / Chemistry / Polarity? Do This! [11 Tips]

Increase Sexual Tension / Chemistry / Polarity? Do This! [11 Tips]

How can you create and increase sexual tension? Perhaps this is one of the most beautiful feelings in life, so read on for the top 11 tips for achieving it.

Why is sexual tension so important?

Sexual tension is quite important. It is a tool that every romantic relationship needs. In a relationship we can experience three wonderful powers:

  • The feeling of being in love.
  • Love.
  • Sexual polarity / tension.

Guess which of the three sooner or later fades a bit? Right: falling in love. Love, on the other hand, is unconditional – so it will stay if it ever was. And then we have sexual polarity. That too cannot be extinguished if you actively make an effort in your relationship.

So acknowledge the experience of ‘being in love’ for what it was – a temporary emotional ‘high’ – and now pursue true love and polarity together with your partner. So the trick is to still focus on love and sexual tension / polarity. Let’s see how in the next few sections.

Don’t make ‘sexual tension’ too important: sex is natural and normal

sexual tension

May I make a few comments before we start to discover sexual tension?

  • Don’t be too active in seeking to build up sexual tension. You are already attractive just the way you are . If you are a woman – or vice versa – then you have to be convinced that men love me just because I am myself … that’s all.
  • Sex between – usually – a man and a woman is normal – just as normal as heating a sandwich. Sex is a natural result of ‘tension’. It is inevitable – unless you practice chastity, self-discipline, and patience – which is also very noble.
  • Finally, I say something quite paradoxical: sex is a way of merging the moment into a physical outpouring of energy. It is beautiful, sacred and immersive. And at the same time it is not a ‘big deal’. Sex is not important. It’s a way to let off steam. There are much more important things in life.

Building sexual tension: the best tips

sexual tension building all tips

Shall we look at some powerful elements of sexual tension?

1. Put male and female energy opposite of each other

  • If you put a – at that moment – masculine woman against a – at that moment – masculine man … then there is no sexual tension, but friendship.
  • You put a – at that moment – feminine woman against a – at that moment – masculine man. … then there is sexual tension.
  • If you compare a – at that moment – feminine woman to a – at that moment – feminine man … then there is no sexual tension, but friendship.
  • If you put a – at that moment – masculine woman against a – at that moment – feminine man … then sexual tension arises.

This masculine and feminine energy is not tied to gender, but for the sake of convenience let’s assume a feminine woman and a masculine man: women want men who behave masculine. Then there can be sexual polarity.

Feminine women need strong men. They want to see that contrast with themselves. They can’t do anything with a man who lets himself be thrown around with all the winds, and who lets himself be commanded. do not perform strange stunts to impress her and just be ‘the solid mountain or tree’ so that she gets the freedom to express her life energy.

By the way, do you notice that appearance is not discussed once here? Your appearance – and we mean your genes and not the degree of care, because that is it important – but makes little difference to sexual tension.

Most women need a man who can fix things, take the lead role , and turn around lost situations with his confidence, vision, and calm stillness. A man who can put her in her place . She can lead and make decisions . Be a strong man so she can finally relax. Charismatic . Confident . With status . Be the strong man who can just barely control them. She doesn’t want a weakling she can control. She wants a mighty beast. A wild horse that can do whatever it wants … but she can take the reins.

Men, are you reading? Be a real man. This is a very rare man – but at the same time no more than just a man. A real man is redemption .

Women, do you read too? Step into your femininity. Just during the romantic evening. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you can’t be independent – economically and socially. Fortunately, we no longer live in the 50s. So it is certainly not about wearing heels, makeup and nail polish. That is not the point at all.

Of course there must be equality and respect between men and women. And if you want sexual tension, you also allow unequal roles – only in the bedroom.

Women, it’s about stepping into the soft, sensual feminine feeling of movement, dance, love, empathy, connection and surrender. On date nights and in bed, the energy just needs to be feminine. The next day you can start leading, managing and directing people in your family and at work again.

Women should be more feminine – and the man can help with that. Sometimes it is the man ‘s job to make the woman feel as feminine as possible. Keep doors open , slide open a chair , say ‘ladies first’ loud and clear , send her to go first, dance with her, bring a drink, fix problems and arrange for example an umbrella when it rains, lead the woman, walk yourself on the dangerous side of the road where cars or strange passers-by come …

It is also the case that many women work hard – much harder than men. If it’s not for their career, it is for their kids or friends and family. Sometimes a woman like that just doesn’t want to hear anything other than that you drop by Friday evening with a good bottle of wine, prepare a nice dinner for her, run a warm bath to pamper her and put her in her most comfortable seat so that she is wonderful. can relax.

2. Don’t be nice, friendly and ‘social’, but be feisty

We’ll stay with masculine and feminine energies again – which together provide polarity. The following applies to both men and women: counteract if you want to stir up sexual tension. This applies even more to men, so we would like to address all men in this section : please step into your masculine energy!

To begin with, we absolutely do not want to become friends, but rather a lover : become less ‘social’, so don’t become a sweet yes-man. Being non-social is an important element of masculine energy. Because if you are social, you agree with everything and you go along with the giggling energy of the woman, then you are a best friend forever – and therefore not a lover .

Say for yourself: is it really that erotic when you are bouncing like a sociable, social friend who always wants to please the other person right away?

Do you want to be her lover, then be not a man to a woman, is going to put friendly way a ‘laugh’ at – and ‘social’ will do as a schoolgirl, but it comes closer, looks into her eyes and her authentic and quiet admires and greets.

In other words, don’t do this …

  • Agree with about 99.4% of everything she says to you.
  • Always be sweet and friendly towards her.
  • Have long rational conversations with her.
  • Having friendly, fun conversations without any sexual intention.
  • Being her therapist by listening attentively to all of her women’s issues and even giving advice (seriously: never give advice to the person you’re flirting with).
  • Respond quickly or laugh socially to break through every moment of silence. “What am I supposed to say to her?” instead of keeping your mouth shut and letting the sexual tension go.

If you do all those things, and also hope that the other person will finally realize what a great person you are … Wow. Stop all those things immediately – unless you want to make friends with pleasure, of course.

Imagine someone coming to you and just giving you value – like approval and compliments – without you having to do anything. There is a good chance that that person has hidden intentions. That’s why we don’t like slime balls and pleasers in love. Unfortunately, many men are like that – because they always nod yes and amen, are immediately ready to do something for the woman or by giving them compliments on the assembly line.

So counteract and lead her into your world. An important aspect of masculine energy is leading and dominance. Make decisions, don’t hesitate, take her with you, decide what’s going to happen and then let it happen.

It’s like a dance: the man has to lead and indicate a direction – and not bend with everything.

Don’t please and don’t be nice. Dominance is the keyword:

  • Be the man who devises and indicates the direction and plan. “Would you please drive us to the park this time?” Don’t put this in a questioning tone, but send your voice down at the end of the sentence. “And you can even choose the drink for tonight.”
  • Also be the man who can admit his mistake: “You were right. This route is indeed faster. Let’s do your way.”
  • Be the steadfast man: “We’re going to do A.” “Then we’ll do B.” “Therefore.” “Just because.” “Because I say so.” “Because I want it.” “No discussion.” “End of discussion.”
  • Be the dominant man: “Who gave you permission to leave? Have I given you permission? ” “Also struggle …” “That’s not the intention …” “You heard me.” “Then you’re out of luck …” “Also argue again.” “You know very well what I mean.”
  • Be clear man action and thus energy is actually giving .
  • A man who knows what women are like, how they think, how they react and who knows what to expect.
  • Be the man who sees through everything. By this we mean, of course, the facade that women put up against sex because that is the social conditioning in our culture: when approached by men, women should pretend to be asexual beings and have no interest in sex.
  • Be the rare man who looks his wife in the eye, beyond her socializing and automatic social responses, because the man sees what she really needs. In addition, be the man who knows he can satisfy that need.
  • Be the man who doesn’t label his partner a “ slut ”: be the man who doesn’t judge her for her sexuality. The type of man with whom she can finally lower her barrier, and finally be allowed to be open and horny … The man does this by daring to step into the dominant role and helping the woman to take off her backpack in shame.
  • A man who is divinely horny. A man who gets turned on by the woman. Not a man who wants every woman right away before anything has happened.
  • A man who expresses his feelings. Without detour.
  • Be the man in control of his own behavior – and living for himself. He knows that his fulfillment does not lie in whether or not to ‘get the woman’. Its fulfillment lies in staying close to itself.
  • A man who can resist and totally disagree.
  • A man who guards his limits. Be direct about your boundaries, what you want, what you don’t want and what you think is important. So do not avoid conflicts. Say it if you don’t like or disagree with something. Value your opinion, do n’t please people or let others change your values.
  • A man who is unshakable – so not reactive – and who literally waits before he reacts. So stay with your own body and stand upright, instead of always bending directly with your partners emotions, opinions, moods, thoughts and provocations. See all charisma tips here too.
  • A man who is already complete, and who does not crave the women mentally. A man with an attitude of: I don’t care what you think.
  • A man who shows signs he tamed can be … but never actually tamed will be … and accusing the woman also fondly as she seems to succeed.

3. Enter the sacred, intimate phase of total surrender to Light & Love

total surrender in sexual tension

David Deida talks about three stages in an intimate spiritual relationship :

  1. I
  2. Other
  3. Love / Unity / Mission

Don’t just keep your loving care to yourself , but feel your partner too . His / her body. Fully. His / her breathing. His / her rhythm. His / her heart.

To all men, step into your masculinity and be in the now – using meditative practices such as breathing, for example – so that you enter that third phase of Oneness. Your partner wants you to feel from your heart without stopping.

If you really want to increase the passion, then you have to look beyond ‘you and me’ in this relationship. Then you have to develop the Love within yourself. Then you have to trust each other and surrender each other in love. Drop all your shields. Be one.

You trust me and you let me into your heart. And I don’t hold back. I express my full awareness and depth. Do I know what to do or be before I die so that I can die full, complete, and happy?

The emphasis of the sexual opportunity is to be Conscious Light. Not with the feeling of giving something for yourself or your partner. Of course that is also worthy – but the emphasis is on progressing to Enlightenment in sexuality. Sharing and offering our Light and Love with Everything.

  • Enter this third phase. For the male half: how can I give my deepest goal? How can I make love so that if we were to die in the next moment, our making love is the summation of my life – is the poetry of my life – that I offer to my partner? If a male partner doesn’t live that way, he limits the depth that enlightened sex can be.
  • And the female partner must demand that deepest heart goal from her male partner. The feminine must long for – and have devotion for – the flowing love of the man with its sure, fearless mission and purpose.

See the true nature of your partner. See his / her soul, through the eyes of your own soul.

This is very deep, but just providing an alert, present, meditative attitude when you are together – for example by not thinking about anything and breathing at the same time – can already activate this effect. In this article you will learn all about David Deida’s third phase for spiritual love relationships.

Be a man so “in the moment” that he doesn’t think anything. He’s just alive … and that causes the sexual energy to become so strong that both the man and the woman cannot keep their hands off each other and always spontaneously put down what they were doing and move towards each other. 

4. Remove the inhibitions and blockages of the other person with your care

If you want to let the sexual energy flow freely, it makes sense to dissolve a number of inhibitions and blockages – or at least to pay attention to this with your partner. This is a very loving and caring thing to do.

The points below do not necessarily arouse sexual tension , but they are mainly potential inhibitions of sexual tension that you must take into account. Nonetheless, these potential inhibitions are very important and in fact need to be taken into account:

  • Physically. This applies to people who are new to dating. Make sure that the other person can feel that you are not hurting him / her. For example, show that you think consent is important before you always go one step further. Talk about your family and show some of yourself in documents / sites, for example.
  • Appreciation. Share which aspects of your partner you love. Express your appreciation for his / her appearance and personality. Schedule the next date before sleeping with the other person. Also express your appreciation for what he / she does for others and you. Do not make him / her feel ‘ taken for granted ‘. Care about the other person and express your concern.
  • To be desired. Give your partner the wonderful feeling that he / she is wanted and desired by you. Remind your partner how beautiful he / she is and how much you enjoy being together.
  • Security. Make the other person feel safe … for example about feeling attractive: dim the light. Hygiene also ensures safety. If you are coming from a party, tell him / her that you want to take a shower. As a result, the other will also follow your example. Finally, you ensure safety by having everything tidy and done the dishwasher.
  • Stress. De-stress your partner by talking about it and perhaps giving a gentle massage. You can also be thoughtful and caring by, for example, tidying up your house, cooking and reading to the children before going to sleep.
  • Shame and judgment. Never judge the other person for his / her sexual desires. Then the other person will feel free to discover them all with you.
  • To be understood and felt. It is nice to have someone by your side who understands you and feels for you. Examine his / her thought process and emotions so that you understand your partner. “How do you feel about yourself? How is your feeling? What kind of thoughts may be going on inside you?” Can you comment or ask your partner about how he / she is feeling? Also think about why she (doesn’t) like someone, why she feels insecure, why something from her past is still bothering her, etc.
  • Trust. Be honest, be transparent, be patient, be consistent, don’t play games and trust him / her. Acceptance is also included: my partner loves me the way I am.
  • Strengthen your emotional bond. Talk to your partner and strengthen your relationship. Sex is always better when you have an emotional connection.
  • Release of sexual tension through ‘social laughter’. Once sexual tension has developed between you, don’t be a faint of heart who wants to laugh it off. Laughing out loud releases the sexual tension. Laughing is a kind of social act that cancels out any kind of resistance and tension so that friendship can take its place. So be careful with it – both via chat messages and in real life.

5. Discover the full spectrum of light and dark together

light and dark in a relationship

Love can be expressed in different colors. Sometimes the darkest is the most erotic, sometimes the lightest is the most erotic, and sometimes the middle way is the most erotic.

Most importantly, you both give and receive love throughout the spectrum of light and dark. Full of passion and dedication. It is certainly not the case that dark / light is bad or good. Both are loving , both are immersive , both are erotic, and both are important in a relationship. As long as you are fully present with each other with passion, love and trust .

Giving and receiving the light side of the spectrum

In the previous tip you already found some tools to create safety and light. Let’s illustrate a little further here what the bright side of the spectrum can include:

  • The light side is tender, delicate, soft, slow, attentive and loving …
  • Soft pastel-hued plush toys. Embrace tenderly.
  • That golden look in each other’s eyes.
  • Gently massage and caress each other.
  • Gently run your fingers through the hair. 

Giving and receiving the dark side of the spectrum

The dark side requires extra trust and love. This requires that you move one another beyond fear , in complete trust, with complete sensitivity to each other’s hearts and bodies. We cross boundaries with each other – with love and light – through someone we trust.

The feminine here acts as the dark, divine murderess, ripping off her partner’s head when not present / aware. Kill each other in love and overwhelm and terrify your partner with it. Give this darkness with love.

Take me for love now or I’ll kill you. I want everything from you – I’ll kill you if you give me less. I’m gonna kill you with my love. Feel this. I love you. Don’t you dare give less.

  • Kill each other in love. Tearing each other up and eating them alive in total confidence – while remaining sensitive to our hearts and partners. Our partner is someone we trust and love – who can feel even more deeply than we can ourselves.
  • Beyond borders, beyond trust, beyond fear … Together, loving and sensitive.
  • The danger. That which is prohibited. You can seduce your partner in a risky, dark, rare world.
  • We crawl into the energy of wild animals, with blood dripping from their mouths. We hunt and eat. We roll in the grass. We bite and scratch. Pin each other, fasten, force, struggle. Hot, passionate and mind blowing …

Again, this dark side involves trust, consent, sensitivity and love. To even go through resistance as partners – which is very valuable and liberating.

6. Provide dominant touches that are soft and tender at the same time

Touch is the first step to more. When no one takes the initiative – and thus steps into the masculine energy for a moment while the other steps into the feminine energy for a moment – then there will be little sexual tension. So don’t be a timid mouse. Make moves to touch your partner. Make your touch soft, delicate, slow, tender and loving.

7. Sex should not be 100% certain

create sexual tension

Create sexual tension? Then please leave something to the imagination. Neither of you should know if and when sex is coming. So don’t ‘plan’ it together, but keep it playful.

  • Perhaps I ask you to give a tour to your home”
  • “You can hope .”
  • Maybe …”

So let each other guess a little. This is also reflected in your behavior: don’t do what you say and don’t say what you do.

8. Everything that is forbidden and secret… is exciting

What is almost the definition of sexual tension? Not allowed to do something. So when you and your partner are in public places, it’s an ideal time to do some dirty talk.

9. Want to create sexual tension? Slowly

Sexual energy cannot develop if you are busy and quick to react and bounce like a sociable, social friend . There is no sexual tension between friends. So don’t be a social friend who wants to please everyone right away.

Do not react, do everything in slow motion and let silences fall in which you look at each other. We call those wonderful moments … sexual tension! When you move as if you were underwater, you increase the sexual tension.

This applies to everything: your reactions, your answers, changing your mood, your touches and the time when the first kiss of the evening takes place (hint: as late as possible) and everything you do in bed.

Do and say less = more sexual tension.

10. Embrace the thrill of eye contact without wanting to be ‘social’

This tip also emphasizes that we should not start to socialize to break the sexual tension: just keep eye contact and enjoy each other’s eyes. This can come on impulsively all of a sudden, but if that excites you, you can also introduce a formal partner exercise where you look into each other’s eyes.

A slow pace and silence are also part of this. Do everything slowly, allow silences, introduce pauses in conversations, maintain eye contact in those pauses, and keep a mischievous smile. Don’t laugh away this wonderful tension by going back to socializing and laughing off any tension.

11. Distance yourself from each other

Has the sexual tension gone a little bit in your relationship? Avoid seeing your partner for a while. Even on a small scale you can take a little more distance by, for example, not always sitting together and just walking out of the room.

To your success!

About The Author


Hello! Thanks for reading these articles. My intention is to make happiness as simple and clear as posssible. By the way, excuse my English. I am not a native English speaker since I live in Amsterdam. Much appreciated if you use the comments to make suggestions on my grammar. See ya in another blogpost!

1 Comment

  1. Anita

    Your content is so mesmerizing that nobody cares a fig about your grammar!! Although I am not a native speaker either, but I am a communication skills teacher. Your style is very direct and lucid! Maybe you could read up on basic sentence construction sometime. Keep them coming. Anita